MOVIE REVIEW: MOANA 2

 

Moana journeys to the far seas of Oceania after receiving an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors.

Director: Dana Ledoux Miller, Jason Hand, David Derrick Jr.

Cast: Auliʻi Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Temuera Morrison, Nicole Scherzinger, Rachel House, Alan Tudyk, Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda, Rose Matafeo, David Fane, Hualālai Chung, Awhimai Fraser, Gerald Ramsey

Release Date: November 27, 2024

Genre: Animation, Adventure, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Musical

Rated PG for action/peril.

Runtime: 1h 40m

Review:

Moana 2 delivers vibrant animation and an earnest central performance from Auliʻi Cravalho but it never manages to hit the heights of the original.  Directors Dana Ledoux Miller, Jason Hand and David Derrick Jr. recreate the world and characters of the first while attempting to expand the cast of characters.  There's a solid sense of familiarity throughout as you are left waiting for it to finally take off with a rousing song or action set piece and finally forge its own path.  There's a slightly more mature theme in this entry as we watch Moana grow into a leader but the script never really takes advantage of the opportunity before moving on.  The new characters that join her on this voyage are little more than clichéd types who don't really add much to the story with a mute coconut warrior leaving the largest impression in the long run.  Awhimai Fraser's Matangi is initially poised as an intriguing villainess who's holding Maui captive, but her storyline is quickly resolved before the film can take full advantage of the character.  The story fumbles moments like this across the board as it holds the reunion between Cravalho's Moana and Johnson's Maui until the final act.  The film pops a bit once the central duo are back on screen together but never does anything new or interesting with them, instead being content to provide remixed versions of similar moments or songs.  The songs themselves aren't as memorable or catchy as those from the original, with the film sorely missing Lin-Manuel Miranda's talents.  Moana 2 is a solid enough family film, it was originally destined for Disney +, but it is missing that special spark of the original to make it memorable.

B-

MOVIE REVIEW: BLACK ADAM

 

In ancient Kahndaq, Teth Adam was bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned, becoming Black Adam. Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Black Adam has gone from man to myth to legend. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who form the Justice Society: Hawkman, Dr. Fate, Atom Smasher and Cyclone.

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Aldis Hodge, Noah Centineo, Sarah Shahi, Marwan Kenzari, Quintessa Swindell, Bodhi Sabongui, Pierce Brosnan

Release Date: October 21, 2022

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Rated PG-13 for sequences of strong violence, intense action and some language.

Runtime: 2h 4m

Review:

Black Adam joins the cinematic superhero genre with a highly caffeinated overly produced adventure that moves at a dizzying pace at times to its own detriments.  Jaume Collet-Serra delivers a kinetic, action heavy film that pulls a large bit of visual inspiration from Zach Synder's films.  There are hero shots a plenty and an overreliance on slow motion that feels passé at this point which ultimately distracts more than enhance the experience.  Collet-Serra may be in the director's seat, but this project has been Dwayne Johnson passion project which took years to finally come to fruition, needless to say his finger prints are all over the final product.  This is Johnson's film for better or worse and the bizarre thing is that the character the polar opposite of what he typically does best onscreen.  Gone is his usual charisma, replaced by a stern faced scowl and wooden line delivery that rarely feels authentic.  The character's scripting doesn't help much by giving him a kid to play off of which feels like a cheap imitation of the Terminator 2 relationship.  It’s a shame since you get distinct feeling that there's more depth to the character's story than what ends up on screen.  The same holds true for the supporting characters but the actors are able to make them far more interesting than the script does.  Pierce Brosnan and Aldis Hodge in particular deliver interesting turns as a superhero nearing the end of his journey and an alpha male who sees morality in black or white.  Noah Centineo is fun as the film's comic relief but Quintessa Swindell given woefully little to do.  The script drops a few bits and pieces about these character's background and story, but it never explores them. The film is always in a hurry to move to the next action set piece and while those are fun it would have benefited from slowing down for a moment and letting the characters shine.  Black Adam ends up being glossy mindless fun especially if you are a fan of DC properties with the biggest moment coming in the post credit scene.  

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS

Krypto the Super-Dog and Superman are inseparable best friends, sharing the same superpowers and fighting crime side by side in Metropolis. However, when the Man of Steel and the rest of the Justice League are kidnapped, Krypto must convince a ragtag group of animals to master their own newfound powers for a rescue mission.

Director: Jared Stern

Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Kate McKinnon, John Krasinski, Vanessa Bayer, Natasha Lyonne, Diego Luna, Thomas Middleditch, Ben Schwartz, Keanu Reeves

Release Date: July 29, 2022

Genre: Animation, Action, Adventure, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Rated PG for action, mild violence, language and rude humor

Runtime: 1h 45m

Review:

DC League of Super-Pets is the type of family film whose sole purpose to exist could be simply to sell cute plush toys.  While its sure to accomplish that the film itself is a pleasant surprise.  Writer/director Jared Stern's film is breezy, fun and wittier than you'd expected.  The setting borrows from Bruce Timm's classic DC animated shows with its art deco style while the character designs are reminiscent of Pixar's The Incredibles.  Its a visually appealing film that's filled with Easter eggs and visual cues that long time fans of the DC universe will surely enjoy.  The voice cast does excellent work throughout lead by a steady and sincere performance from Dwayne Johnson.  Johnson brings a palpable sense of  earnestness and authenticity that makes the character much more endearing than you'd expect.  Kevin Hart is more of surprise with a measured, funny but thoughtful turn as Ace.  The supporting cast of Vanessa Bayer, Natasha Lyonne, Diego Luna and Keanu Reeves are all clearly having a ball voicing these characters with Lyonne and Reeve's Batman getting some of the film's best lines.  The story itself plays out like most superhero films only with a furrier facade.  There's plenty to keep kids and adults entertained for the better part of the runtime even though you get the sense it could have been trimmed by 15 or 20 minutes.  Its humor occasionally veers outside of it's kids corner into more adult fare that will likely go over most of the younger kids heads.  As a whole, DC League of Super-Pets is a surprisingly fun animated offshoot that works far better than it should

B

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of The Harder They Fall & Red Notice

My dear reader(s), these past two weeks I'd have liked to go to the cinema and didn't get there, so I threw myself on the mercy of Netflix for a couple new releases. 

First on my agenda, the Harder They Fall. An outlaw puts his gang back together to seek revenge on an old enemy. The Harder They Fall is an okay movie with a cast it doesn't quite deserve. Idris Elba, Regina King, LaKeith Stanfield, and Edi Gathegi are standouts in a group that has no weak links. Outside the exceptional actors, the rest - story to humor to music - works about half the time. Sadly, any time the movie gets good enough to feel invested, it derails itself with hokey or contrived choices, and the overlong run time only exacerbates its problems. 

The Harder They Fall clocks in at 139 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence and language." The Harder They Fall is worth a look for its incredible cast, but otherwise is nothing special. 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Harder They Fall gets five. The Harder They Fall is now streaming on Netflix. 

Next on the docket, Red Notice. The world's greatest art thief attempts to steal a rare treasure while on the run from the law. Red Notice is the kind of dumb fun I feared Covid had cost me my ability to enjoy. I am well pleased to report that is not the case. The movie's goofy humor is pitch perfect for stars Dwayne Johnson and Ryan Reynolds, Action sequences are well choreographed and don't run on too long. Plenty of twists keep the story moving at a good clip, and Gal Gadot is simply a delight. Red Notice runs 118 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence and action, some sexual references, and strong language." 

Red Notice is dopey good fun that will keep you smiling and won't overtax your brain. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Red Notice gets seven. Fangirl points: Red Notice earns some BIG fangirl points for something that might be considered a spoiler, so I'll just say keep your eyes open for a "perfect" cameo! 

Red Notice is now streaming on Netflix. Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: JUNGLE CRUISE

 

Dr. Lily Houghton enlists the aid of wisecracking skipper Frank Wolff to take her down the Amazon in his ramshackle boat. Together, they search for an ancient tree that holds the power to heal -- a discovery that will change the future of medicine.

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Cast:  Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Édgar Ramírez, Jack Whitehall, Jesse Plemons, Paul Giamatt

Release Date: July 30, 2021

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy

Rated PG-13 for sequences of adventure violence

Runtime: 2 h 7 min

Review:

Disney's Jungle Cruise desperately wants to harken back to classic adventure romances like The African Queen and Romancing the Stone.  Jaume Collet-Serra's film is a relentlessly aggressive film that moves from one action set piece to another, leaving you with nary a chance to catch your breath.  He and the script are trying to capture the spirt of those films, Johnson and Blunt's outfits are straight out of The African Queen, its execution is closer to a latter day Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.  It's an FX heavy film that's set in an exotic locale but its possible that there isn't a single shot filmed on location, as such its has an artificial feel throughout.  The script doesn't help matters much with a clunky old school feel where you can see every joke and punch line coming a mile away.  The strange thing about the entire production is that it's a fairly enjoyable albeit mindless watch mainly due to it's central stars.  Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt make the goofy script work even with some of the sillier conceits, Johnson's Frank loves dad jokes.  Their natural screen magnetism is the film's biggest assets even if they don't share any sort of believable romantic chemistry.  Their character's are broadly drawn with Frank being a charismatic rascal and Blunt's Lily being irrepressibly plucky and headstrong.  Jesse Plemons hams it up as the film's cartoonish villain who is only missing a German pickelhaube to complete his ensemble.  The film does start to wear out it's welcome in its final act showcasing the fact there is no reason this film couldn't be a half hour shorter.  Disney's Jungle Cruise emulates great films but ends up being a fun but hallow imitation. 

B-

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker & Jumanji: The Next Level

Yesterday I trekked to the cinema to shake off the after-Christmas blues with Star Wars: Episode IX and Jumanji: The Next Level.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on my Boxing Day agenda: Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker.

The final chapter of the Skywalker saga sees the Resistance facing off with a mysteriously-resurrected Emperor Palpatine.

Star Wars is one of those franchises that has such a devout and legendarily bitchy fanbase that there's nothing any review can really say that will be taken at face value. If you love it, you're too devoted to see its flaws; if you hate it, you're just a bitter fanboy. For whatever it's worth, I'm here to say that Rise of Skywalker is probably a lousy movie, but I mostly loved it anyway.

Episode IX definitely occupies more minutes than it earns, with some bloated battle/chase scenes that could and should have been trimmed significantly. The bulk of the movie is simple fan service, giving that devout fan base what the filmmakers thought it would want to see in the finale for at least this most-beloved branch of the Star Wars universe. Artistically, that never does a project any favors, but as a casual SW fan who has been in love with Luke Skywalker since I was ten, I very much enjoyed it. Highlights continue to be John Boyega and Oscar Isaac as Finn and Poe, while neither Daisy Ridley nor Adam Driver does much for me. (Yes, I know the whole wide galaxy thinks Driver's the best thing since sliced bread. I don't.) Some effects are terrific, while others are inexplicably dodgy. A good deal of it looks like a weird production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Pretty much every plot device and line of dialogue is more hokey than the one that came before it. I mean, you can only wring so many tears out of previously-unused Carrie Fisher footage, am I right? A real positive here is the organically diverse cast, no big deal, just characters of all races and species living and working together like it's as common as it should be. If some of Episode IX truly represents the best that Star Wars has to offer, it's re-hashed enough by this point to have lost much of its impact.
Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker clocks in at a mammoth 142 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sci-fi violence and action."

The Rise of Skywalker is an imperfect but enjoyable finale to a very-much-loved saga.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker gets seven, including one bonus Weasley for having an actual Weasley, Domhnall Gleeson, in the cast.

Next on yesterday's docket: Jumanji: The Next Level.

The gang is drawn back into the world's most dangerous game for another adventure.

Jumanji is an unlikely success story, a project that had every reason to be painfully bad, but somehow ended up surprisingly good. First and foremost, that is down to an absolute home-run with the casting, not just the notably terrific adult leads--Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Karen Gillan--but also their younger/real world selves: Alex Wolff, Ser'Darius Blain, Ashley Scott, and Morgan Turner. As with the first Jumanji, the kids are so good it's almost a disappointment when they morph into their more famous video-game selves. Almost. Johnson, Hart, Black, and Gillan are so great I kinda want them and only them to be in all the movies all the time now, please and thank you. Throw in bonus Danny DeVito and Danny Glover, and you've got yourself one top-notch cast. The Next Level is as laugh-out-loud hilarious as its predecessor, in both broad and more clever ways, with a fresh story that never feels like a sequel for the sake of it. The action-packed plot moves along quickly and doesn't overstay its welcome, wrapped up with a nice Christmas setting, making it the perfect holiday family fare. For whatever it's worth, this movie got the best crowd reaction of any movie I saw this year, and that's a month into its release.

Jumanji: The Next Level runs 123 minutes and is rated PG13 for "adventure action, suggestive content, and some language."

Jumanji: The Next Level is that rarest of sequels that may even best its predecessor.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Jumanji: The Next Level gets eight.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of Hobbs & Shaw

Following my blissful ten-week Rocketman interlude, yesterday it was off to the pictures for the decidedly-un-Rocketman-like Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

When a genetically-enhanced baddie (Idris Elba) threatens to release a virus to cull humanity, it's up to Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) to put aside their differences and save the world.

In the grand tradition of the Fast & Furious franchise, Hobbs & Shaw is big, loud, dumb fun that uses a single ridiculous set-piece to up the ante for the whole action genre. (Think Tom Cruise hanging off the side of that airplane in Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation.) The film is fast-paced from start to finish, with well-choreographed fight sequences and insane car chases, but the last act holds a special surprise only hinted at in the trailers. Overall the movie looks really good, though there are a few spots where the green screen is so obvious the actors might as well be Colorforms. (How old is everyone reading this? Do I need a different reference there?) The humor comes easy and is only seldom forced, working especially well for Kevin Hart and Ryan Reynolds in roles that are little more than cameos, but are just what the doctor ordered for the aging F&F series. Elba, Statham, Johnson, and franchise newcomer Vanessa Kirby ensure the movie isn't short on eye-candy. The picture's a bit overlong, but it keeps moving well enough that it's hardly noticeable.

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw clocks in at 137 minutes and is rated PG13 for "prolonged sequences of action and violence, suggestive material, and some strong language."

While it's fair to say the Fast & Furious franchise is getting a bit long in the tooth, Hobbs & Shaw is good fun that not only ticks all the boxes for action fans, but also continues to raise the stakes for stupidly huge stunts. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw gets six.

Fangirl points: My go-to guy Jason Statham and my want-to guy Idris Elba! Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Fighting with My Family / How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

This weekend there were two new movies on offer at the local cinema: Fighting with My Family and How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World.

I had high hopes for both, and I was not disappointed.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on my agenda: Fighting with My Family.

A family in a small English town dreams of wrestling glory.

Fighting with My Family is based on the true story of Paige, a young woman from a wrestling family in Norwich, England, who dreams of making it to wrestling's biggest stage, the WWE. Fighting with My Family turns a rather charmless subject into a sweet film about family and dedication. Stephen Merchant directs his first feature with the hand of an old pro, and the movie never drags despite being somewhat predictable. Young star Florence Pugh is terrific in the lead, but it's Nick Frost and Lena Headey who really steal the show, playing parents that are as desperate and sometimes clueless as they are supportive. Authentic-looking training and match sequences provide a good foundation, and Merchant's hilarious and endearing script offers plenty of laughs and sweet moments too. Despite the presence of mega-superstar Dwayne Johnson, the movie manages to feel intimate and very much attached to its English roots, a genuinely joyful cinema experience.

Fighting with My Family runs 108 minutes and is rated PG13 for "crude and sexual material, language throughout, some violence and drug content.

Fighting with My Family is a charmer that may end up one of the year's best films. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Fighting with My Family gets eight.

Fangirl points: Iron Maiden sure sounds fine in surround sound!

Next on the docket: How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World.

The final adventure of Toothless and Hiccup.

Yeah, I cried just writing it.

The first installment in the How to Train Your Dragon series is one of four movies that I consider my favorite of all time. It is perfection, and part of me always felt it should have been left at that, rather than risk being tarnished by further features. The middle film in the franchise didn't set well with me at all--one of my biggest cinema disappointments--so it's fair to say I was pretty nervous about The Hidden World. I am pleased to report my concerns were unfounded.

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World brings this epic story to a fitting end, giving each character enough screen time that fans won't feel shorted on any front. Hell, even David Tennant's Spitelout has a couple lines this time! (I think he had one word in the first one and nothing in the second.) While I still contend the tale told in the first film was perfection that didn't require addenda, The Hidden World manages to flesh out the story and bring it to a natural close. Voice talent is on point, and the addition of F. Murray Abraham as the Big Bad could only ever be a plus. There's action to spare, but also plenty of quiet moments. Visuals are absolutely stunning, and John Powell again provides a magnificent, soaring score. You'll want to see this one again and again...I know I do!
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World clocks in at 104 minutes and is rated PG for "adventure action and some mild rude humor."

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World is a perfect ending to a near-perfect franchise.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World gets nine.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of Skyscraper / Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

Dearest Blog: This weekend it was off to Marquee Cinemas for a pair of movies that were right up my alley: Skyscraper and Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on the agenda: Skyscraper.

When the world's tallest and most technologically-advanced building is sabotaged, it's up to Security Consultant!Rock to rescue his family and take down the baddies who are after his boss.

Something you should know about Skyscraper from a glance at its one-sheet, nevermind a single trailer, is that the movie is stupid. We are talking Fast & Furious levels of epic stupid; nothing about it makes any sense in the real world. I feel like the advertising doesn't leave room for doubt, but since unrealistic expectations seem to make a great many folks unhappy with movies, I'm telling you anyway. I'm also telling you this does not in any way, shape, or form make Skyscraper a less-than-great summer blockbuster.

First we have Dwayne Johnson. The beauty of Dwayne Johnson is...well...Dwayne Johnson. By the time the CGI embers have settled, you'll find yourself believing he really could wrangle all this ridiculousness and emerge the victor. Ice that cake with his boundless charisma, and the result is always a supremely watchable film. His supporting cast hardly matters, but Neve Campbell and Chin Han are solid, while Pablo Schreiber and Kevin Rankin are even better despite being woefully underused. The kids are cute and not irritating, which is essentially all I ask of kids, onscreen and off. Skyscraper boasts terrific disaster effects and insane stunts, but the best thing I can say about the movie is it features a lead character with a disability, but never becomes *about* the disability. He's just a guy doing what he has to do, and that sort of representation in a blockbuster like this is quite encouraging. A few small warnings and negatives: If you are squeamish about heights, best sit this one out; heights don't really bother me, and I haven't closed my eyes so much since The Walk. (That's without the 3D.) Some of the action/fight sequences are too comical even for a film this over-the-top, and, despite end-to-end action, the movie does feel a little long.

Skyscraper runs 102 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of gun violence and action, and for brief strong language."

Bolstered by its charismatic lead and stellar effects, Skyscraper is an exciting bit of pointless summer fun. 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Skyscraper gets six and a half.

Next up, one of my most-anticipated titles of 2018 (yeah, you heard me): Hotel Transylvania 3.

Mistaking Drac's loneliness for exhaustion, Mavis arranges a family vacation on the high seas.

Despite my intense dislike of Adam Sandler, I have always had a soft spot for the Hotel Transylvania movies. It may be that I'm predisposed to like movies about Dracula, or just that Sandlier is strictly limited to doing only one stupid voice, rather than a bunch of them, but, whatever the reason, I really, really look forward to these movies and I have loved every one.

Hotel Transylvania 3 is surprisingly original. Its humor is more amusing than laugh-out-loud funny, but sharp animation, bright colors, and lively tunes will keep kids and adults engaged. Action sequences are outstanding, with a terrific opening sequence setting a fun tone. A standout score by Mark Mothersbaugh ties up the whole thing in a charmingly creepy bow. HT3 has a sweet message that's more than adequately conveyed as it plays out, so, if I had one small quibble, it's that the movie does belabor its point a bit at the end.

Hotel Transylvania 3 clocks in at a quick 97 minutes and is rated PG for "some action and rude humor."

Hotel Transylvania continues to surprise with a third installment that may be its best yet. 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation gets eight.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of Rampage

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for Dwayne Johnson's latest adventure, Rampage.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

When mutant creatures attack Chicago, it's up to Primatologist!Rock and Geneticist!Moneypenny to save the city.

 

Rampage is one of those movies that is exactly as advertised. It's as dumb as a box of rocks, but if you didn't get that before you shelled out for a ticket, you couldn't have been paying attention. 

 

Dwayne Johnson is his usual charming self in the lead. Carrying action flicks is old hat for him by now, and he does it capably. Naomie Harris is a delight, though she's fighting well below her weight class here. The supporting cast boasts a plethora of familiar faces, including effrey Dean Morgan (playing a yet another character you wish would just shut up already), Joe Manganiello, and Will Yun Lee. All have limited screen time and, in particular, I wished Lee had had more to do. The beasts would have been plenty dangerous sans mutation: a gorilla, a wolf, and an alligator. Amplify their size and add a few scary perks (quills, anyone?), and, well, you couldn't blame Chicago for being terrified. The creature effects look pretty decent most of the time, though there's some wonky CGI scattered throughout the movie. Rampage features plenty of well-paced action to offset clunky dialogue and ham-handed delivery, but, sadly, the movie's humor uniformly aims at the lowest common denominator. (It's so bad I was saying the "funny" bits in my head before they happened.)

 

Rampage clocks in at 107 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence, action, and destruction, brief language, and crude gestures."

 

Despite holding few surprises, Rampage is a fun way to kill a couple hours indoors until spring finally arrives...assuming it ever does. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Rampage gets five.

 

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Downsizing / Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Dearest Blog: Saturday I kicked off the busy Christmas weekend with Downsizing and Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

First on the docket, Downsizing.

 

In the interest of saving the planet, scientists perfect a process that reduces humans to a fraction of their size.

 

Ladies and gentlemen: I didn't hate this movie, and that's far better than anything I expected to be able to say about it. At least as far as my reaction, Downsizing reminded me of Collateral Beauty: I suspect it isn't a very good movie, but I liked it maybe better than it deserves.

 

First, a few of the problems. Downsizing clears two hours by a quarter, and that's just too long for as slow as it gets in places. In the film's defense, I'll admit I was never *quite* bored, but the length is cumbersome. Matt Damon, generally a pretty likable if unspectacular actor, somehow misses the mark in the lead, failing to earn much sympathy for a character who struggles mightily to be a good guy and do the right thing. For the second week in a row, I also had to endure Laura Dern's presence in a movie, thankfully, this time very briefly. Downsizing feels like a "message" movie, but ultimately muddles too many messages for any of them to have much impact.

 

Now, the good news: Downsizing does boast a pair of extraordinary performances, from Christoph Waltz, who leaves any movie better for having him, and from Hong Chau, who steals the show with a moving and powerful turn. Downsizing is quite funny at times, though the the whole feels tinged with the natural melancholy of irreversible choices. If the movie has one message that ultimately does hit home, it's the importance of being honest with ourselves and accepting the real reasons we do the things we do.

 

Downsizing clocks in at 135 minutes and is rated R for "language including sexual references, some graphic nudity, and drug use." (There are penises a-plenty in this movie, a fact I mention only because it is so unusual. If you're not okay with that sort of thing, take a pass.)

 

Downsizing is a confused morality tale that's more entertaining than expected. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Downsizing gets five.

 

Fangirl points: YOU GUYS THERE'S A BODEANS SONG IN THIS MOVIE!!

 

Next on my agenda: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

 

Four high schoolers are sucked out of detention and into the world of an old video game, where their avatars must play for their very lives.

 

Dear reader(s), full disclosure: I have no special affection for the original Jumanji, so I was never as appalled as the Internet-at-large over the idea of a remake/reboot/sequel. However you may feel about the original, I suggest you give the fun, funny 2017 version a try; I don't think you'll be sorry.

 

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle has end-to-end action and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments. Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, and Jack Black have great chemistry and do a remarkable job of channeling their real-world, younger selves. It's a testament to the four youngsters--Alex Wolff, Ser'Darius Blain, Morgan Turner, and Madison Iseman--that you'll actually miss them when they're replaced by their more famous "avatars." Johnson leads with his usual easy charm; it would be impossible not to enjoy a film with him in the lead. (Yes, I even liked Tooth Fairy!) Bobby Cannavale chews the scenery in a terrific turn as the picture's primary baddie, and Karen Gillan only gets more and more amazing with every movie. The movie's effects are solid, and a lively score by Henry Jackman perfectly underscores all the action. The crowd at my screening broke into applause multiple times over the course of the film.

 

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle runs 119 minutes and is rated PG13 for "adventure action, suggestive content, and some language."

 

It can be a hard pill to swallow when the things we love reach the age of being re-done for a new generation, but Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle got a better reaction from my theater than The Last Jedi, Justice League, and Thor...combined. It's an action-packed family comedy with a little something for everyone. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle gets eight.

 

Dear reader(s), I hope you enjoy these final, festive days of December, and I'll look forward to seeing you at the movies.

 

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of The Fate of the Furious

Dearest Blog: After a two-week hiatus, yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas to watch some of my favorite folks drive fast cars, shoot big guns, and blow stuff up in the Fate of the Furious.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

This being the eighth installment in the Fast and Furious franchise, one has to ask: Did they miss an opportunity in not writing it "The F8 of the Furious?" Because I don't see it like that on any of the marketing (despite the official hashtag being #F8) and it's bummin' me out. Secondly: Is the series running out of gas? (Har. Har. Har.) I mean, literally, I think you HAVE to ask that, because every single headline I've seen so far has done so. But I digress...

 

The Fast and Furious franchise has buttered its bread by making each installment bigger and crazier, and this most recent outing is no exception. I didn't feel there was any one huge showpiece (like dropping the cars from an airplane last time), but the whole had higher stakes, better surprises, and more sustained lunacy. Vin Diesel is again front and center, as F8 sees Dominic Toretto turning on his team to work with an evil madwoman, portrayed with gleeful relish by the brilliant Charlize Theron. I was very pleasantly surprised by a couple much-loved faces turning up in the supporting cast, though I'd fervently hoped for one and the Internet tells me I should have known about the other. (Not spoiling here in case anyone else wishes to remain in the dark.) Dwayne Johnson is his usual charming self, and I say with only the tiniest bit of bias that the movie is a good deal better when Jason Statham is onscreen than when he isn't. Despite the world's fate hanging in the balance, F8 has plenty of lighter moments, and the humor, though juvenile and predictable, usually hits the mark. The film throws down massive stunts, explosive action, and, of course, some pretty sweet rides. Negatives are relatively few, but, as usual, the ending comes with extra cheese. Michelle Rodriguez is bad enough that I wondered how I ever thought she wasn't, and the movie could have used at least a 30-minute trim.

 

The Fate of the Furious runs 136 minutes and is rated PG13 for "prolonged sequences of violence and destruction, suggestive content, and language."

 

The Fast and Furious franchise gets full marks for giving its audience exactly what it wants, without ever taking that audience for granted. Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Fate of the Furious gets seven.

 

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: MOANA

Young navigator Moana (voice of Auli'i Cravalho), the daughter of a Polynesian tribal chief, is chosen to find a precious artifact that could save her people. She teams with demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson) to locate a legendary island, and together the pair explore fantastical lands and encounter incredible sea creatures in this animated adventure from Disney. The film's soundtrack includes contributions from Lin-Manuel Miranda, the Tony and Grammy-winning creator of the popular stage musical Hamilton. Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker. ~ Daniel Gelb, Rovi

Director: Ron Clements, John Musker    

Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Auli'i Cravalho, Jemaine Clement, Rachel House, Temuera Morrison, Nicole Scherzinger. 

Release Date: Nov 23, 2016    

Rated PG for peril, some scary images and brief thematic elements.

Runtime: 2 hr. 13 min.    

Genres: Action/Adventure, Animated, Comedy, Family    

Review:

Moana is a wonderful breath of fresh air into the Disney princess genre which had relied on damsel in distress for far too long.  Moana luscious visuals and joyful music perfectly captures the energy of the storytelling on display.  Moana’s story is a classic example of “The Heroes Journey” with all the hallmarks evident along the way.  Auli'i Cravalho voices Moana with an earnestness that brings true heart and depth to her character.  Dwayne Johnson is well cast as Maui, a Polynesian Prometheus trickster character, and works as a perfect counter balance to Cravalho.  Moana relies on so many classic tropes that it sounds like it should come off as stale.  Instead it is a vibrant journey which is closer to what I’d hoped Pixar’s Brave would have been.  Moana will likely face a bevy of comparisons to Frozen, an overrated movie in my opinion, but it’s a far better film overall.

A

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Finding Dory & Central Intelligence

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for a promising pair of pictures: Finding Dory and Central Intelligence. 

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers. 

 

First on the docket: Finding Dory. Everyone's favorite memory-challenged blue fish goes searching for a piece of her past. 

 

Dear reader(s): Finding Nemo is my favorite thing that Pixar has ever done. Outside of dear ol' Captain Jack, it may be my favorite thing Disney's ever done, too, so it was with equal parts excitement and trepidation I accepted the idea of a welcome, but unnecessary, sequel. I am pleased to report that, if Finding Dory doesn't quite match Finding Nemo, it does an admirable job of carrying on the franchise nonetheless. 

 

In the grand tradition of Pixar product, Finding Dory looks amazing. Outstanding art, bold colors, and lovely animation combine to create a picture that appears to live and breathe on its own. If Dory were a real, live person instead of a cartoon fish, Ellen DeGeneres undoubtedly would earn some serious awards consideration; she is brilliant. 

 

Her supporting cast is filled with familiar and capable voices, including Albert Brooks, reprising his role as the clownfish Marlon, as well as Ed O'Neill, Diane Keaton, Idris Elba, and Sigourney Weaver. 

 

The predictable-but-charming tale is backed by a lovely score by Thomas Newman. If I were to quibble over one small flaw, it's that the movie has too many false endings, which make it seem to drag on a bit, but the post-credits scene is well worth weathering the extensive end credits. Finding Dory runs 97 minutes (which includes an adorable short called Piper) and is rated PG for "mild thematic elements." Finding Dory is an almost-perfect mix of beautiful art and a sweet, family-friendly story. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Finding Dory gets eight.

 

Fangirl points: Idris Elba, Dominic West, Kaitlin Olson. 

 

Next up: buddy comedy Central Intelligence. 

 

A bullied youth turned CIA agent drags his only high-school friend into the world of international espionage. If you took all of Hollywood, put it in a bag and shook it up, then dumped out any ten random actors, Dwayne Johnson would probably have more charisma than all ten combined. 

 

He's no Crowe or Denzel in the acting-chops department, but the guy is always fun to watch, and, in Central Intelligence, he has great chemistry with his hilarious co-star Kevin Hart. 

 

Central Intelligence boasts a well-plotted story with a fair few twists, and, though most of its laugh-out-loud moments were revealed in trailers, the movie is uniformly entertaining and amusing, and the action keeps it moving at a good clip. 

 

Central Intelligence clocks in at 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "crude and suggestive humor, some nudity, action/violence, and brief strong language." 

 

A serviceable buddy comedy that provides both laughs and thrills a-plenty, of a possible nine Weasleys, Central Intelligence gets seven. 

 

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Aloha & San Andreas

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures more because it's what I do on a Saturday than because there was anything I was all that interested in watching. The weekend's offerings: Aloha and San Andreas.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing not previously divulged by the trailers.

First on my middling agenda: Aloha.

A former military hotshot gets a second chance at life and love in Hawaii.

Aloha isn't normally the type of movie I'd watch unless and until it crossed my path for free on cable; however, a super cast made it a better option than the dreadful-looking Tomorrowland to complete my San Andreas double-bill.

Aloha's biggest flaw is that it never really decides what it is. Tangents are many, fully explored ones are few, and things always seem to be happening and people behaving in ways that don't quite make sense. The movie clocks in under two hours; it might have done well to better flesh out a few things. NOT encouraging yet another bloated less-than-epic Hollywood epic, but Aloha feels a bit like a puzzle missing a piece.

The movie makes little use of Hawaii's great natural beauty, though it doesn't willfully try to make the island seem unappealing, either, like the Descendants did. Also in its favor over the Descendants: people in Aloha actually wear real, grownup shoes sometimes. Hooray for socks!!

The aforementioned super cast almost--almost!--manages to compensate for Aloha's other shortcomings. Alec Baldwin and Danny McBride make the most of their limited screen time, and Bill Murray, John Krasinski, and Rachel McAdams are perfect fits in supporting roles.

Bradley Cooper is nothing short of fantastic in the sort of leading man role that's perfect for a guy with his looks, even if he's been both good and lucky enough to break out of that mold for the most part.

Young Jaeden Lieberher is the movie's scene-stealer, precocious, but not annoying. Finally, whatever higher power you believe in, if you don't think Emma Stone represents His/Her/Its finest work, well, then, I just don't know what's wrong with you. She is earnest and beautiful and 150% terrific, and lights up every scene she's in to such a degree that it hurts when she's missing. So, yeah, Aloha is kind of hokey, but in the end I was rooting for almost everyone and I actually liked it.

Aloha runs 105 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some language, including suggestive comments."

Despite its being the second romance forced on me by a pitiful spring film slate, I didn't hate it.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Aloha gets five.

Next up, San Andreas.

Dwayne Johnson is better than you are, and you should make every effort to be in his company when beset by disaster.

Listen, San Andreas is the kind of thing that's normally right up my alley, but a done-to-death idea and effects that looked kinda wonky in the trailer left me ambivalent. I'm pleased to say that, though it may be the most stupidly implausible movie I've ever seen (and remember, I like movies about radioactive spiders and talking dragons), San Andreas is also quite fun.

Truth: San Andreas is dumber than a bag of hair. Lowest-common denominator laughs. Contrived scenarios. Insipid dialogue. Painful "inspirational" shots backed by a comically-swelling score. Had I rolled my eyes just one more time, I'd be looking out the back of my head to write this review.

I'd heard some complaints about the accuracy of the movie's earthquake science, and while I don't doubt those are entirely true, I don't think most folks would have noticed or cared; the bigger problem is that everything else is so ridiculous you can't even buy into the mundane.

The supporting cast ranges from "I love that guy!" (Will Yun Lee) to pretty likeable (Hugo Johnstone-Burt and Art Parkinson) to super annoying (Alexandra Daddario) to "What the hell are you even doing here?" (Paul Giamatti).

I'm sorely disappointed to discover that the beautiful Carla Gugino is an ugly crier. Of course none of that really matters, because the movie belongs to Dwayne Johnson. Despite the fact he doesn't do much smiling or taking off his shirt (the two things he does best, for my money), he remains one of the more engaging leading men working in Hollywood today, and at his side probably isn't the worst place you could be when the world goes to hell. San Andreas is pretty entertaining, and that's mostly thanks to Johnson.

Thankfully, the effects are also better than the trailer would have led you to believe. There's one awful bit of green-screen, but the rest is huge and quite effective. Felt a lot like being on a rollercoaster, and I saw it in 2D; I can only imagine the 3D is utterly vomit inducing, in the best possible way. The movie also does a great job at maintaining tension, a fingernail chewer from start to finish.

San Andreas clocks in at 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense disaster action and mayhem throughout, and brief strong language" (a single f-bomb that you can see coming a mile out).

It's a disaster alright, but it's a fun one.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, San Andreas gets four.
 
Until next time...

Pretty sure this is a metaphor for something..

Cindy Prascik's Review of Hercules & Lucy

Dearest Blog, today it was off to the cinema for a double-bill guaranteed to make me feel like a doughy old lump: Dwayne Johnson's Hercules and Scarlett Johansson's Lucy.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on the docket was Hercules.

Having successfully completed his legendary Twelve Labors, Hercules and his band of mercenaries find something besides gold that's worth fighting for.

Now, reader(s), you just knew this one was going to be silly, didn't you? Yeah, so did I, but it doesn't take itself very seriously at all, so I didn't mind. Dwayne Johnson is, as always, a truly engaging screen presence. You'll probably never see this guy carting home an Academy Award, but dude knows how to win and hold an audience.

You'll wonder why John Hurt and Ian McShane (one of my all-time favorites), even bother with stuff like this, but the movie is better for having them, so no complaints here. I'm sure their bank accounts have no complaints, either. The wonderful Rufus Sewell is also a welcome addition. Hercules' effects are decent and of course HUGE, if nothing too special. The story is passable entertainment, but, with such scintillating dialogue as, "Don't just stand there, KILL SOMEBODY!"...well...it isn't exactly Aaron Sorkin.

Hercules runs 98 minutes and is rated PG13 for "epic battle sequences, violence, suggestive comments, brief strong language, and partial nudity."

If it's just brainless fun, well, I'll take self-aware silliness like this over pompous drivel like the Planet of the Apes franchise any day.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Hercules gets five and a half.

Next up was ScarJo headlining Lucy.

A party girl living abroad is forced to carry drugs out of the country. When the package leaks inside her, it expands her mind's capacity to unthinkable levels.

Okay, confession time. I am what Hollywood refers to as "part of the problem." I don't generally see movies that star women. Women's movies don't interest me, and even an action thriller starring a woman wouldn't have made my list on a stronger weekend. Having said that, I've been falling a little bit in love with Scarlett Johansson's voice of late (but who hasn't...am I right, Joaquin Phoenix??), and since it was a weak weekend and Hercules wouldn't work with another screening of Jersey Boys, Lucy wound up the default closer of my double-header.

I admit, I was surprised by Lucy, and not altogether pleasantly. I wasn't bored--which I feared I would be--but at some point the movie degenerates from a solid-if-predictable action movie to broadly-drawn science fiction, and, while I didn't hate it, I also didn't love it. Johansson is capable in the lead, not to mention pretty darn hot, and Morgan Freeman is steady if somewhat underused.

I very much like the idea, but am unsold on its execution, and if the little science-class movie clips were kind of clever the first dozen times, I got tired of that trick before the halfway mark. To its credit, the movie keeps moving and doesn't wear out its welcome, but it would have fared better had filmmakers toned down the sci-fi a bit.

Lucy clocks in at 90 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence, disturbing images, and sexuality."

A little something different to break up your summer of superheroes and sequels, of a possible nine Weasleys, Lucy gets six...which would probably be at least half a Weasley higher if it were Louis instead.

Until next time..

Do I care if this movie is terrible? No, I do not.

Cindy Prascik’s Review of Fast & Furious 6

Dearest Blog, today it was off to the cinema with one of my favorite girls to see some of my favorite guys in Fast & Furious 6.
Agent Hobbs uses a ghost from their past to enlist Dominic Toretto and crew to bring down a dangerous international criminal mastermind.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Huge action, loud music, and plenty of eye candy make the Fast & Furious franchise my kinda movies, and the sixth installment does not disappoint.

I consider a big screen full of Vin Diesel the noblest and best use of a big screen. The Fast & Furious films don't tax what some might (cruelly!) call his limited abilities, and he capably leads the ensemble through its high-octane paces. Dwayne Johnson brings his customary charm back to the table, and great banter between Chris "Ludacris" Bridges and Tyrese Gibson provides most of the movie's comic relief. Luke Evans shines as a baaaaaaaaaaad baddie who poses the team's biggest threat yet. If you aren't a Luke Evans fan, well, you haven't been listening to a word I've said these past three years, but you're sure to be impressed with him in FF6. I only wish he'd had more screen time...but then again I always wish that!

As usual, jaw dropping car chases and stunts provide Fast 6's centerpiece. Had this film been in 3D, I might have gotten carsick! There's also a fair bit of impressive weaponry and plenty of hand-to-hand combat, including a hot girlfight between Gina Carano and the glorious Michelle Rodriguez. Though it's never slow, Fast 6 does run a tad long, something that easily could have been fixed by cutting some shots of gears being shifted. The car's going fast. Now it's going faster. We get it already.

Fast & Furious 6 clocks in at 130 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of violence and action and mayhem throughout, some sexuality and language."

Fast & Furious 6 is, in the immortal words of Sergeant Nicholas Angel, "an adrenaline-fueled thrill ride," sure to please old and new fans alike. Even a mid-flick theatre evacuation today couldn't derail the fun! The movie will never win any Academy Awards, but it's everything it promises to be and everything fans expect. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Fast & Furious 6 gets eight.

Until next time...


Luke Evans...as awesome as I promised you he is! ;-)

Cindy Prascik’s Review of Pain & Gain

Dearest Blog, hot on the heels of a great concert, the movies seemed like a poor substitute for the thing I really love. Still, it's Saturday, so off to the cinema I went to see Pain & Gain.

Three muscle-bound meatheads hatch a risky plot to relieve a Miami mogul of his considerable wealth.
Spoiler level here will be mild.

There's really no reason Pain & Gain should be a funny story. Three idiots ruin their own lives and several others, just because they think life owes them more than they've got. However, the sheer stupidity of our terrible trio--brilliantly played by Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Mackie, and Dwayne Johnson--makes this the funniest movie I've seen in at least a year.

I've never held with people who believe dramatic acting is more credible than comedy. Wahlberg, Mackie, and Johnson are absolutely fantastic in Pain & Gain, and Ed Harris nearly steals the show when he turns up to take on the bumbling criminals. It's to both writers' and actors' credit that the leads are enjoyable, yet it's
always clear they're bad guys, and you won't feel sorry for them if things go sideways.

Pain & Gain is loaded with brutal violence, bad language, and drug use, with some boobies thrown in for good measure...pretty much offensive across the board. If you're sensitive about such things, this isn't the movie for you. If, for whatever reason, you can get a laugh out of some horrible and inappropriate scenarios, well...you're in the right place! My only complaint is that the movie's somewhat longer than it needs to be.

Pain & Gain clocks in at 130 minutes and is rated R for "bloody violence, crude sexual content, nudity, language throughout, and drug use." I thoroughly enjoyed it, laughing out loud for most of the two hours. Of a possible nine Weaselys, Pain & Gain gets seven and a half.
Until next


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Time….

Uhhh...get well soon?

MOVIE REVIEW: PAIN & GAIN

Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is a regular bodybuilder who works at the Sun Gym along with his friend Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie). Sick of living the poor life, Lugo concocts a plan to kidnap Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub), a regular at the gym and a rich, spoiled businessman, and extort money from him by means of torture. With the help of recently released criminal Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson), the "Sun Gym Gang" successfully gets Kershaw to sign over all his finances. But when Kershaw survives an attempted murder by the gang, he hires private investigator Ed Du Bois (Ed Harris) to catch the criminals after the Miami Police Department fails to do so.

Director: Michael Bay

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris

Release Date: Apr 26, 2013

Rated R for crude Sexual Content, Bloody Violence, Drug Use, Language Throughout and Nudity

Runtime: 2 hr. 9 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy

Review:

I’ve been a bit of a Michael Bay apologist over the years. Not because I believe he’s a mad genius but because I think he’s actually a solid action director whose becoming a whipping boy admittedly due to some of his really bad films. He creates the type of bombastic popcorn movies that are easily digestible and would rot your teeth if you consumed them regularly. Like all indulgences it should be done in moderation which is ironic since Bay doesn’t know anything about moderation. Pain & Gain is a bulging muscle flexing with veins popping out everywhere. Its first act is the type of caffeinated movie going experience that feels like somebody’s poured cocaine into your eyeballs. A bulging Mark Wahlberg is focused and dedicated to his role. He’s clearly enjoying himself throughout and keeps a bug eyed energy alive through the better part of the film. Equally game Dwayne Johnson, looking bigger than I’ve ever seen him, and Anthony Mackie match him throughout. Their interplay is great comedy especially as things get more ridiculous and out of control. Having the story change from point of during the story allows us to get into these morons minds and see what’s leading them down the incredibly slippery slope towards disaster. Tony Shalhoub delivers an extra salty performance in a limited role. Sadly Ed Harris and Rebel Wilson are mostly marginalized in thankless roles. Pain and Gain’s major faults are really a reflection of Bay’s. The characters, all of them, are caricatures of people; none of them feel real in anyway. They’re Bay mutated version of what real people are. Additionally, Bay never knows too much of a good thing. The first 2 acts are crisp and energetic but the last act drags on. It’s not terrible but it could have been streamlined. Bay would have been better served if he remembered its ok not to flex all the time.

B

Cindy Prascik’s reviews of The Host / G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Dearest Blog, on Good Friday I set out for the cinema, hoping religious observances coupled with a warm spring day would give me the place to myself.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Since we didn't get The Place Beyond the Pines, my leadoff batter on Friday was The Host.

Alien beings inhabit human bodies and take over the Earth, leaving only small pockets of human resistance.

The Host is a profoundly bad film. It's based on a novel by Stephanie Meyer, of Twilight fame, who writes at about a fifth-grade level. I never assumed this'd land among the alltime greats, but I hoped by this point filmmakers were pumping enough cash into her garbage to make it halfway tolerable. That hope was misplaced.

The premise of The Host is fine, if nothing new, but the execution is awful. The dialogue is painfully awkward, particularly exchanges between the lead girl and the alien that occupies her body. Poor writing doesn't help the young cast shine, but the actors have to shoulder some of the blame for their uninspired performances. Every turn is predictable, and, at a bloated two hours and five minutes, this disaster is easily 125...er...30 minutes longer than it should have been.

The Host runs 125 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some sensuality and violence." The whole thing plays like a bad (but overfunded!) film school project, and if I hated it less than Twilight, that's only because I don't love aliens like I love vampires. Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Host gets two.

Next on my agenda was G.I. Joe: Retaliation, admittedly one of my most-anticipated movies of the year. Go ahead, laugh!
Framed and branded as traitors, the G.I. Joes must save the world from destruction while restoring their good name.

Dear Blog, let me admit to you that I'm not well-versed in Joe Lore, and I did myself no favors by failing to re-watch the last G.I. Joe film before I saw this one. I spent a lot of time wondering, "Now what's this guy's deal again?" but that didn't dampen my enthusiasm for the movie one teensy bit.

Dwayne Johnson may never win an Academy Award, but he's certainly one of the more engaging leading men making movies today. After a more subtle turn in Snitch, G.I. Joe sees him back in full ass-kicking mode. The enjoyable supporting cast includes Channing Tatum, Jonathan Pryce, Ray Park, Byung-hun Lee, Adrianne Palicki, Joseph Mazello, and two folks who make me giddy whenever they turn up: Ray Stevenson and Walton Goggins. I found them a very likable group, with nice chemistry.

I did not see this in 3D, but I have no doubt the mountain scenes alone would be absolutely worth the upcharge and 3D-glasses headache.

As you'd expect, G.I. Joe: Retaliation is heavy on big action and light on pretty much everything else. It could fairly be compared to last summer's Battleship, but, unfortunately, G.I. Joe lacks that surprise bit of heart and sincerity that made Battleship more than it had to be.

Still, it's good, dumb fun, and no doubt will be counted among the summer's monster hits, even though we've barely made it to spring.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation clocks in at a fast-paced 110 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of combat violence and martial arts action throughout, and for brief sensuality and language." I loved it every bit as much as I expected to. Of a possible nine Weasleys, G.I. Joe: Retaliation earns seven.

So, dearest Blog, that's about all the news that's fit to print for this lazy Sunday. Since I had my cinema fun on Friday, I guess that makes tomorrow closet-cleaning day. Ugh.

Until next time.......




*shameless fangirling*