MOVIE REVIEW: BORDERLANDS

 

Returning to her home planet Pandora, an infamous bounty hunter forms an unexpected alliance with a ragtag team of misfits. Together, they battle alien monsters and dangerous bandits to uncover one of Pandora's most explosive secrets.

Director: Eli Roth

Cast: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Édgar Ramírez, Ariana Greenblatt, Florian Munteanu, Gina Gershon, Jamie Lee Curtis

Release Date: August 9, 2024

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and some suggestive material.

Runtime: 1h 42m

Review:

Borderlands isn't the worst film I've seen this year, but it is the most generic and tiring thing splashed onscreen thus far.  Everything about Eli Roth's film feels like a rehash of other far better films.  Its continuously loud and over the top to the point of exhaustion with the uneven special effects killing any campy fun that might be had.  The story is straightforward and simplistic, which should be more than enough for the top notch cast to deliver some semblance of fun onscreen.  Sadly, there are only a few fleeting moments of life and fun scattered throughout the film's brisk runtime.  Cate Blanchett swaggers onscreen with a self assured confidence that makes her the most interesting person onscreen at any given time due to the sheer fact that an actress of her caliber is trying to carry this shlocky, soulless film decked out in full anime cosplay.  She seems to have a good time as she recites clunky lines of dialogue with a devil may care detachment which shows she's more than game to go full camp throughout.  Unfortunately, everybody else onscreen is annoying or obnoxious, specifically Ariana Greenblatt and Jack Black being particularly grating.   Only Kevin Hart appears to be comfortable in this sphere, but his character is written as the straight man for some confounding reason.  Édgar Ramírez and Jamie Lee Curtis are both over the top but their characters, much like everyone else onscreen are so underwritten that they barely register.  Borderlands is the type of film that will end up in heavy rotation on TNT/TBS weekend loops serving as little more than background noise.   

D

MOVIE REVIEW: THE 355

 

CIA agent Mason "Mace" Brown joins forces with a rival German agent, a cutting-edge computer specialist and a Colombian psychologist when a top-secret weapon falls into the hands of a group of mercenaries. Together, the four women embark on a breakneck mission to save the world while staying one step ahead of a mysterious figure who's tracking their every move.

Director: Simon Kinberg

Cast: Jessica Chastain, Penélope Cruz, Fan Bingbing, Diane Kruger, Lupita Nyong'o, Édgar Ramírez, Sebastian Stan

Release Date: January 7, 2022 

Action, Thriller

Rated PG-13 for sequences of strong violence, brief strong language, and suggestive material.

Runtime: 2h 4m

Review:

The 355 is stacked with star power that makes its generic spy thriller worlds more watchable and enjoyable than it deserves to be.  Simon Kinberg's film has a generic quality about it that makes it almost indistinguishable from troves of similar films.  Exotic locales and large action set pieces aren't terribly memorable but they're entertaining as mindless junk food. Jessica Chastain leads the cast ably as a believable action star but it's hardly just her show.  The film is an impressive ensemble piece with Lupita Nyong'o, Diane Kruger, Penélope Cruz and Fan Bingbing all getting ample screen time to shine.  Their chemistry together is ultimately what makes the whole thing work in spite of the scripts hacky shortcomings.  They are believable as a group of ass kicking spies with smaller moments fleshing out their characters.  Its a testament to their assembled talents that this works as well as it does with such a generic story and cliched MacGuffin and villain, the film gives Sebastian Stan woefully little to do.  The 355 offers up the kind of mindless popcorn fun which offers up female empowerment without ever beating you over the head with it.

B-

MOVIE REVIEW: JUNGLE CRUISE

 

Dr. Lily Houghton enlists the aid of wisecracking skipper Frank Wolff to take her down the Amazon in his ramshackle boat. Together, they search for an ancient tree that holds the power to heal -- a discovery that will change the future of medicine.

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Cast:  Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Édgar Ramírez, Jack Whitehall, Jesse Plemons, Paul Giamatt

Release Date: July 30, 2021

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy

Rated PG-13 for sequences of adventure violence

Runtime: 2 h 7 min

Review:

Disney's Jungle Cruise desperately wants to harken back to classic adventure romances like The African Queen and Romancing the Stone.  Jaume Collet-Serra's film is a relentlessly aggressive film that moves from one action set piece to another, leaving you with nary a chance to catch your breath.  He and the script are trying to capture the spirt of those films, Johnson and Blunt's outfits are straight out of The African Queen, its execution is closer to a latter day Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.  It's an FX heavy film that's set in an exotic locale but its possible that there isn't a single shot filmed on location, as such its has an artificial feel throughout.  The script doesn't help matters much with a clunky old school feel where you can see every joke and punch line coming a mile away.  The strange thing about the entire production is that it's a fairly enjoyable albeit mindless watch mainly due to it's central stars.  Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt make the goofy script work even with some of the sillier conceits, Johnson's Frank loves dad jokes.  Their natural screen magnetism is the film's biggest assets even if they don't share any sort of believable romantic chemistry.  Their character's are broadly drawn with Frank being a charismatic rascal and Blunt's Lily being irrepressibly plucky and headstrong.  Jesse Plemons hams it up as the film's cartoonish villain who is only missing a German pickelhaube to complete his ensemble.  The film does start to wear out it's welcome in its final act showcasing the fact there is no reason this film couldn't be a half hour shorter.  Disney's Jungle Cruise emulates great films but ends up being a fun but hallow imitation. 

B-