MOVIE REVIEW: THE IRISHMAN

In the 1950s, truck driver Frank Sheeran gets involved with Russell Bufalino and his Pennsylvania crime family. As Sheeran climbs the ranks to become a top hit man, he also goes to work for Jimmy Hoffa -- a powerful Teamster tied to organized crime.

Director: Martin Scorsese

Cast: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Joe Pesci, Ray Romano, Bobby Cannavale, Anna Paquin, Stephen Graham, Stephanie Kurtzuba, Jesse Plemons, Harvey Keitel

Release Date: November 27, 2019

Genres: Biography, Crime, Drama

Rated R for pervasive language and strong violence.

Runtime: 3h 29min

Review:

The Irishman might be best described as a Martin Scorsese supreme.  This magnum opus seems to encapsulate everything from his gangster golden age populated by all his favorite actors from that era.  In lesser hands, this might come off as superfluous or passé but Scorsese feels refreshed and rejuvenated.  His direction is sharp, crisp and engaging throughout.  You get moments, sequences and shots that recall some of his classic films like Good Fellas and Raging Bull.  However, this isn’t simply retreading old tropes because you can get a sense of a more pensive and reflective director behind the camera.  Similarly, his cast delivers their best work in years with the added depth of age.  The much talked about deaging works for the most part even though it’s a bit jarring in the early sequences.  Thankfully, that wears down over time allowing you to appreciate the performances.  Watching Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci together on screen really helps highlight how well they work off each other resulting in stellar performances from both.  Joe Pesci, after his long layoff, shows that’s never lost his touch for these types of characters with his age aiding his performance.  De Niro looks more engaging that he has in years.  His performance is both frightening and sympathetic at the same time even though his character is a moral wasteland.  Al Pacino though decides to go full Pacino as Hoffa.  His performance is like a mix of Scarface and The Devils Advocate’s Devil, its full decibel from the get go.  The interesting thing is that after the initial shock, it actually works well for the character.  The supporting cast is populated with Scorsese regulars both new and old plus an added bonus of giving Anna Paquin her best performance by making her nearly mute throughout with one solitary line.  These types of decisions are true signs of a auteur still at the top of game as he creates another classic.

A

MOVIE REVIEW: KNIVES OUT

A detective and a trooper travel to a lush estate to interview the quirky relatives of a patriarch who died during his 85th birthday celebration.

Director: Rian Johnson

Cast: Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Ana de Armas, Jamie Lee Curtis, Michael Shannon, Don Johnson, Toni Collette, Lakeith Stanfield, Katherine Langford, Jaeden Martell, Christopher Plummer

Release Date: November 27, 2019

Rated PG-13 for thematic elements including brief violence, some strong language, sexual references, and drug material

Runtime: 2 hr. 10 min.

Genres: Comedy, Crime, Drama

Review:

Rian Johnson’s Knives Out is a refreshing throwback to those old school ensemble films based on Agatha Christie books.  Johnson’s plot bears a lot of resemblances to those types of films and he stacks his film with a wonderful motley crew of possible culprits.  His direction moves the film at a brisk pace with only a few dead spots in the final reel.  The crisp direction keeps your eyes peeled to every detail as you start trying to piece together the truth.  Some of these types of film tend to cheat the story by using unbelievable twist; thankfully this story is a bit more honest.  If there’s one drawback to that approach it’s that the central mystery isn’t all that complex and pretty easy to figure out before it’s all laid out on screen.  It’s not a major drawback but those looking for a strong mystery will be left wanting.  The film’s biggest asset is its stellar cast who each seem to be having a ball in each of their roles.  Daniel Craig’s turn as a Foghorn Leghorn sounding detective is just incredibly fun and you sort of wonder why the story didn’t use him as the central point of the film.  Instead he’s on the boundaries of the story playing a larger part in its finale.  Instead it’s Ana de Armas character who is the focal point of the story and she delivers a solid performance in the midst of bigger names.  Sadly, the supporting players like Toni Collette, Jamie Lee Curtis and Michael Shannon are left with precious slivers of screen time to shine.  Still they all make the most of it and deliver a fun film across the board that feels like a lesser version of the movie Clue.

B

MOVIE REVIEW: IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

A journalist's life is enriched by friendship when he takes on an assignment profiling Fred Rogers. Based on the real-life friendship between journalist Tom Junod and television star Fred Rogers.

Director: Marielle Heller

Cast: Tom Hanks, Matthew Rhys, Susan Kelechi Watson, Chris Cooper

Release Date: November 15, 2019

Genres: Biography, Drama

Rated PG for some strong thematic material, a brief fight, and some mild language

Runtime: 1h 48min

Review:

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood isn’t the Fred Rodgers biopic you might expect.  His character is mostly a secondary player but the film does a solid job of capturing the epitome of his spirit.  Marielle Heller’s film is a subtle but a well crafted tale that uses some wonderful visual and framing devices to really capture the feel of a Mr. Rodgers episode.  At the center of the film is Matthew Rhys who delivers a fine performance.  Rhys carries the air of a broken man from the beginning of the film.  Ultimately, this movie is about his story and how his interactions with Rodgers helped him identify his personal pain and grow into a better person.  There’s nary a question that nobody could play Mr. Rodgers except Tom Hanks.  Hanks brings his own inherent likeability to the role and it would have been easy to just coast through his performance based off of just that.  Thankfully Hanks doesn’t do that and the film is so much better for it.  It’s a showcase of subtly as he uses vocal inflections and mannerisms to channel Rodgers.  It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the film perks up every time he shows up on screen.  It’s wonderful performance that leaves you wishing he’d been a bigger focus of the film as a whole.

B+

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood & 21 Bridges

This weekend I threw my hard-earned cash at two unfortunate films offered as sacrifices to the Frozen gods: A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood and 21 Bridges.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First up: A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.

A jaded investigative journalist is assigned to write a profile of Mr. Rogers.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood is about Mr. Rogers, but it isn't really *about* Mr. Rogers. So close on the heels of the documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor? maybe it doesn't need to be. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood is about Mr. Rogers' uncanny gift for teaching healthy coping mechanisms, and the exceptional kindness that always allowed him to see things from another person's point of view. In this "based on actual events" tale, Fred Rogers (Tom Hanks) forms an unlikely friendship with Lloyd Vogel (Matthew Rhys), a world-weary writer assigned to profile him for Esquire magazine. Struggling with changes in his home dynamic and estranged from his ill father, Vogel cynically wonders if the saintly Rogers could possibly be for real. The story is framed within a fictional episode of Rogers' legendary television show, which sounds interesting in concept but plays somewhat awkwardly in practice. Pacing is dicey enough that the film, which isn't all that long, sometimes feels very slow and very, very long. It's also heavy-handed with its lessons of kindness and understanding, which isn't unwarranted in these unkind times, but being beaten over the head with a movie's message never helps me enjoy it much. Negatives aside, where the film really shines is in its leading performances. Hanks and Rhys are brilliant individually and together, even if I did catch a bit of Forrest Gump peeking through Hanks' Fred Rogers here and there. Given that he's the world's most-loved actor, playing the world's most-loved person, best actor nods across the board seem a given for Hanks. (At risk of sounding like a broken record: Ceding nominations only. He may not have Taron's Oscar, either, even if he is Tom Hanks playing Mr. Rogers.) A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood pulls at the heartstrings, but, ultimately, it still feels like the great Fred Rogers hasn't yet gotten the film he deserves.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood runs 108 minutes and is rated PG for "some strong thematic material, a brief fight, and some mild language."

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood features great performances and some touching moments, but overall it's pretty forgettable. Of a possible nine Weasleys, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood gets six.

Fangirl points: An audible twitter rolled through my theater when the Incline turned up!

Next on my agenda: 21 Bridges.

A detective known for taking down cop killers catches a case where eight officers were killed...but can he peel back the layers to get to the heart of the crime?

21 Bridges is a 2019 movie with the gritty feel of a 1970s cop drama. The underlying story of police corruption in the dirty Big City further adds to the old-school vibe. Chadwick Boseman carries the picture with ease, and--while this doesn't require anything on par with his stunning work in 42 and Get On Up--he is eminently watchable. The supporting cast is as good as it needs to be in fairly limited use, with Taylor Kitsch and Stephan James being particularly noteworthy. Characters are broadly drawn and leave little to the imagination, which makes plot twists pretty easy to spot. The movie is fairly intense throughout, though first half does seem to drag a bit. The second half is more solidly paced, playing to a predictable but not unsatisfying finale.

21 Bridges clocks in at a tight 99 minutes and is rated R for "violence and language throughout."

21 Bridges is a serviceable cop drama that offers a nice respite from awards bait and sappy seasonal fare.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 21 Bridges gets seven.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Ford v Ferrari, The Good Liar & Doctor Sleep

Ford v Ferrari / The Good Liar / Doctor Sleep CINDY PRASCIK·TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2019·5 MINUTES An extra-long weekend left me with an opportunity to see the weekend's two new releases at my local cinema, as well as catching up a bit from a couple weeks back. On my agenda: Ford v Ferrari, the Good Liar, and Doctor Sleep.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing plot-specific.

First on the docket: Ford v Ferrari.

In the mid-1960s, American auto maker Ford decides to challenge perennial champion Ferrari on the world racing stage.

I feel it's first important to note that I would not hesitate to recommend Ford v Ferrari to anyone, even if you don't like cars or racing, even if you think it's just a white-guy movie, even if the sight of Matt Damon makes you want to punch a wall. (I seem to know an inexplicable number of folks in that last group.) It's just a good movie, sans any qualifiers. Ford v Ferrari starts with compelling story, but, as Midway would be happy to show you, not all compelling stories make compelling films. Where Ford v Ferrari succeeds is in making you care about its story, its characters, and its outcome, whether or not you are pre-disposed to do so. Christian Bale and Matt Damon are terrific in the leads, so much so that I think it would be a mistake to write off either in the upcoming best actor races. (As with Joaquin Phoenix, just ceding the nominations. They also may not have Taron's Oscar.) A two-and-a-half-hour runtime is solidly paced and never drags, and the beautifully-filmed racing scenes are tense enough to leave you holding your breath. The movie is funny, too, often unexpectedly so, and it has tons of heart. If it is cars you love, well, there are plenty of revving engines and sexy shots of gorgeous automobiles to go 'round. A phenomenal score by Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders ties a bow on this true gift of a film.

Ford v Ferrari runs 152 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some language and peril."

As someone whose sole knowledge racing comes from Talladega Nights and that one Finnish driver I follow on Twitter, I am here to tell you, dear reader(s), that Ford v Ferrari is a great movie for everyone. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Ford v Ferrari gets eight and a half.

Next up: the Good Liar.

A career con-artist sets his sights on a seemingly naive, well-to-do lady.

The Good Liar is the sort of grown-up movie that people complain Hollywood doesn't make anymore, then everyone stays home when it turns up at the cinema. That seems a real shame here, with two icons--Helen Mirren and Ian McKellen--fronting a well-crafted yarn that holds a number of surprises. Mirren and McKellan are expectedly fantastic, playing off one another as only two of the best can do. The story itself is a layered one that takes a darker turn than I expected. It's often said that R-rated films weed out not only those viewers who are too young for extreme content, but also those of a certain age who might prefer their entertainment minus violence and vulgarity. Certainly the Good Liar isn't Saw or the Human Centipede, but with a fair few F-bombs and some intense (though not graphic) violence, I wouldn't take my mom to see it, either. The Good Liar moves slowly enough in spots that it gets to feeling a bit overlong, but it's also smart enough to hold your attention pretty much end to end.

The Good Liar clocks in at 109 minutes and is rated R for "some strong violence, and for language and brief nudity."

The Good Liar is the sort of film that will suffer for having nothing to gain by being seen on a big screen, but it's definitely worth catching in some form whenever it crosses your path. Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Good Liar gets eight.

Fangirl points: Russell Tovey!!

Finally, yesterday I closed out my weekend with a-day-late-and-a-dollar-short screening of Doctor Sleep.

Years after the events of the Shining, an adult Dan Torrance must protect a young girl who "shines" from a dangerous cult of immortals.

Doctor Sleep starts off promisingly enough, teasing a few ominous bars of the original Shining theme, but, sadly, it's all downhill from there. The film creeps along at a snail's pace, offers little new or interesting, and is never really properly scary. Nods to the original are copious and always entirely expected, especially towards the final act. Ewan McGregor really seems to have no idea how to salvage the material, and--at a bloated two-and-a-half hours--the movie overstays its welcome by a good 45 minutes. Now...here's why you'll want to go see Doctor Sleep anyway: Rebecca Ferguson. While everyone else seems adrift in a sea of clunky dialogue and predictable turns, Ferguson chews up the pedestrian material and spits it right back out into a riveting turn as Rose the Hat. She's creepy, she's sexy, she's camp, she's absolutely fantastic. You won't be able to take your eyes off of her. It's a performance well worth whatever it costs to see it on the big screen.

Doctor Sleep runs a plodding 152 minutes and is rated R for "disturbing and violent content, some bloody images, language, nudity, and drug use."

If you're an insomniac, Doctor Sleep is the cure. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Doctor Sleep gets four.

Fangirl points: Zahn McClarnon! Bruce Greenwood!

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: FORD V FERRARI

American automotive designer Carroll Shelby and fearless British race car driver Ken Miles battle corporate interference, the laws of physics and their own personal demons to build a revolutionary vehicle for the Ford Motor Co. Together, they plan to compete against the race cars of Enzo Ferrari at the 24 Hours of Le Mans in France in 1966.

Director: Jason Mangold

Cast: Matt Damon and Christian Bale, Jon Bernthal, Caitriona Balfe, Tracy Letts, Josh Lucas, Noah Jupe, Remo Girone, and Ray McKinnon

Release Date: November 15, 2019

Genres: Action, Biography, Drama

Rated PG-13 for some language and peril

Runtime: 2h 32min

Review:

Ford v Ferrari an interesting throwback film that’s got so much more going on besides racing.  James Mangold directs his film with a glossy veneer that just screams prestige picture.  A two and half hour film needs to be engaging to keep from becoming a slog.  Thankfully, the film’s story is thoroughly entertaining throughout, so much so that if rarely feels slow.  Having a cast of top level talents all delivering excellent performances.  Matt Damon gives his Carroll Shelby a good old boy charm and dogged determination which shines through an understated delivery.  Christian Bale delivers another physical transformation for this performance but beyond that he gives his character a likable stubbornness that provides the film its beating heart.  Together Damon and Bale make this bromance work and it’s incredibly watchable.  The supporting cast is equally strong with Tracy Letts, Jon Bernthal and Caitriona Balfe all leaving their mark in limited screen time.  On its surface, the film is about winning a car race but peeling back some of the layers reveal a beefier and headier story at work about creation, invention and innovation.

A

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Last Christmas & Midway

This weekend was a "because the schedule says so" weekend at the cinema. I really wanted to see Doctor Sleep, but the two-and-a-half-hour runtime, coupled with a wrench in its Saturday showtimes, left me with Last Christmas and Midway. Can we say "ho" and "hum?"

I think we can. Spoiler level here will be mild for anything plot-specific, but there's a general observation about Last Christmas that I think any fair review has to make.

First on my agenda: Last Christmas.

It's the holiday season in London, and a young woman who has made a habit of poor life choices hopes to get back on a good path.

Last Christmas is, in the words of one wise friend, Not A Cindy Thing (TM). The trailers sell a feel-good holiday romance/redemption story, maybe a step up from what the Hallmark Channel's going to be feeding you for the next month and a half. Dearest reader(s), I'm here to tell you: Last Christmas is quite a bit more than that, and I expect that's a double-edged sword. I've fallen a bit out of love with the cinema this year, and I was delighted to be reminded that movies can still surprise, even in the Internet age. Those who have their hearts set on straight-up warm holiday fuzzies might be less pleased with the picture's extra layers.

Last Christmas benefits greatly from the inherent charm that seems to permeate all British entertainment. Emilia Clarke has it in spades, and--even when she's at her worst--you find yourself worrying about the road our lead character is on. Once she meets swoon-worthy (relative) newcomer Henry Goulding, well, you'll be holding your breath, just waiting for true love to fix the mess she's made of her life. Co-writer Thompson is, as always, a scene-stealer with limited screen time, but the real star of Last Christmas is the music of George Michael. Much like Yesterday and Blinded by the Light, Last Christmas has made creative use of an iconic artist, and it is a delight to behold. The movie's festive holiday atmosphere is enhanced nearly to its breaking point by the fact that Clarke's character works in a Christmas shop and spends a good bit of the film dressed as an elf. Ho. Ho. Ho. It's a sharp, well-paced, funny, and moving film that's one of the cinema's happiest surprises of 2019.

Last Christmas clocks in at 102 minutes and is rated PG13 for "language and sexual content."

Last Christmas finds its way to some holiday spirit, but the trip doesn't take the road you expect. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Last Christmas gets eight.

Fangirl points: Patti LuPone! (My queen!) Peter Serafinowicz!

Next up: Midway.

The true story of the 1942 Battle of Midway. Midway is an incredible story that deserves far better than this broadly-drawn telling. The film boasts exceptional visuals, with sweeping aerial shots and magnificent panoramas of great ships. It is truly a feast for the eyes. Unfortunately, its physical beauty is no match for awkward dialogue, shameless posturing, exaggerated accents (plenty of growly Batman voices too), and a melodramatic score. Over-acting throughout is so extreme as to be laughable, and a bloated runtime makes even the tensest battle scenes seem plodding. It's easily-digestible "patriotism" for the chest-thumping set, and it is nowhere near worthy of the story it attempts to tell.

Midway runs 138 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of war violence and related images, language, and smoking."

If you'd have told me Midway would somehow be the worse of the two movies on my agenda yesterday, I'd have said you were crazy, but...here we are.


Of a possible nine Weasleys, Midway gets four. Fangirl points: Luke Evans! (And if I had to say something really nice about the movie, it only made me wait eight minutes for him to turn up.)

This Veterans' Day/Remembrance Day weekend, I would like to say thank you to all those who serve and have served, whose bravery and sacrifice make it possible for me to sit here and make fun of a movie that tells their story so badly.

I remain in your debt. Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: DOCTOR SLEEP

Struggling with alcoholism, Dan Torrance remains traumatized by the sinister events that occurred at the Overlook Hotel when he was a child. His hope for a peaceful existence soon becomes shattered when he meets Abra, a teen who shares his extrasensory gift of the "shine." Together, they form an unlikely alliance to battle the True Knot, a cult whose members try to feed off the shine of innocents to become immortal.

Director: Mike Flannagan

Cast: Ewan McGregor, Rebecca Ferguson, Kyliegh Curran, Cliff Curtis

Release Date: November 8, 2019

Rated R for disturbing and violent content, some bloody images, language, nudity and drug use.

Runtime: 2 hr. 31 min.

Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Horror

Review:

Doctor Sleep is a daunting challenge for anyone. Following up a classic by Stanley Kubrick a is tough task but Mike Flannagan is up to the task for the most part. Flannagan echos Kubrick here and there, personally I could have done with a few less tracking shots, but still manages to create his own beast. The film itself is a solid tome that's reeks of Stephen King. It's a good and bad thing, some of the scares are well constructed while some of the characters seem hollow to the point of being goofy. Thankfully, Ewan McGregor is the focal point of the film and he makes the entire thing work even with a shoddy New England accent. He's extremely watchable throughout the film delivering a well rounded performance. Rebecca Ferguson makes an attractive and menacing villain while Kyliegh Curran is one of the stronger child actors I run across since Jacob Trembly. Saying anything too in depth about how the story would be a disservice but rest assured that diehard The Shining fans will leave extremely happy and satisfied.

A

MOVIE REVIEW: LAST CHRISTMAS

Nothing seems to go right for young Kate, a frustrated Londoner who works as an elf in a year-round Christmas shop. But things soon take a turn for the better when she meets Tom -- a handsome charmer who seems too good to be true. As the city transforms into the most wonderful time of the year, Tom and Kate's growing attraction turns into the best gift of all -- a Yuletide romance.

Director: Paul Feig

Cast: Emilia Clarke, Henry Golding, Michelle Yeoh

Release Date: November 8, 2019

Genres: Comedy, Drama, Romance

Rated PG-13 for language and sexual content

Runtime: 1h 42min

Review:

Last Christmas looks and smells like a romantic comedy and for the better part of its runtime it is a wonderful one. Anyone who has been paying attention though should know to expect something a little different from Paul Fieg. Fieg directs the film with a deft hand, delivering a charming breezy film populated with incredibly likable characters. Emilia Clarke at her charming best here and ably carries the film. She's so damn loveable that it hard to take her character's disastrous life seriously. She's matched with an equally impressive Henry Golding whose character is just too good to be true. If this all sounds like basic rom com fodder it is and it isn't. Fieg and the razor sharp script have a turn that makes the film so much more than it appears at it's onset and it gives the film a much stronger message than you would have expected. 

A-

TERMINATOR: DARK FATE

In Mexico City, a newly modified liquid Terminator -- the Rev-9 model -- arrives from the future to kill a young factory worker named Dani Ramos. Also sent back in time is Grace, a hybrid cyborg human who must protect Ramos from the seemingly indestructible robotic assassin. But the two women soon find some much-needed help from a pair of unexpected allies -- seasoned warrior Sarah Connor and the T-800 Terminator.

Director: Tim Miller

Cast: Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mackenzie Davis, Natalia Reyes, Gabriel Luna, Diego Boneta

Release Date: November 1, 2019

Genres: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi

Rated R for violence throughout, language and brief nudity

Runtime: 2h 8min

Review:

Terminator: Dark Fate is an interesting reboot / refresh of the franchise which needs a shot in the arm after the disastrous Terminator Genisys.  Tim Miller mimics a lot of beats from James Cameron’s first two entries while wiping out anything after T2.  There is plenty of incredibly staged action to be found here and it really drives the better part of the film with some sequences like a battle in a crashing air carrier really leaving a memorable mark.  The story itself should feel familiar because it decides to borrow heavily from the first two films and it’s not shy about it.  Sure the characters might have been flipped to refresh the story but it’s very much the same story.  The reason the whole thing works is because the characters are all engaging enough.  Bringing back Linda Hamilton was a masterstroke and she delivers in spades.  Hamilton’s performance is a perfect bend of anger and heartbreak while maintaining inner strength which made her character so iconic in T2.  Mackenzie Davis might have seemed like a strange casting choice but she’s surprisingly good as this chapter’s designate protector of Natalia Reyes who’s essentially the Sarah Connor here. Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up in the latter portion of the film and how the story deals with his appearance might divide a few people but it’s still good fun to see him and Hamilton again.  Ultimately, you won’t find much new or groundbreaking here but it does feel like a proper sequel to T2 even after multiple misfires.  

B-

Cindy Prascik's Review of Mary

CINDY PRASCIK·SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2019·2 MINUTES As anyone with even a passing familiarity with me or my writing or my Instagram will know: I have a real soft spot for Academy Award winner Gary Oldman. (Yes, you have to say it like that now.) When Gary is in a movie or show, I see it. If I can, I own it. I own a Gary movie that's in Japanese, one where he plays a guy who puts Chapstick on his butt, and one that Gary, himself, has called "the worst movie ever made." (Those are Rain Fall, Nobody's Baby, and Sin, respectively, if you didn't know and were interested.) Today I am a little bit horrified to report on a movie that will be right at home with lemons like Tiptoes, the Backwoods, and that revisionist version of the Scarlet Letter that co-starred Demi Moore. Friends, I give you: Mary.


Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from a trailer if you've seen one. Odds are you haven't.

In hopes of rebooting his life and his marriage, a man buys a boat and takes his family out to sea...but little does he know of the vessel's cursed history! (DUM DUM DUM!) Mary is one of those movies that makes you think everyone involved should sack their agents posthaste. While it's Gary's name above the title, co-stars Emily Mortimer and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo are no slouches. They all deserve better than this thrill-less thriller that ticks every predictable box in the cheap horror movie lexicon. Startle-scares are so obvious they won't raise even a little jump. A paper-thin backstory has been done to death a thousand times before. The dialogue is simply excruciating. I try mightily to say something nice about everything, but the only nice thing I can say about Mary is that it's mercifully short.

Mary clocks in at 84 minutes and is rated R for "some terror, violence, and language."

Mary is available now on most streaming/download platforms.

Mary is a by-the-numbers thriller that'll make Gary Oldman fans pine for the genius of that 1998 Lost in Space movie.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Mary gets one (for Gary). Until next time...