MOVIE REVIEW: BORDERLANDS

 

Returning to her home planet Pandora, an infamous bounty hunter forms an unexpected alliance with a ragtag team of misfits. Together, they battle alien monsters and dangerous bandits to uncover one of Pandora's most explosive secrets.

Director: Eli Roth

Cast: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Édgar Ramírez, Ariana Greenblatt, Florian Munteanu, Gina Gershon, Jamie Lee Curtis

Release Date: August 9, 2024

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and some suggestive material.

Runtime: 1h 42m

Review:

Borderlands isn't the worst film I've seen this year, but it is the most generic and tiring thing splashed onscreen thus far.  Everything about Eli Roth's film feels like a rehash of other far better films.  Its continuously loud and over the top to the point of exhaustion with the uneven special effects killing any campy fun that might be had.  The story is straightforward and simplistic, which should be more than enough for the top notch cast to deliver some semblance of fun onscreen.  Sadly, there are only a few fleeting moments of life and fun scattered throughout the film's brisk runtime.  Cate Blanchett swaggers onscreen with a self assured confidence that makes her the most interesting person onscreen at any given time due to the sheer fact that an actress of her caliber is trying to carry this shlocky, soulless film decked out in full anime cosplay.  She seems to have a good time as she recites clunky lines of dialogue with a devil may care detachment which shows she's more than game to go full camp throughout.  Unfortunately, everybody else onscreen is annoying or obnoxious, specifically Ariana Greenblatt and Jack Black being particularly grating.   Only Kevin Hart appears to be comfortable in this sphere, but his character is written as the straight man for some confounding reason.  Édgar Ramírez and Jamie Lee Curtis are both over the top but their characters, much like everyone else onscreen are so underwritten that they barely register.  Borderlands is the type of film that will end up in heavy rotation on TNT/TBS weekend loops serving as little more than background noise.   

D

MOVIE REVIEW: THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE

 

With help from Princess Peach, Mario gets ready to square off against the all-powerful Bowser to stop his plans from conquering the world.

Director: Aaron Horvath, Michael Jelenic

Cast: Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Keegan-Michael Key, Seth Rogen, Fred Armisen

Release Date: April 5, 2023

Genre: Animation, Adventure, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Romance, Sci-Fi

Rated PG for action and mild violence.

Runtime: 1h 32m

Review:

The Super Mario Bros. Movie is a more than capable family film that plays it safe with the brand as it delivers a light, colorful experience.  Directors Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic clearly have an affection for the property, something readily apparent as they deliver a game to film experience that checks all sorts of nostalgic boxes along the way.  The story is simplistic to a fault as it moves from one set piece to another as it recreates various bits of game play in what amounts to a cinematic retrospective.  Those familiar with Horvath and Jelenic previous movie, Teen Titans Go! To the Movies, which lovingly skewered a variety of DC's comic properties won't find that sort of edge here.  There's a definite sense that Nintendo didn't want anything but the glossiest version of their IP on display and for the most part the duo obliges even though slivers of their sensibilities shine through exemplified by an insane, fatalistic blue Luma.  Outside of that its safe and corporate approved which probably keeps the film from being a better overall film.  As is, The Super Mario Bros. Movie is a solid adaptation of the video game that sure to please younger kids and deliver enough nostalgia make to older fans happy.

C+

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker & Jumanji: The Next Level

Yesterday I trekked to the cinema to shake off the after-Christmas blues with Star Wars: Episode IX and Jumanji: The Next Level.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on my Boxing Day agenda: Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker.

The final chapter of the Skywalker saga sees the Resistance facing off with a mysteriously-resurrected Emperor Palpatine.

Star Wars is one of those franchises that has such a devout and legendarily bitchy fanbase that there's nothing any review can really say that will be taken at face value. If you love it, you're too devoted to see its flaws; if you hate it, you're just a bitter fanboy. For whatever it's worth, I'm here to say that Rise of Skywalker is probably a lousy movie, but I mostly loved it anyway.

Episode IX definitely occupies more minutes than it earns, with some bloated battle/chase scenes that could and should have been trimmed significantly. The bulk of the movie is simple fan service, giving that devout fan base what the filmmakers thought it would want to see in the finale for at least this most-beloved branch of the Star Wars universe. Artistically, that never does a project any favors, but as a casual SW fan who has been in love with Luke Skywalker since I was ten, I very much enjoyed it. Highlights continue to be John Boyega and Oscar Isaac as Finn and Poe, while neither Daisy Ridley nor Adam Driver does much for me. (Yes, I know the whole wide galaxy thinks Driver's the best thing since sliced bread. I don't.) Some effects are terrific, while others are inexplicably dodgy. A good deal of it looks like a weird production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Pretty much every plot device and line of dialogue is more hokey than the one that came before it. I mean, you can only wring so many tears out of previously-unused Carrie Fisher footage, am I right? A real positive here is the organically diverse cast, no big deal, just characters of all races and species living and working together like it's as common as it should be. If some of Episode IX truly represents the best that Star Wars has to offer, it's re-hashed enough by this point to have lost much of its impact.
Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker clocks in at a mammoth 142 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sci-fi violence and action."

The Rise of Skywalker is an imperfect but enjoyable finale to a very-much-loved saga.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker gets seven, including one bonus Weasley for having an actual Weasley, Domhnall Gleeson, in the cast.

Next on yesterday's docket: Jumanji: The Next Level.

The gang is drawn back into the world's most dangerous game for another adventure.

Jumanji is an unlikely success story, a project that had every reason to be painfully bad, but somehow ended up surprisingly good. First and foremost, that is down to an absolute home-run with the casting, not just the notably terrific adult leads--Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Karen Gillan--but also their younger/real world selves: Alex Wolff, Ser'Darius Blain, Ashley Scott, and Morgan Turner. As with the first Jumanji, the kids are so good it's almost a disappointment when they morph into their more famous video-game selves. Almost. Johnson, Hart, Black, and Gillan are so great I kinda want them and only them to be in all the movies all the time now, please and thank you. Throw in bonus Danny DeVito and Danny Glover, and you've got yourself one top-notch cast. The Next Level is as laugh-out-loud hilarious as its predecessor, in both broad and more clever ways, with a fresh story that never feels like a sequel for the sake of it. The action-packed plot moves along quickly and doesn't overstay its welcome, wrapped up with a nice Christmas setting, making it the perfect holiday family fare. For whatever it's worth, this movie got the best crowd reaction of any movie I saw this year, and that's a month into its release.

Jumanji: The Next Level runs 123 minutes and is rated PG13 for "adventure action, suggestive content, and some language."

Jumanji: The Next Level is that rarest of sequels that may even best its predecessor.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Jumanji: The Next Level gets eight.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of The House With a Clock in Its Walls

Dearest Blog: Though the weekend cinema offered little of any promise, Friday I headed up to Marquee Cinemas for The House With a Clock in Its Walls.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

A boy comes to live with his uncle in a creepy old house that holds a dangerous secret.

 

Mama always said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." While that might not be *entirely* possible, we'll start with the positives here. The House With a Clock in Its Walls looks gorgeous. The score and cinematography set an eerie, magical tone that briefly gave me hope the film might be better than I anticipated. Cate Blanchett is mesmerizing, even punching well below her weight class, and, though the execution fails, the story itself is reasonably solid. The negatives, starting with the obvious: Kid actors are a crapshoot. Very few are good; more often you just hope they aren't bad enough or featured enough to be distracting. Owen Vaccaro is both bad enough and featured enough to be distracting, and Jack Black is more annoying than quirky or amusing as his oddball uncle. The last quarter of the movie features some inexplicably hokey effects, and, while the humor is rarely crass, a handful of bodily-function jokes aren't funny and certainly don't elevate the whole. The picture hadn’t reached its halfway point before the only clock I cared about was the one that would tell me it was over.

 

The House With a Clock in Its Walls runs 104 minutes and is rated PG for "thematic elements, including sorcery, some action, scary images, rude humor, and language."

 

The House With a Clock in Its Walls represents a sad misfire on what should have become a Halloween-season classic. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The House With a Clock in Its Walls gets four.

 

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Downsizing / Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Dearest Blog: Saturday I kicked off the busy Christmas weekend with Downsizing and Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

First on the docket, Downsizing.

 

In the interest of saving the planet, scientists perfect a process that reduces humans to a fraction of their size.

 

Ladies and gentlemen: I didn't hate this movie, and that's far better than anything I expected to be able to say about it. At least as far as my reaction, Downsizing reminded me of Collateral Beauty: I suspect it isn't a very good movie, but I liked it maybe better than it deserves.

 

First, a few of the problems. Downsizing clears two hours by a quarter, and that's just too long for as slow as it gets in places. In the film's defense, I'll admit I was never *quite* bored, but the length is cumbersome. Matt Damon, generally a pretty likable if unspectacular actor, somehow misses the mark in the lead, failing to earn much sympathy for a character who struggles mightily to be a good guy and do the right thing. For the second week in a row, I also had to endure Laura Dern's presence in a movie, thankfully, this time very briefly. Downsizing feels like a "message" movie, but ultimately muddles too many messages for any of them to have much impact.

 

Now, the good news: Downsizing does boast a pair of extraordinary performances, from Christoph Waltz, who leaves any movie better for having him, and from Hong Chau, who steals the show with a moving and powerful turn. Downsizing is quite funny at times, though the the whole feels tinged with the natural melancholy of irreversible choices. If the movie has one message that ultimately does hit home, it's the importance of being honest with ourselves and accepting the real reasons we do the things we do.

 

Downsizing clocks in at 135 minutes and is rated R for "language including sexual references, some graphic nudity, and drug use." (There are penises a-plenty in this movie, a fact I mention only because it is so unusual. If you're not okay with that sort of thing, take a pass.)

 

Downsizing is a confused morality tale that's more entertaining than expected. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Downsizing gets five.

 

Fangirl points: YOU GUYS THERE'S A BODEANS SONG IN THIS MOVIE!!

 

Next on my agenda: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

 

Four high schoolers are sucked out of detention and into the world of an old video game, where their avatars must play for their very lives.

 

Dear reader(s), full disclosure: I have no special affection for the original Jumanji, so I was never as appalled as the Internet-at-large over the idea of a remake/reboot/sequel. However you may feel about the original, I suggest you give the fun, funny 2017 version a try; I don't think you'll be sorry.

 

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle has end-to-end action and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments. Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, and Jack Black have great chemistry and do a remarkable job of channeling their real-world, younger selves. It's a testament to the four youngsters--Alex Wolff, Ser'Darius Blain, Morgan Turner, and Madison Iseman--that you'll actually miss them when they're replaced by their more famous "avatars." Johnson leads with his usual easy charm; it would be impossible not to enjoy a film with him in the lead. (Yes, I even liked Tooth Fairy!) Bobby Cannavale chews the scenery in a terrific turn as the picture's primary baddie, and Karen Gillan only gets more and more amazing with every movie. The movie's effects are solid, and a lively score by Henry Jackman perfectly underscores all the action. The crowd at my screening broke into applause multiple times over the course of the film.

 

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle runs 119 minutes and is rated PG13 for "adventure action, suggestive content, and some language."

 

It can be a hard pill to swallow when the things we love reach the age of being re-done for a new generation, but Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle got a better reaction from my theater than The Last Jedi, Justice League, and Thor...combined. It's an action-packed family comedy with a little something for everyone. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle gets eight.

 

Dear reader(s), I hope you enjoy these final, festive days of December, and I'll look forward to seeing you at the movies.

 

Until next time...

Movie Reviews: YEAR ONE

Sunday, June 21, 2009
Movie Reviews: YEAR ONE
IN THEATERS

YEAR ONE

When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers (Black and Cera) are banished from their primitive village, they set off on an epic journey through the ancient world.

Cast: Jack Black, Michael Cera, Oliver Platt, David Cross, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Vinnie Jones, Hank Azaria, Juno Temple, Olivia Wilde

Director: Harold Ramis

Opened June 19, 2009

Runtime: 1 hr. 40 min.

Rated PG-13 for brief strong language, crude and sexual content and comic violence

Genres: Prehistoric Fantasy, Comedy

Review:


Year One is an utterly disappointing hodgepodge of lowest common denominator humor which relies on Jack Blacks buffoonery way too much for its own good. The lack of ineptitude in handling what is an intriguing if somewhat familiar concept, Monty Python’s classic Life of Brian is far better, is surprising because of the pedigree of the people behind the camera and the script. Harold Ramis sloppy direction and even sloppier script, which he co wrote, makes this film a chore to trudge through as it lacks anything consistently funny. We are given fart, pee and shit jokes which might amuse some kids under 15 but not really anyone else. Jack Black is front and center here and his tired act is grating through most of the film as we watch him act like an overfed kid one a sugar high through out. The supporting cast is much stronger but sadly the filmmakers don’t give them too much screen time. Michael Cera does the best he can with the weak script and funnier than his counter part mainly because he understands the concepts of comic timing and subtlety. David Cross is good fun as Cain and his scene with Paul Rudd, as Abel, is an early highlight. The reliable Hank Azaria is fairly impressive as Abraham even if he’s only given a bad running joke to work with. The remaining supporting cast is mostly forgettable and they mostly just wander through their scenes aimlessly much like the plot. Story wise there isn’t much rhyme or reason to the proceeding and sometimes things just happen and abruptly end with no resolution. Year One might give you a few giggles here and there but never more than that. It’s a shame because handled correctly it could have been a fun ride through prehistory like the 80’s Caveman or the aforementioned Life of Brian, as it is you’d be best served renting either of those film if your looking for a laugh.

C-