Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Ricki & the Flash and Fantastic 4

Dearest Blog: This weekend, my local cinema happened to get all four new wide-releases, so I had the unusual luxury of choosing among all of them.

The presence of Sebastian Stan made Ricki & the Flash my must-see, and the schedule dictated Fantastic Four wrap up the double-bill.

Spoiler level here will be mild, limited to trailer reveals.

Following a couple weekends that gave me a couple of my favorite guys (Jake Gyllenhaal and Jeremy Renner) in a couple of pretty great movies (Southpaw and Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation), I suppose I was due for a letdown. Boy did I get it.

First on Saturday's agenda: Ricki & the Flash.

Having long ago left her family to follow dreams of rock stardom, a middle-aged woman returns home to comfort her newly-dumped daughter.

In the interest of full and fair disclosure, I'll admit I hate movies like Ricki & the Flash, and, were it not for Sebastian Stan's presence, I wouldn't have seen it for a million dollars. That being said, if it were a good movie, it would have won me over, and I'm sure my tone is already telling you, dear reader(s), it did not.

Ricki & the Flash is cliched and predictable. The characters are paper thin, not one has any depth or ever, once, does a single thing that isn't exactly what you'd have expected him/her to do. There are a few genuinely funny moments, but the "humor' is mostly awkward and occasionally vaguely racist in a way that's meant to flesh out a character but instead just left me mildly uncomfortable. Even the mostly-decent classic rock soundtrack is handicapped by ho-hum performances. Not being a "musical," per se, where the plot is actually advanced by the songs, the movie would have been better served by brief clips of the band onstage, rather than the excruciating full numbers to which we're repeatedly subjected.

Meryl Streep is a goddess, and if there's a movie fan out there who'll dispute that, well, it's not this one. She manages to bring *something* to Ricki, a character that's otherwise blandly unlikeable and uninteresting. She's especially effective portraying the depressing physical realities of middle age on a person who's mentally only ever going to be a teenager.

Once again, someone has grossly overestimated Streep's appeal as a singer, but her fantastic screen presence makes that easy enough to forgive. It's hard to watch Streep's real-life daughter Mamie Gummer wallow through the movie, and I couldn't honestly say whether the blame falls on actress or character, since Gummer is pretty hard to watch in everything.

The good news is the rest of the supporting cast is terrific, if underused. As Ricki's long-suffering guitarist and beau, Rick Springfield does well in the movie's most thankless role, though he strangely looks ready to burst into tears the entire time. Sebastian Stan is great in his two minutes of screen time, for the first time in his entire career, playing the NON-problematic son of a messed up family. Go Sebastian! Finally, Audra McDonald is as glorious as always as the woman who stepped in to clean up the mess Ricki left behind when she set off to become a rock star.

It has to be one of cinema's worst crimes against humanity to have McDonald, one of the world's greatest singers, appear in a movie about a singer, yet not sing a note. Even Stan and Gummer get to sing a few lines, for Pete's sake!!

Ricki & the Flash runs 101 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic material, brief drug content, sexuality, and language."

A shameful waste of a solid cast, of a possible nine Weasleys, Ricki & the Flash gets four.

Next on the docket, the most recent screen rendering of Fantastic 4.

In an experiment gone wrong, four young college students find themselves physically altered and must use their new powers to save the planet.

Sound familiar? I know, right?? If there's one thing I hope Hollywood has learned from Fantastic 4's dismal reception, it's that we, genre and general fans alike, are tired of origins stories. Everyone knows why Bruce Wayne and Peter Parker are so sad on Fathers' Day, JUST MOVE ON. While that's far from the only reason people aren't flocking to see this humdrum version of some fairly humdrum heroes, it's got to be one of them.

Dear reader(s), you may count me among those who didn't mind 2005's Fantastic 4, nor its 2007 sequel. They aren't special movies, but they're fun enough. The problem with the latest F4 is that it's no fun at all. It would be misleading to call the movie a slow starter, because that would imply that, at some point, it picks up. It is, in fact, a slow starter, a slow middler, and a slow finisher. The only way to mark the passage of time at all is to note the differences in Miles Teller's acne spots.

The movie is dark, not so much in tone as in appearance, and at times it's difficult to tell what's going on at all. Jamie Bell, a fine actor (for my money, the best of the principal cast) is completely wasted, and, of those who get decent screentime, only Michael B. Jordan manages to be even half-watchable. Teller and Kate Mara are phoning it in, clearly as bored with the proceedings as the few of us who have bothered seeing the movie this weekend. The CGI ranges from just okay to laughably bad, inexcusable for a would-be summer blockbuster. It's not hard to see why Hollywood left this one in the landfill of August releases.

Fantastic 4 clocks in at 100 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sci-fi action violence, and language."

Trust me when I tell you, "fantastic" is not the "F" word you'll be saying if you waste your hard-earned dollars on this.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Fantastic 4 gets three.

Until next time..

 Rick Springfield: Four decades of being hot enough to make mediocre movies worth the price of admission!

MOVIE REVIEW: FANTASTIC FOUR

Brilliant scientist Reed Richards builds a device that allows users to teleport to an alternate dimension, but an experiment involving it goes wrong and leaves him and his three teammates with unusual superpowers. The quartet are then forced to work together to battle an enemy from their past. This reboot of the iconic Marvel superhero team stars Miles Teller as Richards (who becomes Mr. Fantastic, able to bend and stretch his body into impossible shapes), Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm (aka the Human Torch, whose body can erupt in flames), Kate Mara as Sue Storm (aka the Invisible Woman -- no explanation needed), and Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm (who is transformed into the rock monster known as The Thing). Directed by Josh Trank. ~ Jack Rodgers, Rovi

Director: Josh Trank

Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell

Release Date: Aug 07, 2015

Rated PG-13 for Sci-Fi Action Violence and Language

Runtime: 1 hr. 40 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

There were two famously troubled productions hitting the screen this summer.  Antman ended up surprising mostly everyone including myself but the reboot of Fantastic Four fails in every way that film succeeded.  A morose joyless experience from start to finish, Josh Trank’s film hits all the typical origin story beats but never brings anything new to the table.  It’s ultimately a plodding mess of a film that never coalesces into anything nearing fun or entertaining.  It’s a shame because there’s a capable cast of actors on hand.  Unfortunately, they don’t share a shred of chemistry together.  Each of them delivers their lines with a robotic sense of inevitably and disinterest.  Perhaps if the script wasn’t a hackneyed retread of things we’ve all seen before they’d be more interested in their performances.  At a little over an hour and half, the film drags on to it’s inevitable conclusion which doesn’t deliver much satisfaction either since the villain is about as silly looking as they come.  Your mind might start to wander, even making wonder if those original FF4 films were really that bad right before you remember that The Incredibles is still the best FF4 film around.

D

MOVIE REVIEW: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE ROGUE NATION

Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his teammates reunite for this pulse-pounding sequel, in which they attempt to take down a secret international organization known as the Syndicate--highly skilled ex-IMF agents who are intent on bringing down their former outfit. Christopher McQuarrie directs this new entry in the Mission Impossible franchise, with Jeremy Renner, Alec Baldwin, and Simon Pegg co-staring. ~ Daniel Gelb, Rovi

Director: Christopher McQuarrie 

Cast: Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg, Alec Baldwin.

Release Date: Jul 31, 2015

Rated PG-13 Sequences of Action & Violence and Brief Partial Nudity

Runtime: 2 hr. 11 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Family

Review:

Mission Impossible – Rogue Nation is probably the best action film of the summer.  It’s one of the most well round action films in recent memory.  Christopher McQuarrie ably directs set piece after set piece each larger and more extravagant than the last.  It’s quite a feat when the big set piece that’s been playing on all the trailers is just the start of the film.  At its center is Tom Cruise.  I constantly have to remind myself that Cruise is 53 years old because he’s just so impressive in his action films.  Say what you will about his personal life but the man makes for a perfect movie star in everyway imaginable.  He’s at his best here hitting all the right beats and even throwing in some comedic bits here and there.  The supporting cast is strong if under utilized.  Rebecca Ferguson makes for a surprisingly believable agent.  She’s able to go toe to toe with Cruise in the action department and her and Cruise have a solid rapport together.  Simon Pegg and Cruise have great chemistry together with Pegg nailing the comic relief portion of the film.  .  Jeremy Renner gets the short end of the stick though as he’s sidelined for the better part of the film.  Renner has a substantial role but it’s really just lots of standing around looking at screens or talking to people on the phone.  His action sequences are zero in this entry.  Ving Rhames is pretty much in the same boat but to a lesser extent.  The plot is a tad convoluted but never really that important to the proceedings since they made Sean Harris looks about as nefarious as humanly possible with the only thing missing being a shot of him punching kittens.  The film is a lot of fun all around but it could have been trimmed by a good ten or fifteen minutes at the very least.

A-

Cindy Prascik's Review of Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

Dearest Blog: Thanks to an early dismissal yesterday, I was able to get out to see Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation on opening day.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

After the IMF is disbanded and its agents forced to report to the CIA, Ethan Hunt's crew has to go off-book to battle the evil Syndicate.

There are two things regular reader(s) already know I'm going to say about Mission: Impossible - Rouge Nation. Number one: it's a great movie you should go see right away, then go see it again and again. Number two: NOT ENOUGH JEREMY RENNER! There, that's that out of the way.

Rogue Nation kicks off with a spectacular action sequence that perfectly sets the tone for an edge-of-your-seat couple hours. Crazy stunts galore and great fight choreography are exciting to watch and keep the movie moving at a good pace. The plot is well-crafted, and beautiful locations compliment the story nicely. Tom Cruise is the very definition of A-List, a star who carries the movie without ever seeming to steal screen time from the rest of a pretty decent ensemble. Cruise again performed many of his own stunts, including that crazy plane thing you've undoubtedly seen in all the trailers and ads by now.

Not just the action hero, not just the handsome leading man, Cruise is also a pretty funny guy, though most comic-relief duties rightfully fall to the brilliant Simon Pegg. Now that it's clear Ethan Hunt isn't going anywhere, it seems the filmmakers aren't quite sure what to do with William Brant, so--though Jeremy Renner probably doesn't have any less screen time than the other supporting cast--he doesn't seem to have much to do. (Renner is in a similar, unfortunate situation with the Bourne franchise.) It's fair to say no movie was ever worse for having Sean Harris or Tom Hollander, either. If I had one teensy complaint about Rogue Nation, it's the usual: it would have been pretty simple to trim this to a two-hour runtime, and the movie would have been sharper and more enjoyable for it.

Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation runs 131 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of action and violence, and brief partial nudity."

A straight-up awesome blockbuster and easily the best movie of the summer, of a possible nine Weasleys, Mission: Impossible - Rouge Nation gets eight and a half.

(And you can bet that'd be nine if it only had more Renner!)

Until next time...

Dear Filmmakers: It is VERY important that you find more screentime for Jeremy Renner. Please and thank you.

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Southpaw & Pixels

Dearest Blog: The weekend's bad news: The cinema schedule was impossibly awkward, forcing me to stretch my new-release double-bill over two days. The good news: The crappy timing allowed me to sneak in a second screening of Spy yesterday, and extra Statham isn't exactly a hardship.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

On Friday's agenda, the Kurt Sutter-penned boxing drama Southpaw.

A former world champion boxer has to rebuild his life after his wife's murder sends him into a downward spiral.

If I had to describe Southpaw in one word, it would be "intense." I don't think Sutter is a great writer, but he is an exciting writer, and it's to his credit that I was a nervous wreck for the duration of the movie, despite being relatively certain I knew how it'd play out. (In the interest of remaining unspoilery, I won't say whether or not I was correct in that assumption.)

Southpaw's boxing scenes are extremely real, and sometimes difficult to watch. The personal drama is equally so. Performances are superb in roles large and small, and Jake Gyllenhaal is amazing in the lead. Gyllenhaal is frustrating and sympathetic, inspiring and heartbreaking, and ridiculously fit, handling all his own boxing chores in the interest of realism. (My movie popcorn and soda have never, ever made me feel more guilty!) July is hardly a hotbed of awards contenders, but hopefully folks won't forget Gyllenhaal's incredible performance when awards season rolls around.

Southpaw is marked by Sutter's characteristic violence, family angst, and anger issues. The movie is predictable and broadly drawn at times, but it moves at a good clip and has no problem holding your attention right up to the last minute. By the end I was so wound up I was talking to the screen just like I would while watching a real sporting event. (Thank goodness for almost-empty weekday theatres!)
Southpaw runs 123 minutes and is rated R for "language throughout, and some violence."

You don't have to love boxing to love Southpaw; it's a straight-up great film.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Southpaw gets eight.

On the docket for Saturday, Adam Sandler's comedy/adventure Pixels.

Aliens mistake video of an arcade competition for a threat, and attack Earth in the form of 80s video-game characters.

I make a point of not reading reviews before I write mine, but, being online as much as I am, I couldn't miss the fact that a lot of people think Pixels really stinks. I'm here to ask those folks, in the immortal words of the Slowskys, "Why don't you like fun?"

I do not like Adam Sandler, not even a little bit. On occasion I like a movie despite Adam Sandler, but never because of Adam Sandler. I continue to give Adam Sandler chances to win me over, because I felt the same way about Ben Stiller before Tropic Thunder, and I figure everyone deserves a second, tenth, or 250th chance, right?

I won't pretend Pixels should sweep the Academy Awards or anything. Much as I enjoyed it, I even understand a little bit why critics are bashing it, though I'd bet some of them didn't bother watching it before doing so. I'm pretty sure you lose your Official Critics' Card if you say anything nice about a movie starring Adam Sandler. For the rest of us, though, Pixels has more than a few things going for it.

As with many Sandler vehicles, the nostalgia is laid on thick and heavy. If you're in the 40-60 age range, you're almost guaranteed to love the movie based solely on the musical selections and pop-culture references. The first half of Pixels is consistently laugh-out-loud funny. The second half is more action heavy, and, if the laughs taper off a bit, they're replaced with truly marvelous special effects. Due to time constraints, I saw Pixels in 2D, but you can bet I'm seeing it again in 3D as soon as humanly possible, and I have no doubt it's going to be worth it.

The look of this film is TOP-NOTCH. Pixels isn't going to change your mind about its cast; you'll enjoy the actors you already like, and continue to be annoyed by the ones you don't. To Sandler's credit, he only does one (1) of his trademark stupid voices the whole time, making him at least 95% less irritating to me than he normally is.

Pixels clocks in at a quick 105 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some language and suggestive comments."

It's possible Pixels won't connect with people of a certain age, but young kids are sure to love the action and eye-popping effects as much as we older folks do the tunes and 80s jokes.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Pixels gets seven.

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: SOUTHPAW

Jake Gyllenhaal stars as troubled boxer Billy Hope in this high-stakes drama from director Antoine Fuqua and Sons of Anarachy creator Kurt Sutter. At the height of his fame and success, Hope is convinced by his loving wife Maureen (Rachel McAdams) to retire from the sport in order to spend more time with the couple's daughter Leila (Oona Laurence). On the night of his retirement announcement, a rival boxer calls out Hope and an altercation breaks out, killing Maureen. Hope's self-destructive behavior worsens, and Leila is taken away by child services. In order to redeem his life and get his daughter back, Hope must return to boxing under the tutelage of hardened trainer Titus "Tick" Willis (Forest Whitaker). ~ Daniel Gelb, Rovi

Director: Antoine Fuqua

Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Forest Whitaker, Rachel McAdams, Curtis Jackson, Rita Ora

Release Date: Jul 24, 2015

Rated: R for some Violence and Language Throughout

Runtime: 2 hr. 3 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

Southpaw can best be described as reverse Rocky.  Billy Hopes riches to rags to riches never really feels fresh just predictable.  Antoine Fuqua’s film mines better boxing films for material so the films plot feels inevitable instead of engaging.  Thankfully Jake Gyllenhaal delivers an engaging performance that carries the film on multiple levels.  His body is transformed into a believable junior middle weight boxer and the boxing sequences are some of the most realistic ever put on screen.  His intensity is ever present and makes the entire thing watch able.  Forest Whitaker joins the film about halfway through its runtime and it’s all the better for it.  Gyllenhaal and Whitaker make for an interesting pair even as the film rolls towards a predictable finale.  Southpaw isn’t the worse or best boxing film I’ve ever seen but it’s a solid mid range melodrama.

B-

Cindy Prascik's Review of Marvel's Ant-Man

Dearest Blog, today it was off to the cinema to tick off another item on the "Superhero Movies I Have to Get Through Before They'll Give Me Another Batman" list. On the docket: Marvel's Ant-Man.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

An ex-con looking for a new path finds good things really do come in small packages.

(Sooooooooooo...anybody else get a li'l misty every time that Star Wars trailer runs? Just me, then?)

Somehow Ant-Man never seemed to generate the kind of excitement Marvel's gotta be pretty used to by now. Sure, there's a built-in audience that's always going to be wound up about a genre picture, but to me Ant-Man just doesn't sell itself to the random box-office walkup like Captain America or Thor.

My own anticipation was far greater when it was flying under the "Written & Directed by Edgar Wright" flag, but I'm pleased to report Ant-Man is a thoroughly enjoyable movie, and much of it still feels quite "Wright," if you'll pardon the terrible pun. (Wright retains writing and producing credits.)

As fits the Marvel brand, Ant-Man is mostly light, and often wanders into flat-out hilarious territory.

It's got a lot more going for it than you might think, but the humor is, by far, its best attribute. The movie's got some sweet effects, too, though I did grow a little tired of the big bugs/tiny person sequences. (We get it, he's an ANT man!) Ant-Man mostly moves along at a good clip and is smart enough not to wear out its welcome, but it occasionally it tries too hard to explain itself, and I could feel the crowd around me getting restless at times.

Some of the Avengers references started to feel a little bit Agents-of-S.H.I.E.L.D. desperate, too: "Guys, this might not be as good as our other stuff..better throw in an Iron Man joke so people remember that's us too!" If you're a Paul Rudd fan--and I can't imagine there's anyone who isn't--you'll be delighted at how perfectly he fits into Ant-Man's tiny boots.

I was a little nervous, but I needn't have worried; Rudd is ideally suited to the character and the movie. The supporting cast is pretty terrific from top to bottom, too, though I'm still not sold on Evangeline Lilly. If pressed to say my favorite part of the film, it'd have to be the trio of Michael Pena, Tip "T.I." Harris, and David Dastmalchian (or, as I call him, "that crazy guy from The Dark Knight who did the Wendy's commercial"), who provide laugh-out-loud moments every time they're onscreen.

Ant-Man clocks in at 117 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sci-fi action violence."

I think the lone other patron who waited out the credits with me put it best when he said, "Well...I liked that better than Age of Ultron!"

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Ant-Man gets eight.

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: TRAINWRECK

Since she was a little girl, it’s been drilled into Amy’s (Schumer) head by her rascal of a dad (Colin Quinn) that monogamy isn’t realistic. Now a magazine writer, Amy lives by that credo—enjoying what she feels is an uninhibited life free from stifling, boring romantic commitment—but in actuality, she’s kind of in a rut. When she finds herself starting to fall for the subject of the new article she’s writing, a charming and successful sports doctor named Aaron Conners (Bill Hader), Amy starts to wonder if other grown-ups, including this guy who really seems to like her, might be on to something.

 Director: Judd Apatow

Cast: Amy Schumer, Bill Hader, Brie Larson, Colin Quinn

Release Date: Jul 17, 2015

Rated R for strong Sexual Content, Nudity, Language and Some Drug Use

Runtime: 2 hr. 2 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Amy Schumer, comedy’s IT girl at the moment, first film is a solid romantic comedy.  Yes, there’s here trademark vulgarity and wit but at it’s core it’s a rom-com anyway you cut it.  That’s not a knock but you notice all the same beats in you’ve seen in every rom-com.  In Judd Apatow’s hands its funny and sometimes insightful look into relationships and growing up to a certain extent.  As with all Apatow films it’s overlong by a good half hour and there are some steady bits of deadtime.  That being said, Schumer and Hader have good chemistry together with both settling into their roles comfortably.  Schumer’s voice is rarely lost in the film which, outside of a weird love hate relationship with sports, is a good thing.  Especially since a lot of comics can get sucked into becoming a parody of what made them famous.  Trainwreck doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it just shows you that when done right, it does roll along just fine.

B

MOVIE REVIEW: ANTMAN

The next evolution of the Marvel Cinematic Universe brings a founding member of The Avengers to the big screen for the first time with Marvel Studios’ “Ant-Man.” Armed with the astonishing ability to shrink in scale but increase in strength, master thief Scott Lang must embrace his inner hero and help his mentor, Dr. Hank Pym, protect the secret behind his spectacular Ant-Man suit from a new generation of towering threats. Against seemingly insurmountable obstacles, Pym and Lang must plan and pull off a heist that will save the world.

Director: Peyton Reed 

Cast: Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Matt Gerald, Corey Stoll

Release Date: Jul 17, 2015 RealD 3D

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Family

Review:

I have no issue saying that I expect the worse when I heard Antman was announced to the docket of Marvel films being made.  First of all, the concept is one of those ridiculous conceits that probably play better on the page than in real life.  Secondly, there’s all the behind the scenes drama with Edgar Wright leaving the project and Peyton Reed coming and having to rewrite part of the script with Paul Rudd.  It just seemed ready made for a disaster, so was it?  No, it’s a fun movie that’s hilarious in parts and enjoyable throughout.  The sillier part of the concept is pulled off with impressive ease and Paul Rudd fits the role perfectly.   A solid supporting cast, anchored by a very engaged Michael Douglas, makes for an all around good time.  It’s the type of Marvel film you come to expect and it doesn’t throw any major curveballs.  There are a few Marvel universe bits thrown in and it’s not as shoehorned as they’ve been in other film.  Minor issues like Evangeline Lilly’s wig and Corey Stoll mustache twirling villainy, I still half expected his toupee from The Strain to pop up, are digestible.  Antman is a solid entry to the ever expanding universe and worth seeing for impressive action set pieces and a surprisingly sharp script, be sure to stick around for the two stingers at the end.

B  

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Self/Less & Minions

Dearest Blog, today the sun came out in the Ohio Valley, so I escaped to the cold darkness of the cinema. On the docket: Self/Less and Minions.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing the trailers haven't already given away.

First up: Self/less.

A wealthy, terminally-ill man (Ben Kingsley) undergoes a secret, controversial procedure to transfer his consciousness into a healthy young body (Ryan Reynolds).

Well, dear reader(s), if you've done any Internetting since yesterday, you've probably already seen Self/less bashed every which way from Sunday, called a flop, and held aloft as further proof that Ryan Reynolds just doesn't put butts in the seats. None of that is probably far off the mark, but it's perhaps more harsh than the movie--and Reynolds--deserve.

The basic premise of Self/less--the idea of putting our minds, our personalities, our "souls" (if you believe in such things) into another vessel when our existing ones expire--is not revolutionary, and the movie's means of tackling it is neither new nor special. It feels ho-hum from the outset, and things don't exactly pick up quickly. Laying the groundwork takes a good 45 minutes. Once the film gets moving, the tension is solid and there are a couple decent twists.

The writing is a bit awkward, and any foreshadowing is so obvious they might as well have run a crawl across the bottom: "Pay attention! This will be important later!" Most performances are wooden at best, though Reynolds is as earnest as always. For my part, I think he does the best he can with the material. Matthew Goode is also okay, but there's just not much to work with. Surprisingly, I was never really bored, but I couldn't fairly call it a good movie, either.

Self/less runs 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence, some sexuality, and language."

Self/less probably isn't *quite* as bad as you've heard, but please don't mistake that for a ringing endorsement.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Self/less gets four and a half.

Next on the agenda, Minions.

Bet you didn't even know you needed an "origins" story for Despicable Me's lovable little yellow fellows, did ya?

B.G. (Before Gru), the Minions do time with other super-villains.

The Minions are my favorite part of the Despicable Me movies, but even I wondered if their gibberish routine wouldn't wear thin over a full 90 minutes of it. The good news: Minions are still a lot of fun.

The bad news: the story is paper thin and barely holds up for even such a short movie. The voice talent features big names like Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Alison Janney, and Michael Keaton, but nobody is all that interesting. There are a few good laughs, and, for the older fan, some tips of the hat to the time period in which the film is set (including some terrific tunes), but mostly I was fidgeting in my seat and checking the clock.

Minions clocks in at 91 minutes and is rated PG for action and mild rude humor.

Minions are still pretty lovable, but your money would be better spent on a cute, plush Kevin, Bob, or Stuart than on a ticket to this movie. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Minions gets three.

Until next time...

Banana!

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL

Dearest Blog, thanks to yesterday's holiday that wasn't really, I got out to the cinema a day early this weekend. On the docket: Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL.

Spoiler level here will be mild for Terminator, nothing you haven't seen in the trailers, and just slightly higher for Magic Mike, because there are a couple specifics I want to discuss (but nothing that should ruin it for anyone).

First on my agenda was Terminator Genisys.

Future John Connor sends Future Kyle Reese back in time to save Past Sarah Conner from a Terminator that has been dispatched to...erm...terminate 'er.

In case it's been awhile since anyone revisited the originals, Terminator Genisys helpfully kicks off with a little tutorial to bring everyone up to speed. I recall little more than "I'll be back!," but it still felt like a waste of time, and most of what they explained became evident over the course of the movie anyway. From that inauspicious beginning, Terminator Genisys actually turns into a pretty decent movie. The action is terrific, and, even though some of the sequences go on a bit, I never got tired of it.

Nothing convinced me 3D would be anything other than a waste of good money, but the effects are pretty sweet nonetheless, and an epic score compliments the huge action perfectly. Conveniently, time travel in this universe of hardbodies requires the traveler to be completely naked, and strategic placement of objects to cover the naughty bits for the movie's PG13 audience is hilarious.

Other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger and doesn't really need to be anything else, the cast is kind of ho-hum. Emilia Clarke and Jai Courtney have about as much chemistry as a mismatched pair of socks, but luckily, nobody is distractingly bad.

Terminator Genisys runs 126 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi violence and gunplay throughout, partial nudity, and brief strong language."

It might be a worthy successor to the original Terminator movies...or it might not...I don't remember.

Either way, it was much better than I expected. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Terminator Genisys gets six.
Next up was another sequel, Magic Mike XXL.

"Magic Mike" and his merry men hit the road for one last hurrah at a stripper convention.
Dear reader(s), I'ma be straight with you: Magic Mike XXL might be the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen that benchmark of cinematic terribleness, The Room. That's not to say I didn't enjoy some of it, and that's not to say some of it isn't laugh-out-loud funny (sometimes even on purpose), but it is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad movie.

If you weren't expecting anything more than two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, the first Magic Mike was a pleasant surprise (or maybe a disappointment, if two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes was all you wanted). It took a shot at telling a story and made a fair job of it. Magic Mike XXL maybe should have stuck with two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, because, whatever else it hoped to be, it fails in spectacular fashion.
Let's start with a few pluses, shall we?

 It goes without saying there are some fine-looking folks in various stages of undress in MMXXL. Whatever your taste, you'll likely see a lot of someone who appeals to you. What's funny is pretty darn funny, and some of what isn't meant to be funny is pretty darn funny, too. If you're wondering whether the movie's worth the price of admission despite all its flaws, let me just say it's hit upon the best and noblest use of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" ever. The acting is terrible, but, in fairness to the actors, effectively delivering the most awful dialogue ever written is probably impossible.

The usually reliable Matt Bomer couldn't be less believable in his hippie routine, and whenever he said "chakra" I wanted to punch his perfect face. (Sorry, Matt. I still love you.) Channing Tatum is vacant and uninspiring when delivering what should be the movie's key emotional punches. Joe Manganiello, one of the worst actors I've ever seen, weirdly delivers the movie's best performance, hamming it up as the only one who apparently understood that ridiculous was the only way to go here. The lovely and talented Amber Heard is also solid (but wasted) in the cliche role of a free spirit who has "lost her smile." If you've come for the dancing (clothed or unclothed) don't expect too much. I love dance movies, even terrible ones, so I was disappointed by how few routines made the final cut. There are some inexcusably stupid scenarios, too. I'm supposed to buy that a roomful of horny women waving dollar bills will be okay with a stripper-cum-singer performing a little number before dropping trou?

Shut up and peel, you!

Or that stripper will happily spend a night off entertaining a roomful of undersexed old hags in exchange for a twin-bed and make-your-own breakfast? Next time I run into my dentist at Target, I'm gonna ask him to take a look at this tooth that's been bothering me. I assume he won't mind if I tell him I'll pay for whatever he just picked up in housewares.

Worst of all, Magic Mike XXL is founded on the premise that these noble gentlemen do what they do to boost the self-esteem of poor, pathetic females who just aren't getting what they need at home. I have no problem with adults engaging in adult pursuits (including humping up on pretty, naked people), but that idea is a half-step shy of 50 Shades on the "Hooray for Dysfunction" scale, and I found it flat-out gross.

Magic Mike XXL clocks in at 115 minutes and is rated R for "strong sexual content, pervasive language, some nudity, and drug use."

It has its moments, but falls shy of the original, and I was bored for much of it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Magic Mike XXL gets three.

Until next time...happy birthday, USA!

MOVIE REVIEW: TERMINATOR GENISYS

The year is 2029. John Connor, leader of the resistance continues the war against the machines. At the L.A. offensive, John's fears of the unknown future begin to emerge when he learns that SkyNet will attack him from both fronts: past and future.

Director: Alan Taylor

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, Jai Courtney, Dayo Okeniyi, Lee Byung-hun

Release Date: Jul 01, 2015 RealD 3D

Rated: PG-13 Gunplay Throughout, Brief Strong Language, Intense Sci-Fi Violence and Partial 

Nudity 

Runtime: 2 hr. 6 min. Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

Proposed Preamble that might make Terminator Genisys more palpable:

Forget everything you know.  Sort of kind of I mean.  The first 2 movies were really good right but since most of you in the audience are millennials you all probably thought they were ok but looked old.  So we’ve just redone some of those sequences but like cooler and with update FX.  Back on point, forget but remember what happened in those first two movies because you kind of need to know but don’t need to know it.  Either way we’ll explain it.  It’d really help if you watched a lot of Star Trek because there are timelines all over the place and yeah there might be plot holes all over the place and if you think too hard it’ll make zero sense, so don’t.  It’s all good we have a great director who knows how to film big action sequences and they’ll be fun, we promise!  Oh and did we mention that Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger is back, giggle, and we totally explain why it’s ok that’s he’s old.  He’s hilarious!  We couldn’t explain Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn being old so we replaced them with the mother of freaking dragons!  OMG she’s sooooo hot, probably not believably tough, but look at her china doll features!  And come on look Jai Courtney, he’s like a warm plate of vanilla ice cream, it’s not great but it ain’t bad either!  I almost forgot about Jason Clarke, he’s like super important, but I think we finally nailed a grown up version of Edward Furlong!  We knew you couldn’t wait for a pretty good twist, so we just told everybody because, come on who hates waiting!  So thanks for giving us a shot on your July 4^th weekend, its hot outside and who wants to see stupid fireworks, we’ve got our own and I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy our movies a lot more than you thought you would!  Enjoy!

P.S. We threw in JK Simmons because he like won and Oscar and insures my house!  Probably should have used him more because he’s hilarious!

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: TED 2

Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) ties the knot with Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), and recruits his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg) as a sperm donor in order to start a family in this sequel to the comedy hit about a teddy bear come to life. Later, when the Commonwealth of Massachusetts demands that Ted appear before a judge to prove he's a real person, the frisky bear and his pal vow to fight for their civil rights. Morgan Freeman and Amanda Seyfried co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Seth MacFarlane

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Barth, Morgan Freeman.

Release Date: Jun 26, 2015

Rated: R for crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, and Some Drug Use

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Ted 2 is a perfect example of diminishing returns on comedy sequels.  That’s not to say that it’s not funny, it’s laugh out loud in parts, but it’s just not nearly as consistent as the original.  Seth MacFarlane seems to sense that the novelty of a hard drinking, cussing teddy bear might be wearing thin so he tries to expound on the idea with the civil rights angle.  I appreciate the attempt but it doesn’t work since the character is basically a living cartoon.  As a result, there are lots of dead spots trying to flesh out the concept leaving the comedy on the side for a good portion of the ride.  It’s a shame because if he stuck to what worked in the first film, it might have made for a funnier overall film.  As is, Ted 2 is an overlong comedy sequel that’s quickly forgettable.

C

Cindy Prascik's Review of Red Army

Dearest Blog: Since this weekend's cinema options ranged from "meh" to "no way," I took the opportunity to jump on a little gem that passed by my cinema altogether: Red Army.

Not sure if it's possible to spoil a documentary, so I'll make no claims on the spoiler front.
Red Army documents the glory years of the Soviet hockey juggernaut of the late 1970s to late 1980s, as experienced by its players.

As is the case with most documentaries, your interest in the subject matter will, to some degree, determine your enjoyment of the finished product. A lifelong hockey lover, I'm almost too sentimental to write about Red Army, but I figure I owe it to one of the best movies I've seen in awhile to try.

Red Army focuses primarily on stellar defenseman Slava Fetisov. While Fetisov is undoubtedly one of the greatest players ever, he's a churlish interview. He's smug about the good, sulky about the bad, contentious when asked anything that strikes him wrong, and repeatedly cuts off the interviewer to take telephone calls. Fetisov's first Olympic appearance was in 1980, and, despite his many, many accomplishments since, that shocking loss to the USA (which went on to win gold) clearly still stings. For me as an American, it's odd to see our Miracle on Ice reduced to an unpleasant footnote!

In stark contrast to Fetisov's sullen stroll down memory lane, Canadian legend Scotty Bowman seems almost amused when recounting how poorly the NHL's best stacked up against those Soviet behemoths in exhibition contests.

Always sport runs parallel to politics, and the film delves into the players' brutal living and training regimen in the USSR, where their success was considered an important vindication of the Soviet system. Aside from 1980, Fetisov also gets emotional about clashes with former teammate and best friend Alexei Kasatonov (a relationship that eventually was mended) and coach Viktor Tikhonov (erm...not so much). It may be difficult for today's fans to imagine the National Hockey League without its Ovechkins and its Malkins, but Fetisov's contemporaries had a rough go breaking into the League, and even Ladlena Fetisov tells of being ostracized by her fellow NHL wives. These days Fetisov--the first Soviet player to earn an NHL contract whose proceeds he wasn't required to share with his government--has returned to Russia and seems almost wistful about the system he was instrumental in dismantling.

Red Army runs a quick 76 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic material and language."
Red Army is an outstanding documentary that will certainly be a sentimental favorite for those of us who remember, and that can't help but make new fans of those who don't.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Red Army gets eight and a half.

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: INSIDE OUT

Emotions run wild in the mind of a little girl who is uprooted from her peaceful life in the Midwest and forced to move to San Francisco in this Pixar adventure from director Pete Docter (Up, Monsters Inc.). Young Riley was perfectly content with her life when her father landed a new job in San Francisco, and the family moved across the country. Now, as Riley prepares to navigate a new city and attend a new school, her emotional headquarters becomes a hot bed of activity. As Joy (voice of Amy Poehler) attempts to keep Riley feeling happy and positive about the move, other emotions like Fear (voice of Bill Hader), Anger (voice of Lewis Black), Disgust (voice of Mindy Kaling) and Sadness (Phyllis Smith) make the transition a bit more complicated. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Pete Docter 

Cast: Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Bill Hader, Lewis Black

Release Date: Jun 19, 2015 RealD 3D

Rated PG Mild Thematic Elements and Some Action

Runtime: 1 hr. 35 min. Genres: Animated, Family

Review:

Inside Out is a great Pixar film that’s thematically dense and impressive on multiple counts.  It works wonderfully as a kid’s film but I can’t help but think that small kids who see this now will view it differently as they grow older.  That’s what makes this film so special.  There’s something universally relatable about the story being told.  Peter Docter directs his film with a breezy sort of feel while keeping his audiences thoroughly engaged in all the characters.  The animation designs are wonderfully realized with a sort of retro feel to them.  The voice cast is excellent all around with Amy Poehler and Phyllis Smith carrying the majority of the weight.  Poehler, whose performance is akin to a Leslie Knope squared, and Smith make for a great pairing with each being a perfect counter balance to each other.  Richard Kind’s Bing Bong, Riley’s imaginary friend, shows up about half way through the film seemingly for comic relief but the character leaves a massive emotional impression.  Inside Out is that good of a film and destined to become a classic.

A

MOVIE REVIEW: JURASSIC WORLD

Steven Spielberg returns to executive produce the long-awaited next installment of his groundbreaking Jurassic Park series, Jurassic World. Colin Trevorrow directs the epic action-adventure from a screenplay he wrote with Derek Connolly. Frank Marshall and Patrick Crowley join the team as producers.Jurassic World will be released in 3D by Universal Pictures on June 12, 2015.

Director: Colin Trevorrow 

Cast: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Vincent D'Onofrio, Ty Simpkins, Omar Sy.

Release Date: Jun 12, 2015

Rated PG-13 Intense Sci-Fi Violence and Peril 

Runtime: 2 hr. 4 min. 

Genres: Action/Adventure, Family, Sci-Fi/Fantasy 

Review:

Oh, yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and um, screaming. - Dr. Ian Malcolm The Lost World: Jurassic Park

That quote from the first sequel to Jurassic Park kept running through my mind as I was watching the 4^th entry into the franchise.  Colin Trevorrow’s entry is an impressive and enjoyable revamp of the original with plenty of call backs to keep most fans content. There’s plenty of spectacle to keep audiences entertained and its fun enough that you can gloss over some of the more glaring script issues.  The script issues are fairly obvious with broadly written characters and gender stereotypes that seem like they were written from another decade.  Most films would suffer terribly from these flaws but somehow Trevorrow keeps it all light and fun enough to keep things enjoyable.  It helps to have Chris Pratt as your leading man.  Pratt’s general likeability carries a large portion of the film even making Bryce Dallas Howard’s terribly written character bearable.  Howard has become one of my favorites as of late but even she can’t do much with the hackneyed character she saddled with.  The most impressive part of the character is her unbreakable high heels.  Thankfully, the dinosaur action is excellent and thoroughly enjoyable. We get a steady stream of large set pieces that builds to a rousing third act finale that’s sure to make fans giddy.

B

Cindy Prascik's Review of Jurassic World

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to see Jurassic World with everyone else in the known universe.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

The money-grubbing folks who run a dinosaur-themed attraction decide a genetically-engineered new species would be good for business. What could possibly go wrong?

Dear reader(s), I gather many of you are just a smidge unhappy with this latest Jurassic installment. I'm fairly giving points to the "too many remakes/reboots/sequels/prequels" club, but, otherwise, I found a lot to like.

Obviously, first we have DINOSAURS. They are big, they are scary, and--even in 2D--some of them feel a little close for comfort. I'm hearing complaints about "too much CGI" (people do realize there weren't any actual dinosaurs available, right?) and poor CGI, but it looked pretty solid to me. Jurassic World boasts some lovely scenery, filmed in glorious, sweeping shots, a true pleasure to watch from the very first frame. There's plenty of action, from nail-biting chase scenes to epic dino-battles, and, if the humor is predictable, it's also pretty funny.

The characters are formulaic and one-dimensional, but most (*most*) of them are enjoyable anyway. Chris Pratt is especially fun in the lead, as likable and easy to root for as ever. Unfortunately, his female counterpart, played by Bryce Dallas Howard, is one of the worst characters in recent memory, and her teary-eyed routine grows old very quickly.

The movie runs just a tad long, and a few of the dinosaurs look weirdly like Jar Jar Binks, but overall I have only petty quibbles.

Jurassic World runs 124 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of science-fiction violence and peril."

It may not measure up to that Jurassic fave from your childhood, but Jurassic World is a lot of fun in its own right.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Jurassic World gets seven.

Until next time...

Mmm...humans...

MOVIE REVIEW: SPY

After years of doing work integral to the success of major missions, an intelligent but self-conscious deskbound CIA analyst (Melissa McCarthy) is finally given the chance to go undercover as a homely "cat lady" in order to save her missing partner (Jude Law) and thwart a global disaster at the hands of a dangerous arms dealer, in this comedy written and directed by Paul Feig. ~ Erin Demers, Rovi

Director: Paul Feig 

Cast: Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, Bobby Cannavale, Allison Janney

Release Date: Jun 05, 2015

Rated R for Language Throughout, Violence, and Some Sexual Content Including Brief Graphic 

Nudity

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy

Review:

Spy is Paul Feig’s wonderfully vulgar spoof of the spy genre that could become comedic classic down the road.  It’s hilarious from the start and rarely lags even with it’s hefty 2 hour runtime.  Melissa McCarthy carries the film ably but the real standouts are her supporting cast.  Jason Statham and Rose Byrne are clearly having a ball hamming it up.  Statham steals just about every scene he’s in; thankfully Feig doesn’t overuse him making him more effective.  Byrne and her hair piece are slightly larger players but just as funny as the sexy villainess.  Mix in strong turns by Miranda Hart and Allison Janney and you’ve got a cast firing on all cylinders.  Paul Feig’s script is sharp and witty even going as far as giving us a fairly interesting spy plot to keep things interesting and hilarious all the way through.

A

Cindy Prascik's Review of Spy

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures for the new Paul Feig/Melissa McCarthy comedy, Spy.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

After a mission goes awry, a formerly office-bound CIA agent takes to the field.

Well, dear reader(s), the truth of the matter is I don't burn many cinema trips on comedies. There are several reasons for that, not least of which is that you usually spend your ten bucks and two hours only to find you've already seen all the really funny bits for free in a two-minute trailer. However, as Jason Statham goes, so go I, and I'm pleased to report that this time the captivating Mr. Statham is not responsible for two hours I want back. (Lookin' squarely at you, Redemption!)

It's fair to say you haven't heard the last of Jason Statham here, but Melissa McCarthy is the gal with her name above the title, and the comedienne ably keeps the laughs rolling as her accidentally-capable agent plays perfectly off other staples: the debonair Bond-type (Jude Law), the buffoonish superstar (Statham), the desk-jockey best friend (Miranda Hart), and of course the slick and slimy baddies (Rose Byrne and Bobby Cannavale).

Spy couldn't be more brilliantly cast, but as a fan I have to give a special shout-out to Miranda Hart, whose terrific turn hopefully will bring her lots more notice on this side of the pond. And then there's Jason Statham...oh...Jason Statham. If you didn't already know Statham can be funny, well, you just aren't paying attention, but he's a legitimate scene-stealer in Spy, and I couldn't be more delighted. Well, I *could* be more delighted if I hadn't had to wait 13 full minutes for him to make an appearance, but, other than that...probably not. Spy keeps the laughs coming, and if I worried this might be another of "those" waste-of-time comedies, that concern was already off the table before Statham even turned up.

Spy clocks in at an even two hours and is rated R for "language throughout, violence, and some sexual content including brief graphic nudity."

Smartly written and perfectly cast, Spy is a laugh-out-loud comedy with fantastic action and fight sequences, some beautiful locations, and nice twists.

Of a possible Nine Weasleys, Spy gets eight.

Until next time...*

*Author's note: This review sucks because I have no Starbucks today!

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Aloha & San Andreas

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures more because it's what I do on a Saturday than because there was anything I was all that interested in watching. The weekend's offerings: Aloha and San Andreas.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing not previously divulged by the trailers.

First on my middling agenda: Aloha.

A former military hotshot gets a second chance at life and love in Hawaii.

Aloha isn't normally the type of movie I'd watch unless and until it crossed my path for free on cable; however, a super cast made it a better option than the dreadful-looking Tomorrowland to complete my San Andreas double-bill.

Aloha's biggest flaw is that it never really decides what it is. Tangents are many, fully explored ones are few, and things always seem to be happening and people behaving in ways that don't quite make sense. The movie clocks in under two hours; it might have done well to better flesh out a few things. NOT encouraging yet another bloated less-than-epic Hollywood epic, but Aloha feels a bit like a puzzle missing a piece.

The movie makes little use of Hawaii's great natural beauty, though it doesn't willfully try to make the island seem unappealing, either, like the Descendants did. Also in its favor over the Descendants: people in Aloha actually wear real, grownup shoes sometimes. Hooray for socks!!

The aforementioned super cast almost--almost!--manages to compensate for Aloha's other shortcomings. Alec Baldwin and Danny McBride make the most of their limited screen time, and Bill Murray, John Krasinski, and Rachel McAdams are perfect fits in supporting roles.

Bradley Cooper is nothing short of fantastic in the sort of leading man role that's perfect for a guy with his looks, even if he's been both good and lucky enough to break out of that mold for the most part.

Young Jaeden Lieberher is the movie's scene-stealer, precocious, but not annoying. Finally, whatever higher power you believe in, if you don't think Emma Stone represents His/Her/Its finest work, well, then, I just don't know what's wrong with you. She is earnest and beautiful and 150% terrific, and lights up every scene she's in to such a degree that it hurts when she's missing. So, yeah, Aloha is kind of hokey, but in the end I was rooting for almost everyone and I actually liked it.

Aloha runs 105 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some language, including suggestive comments."

Despite its being the second romance forced on me by a pitiful spring film slate, I didn't hate it.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Aloha gets five.

Next up, San Andreas.

Dwayne Johnson is better than you are, and you should make every effort to be in his company when beset by disaster.

Listen, San Andreas is the kind of thing that's normally right up my alley, but a done-to-death idea and effects that looked kinda wonky in the trailer left me ambivalent. I'm pleased to say that, though it may be the most stupidly implausible movie I've ever seen (and remember, I like movies about radioactive spiders and talking dragons), San Andreas is also quite fun.

Truth: San Andreas is dumber than a bag of hair. Lowest-common denominator laughs. Contrived scenarios. Insipid dialogue. Painful "inspirational" shots backed by a comically-swelling score. Had I rolled my eyes just one more time, I'd be looking out the back of my head to write this review.

I'd heard some complaints about the accuracy of the movie's earthquake science, and while I don't doubt those are entirely true, I don't think most folks would have noticed or cared; the bigger problem is that everything else is so ridiculous you can't even buy into the mundane.

The supporting cast ranges from "I love that guy!" (Will Yun Lee) to pretty likeable (Hugo Johnstone-Burt and Art Parkinson) to super annoying (Alexandra Daddario) to "What the hell are you even doing here?" (Paul Giamatti).

I'm sorely disappointed to discover that the beautiful Carla Gugino is an ugly crier. Of course none of that really matters, because the movie belongs to Dwayne Johnson. Despite the fact he doesn't do much smiling or taking off his shirt (the two things he does best, for my money), he remains one of the more engaging leading men working in Hollywood today, and at his side probably isn't the worst place you could be when the world goes to hell. San Andreas is pretty entertaining, and that's mostly thanks to Johnson.

Thankfully, the effects are also better than the trailer would have led you to believe. There's one awful bit of green-screen, but the rest is huge and quite effective. Felt a lot like being on a rollercoaster, and I saw it in 2D; I can only imagine the 3D is utterly vomit inducing, in the best possible way. The movie also does a great job at maintaining tension, a fingernail chewer from start to finish.

San Andreas clocks in at 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense disaster action and mayhem throughout, and brief strong language" (a single f-bomb that you can see coming a mile out).

It's a disaster alright, but it's a fun one.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, San Andreas gets four.
 
Until next time...

Pretty sure this is a metaphor for something..