MOVIE REVIEW: BULLET TRAIN

 

Ladybug is an unlucky assassin who's determined to do his job peacefully after one too many gigs has gone off the rails.

Director: David Leitch

Cast: Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Andrew Koji, Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Benito A Martínez Ocasio, Sandra Bullock

Release Date: August 5, 2022

Genre: Action, Thriller

Rated R for strong and bloody violence, pervasive language, and brief sexuality.

Runtime: 2h 6m

Review:

Bullet Train doesn't deliver much in terms of story or characterization, instead it relies on spurts of hyper stylized violence and its cast endless charisma.   David Leitch's film is choppier than his last two film, Deadpool 2 and Atomic Blonde, making the lulls in between the action set pieces much more noticeable and jarring.  When those action set pieces kick in though they do offer some colorful and gleefully violent choreography that gives the film a boost of adrenaline.  The biggest issue being that the remainder of the film's story and character backgrounds are told via flashy slow motion flashbacks with nearly every single character in the large ensemble getting a vignette.  The majority of the character's themselves are incredibly thin with a handful popping up and off the screen with little more than a few lines of dialogue.  The saving grace of it all is the cast who are clearly having a ball hamming it throughout the film's runtime.  Brad Pitt leads the group giving a light, but fun turn as an operative who's looking for deeper meaning in his overly lethal life.  Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry prove to be standouts together with each of them bouncing dialogue off each other with incredible ease.  They provide the most consistent and energetic characters making their time on screen some of the film's highpoints.  Joey King looks the part but doesn't really add much to her character outside of what's written onscreen even though we're lead to believe she's smarter than nearly everyone.  Hiroyuki Sanada and Michael Shannon have small supporting roles with both punching well under their class but providing the film some credibility even though Shannon is sporting a ridiculously impressive wig and accent.  Bullet Train is the type of film that would have been more effective in a smaller package since it never earns it's two hour runtime and starts to sag noticeably in its final act.  It's still a fairly fun throwback of sorts to those late 90's early 2000 Pulp Fiction knock offs like 2 Days In The Valley, Go or Smoking Aces with a dash of John Woo for good measure.     

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: THE LOST CITY

 

Reclusive author Loretta Sage writes about exotic places in her popular adventure novels that feature a handsome cover model named Alan. While on tour promoting her new book with Alan, Loretta gets kidnapped by an eccentric billionaire who hopes she can lead him to an ancient city's lost treasure from her latest story. Determined to prove he can be a hero in real life and not just on the pages of her books, Alan sets off to rescue her.

Director: Aaron Nee, Adam Nee

Cast: Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum, Daniel Radcliffe, Da'Vine Joy Randolph, Brad Pitt

Release Date: March 18, 2022 

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Romance

Rated PG-13 for violence and some bloody images, suggestive material, partial nudity and language.

Runtime: 1h 52m

Review:

The Lost City is cinematic fast food, instantly recognizable, mildly comforting and full of empty calories.  Director's Aaron Nee and Adam Nee know what kind of film they are making so they keep everything light and breezy.  The film takes off with a hearty amount of laughs aided by an extended cameo from Brad Pitt who makes the most of his screen time.  Once the film settles in on the central romance between Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum the comedy slows a bit as they try to make their mismatched pair seem romantically plausible and only partially succeeding.  For their part Bullock and Tatum are clearly having fun with their roles with both showing off their strong comedic chops even if their romantic chemistry doesn't quite work.   Daniel Radcliffe makes for a surprisingly effective villain here putting in more effort than the role really needs.  Da'Vine Joy Randolph makes her subplot funnier than it really is by bringing some chaotic energy to her role.  The Lost City is the type of film that's easy to enjoy and just as easy to forget about once you step out of the theater.

B-

MOVIE REVIEW: BIRD BOX

When a mysterious force decimates the population, only one thing is certain -- if you see it, you die. The survivors must now avoid coming face to face with an entity that takes the form of their worst fears. Searching for hope and a new beginning, a woman and her children embark on a dangerous journey through the woods and down a river to find the one place that may offer sanctuary. To make it, they'll have to cover their eyes from the evil that chases them -- and complete the trip blindfolded.

Director: Susanne Bier

Cast: Sandra Bullock,  Trevante Rhodes, Jacki Weaver, Rosa Salazar, Danielle Macdonald, Lil Rel Howery, Tom Hollander, BD Wong, Sarah Paulson, Colson Baker John Malkovich

Rating: R for violence, bloody images, language and brief sexuality

Release Date: December 21, 2018

Genres: Drama, Horror, Sci-Fi

Runtime: 2h 4 min

Review:

Bird Box the film is one of those film's that ultimately suffer from comparisons to another better film from this year, The Quiet Place.  The interesting thing is that the film only shares a handful of conceits with that film instead it feels much closer to a slightly elevated version of M. Night Shyamalan god awful The Happening.  That proximity doesn't do the film any favors especially since both expect you to take people running away from wind seriously and dramatically.  Bird Box, at the very least, gives a passing mention of a more supernatural explanation for the situation but it's clearly not interested in exploring the cause with any depth.  What works for the film is its direction and cast which make the film far more watchable than it should be.  Sandra Bullock carries the film with ease even if her character isn't the most likable character of the group.  Trevante Rhodes character comes off slightly better but his character isn't explored enough to come off as a fully formed character.   The remaining cast is filled with well known names and faces, all of whom elevate what amounts to fodder to get picked off as the film proceeds.  Its a missed opportunity since the cast, had they been given meatier roles, could have made for a more impactful film.  As is, Bird Box is a passable genre entry that will be quickly forgotten the instant it's over.

C 

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Ocean's 8 & Hotel Artemis

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for Oceans 8 and Hotel Artemis, or, how best to waste some of the most talented, interesting, and beautiful actors working today.

Spoiler level here will be mild, almost nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers. (I'm giving away one (1) cameo from Oceans 8. If you don't want to know, read after you've seen it.)

First on the docket: Oceans 8.

Debbie Ocean carries on the family tradition with an all-female crew, because in 2018 Hollywood, gender-bent versions of old movies pass for new content. For the record, let it be noted that Karina and I had the idea for an all-male Charlie's Angels YEARS ago and will expect full credit when the time inevitably comes. (It's gonna be All Chris, too: Evans, Hemsworth, and Pine or Pratt...we're still agreeing to disagree there.)

Oceans 8 isn't really a good movie, nor is it a terrible movie. The one thing it absolutely *should* be is a fun movie, but, sadly, instead it's rather dull. Bad news out of the way first: These characters are AWFUL...caricatures unworthy of the least of the actresses to embody them, nevermind the goddess that is Helena Bonham Carter. The dialogue is especially awkward at the start, though it improves slightly as the movie progresses. The humor is also spotty, occasionally amusing is about as good as it gets. Even the heist itself is a letdown; it seems clever, yet its execution never feels as edge-of-your-seat as it should.

The good news is Oceans 8 is a pretty easy watch despite all that, thanks to terrific eye candy. If you're thinking I mean the lovely ladies, you're right, but the picture is also set during the annual Met Gala and is filled with all the unique and stunning fashions for which the event is famous. Then there's Richard Armitage, certainly not hard on the eyes. Call me shallow, but the combination was more than enough to hold my interest. If looking out for cameos is your bag, Oceans 8 has plenty of those too, so keep those eyes open. (Move over Kardashians, my favorite was Junior's Cheesecake!)

Oceans 8 clocks in at 110 minutes and is rated PG13 for "language, drug use, and some suggestive content."

With a lesser cast, Oceans 8 would be a passable but forgettable bit of summer escapism. Even as sub-par as it is, there are worse things than than watching some of Hollywood's best actresses punching below their weight. 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Oceans 8 gets four and a half.

Next up: Hotel Artemis.

In riot-plagued 2028 Los Angeles, a nurse runs a secret, members-only hospital for criminals.

Dear reader(s): Though it's nearly impossible to do in the Internet age, I went into Hotel Artemis cold, save for one headline that crossed my Twitter feed early yesterday: "What Made Jodie Foster Agree to Star in the Worst Movie of the Year?" So...lowered expectations, then?

I feel like I can't be the only one who's at least a little bit over the whole dystopian thing, but Hotel Artemis seemed an interesting enough idea, and a cast that features Jodie Foster, Jeff Goldblum, Sterling K. Brown, Zachary Quinto, Sofia Boutella, and Charlie Day sounds can't-miss. Sadly, like Oceans 8, Hotel Artemis gives its incredible talent only cookie-cutter characters to work with. Even the good guys are unlikable, though (with very limited screen time) Jeff Goldblum is a delight as one of the baddies. If you're squeamish about violence or language, you'll want to check in somewhere else, but if you don't mind a side of blood and F-bombs with your action and criminal machinations, Hotel Artemis is the place for you.

Hotel Artemis runs a quick 93 minutes and is rated R for "violence and language throughout, some sexual references, and brief drug use."

Hotel Artemis takes an interesting premise and turns it into a by-the-numbers thriller. It's not fair to call it the year's worst movie, but it's certainly nowhere near its best. 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Hotel Artemis gets five.

Until next time...

Ar

MOVIE REVIEW: OCEAN’S 8

Five years, eight months, 12 days and counting -- that's how long Debbie Ocean has been devising the biggest heist of her life. She knows what it's going to take -- a team of the best people in the field, starting with her partner-in-crime Lou Miller. Together, they recruit a crew of specialists, including jeweler Amita, street con Constance, suburban mom Tammy, hacker Nine Ball, and fashion designer Rose. Their target -- a necklace that's worth more than $150 million.

Director: Gary Ross

Cast: Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Awkwafina, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter

Release Date: June 8, 2018

Genres: Action, Comedy, Crime

Rated PG-13 for language, drug use, and some suggestive content

Runtime: 1h 50min

Review:

Ocean’s 8, the female centeric continuation of the Ocean franchise, is an enjoyable but safe reboot.  Gary Ross tries his best to capture that cool vibe and spirit of the original film.  He delivers a glossy fizzy film that that’s about as lightweight as they come.  Sandra Bullock leads the film ably even if her Debbie Ocean is a far call from Clooney’s Danny Ocean.  Bullock performance is fine but the film undersells its lead without much characterization, leaving her a bit of a cipher throughout.  Cate Blanchett, ever the chameleon, is lots of fun as Bullock’s partner in crime.  Blanchett and Bullock have some solid chemistry together and their plenty of fun when they’re plotting or interacting.  The remaining members of the crew are all good fun in varying degrees of effectiveness.  Anne Hathaway leaves the biggest impression with her self parody performance that people will either love or hate.  Ocean’s 8 is never boring or uninteresting but it’s all so inconsequential that you’ll probably never think about it again.

B-

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Our Brand is Crisis & Burnt

Dearest Blog: Welcome to Awards Season, where every film feels vaguely like it *could* be based on a true story. Thus, yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for two stories that kinda sorta seem like they maybe could be a little bit real: Our Brand is Crisis and Burnt.

 

First on my agenda: Our Brand is Crisis.

 

An American political strategist reluctantly becomes part of an unpopular Bolivian presidential candidate's team.

 

Our Brand is Crisis probably isn't a bad movie for any other time of year, but plunked down in October, when everything either hopes for an Oscar or hopes to scare the pants off of you, it seems an inexcusably poor offering. Crisis is hilarious at times, yet the premise is so depressing it feels wrong to laugh. 

 

The film never really earns your full attention, and, sadly, there's no amount of humor that could buoy this all-too-real real depiction of politics with no soul. If there's any good news to be had, it's that the movie boasts uniformly strong performances. Sandra Bullock has a few bravura moments that might justify another Oscar nod, Billy Bob Thornton is an able adversary, and the delightful Anthony Mackie is solid as always. The real star of the picture, though, is Bolivian actor Reynaldo Pacheco, whose earnestness single-handedly salvages what's otherwise a depressing exercise in cynicism.

 

Our Brand is Crisis clocks in at 107 minutes and is rated R for "language including some sexual references."

 

It provides a few good laughs, but Our Brand is Crisis is a mostly-discouraging look at the political process. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Our Brand is Crisis gets five.

 

Next on the docket: Burnt.

 

Bradley Cooper stars as Adam Jones, a brilliant chef who is so messed up he does nothing but hurt the people who care for him, and you'll be too distracted by those baby-blues to really care.

 

Dear reader(s), I don't mean to belittle chefs, as nobody--and I mean NOBODY--has a greater regard for food than I do (as my profile photo will attest), but I am unsold on any attempt to portray a chef, even the world's greatest, as some kind of rock star worthy of a feature film. I'm something of a rock star, myself, when it comes to secretaries, and last I looked, Angelina Jolie wasn't queuing up play me on the big screen anytime soon. 

 

Thus Burnt starts out at an insurmountable handicap: it's just not that great a story. The high-emotion, high-stakes kitchen scenarios may accurately portray behind-the-scenes action at the world's finest dining establishments, but the drama seems plain silly (is it *such* a tragedy if the scallops are a bit overdone?), and the rest of the story is so done-to-death you won't care about any of it for a single second. Bradley Cooper swaggers his way through the film like an actual rock star, and, to his credit, makes the dull exercise almost watchable. 

 

Daniel Bruhl is terrific as Jones' supportive and long-suffering friend, and Matthew Rhys is outstanding as his top rival. Sadly, though, fantastic performances can't save a lame premise that's predictably executed.

 

Burnt runs 101 minutes and is rated R for "language throughout."

 

Much like the pretentious dishes whose preparation it depicts, Burnt is far more interested in collecting awards than it is in actually satisfying anyone. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Burnt gets four.

 

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Self/Less & Minions

Dearest Blog, today the sun came out in the Ohio Valley, so I escaped to the cold darkness of the cinema. On the docket: Self/Less and Minions.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing the trailers haven't already given away.

First up: Self/less.

A wealthy, terminally-ill man (Ben Kingsley) undergoes a secret, controversial procedure to transfer his consciousness into a healthy young body (Ryan Reynolds).

Well, dear reader(s), if you've done any Internetting since yesterday, you've probably already seen Self/less bashed every which way from Sunday, called a flop, and held aloft as further proof that Ryan Reynolds just doesn't put butts in the seats. None of that is probably far off the mark, but it's perhaps more harsh than the movie--and Reynolds--deserve.

The basic premise of Self/less--the idea of putting our minds, our personalities, our "souls" (if you believe in such things) into another vessel when our existing ones expire--is not revolutionary, and the movie's means of tackling it is neither new nor special. It feels ho-hum from the outset, and things don't exactly pick up quickly. Laying the groundwork takes a good 45 minutes. Once the film gets moving, the tension is solid and there are a couple decent twists.

The writing is a bit awkward, and any foreshadowing is so obvious they might as well have run a crawl across the bottom: "Pay attention! This will be important later!" Most performances are wooden at best, though Reynolds is as earnest as always. For my part, I think he does the best he can with the material. Matthew Goode is also okay, but there's just not much to work with. Surprisingly, I was never really bored, but I couldn't fairly call it a good movie, either.

Self/less runs 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence, some sexuality, and language."

Self/less probably isn't *quite* as bad as you've heard, but please don't mistake that for a ringing endorsement.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Self/less gets four and a half.

Next on the agenda, Minions.

Bet you didn't even know you needed an "origins" story for Despicable Me's lovable little yellow fellows, did ya?

B.G. (Before Gru), the Minions do time with other super-villains.

The Minions are my favorite part of the Despicable Me movies, but even I wondered if their gibberish routine wouldn't wear thin over a full 90 minutes of it. The good news: Minions are still a lot of fun.

The bad news: the story is paper thin and barely holds up for even such a short movie. The voice talent features big names like Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Alison Janney, and Michael Keaton, but nobody is all that interesting. There are a few good laughs, and, for the older fan, some tips of the hat to the time period in which the film is set (including some terrific tunes), but mostly I was fidgeting in my seat and checking the clock.

Minions clocks in at 91 minutes and is rated PG for action and mild rude humor.

Minions are still pretty lovable, but your money would be better spent on a cute, plush Kevin, Bob, or Stuart than on a ticket to this movie. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Minions gets three.

Until next time...

Banana!

Cindy Prascik's Review’s of Runner Runner and Gravity

Dearest Blog, today I slogged to the cinema for the ho-hum double bill Runner Runner and Gravity.

Spoiler level here will be mild...ish, I guess. Mostly nothing that's not in the trailers, though I gotta say one thing about Gravity that doesn't give away anything specific, but may be more than some want to know before watching.

First on my agenda was a movie I was actually pretty interested in despite poor reviews, Runner Runner.

Brilliant but broke whiz-kid Richie Furst (Justin Timberlake) gets sucked into the business empire of online gambling kingpin Ivan Block (Ben Affleck).

Timberlake and Affleck both turn in solid performances in Runner Runner, but their characters are sorely underdeveloped. I had a hard time buying that Furst was smart enough to discover what brought him to Block's attention, not due to any shortcomings on Timberlake's part, but because the movie just didn't convince me. Ditto how Block got to where he is. In both cases the movie makes mention of the past without doing enough to make it feel real.

Gemma Arterton fares even worse as Block's business partner and ex-flame. There's no denying she looks hot as ever, but I'd have liked to see her with more to do. Anthony

Mackie is solid as usual as an FBI agent out to take down Block's operation.
If there are hiccups in the way online gambling is presented, or the means used to discover certain things, well, I don't know enough about any kind of gambling for those to have bothered me, as they have apparently bothered some.

The movie does a good job of maintaining tension throughout, and sets up a suitable, if predictable, ending.

Runner Runner run(ner)s 91 minutes and is rated R for "language and some sexual content."

Runner Runner is a decent thriller that is smart enough not to wear out its welcome.

Funny thing is, I (of all people!) actually wished this one were a little longer. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Runner Runner gets six.

Next up was Gravity, one of the two critical darlings (along with Rush) that I've been dreading like a root canal.

An accident leaves a pair of astronauts (Sandra Bullock and George Clooney) adrift in space and fighting for survival.

Though I'm not quite jumping on the Gravity Love Train, I liked it much better than I expected to.

It's easy to understand why every director I follow on Twitter has been crowing about Gravity for the last week or so; it's glorious, easily one of the most stunning movies I've ever seen.

You know, dear reader(s), I hate 3D and wouldn't steer ya towards it unless it were really worth it, but Gravity's 3D is really, really worth it. I flinched to get out of the way of space debris more than once!

Clooney and especially Bullock give realistic, moving performances, and Bullock had me in tears more than once. A magnificent score provides perfect emotional cues. That's the good news.

The bad news is, even at just over 90 minutes, Gravity feels too long. Space is beautiful, but I got bored of watching spacesuits tumble and drift, set to the backdrop of Bullock's incessant panting and grunting.

I also think maybe the film should have been called Murphy's Law instead of Gravity, because the number of things that had to go wrong to maintain peril started to feel a bit ridiculous and contrived. Still, there's more right than wrong with Gravity, and I'm delighted I didn't pay 3D prices just to hate it.

Gravity clocks in at 90 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense perilous sequences, some disturbing images, and brief strong language." Whatever shortcomings it may have,

Gravity is worth seeing in 3D on the biggest screen you can find.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Gravity gets seven.

Until next time...



If actual space is so much danger and so little Spock, why do people bother?

MOVIE REVIEW: GRAVITY

Director Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity stars Sandra Bullock as Dr. Ryan Stone, a scientist on a space shuttle mission headed by astronaut Matt Kowalsky (George Clooney), a talkative, charismatic leader full of colorful stories that he shares with his crewmates as well as mission control. As the two are on a space walk, debris hits the area where they are working, and soon the pair finds themselves detached from their ship and stranded in space. While figuring out what steps they can take to save themselves ~ Perry Seibert, Rovi

Director: Alfonso Cuarón

Cast: Sandra Bullock, George Clooney.

Release Date: Oct 04, 2013 RealD 3D, IMAX

Rated PG-13 for intense perilous sequences, some disturbing images and brief strong language

Runtime: 1 hr. 31 min.

Genres: Drama, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

The story in Gravity is something most movie going audiences have seen before in movies like Open Water or even Cast Away. It’s simply a man vs. nature survival story elevated by impressive visual and excellent performances by the two main leads. Your enjoyment of the film maybe helped or hindered by your enjoyment of Clooney and Bullock. Clooney is at his charismatic best in limited screen time but the bulk of the heavy lifting is done by Bullock. She delivers an impressive performance throughout while working through a full range of emotions as the film progresses. If something hinders performance it’s mainly due to the script which gives us two rather pedestrian characters. That’s not to say they are terribly by any stretch of the imagination but they are basic. Mix that with some not so subtle themes (rebirth, acceptance of things you can’t control) and it can get a tad heavy handed. It not a massive misstep but it’s there. Honestly though, the story isn’t the main draw here, it’s Alfonso Cuarón’s technical acumen which impresses me more and more with each passing film. Cuarón has created a visual wonderland / thrill ride which utilizes 3D (see it in IMAX if you can) in amazing ways. The opening sequence is a technical marvel which feels like a weightless wonderfully choreographed 10 minute + ride into space. The action sequences and even the quieter moments deliver the kind of helpless but thrilling experience that the characters are going through. Gravity is the type of film that has to be seen on the big screen and in 3D to fully appreciate it.

A-