Cindy Prascik's reviews of Sabotage & Noah

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema with all the Rainy Day People for a double-feature of Sabotage and Noah.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Arnie was first on the docket with Sabotage.

An elite, undercover DEA unit comes under suspicion when ten million dollars in drug money disappears.

Dear Blog, I'm going to tell you something you might not know: Sabotage was made JUST for me. It's Hollywood's way of saying, "Look, we're sorry for all the pretentious Oscar drivel and Easter-season religious propaganda, but you've been a good sport, so here are a couple testosterone-fueled hours of mayhem for your trouble. Well, Hollywood, apology accepted.

Sabotage is yet another attempt to thrust an aging Arnold Schwarzenegger back into the leading action hero mold. Like previous efforts, the general reception seems middling, but it's once again made me a happy action fan. If Schwarzenegger is getting a bit long in the tooth, it doesn't keep him from carrying a picture with flair, and at no time is there any doubt that this is Arnold's movie. The supporting cast is comprised of actors both very good (Terrence Howard, Mireille Enos) and pretty bad (Sam Worthington, Joe Manganiello), but none really stands out either way, aside from Enos, who is ah-maz-ing.

These days most action movies have to pick a side. Either they go too vanilla to secure the coveted PG13 rating, or the gore and swearing are so extreme that shock value seems the only objective. Sabotage definitely leans toward the latter, and it suffers some laughably bad dialogue, but a well-executed, suspenseful plot saves the movie from being just a big-screen bundle of bad words and maximum carnage.

Sabotage clocks in at 109 minutes and is rated R for "strong bloody violence, pervasive language, some sexuality/nudity, and drug use."

A solid action flick with a good cast and a hero that's familiar and easy to root for, of a possible nine Weasleys, Sabotage gets seven.

Next on Saturday's agenda was the Biblical epic, Noah.

A man suffers a terrifying vision of the world destroyed by a great flood, and must battle Sauron's legions as he attempts to get the One Ring to Mount Doom. Wait, what? Sorry...wrong movie.

There's been much fuss about Noah's lack of faithfulness to the Bible story on which it's based. In the interest of full and fair disclosure, I admit that means about as much to me as a less-than-accurate adaptation of any novel or comic book. I don't say that to be offensive or provocative, merely to be clear: If the rumor is non-religious people will love this and religious people will hate it, this card-carrying heathen is here to tell ya, there's no shortage of reasons to hate this movie, whatever you believe.

Russell Crowe is one of my top three actors, and, in my opinion, the most magnetic screen presence working in movies today. Not once in his long and storied career have I seen a movie and thought, "Boy, even Russell Crowe couldn't help that." Until now, that is. Instead of a man tormented by difficult choices he feels his "Creator" has forced him to make, this Noah is a profoundly unlikable nut job who comes dead even with the movie's villain in the "I really hate that guy" sweepstakes. Then there's the bloat. Yes, that's "bloat," dear Blog, not "boat." Pared by 20-30 minutes, Noah would have been a far more bearable exercise creative license. As it stands, I had plenty of time to count ceiling tiles (I think there are 180 in theatre eight, but it was a little tricky in the dark) and ponder what I was going to eat at Olive Garden after the movie (spaghetti marinara, if you're wondering). During the interminable ark-building, I wondered why they didn't just ask Hermione to wave her wand and get it done. Hang on... Huh? Oh, sorry, there I go again. Somewhere around a halfway point that seemed to take 12 hours to reach, I wrote "TERRIBLE" on my notepad, in all caps and underlined three times, as if I'd need a reminder when I sat down to write this review.

There are positives, of course, among them some glorious cinematography and a couple time-lapsey sequences that are quite stunning...if possibly seizure inducing. The CGI procreation-ready pairs of animals look pretty great, and Emma Watson continues to be a revelation in a role that's at least half an underwater world away from the studious Miss Granger of the Harry Potter movies. There's also a sneaky pro-vegetarian message that made me think I might have had a chance of bunking with the Noah family instead of dog paddling for my life.

Noah runs 138 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence, disturbing images, and brief suggestive content."

Whether you believe the Bible or not, Noah is a bloated mess that might as well have starred Adam Sandler for all the credibility it's got. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Noah gets two. Oh, and when someone films the book of Revelations, remind me to get high before I see it.

Until next time...

 Hands up, who's ready for that Gladiator prequel?

MOVIE REVIEW: NOAH

Darren Aronofsky brings the story of Noah's Ark to the big screen with this Paramount/New Regency religious drama. Aronofsky directs from his own script cowritten by Ari Handel and John Logan. Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins, and Emma Watson head up the starring cast. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Release Date: Mar 28, 2014

Rated: PG-13 Disturbing Images, Brief Suggestive Content and Violence

Runtime: 2 hr. 17 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Cast: Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Ray Winstone, Emma Watson, Anthony Hopkins

Religion films are always going to be a touch call because they’ll either be too faithful or they’ll deviate too far from the scripture.  Either option will result in factions of believers and non believers being turned off by the material on display.  Darren Aronofsky’s Noah isn’t a by the letter retelling of the story even though it hits all the major points.  Within 10 minutes of the film you’ll be able to tell where you stand with it, depending on your beliefs.  Personally, I found a bombastic but loving cinematic take of a very familiar tale.  Aronofsky delivers a film that’s beautiful to look at and engaging at the same time.  The film is over 2 hours long but in never really drags as the story keeps you engaged throughout.  Russell Crowe gives us one of his most earnest performances in a long while with supporting cast rounding an all around well made movie.  Jennifer Connelly in particular has a wonderful moment to shine near the end of the film but its Crowe’s film through and through.  Crowe gives us a realistic idea of what Noah would have experienced mentally while Aronofsky gives us a wonderfully dense thesis on hard line scripture vs. interpretation.  It’s a fascinating idea played out with characters that are so ingrained in most of our collective psych that is sure to upset one faction or the other.  In the end your personal enjoyment of the film will depend on your beliefs. At it’s core, it’s a wonderfully filmed, acted and produced film which deserves to be seen.

A

[Full Trailer] X-Men: Days of Future Past

The full trailer of the upcoming X-men: Days of Future Past really gives a peek at the scale of the spectacle that’s going to be on full display.  The trailer is quite impressive since it gives us a better look at the story and sentinels both past and future models along with plenty of hero shots. 

My expectations are pretty high, hopefully it delivers….

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Muppets Most Wanted & Divergent

Dearest Blog, having force-fed myself a Serious Grownup Movie last weekend, this week it was back to my usual fare with Muppets Most Wanted and Divergent.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or have guessed from the trailers.
Since my tolerance for little kids is marginally lower than my tolerance for teenagers, I got Muppets Most Wanted out of the way first.

Fresh off their reunion show and against Kermit's better judgment, a new manager (Ricky Gervais) convinces the Muppets to go on a world tour, but a sold-out European run and a unusually agreeable Kermit may not be the good news they seem.

Dear reader(s), though I try not to read anyone else's reviews before I've written mine, living online as I do, I can't help but see the occasional headline or comment. The general consensus on Muppets Most Wanted seems to be that it's good, but not as good as 2011's The Muppets. Guess I'm once again in the minority, for as much as I loved The Muppets, I think Muppets Most Wanted is even better.
Muppets Most Wanted picks up, literally, where The Muppets left off, lingering just long enough to earn a few laughs with some obvious-but-still-funny sequel jokes. Once it gets rolling, the caper is amusing and never drags, with musical numbers staged at the Siberian gulag providing the best comic moments.

As we've come to expect, Muppets Most Wanted is littered with cameos from celebs and pseudo-celebs, and I shan't name them lest I spoil it for those who want to be surprised. Since I imagine everyone knows who stars in the movie, I can say that Gervais, Tina Fey, and Ty Burrell are in top form, though I find it a little offensive that they enjoy billing over the folks who provide Muppet voices--the movie's real stars. If I have one complaint that isn't really a complaint, it's that a little too much of Muppets Most Wanted may be aimed over the heads of the young target audience; it's undoubtedly a "kids' movie," but I think the adults might actually enjoy it more.

Muppets Most Wanted runs 112 minutes and is rated PG for "some mild action."
Like its predecessors, Muppets Most Wanted is a terrific family film full of music, laughs, and thoroughly entertaining cameos.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Muppets Most Wanted gets seven and a half.

Closing yesterday's docket was the young adult thriller Divergent.

Survivors of an apocalyptic event are divided into factions, based on their personality types. When a young girl discovers she's a Divergent--one of those who fit with no one type and who are considered a threat to the new world order--she struggles for survival within the faction she's chosen.

Dear Blog, I'm nothing if not painfully honest, so if I'm going to criticize something, I'm also going to admit when that criticism might just be due to the fact that said "something" isn't made with me in mind. Not saying it's impossible for someone outside the target audience to enjoy a movie (see: Muppets Most Wanted, above), but being almost 48 years old, I enjoyed Grudge Match a helluva lot more than I enjoyed Divergent, which may not be entirely Divergent's fault. Then again...

We'll get the obvious out of the way first: clearing the two-hour threshold by a good 20 minutes, Divergent is too damn long and easily could have been trimmed by 30 minutes without losing anything of consequence. Making the obligatory comparisons: the story is neither as good as The Hunger Games nor as painfully bad as Twilight. Shailene Woodley is no Jennifer Lawrence, either.

The supporting cast boasts some notable names--Ashley Judd, Kate Winslet, Mekhi Phifer, Maggie Q, and the always magnificent Ray Stevenson--but they seem to have neither the opportunity nor the inclination to distinguish the movie from the current glut of ho-hum young adult fiction. Divergent features broadly-drawn characters and insipid dialogue by the bucketful, and mistakes peripheral character deaths for heartbreaking plot twists.

By now, dear reader(s), you may be asking, "So why did you bother seeing this, anyway?" That question I can answer in two words: Theo James. Yep, I've been nursing a scorching crush ever since he had fatal sex with Lady Mary Crawley in the first season of Downton Abbey and I had to overturn heaven and earth to find out who he was. I hoped he'd be a big deal someday, and, if I wished it'd be in something better than this, well, he's young yet, eh? Divergent doesn't place any particular strain on his acting skills, but I can confidently say I would have been kinda bored with someone I liked less in the male lead. As it stands, James has enough screentime to make Divergent more than worth the price of admission.

Divergent clocks in at a bloated 139 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense violence and action, thematic elements, and some sensuality."

A so-so movie that would have benefitted greatly from a shorter runtime, Divergent may have teens hanging on its every minute, but the rest of us are bound to find it considerably less thrilling.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Divergent gets four and a half.

Until next time...

Oh, don't pretend like YOU wouldn't sit through a so-so movie for this!

MOVIE REVIEW: THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

Wes Anderson heads to Europe for the first time with this Indian Paintbrush production starring Saoirse Ronan, Ralph Fiennes, Bill Murray, and Jude Law. Gustav H., the famous concierge at a legendary hotel situated in the Alps during the 1930's becomes the center of a farcical whirlwind of suspicion when one of his institution's oldest and richest patrons turns up dead, and she suspiciously leaves him her most priceless work of art -- a Renaissance painting of a boy with an apple. Infuriated that she left anything of value to anyone else, the woman's greedy and nefarious heir uses all manner of underhanded and illegal tactics to pin her death on Gustav and to silence anyone who questions his objective of inheriting every penny of her estate, leaving Gustav's trusted lobby boy Zero to clear Gustav's name and prove that the grand lady's killer is none other than her own son. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: Wes Anderson 

Cast: Tony Revolori, Saoirse Ronan, Ralph Fiennes, Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Jeff Goldblum

Release Date: Mar 07, 2014

Rated: R for Violence, Some Sexual Content and Language

Runtime: 1 hr. 39 min.

Genres: Comedy, Drama

Review:

I’ve been a Wes Anderson fan for a long time and I know some people are turned off by his style but any self respecting movie fan should love his work.  The Grand Budapest Hotel is another gem which delivers a thrilling and hilarious movie watching experience.  The story is funny yet incredibly moving at the same time anchored by a wonderful performance by Ralph Fiennes.  Fiennes is typically a somber and serious performer so it’s a lot of fun to see him fully commit to a character like Gustav H. who such an outlandish and hilarious character.  Fiennes and newcomer Tony Revolori share a wonderful chemistry together and the film is at its strongest when the two are on screen.  The supporting cast is a made up of a who’s who of Hollywood’s A list and each is fully committed.  All of them populate a wonderfully crafted world which a visual feast for the eyes.  At a little over and hour and a half the film just flies by delivering one of the most enjoyable movie watching experiences in recent memory. 

A

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Philomena & 300: Rise of an Empire

Dearest Blog, determined NOT to burn 130 minutes on video-game flick, yesterday I took a pass on the weekend's new releases and caught up on a couple movies I'd missed: Philomena and 300: Rise of an Empire.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or have guessed from the trailers.

My opening act was Philomena.

A woman who was sent to a convent as a pregnant teen enlists the help of a journalist to find the son who was taken from her.

Now, dear readers, I know what you're thinking: "Isn't it kind of pointless for a nobody like you to review a film that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has already deemed one of last year's top ten best movies?" To you cynics I reply: No more pointless than any of my other reviews.

So there.

Having said that, I'll cop to being in agreement with the Academy on this one. Philomena is a beautiful movie that manages to tell a sad story without ever being miserable about it. Judi Dench is just perfect in the title role, moving effortlessly from devout and stoic to heartbreaking to hilariously clueless. Steve Coogan is also phenomenal as the jaded journalist charged with bringing Philomena's story to light. Though it's hardly a fast-paced action thriller, Philomena felt about ten minutes long, and I was well and truly sad when it was over (though I was delighted to escape the four over-perfumed women who sat in front of me and talked loudly through the whole thing).

Philomena runs 98 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some strong language, thematic elements, and sexual references."

Philomena may not have been the Academy's choice as last year's Best Picture, but I think it would have been mine. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Philomena gets eight and a half.

The second half of my Saturday double-bill was the prequel/sequel/whatever 300: Rise of an Empire.

A general hopes to unite Greece's armies against invading Persians.

Confession time: I've never bothered to watch the first 300 all the way through. I mean, since it's been running here and there on TV for nearly a decade, I've probably seen the whole thing in bits, but I've never felt compelled to sit down and watch it properly. One decent new release would have bumped the sequel off my weekend agenda as well, but I guess the people who made 300 can thank Need for Speed for my seven bucks.

Rise of an Empire gives the fetching Eva Green free reign to ham it up in the female lead. If you're a girl, I can't imagine you'd walk out in less than an ass-kicking mood. (Gentlemen, beware!) Sullivan Stapleton is about as ho-hum a leading man as I've ever seen, but the material doesn't exactly require a Robert Downey, Jr., so it's not that much of a problem. I was delighted to see Hans Matheson in a featured role; I've missed him these last couple years.

As you'd expect, Rise of an Empire is a good-looking film. The battle scenes are well choreographed and gruesome, the scenery and costumes quite striking, and I instantly fell in love with the movie's thundering soundtrack. Unfortunately, none of that was enough to hold my attention for the duration, and I found plenty of time to contemplate things like Stapleton's ugly toenails and whoever thought it was a good idea to go into battle in mini-skirts and sandals. Oh, where the mind wanders when you give it a little lead...

300: Rise of an Empire clocks in at 102 minutes and is rated R for "strong sustained sequences of stylized bloody violence throughout, a sex scene, nudity, and some language." It's enjoyable enough, but nothing I'll be running back to see again and again.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 300: Rise of an Empire gets five, because any less wouldn't properly show my appreciation for dirty, bloody, half-naked dudes.

Until next time.

Well, I don't know about you, but the minute I visit craft services, my skirt feels too tight...