Cindy Prascik's Review of The November Man

Dearest Blog, thanks to an early dismissal by my generous employer, I was able to get out to the movies yesterday afternoon. On my agenda, Pierce Brosnan's poor man's Bond, The November Man.

A retired CIA operative returns to action and finds himself pitted against his former pupil.

Well, dear reader(s), I think The November Man may be the most unbelievable movie I've seen all summer, and that includes the one with the gun-toting raccoon. Comparisons to the Bond franchise are inevitable, especially with Brosnan in the lead, but, for me, there's always a wink-wink, nudge-nudge aspect to James Bond movies. Sure...the guy is impossibly slick and has impossibly advanced tools and impossibly beautiful women, and gets himself into and out of impossibly impossible situations, but the movies seem self-aware. This one could have used a bit of self awareness, but that's not to say I didn't enjoy it.

Brosnan is still quite the dashing heartthrob. He's 61 now, so of course Hollywood has to offer some young meat in the form of one Luke Bracey, of whom I'd never heard until a trailer for The Best of Me ran immediately prior to November Man. I'd no more than thought, "Bet that dude is cornering the market on 'hot guy' roles," and...viola! Brosnan and Bracey have zero chemistry onscreen, and I wasn't buying the years of history between them for one minute. (Note: I mean "chemistry" in a non-romantic sense, although they don't make a very nice couple, either. I'd rather Pierce Brosnan and Andrew Garfield, myself.) Brosnan fares better with female lead Olga Kurylenko, but only just.

Mostly I think the writing is so flat that there's not much any actors could have done with it, but, again...that's not to say I didn't enjoy it.

The November Man is action packed, and no tip-toeing around trying to secure a PG13 rating either.

The series of events that keeps this movie going is about as remarkable as Gravity (a.k.a. "Murphy's Law"), but the movie is fun and not overlong, so it's not hard to forgive its other shortcomings.

The November Man runs 108 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence including a sexual assault, language, sexuality/nudity, and brief drug use." It's not a movie that'll change your life or that you'll remember forever, but for a late-August holiday weekend...eh...I'm alright with that.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The November Man gets six.

Until next time...

 I regret nothing.

The Losers – A retrospective from 4 perspectives

The Losers is one of those odd films that came and went from the big screen quickly and quietly.  

When you look back it, it boast one hellva impressive cast the majority of which have gone on to much bigger success.

It’s an oddity that has brought together 4 movie bloggers who’ve known each other for years across oceans, continents and the interwebs …..

Lets start off with my rerun review of The Losers....

"My original review of The Losers gave it a B- which should probably have been closer to a C or C+.  I honestly can’t contest any of the myriad of issues the film, Jason Patric, has or it’s unfortunate release date that placed it near a better film with roughly the same concept.  Still, there’s something about this silly movie that makes it utterly watchable.  Easiest answer is the cast.  Jeffery Dean Morgan and Zoe Saldana have some great chemistry together each bringing the right amount of cool to the characters.  I’m still a tad bit perplexed that Jeffery Dean Morgan isn’t more of a star, he’s got a gruff kind of charm to him that translates well on screen.  Saldana meanwhile seems to have just resigned herself to working behind makeup or via motion capture.  Personally I think with the right material she could be an incredible action star which is kind of impressive since she probably weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet.  Chris Evans may not be believable as a computer hacker but the guy has always had some great comedic timing.  I always kind of thought Evans was destined for superstardom ever since Not Another Teen Movie so it’s fun to look back before he hit it big with the Captain America role.  Round out the cast with Idris Elba, who probably should have been the actual villain instead of Patrick, and you have a film filled with lots of solid actors making a subpar film watchable in spite of itself.

C+"

Next up is Maynard from Horror Movie Diary

http://www.horrormoviediary.net/

"At minute 36, this is what two of the main characters say to each other:

"This is a classic." - "Yeah, this is a classic piece of shit."

Okay, they're actually talking about a car, and no, I don't think that "The Losers" is a classic piece of shit, but... *sigh* IMHO it's definitely a classic piece of lame, lousy, loserish cookie-cutter action rubbish.

Based on the DC comic book series of the same name (that I obviously have never heard of before), "The Losers" follows a group of black-ops mercenaries who plan their revenge on their former employers who betrayed them and set them up for death. Sounds like a lot like "The A-Team", huh? Well, actually it's more like "Ronin" meets "The Expendables", and of course, the original 1970s "Losers" comics were created long before the "A-Team" TV series.

Nevertheless, the box office failure of "The Losers" (Ha Ha!) can definitely be blamed on a) Joe Carnahan's 2010 feature adaptation of "The A-Team" which was released shortly after, as well as to b) the still-massive popularity of the "A-Team" brand. Even though it performed below expectations, "The A-Team" (which was released in June 2010) earned about 180 millions world wide (Domestic: 77 millions), while "The Losers" earned only about 29 millions worldwide (Domestic: 23 millions).

I unexpectedly enjoyed the hell out of "The A-Team" and I consider it one of the better action-related films of the last few years - but "The Losers" annoyed the crap outta me. My goodness, now this was really poor. I already gave up after the opening: oh-so-tough-and-cool guys playing silly card games and dropping mom jokes, Ram Jam's "Black Betty" (what an original song choice... yawn), a helicopter full of kids explodes (I don't like kids), a burning Teddy bear (boo hoo), cock-fighting etc. Director Sylvain White ("I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer") just can't decide between fun popcorn movie, grim revenge thriller, over-the-top comic-book insanity or action-drama . Tone and script are all over the place. The characters aren't likable at all...

...and that's just the first 15 minutes.

I have no idea how I made it through the goddamn rest. No idea how I survived Jason Patric ("The Lost Boys") as one of the worst and most unbearable movie villains in history, or Chris Evans ("Captain America") as unbelievably unfunny prankster, saying lines like "These Hot Dogs are delicious!" in a way as if he has never eaten a Hot Dog before. There's tiring amounts of oh-so-cool slow-motion sequences, oh-so-comic-book-like overlaid text and other annoying, unnecessary gimmicks that seem to be in the film only to distract the viewer, so that he doesn't realize how stupid the whole thing it is. There's also hardly any tension, hardly any atmosphere, way too many super-dull dialogue scenes, some really bad choices of music (I fucking hate Journey), the action scenes are rather uninspired and the screenplay is a fucking mess. There is no flow, no coherence. Just a succession of scenes strung together in a... let's say, quite haphazard manner.

Hottie Zoë Saldana and the cool-as-always Idris Elba deliver solid performances, same for Jeffrey Dean Morgan, though I think he's miscast and not exactly the best choice for this role. A few of the more action-packed scenes were quite enjoyable (like the one with the helicopter or the rather diverting finale) and although I hated Jason Patric's character, I chuckled at him saying "It's like giving a handgun to a six-year-old - you don't know how it's gonna end, but you're pretty sure it's gonna make the papers."

Yet, overall, this was sooo not my cup of tea. "The Losers" lost me early on and I spent the majority of its run time in a state of annoyment."

Up next is Karina Bamber

http://karina-mundanerambling.blogspot.com/

"The Losers appeared on our screens in the summer of 2010 and although it did not set the Box Office on fire it has been regular in my 90min DVD rotation.  This is probably a backhanded comment when you learn what else is in the rotation.

I have been called out as a lazy blogger in the past and it is a fair statement.  The depth of my laziness runs much deeper than that as I am also a ridiculously lazy film viewer too. This is why a film like The Losers gets so much attention from me.

PLOT:  After a helicopter full of children are killed during a covert mission in Bolivia “The Losers” led by Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s Clay try to find the Max, (Jason Patric) the man who is responsible for their deaths.  Their mission is funded by the mysterious Aisha (Zoe Saldana) who also wants to kill Max.  The group tracks Max down in LA as he is about to buy four snukes from a group of terrorists.  END PLOT

The Losers is based on a set of graphic novels written by Andy Diggle which I read prior to seeing the film.  The novels are thoroughly entertaining and should have easily made the jump from book to screen especially when Peter Berg, a favourite of mine, is involved.  Alas, something didn’t quite work out.

The original novels were for adults.  There was bad language, blood, humour, death and sex.  The films were watered down to a 12A and lost most of the key ingredients which would have set it apart from The A Team which was also released that summer.  The 12A rating does the film no favours and the attempts to make the characters rating friendly make them almost unrecognisable – there is a throwaway line about Aisha’s childhood ear collection but this ear collection is actually a big part of Aisha’s dangerous and let’s face it, slightly deranged, character.

All of the characters are underdeveloped but do tick off the list of stereotypes required to make an ensemble action flick – we have the leader (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), the love interest (Zoe Saldana), the computer geek (Chris Evans), the driver/MacGyver (Columbus Short), the silent sniper (Oscar Jaenada) and the betrayer (Idris Elba).  The characters may be weak but the cast do have chemistry which helps to cover over the flaws.

Any film with Chris Evans will draw me in but in 2010 there was interest in Jeffrey Dean Morgan who was still on a high after his brilliant performance as The Comedian in Watchmen and we must not forget his tenure as “parent of the year” John Winchester.  It has not gone unnoticed that Morgan’s career has stalled and some of the supporting cast have gone on to become major A-List success.

Unfortunately one thing the chemistry of the cast could not hide was the awful Max (Jason Patric).  Max’s danger came from his calculating intelligence but Jason Patric overacted like crazy and turned Max into a cartoon character.  Patric appeared to be aiming for confident business villain but it was all a bit handbags at dawn.

Max’s evil deeds include shooting an umbrella lady in the head and laughing at a really short man but his main plot thread involves buying four snukes from terrorists for a shitload of money and a Ducati.  I could be staring down the barrel of a snuke or “giant vibrating Easter Egg from hell” and I still couldn’t take my impending death seriously.  On paper snukes may seem more original than nuclear or chemical weapons but on the big screen it simply doesn’t work.  It doesn’t help that “Four Snukes and a Ducati” sounds more threatening as the latest hipster band than the terms of an illegal arms deal.

The action is standard fare but appropriate for the rating.  Instead of seeing the burning bodies of twenty kidnapped children we see a singed bear.  This pretty much sums up the film.  It was a wasted opportunity.

I know The Losers is an average film, and worse than that, it is a poor adaptation of a legitimately good set of graphic novels.  There will be those who see the film as a mess that more often than not misses the mark and I won’t be able to launch into a staunch defence of The Losers as I agree with them.  

On its own merits The Losers gets 5/10.

BUT

As mentioned above I can be a very lazy film viewer especially when it comes to choosing a DVD.  I don’t apologise for picking generic 90min films when I have had a hard day.  We all do it.  The Losers fits that bill perfectly which is why I thank it for being familiar, comforting and for not requiring too much attention or effort.  On the basis of me having a bad Tuesday The Losers gets 8/10."

Last but definitely not least Cindy Prascik:

http://hufflepuff11.tumblr.com

"Dearest Blog, with this entry I shall claim membership in one of the world's most exclusive clubs: People Who Love the Losers.

Spoiler level here will be off the charts, because you've had four years to catch up with this. If you haven’t seen it yet, read no more until you have! (But, seriously, what are you waiting for??)

After being framed for mass murder in Bolivia, an elite Special Forces team hooks up with a seductive con artist to clear their names and get back home to the U.S.

Dear reader(s), you know me well, do you not? I like testosterone-fueled action flicks. Bonus points if they're based on comic books. Double bonus points if they make me laugh, too. The Losers ticks all the boxes for me.

Let's start with this gifted and gorgeous cast, shall we? The leader of our merry band of misfits is Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Haunted by betrayal and the resulting loss of young life, he is single-mindedly bent on revenge against Max, the mysterious man who set up his team. Roque (the dashing Idris Elba) is a headstrong demolitions expert who often questions Clay's leadership. Communications specialist Jensen (Chris Evans) and transportation coordinator Pooch (Columbus Short) trade insults and provide the movie's best comic relief. Finally, there's Cougar (Ơscar Jaenada), a sniper whose silent charm nearly steals the whole show. Aisha (the glorious and perfect Zoe Saldana) is a local woman who offers her assistance to the team...but with her own agenda, of course. The cast is rounded out by an amusingly deadpan Jason Patrick as Max, and Holt McCallany as Max' clueless right-hand man, Wade.

The Losers features non-stop action from the outset. There's a fair bit of carnage, but the tone is mostly light...quite an achievement considering the movie opens with 25 kids getting blown up. An early hotel-room fight between Morgan and Saldana is hotter than most sex scenes. There's a nice comic feel to the film, with beginning and ending credits done in comic book-style art, and changes of venue announced in big, sweeping lettering. The movie keeps viewers on the edge of their seats with plenty of twists, turns, and double-crosses, and, at a quick 97 minutes, it's smart enough not to wear out its welcome. Three specifics I feel are noteworthy in the annals of movie history: Wade's spectacular death by airplane engine, Zoe Saldana wielding a bazooka (*swoon*), and Chris Evans showboating his way through an a capella version of Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. Finally, The Losers reiterates the age-old movie message that nothing--and I mean NOTHING--good ever happens around those dockside container yards.

The Losers clocks in at 97 minutes, and is rated PG13 for "sequences of intense action and violence, a scene of sensuality, and language."

I took a peek at my original Losers review after writing this one. While I hadn't yet adopted the Weasley rating system at that time, I hit pretty much all the same notes as this one, minus the spoilers. In 2014, of a possible nine Weasleys, I'm pleased to give The Losers eight. It's a wild ride with an eminently likable cast and plenty of laughs along the way, and I remain so, so sorry there isn't a Losers 2 on the horizon.

Until next time...GO PETUNIAS!

Ready for Black Friday at Wal-Mart!!

Well there you have it, a look back at a so so movie with some great stars!

Until the next cosmic occurrence brings us together….. 

Cindy Prascik's Review of The Expendables 3

 

 

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures for something that gets me as excited as landing on The Nice List come Christmas Eve: a new Expendables movie.

Spoiler level here will be mild-ish, mostly nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Barney adds some fresh faces to his team, in hopes of bringing down an old foe.

Reader(s), let's just get this out of the way: I think the Expendables franchise is the most awesomely awesome awesome in the history of awesome. I didn't love the second installment *quite* as well as the first--it felt a lot like throwing more names at the screen just to see what stuck--and trailers led me to fear the new one might be more of the same. While part three definitely does offer an expanded array of ass-kickers, I am happy to declare it the best of the franchise (so far).

Expendables 3 is non-stop action, spelled with brief bits of Feelings and quick frames of Other Things That Make Badasses Cool, such as riding motorcycles and doing shots. The Expendables get that the action is probably why you came, though, and they see to it you get your money's worth.
Daring vehicular stunts, massive weapons, and nicely-choreographed hand-to-hand combat occupy most of the screen time. As always, the cast is a who's who of action stars: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, Wesley Snipes, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, and Jet Li. Throw in Mel Gibson, Kelsey Grammer, Antonio Banderas, and Harrison Ford for good measure, and you've got yourself quite the crew.

The pitfall of a cast this size is that there's never quite enough of THAT ONE GUY you want to see more of (in my case, Statham, always), but the silver lining is that Harrison Ford is...well...Harrison Ford, and Banderas, in top comic form, completely steals the show. The young'uns are the most forgettable batch of low-watt never-will-bes this side of a Twilight movie--and I certainly could have done without the addition of a female Expendable--but the big guns thankfully have enough star power to go around. Though there was quite a fuss about keeping this installment tame enough for a PG13 rating (as opposed to the Rs earned by the first two Expendables flicks), the film doesn't suffer for it. Quite honestly, I can't imagine a more fun time at the movies.

The Expendables 3 clocks in at 126 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence including intense sustained gun battles and fight scenes, and for language."

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Expendables 3 gets eight. Oh, and Sly, dahhhling, you don't have to be 30 years younger to come knockin' on MY door.

Until next time..

 Shut up and take my money!

MOVIE REVIEW: THE EXPENDABLES 3

Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham) and the rest of the team comes face-to-face with Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson), who years ago co-founded The Expendables with Barney. Stonebanks subsequently became a ruthless arms trader and someone who Barney was forced to kill... or so he thought. Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, now is making it his mission to end The Expendables -- but Barney has other plans. Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members, recruiting individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy. The latest mission becomes a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise in the Expendables' most personal battle yet. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: Patrick Hughes

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Wesley Snipes

Release Date: Aug 15, 2014

Rated: PG-13 for Language, Intense Sustained Gun Battles, Fight Scenes and Violence 

Runtime: 2 hr. 7 min. 

Genres: Action/Adventure 

Review:

By this point in time you come to expect certain things from the Expendables movies.  The third entry starts off well with a rollicking, if a tad silly, action sequence that brings back Wesley Snipes to the screen.  Honestly, I didn’t know I missed Snipes that much but he perks up the first 20 minutes of the movie with an energetic charisma that’s hard to ignore.  After that sequence, the film turns into a bit of slog as we’re slowly introduced to new recruits, none of which have even the tiniest bit of screen charisma, with the characters we’ve come to know relegated to wait off screen.  The biggest sin isn’t that these characters are faceless and just there to serve the plot, it’s that during this extended sequence nothing happens.  There lots of exposition with Frasier popping up to throw some zingers at the plastic corpse that is Stallone but very little action or fun.  It’s honestly the films biggest drawback because the whole sequence could have been done in about 10 minutes so we could bring back the established fun characters or the other new additions like Antonio Banderas who’s hilarious as a motor mouth killer looking for a new team.  Once the final action sequence starts, you remember why your watching this film, lots over the top action with fun characters and crazy eyed Mel Gibson hamming it up as the villain of the piece.  That’s all I was really looking for in this franchise.

C+

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & The Hundred-Foot Journey

Dearest Blog, today it was off to the movies for one of the strangest double-bills ever, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Hundred-Foot Journey.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers...er...let's face it, you weren't planning on seeing either of these anyway, were you?

First on my agenda was the newest screen incarnation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, and Leonardo try to save New York from the evil Shredder.

Here's a true fact: I am wildly excited for every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and this one was no exception. First time those words have all been together in the same sentence? Possibly, but, despite the world of hate being rained down on it from all sides, I looked forward to TMNT, and I was not disappointed.

It's always fun to see such familiar and well-loved characters again, and I was pleased with how each turtle was represented here. The new look is okay, if not my favorite, and the martial arts moves are pretty cool in 3D. Will Arnett is entertaining, Megan Fox is smokin' hot, and no movie or TV show was ever worse for having the magnificent William Fichtner. Sure, the humor's juvenile, the story's done to death, and the effects are nothing to write home about, but, somehow, I still enjoyed this from beginning to end.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles runs 101 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sci-fi action/violence." If it's a terrible movie, that didn't keep me from having a great time with it.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gets five. I'd honestly love to score it better, but at some point I have to acknowledge it's probably a bad movie, no matter how much I like it!

Next on the docket was The Hundred-Foot Journey.

Fireworks ensue when an Indian family moves to the French countryside and opens a restaurant across the street from a hoity-toity local establishment.

Whoa! Bickering restaurant owners...sounds like the most boring movie ever, huh? What's next, two dentists trying to lease the same office space? While The Hundred-Foot Journey is a little long, it's a cute story that's elevated by a solid and likable cast. Helen Mirren is, as always, brilliant in the lead, and Manish Dayal and Charlotte Le Bon are appropriately adorable as young chefs at the two restaurants tip-toeing around the possibility of romance. The story is serious when it needs to be and funny when it means to be.

There's enough cooking and eating going on in this movie that restaurants neighboring cinemas are probably seeing a nice uptick in business this weekend. There are also plenty lingering shots of the picturesque French countryside, if that's your thing, and a nice anti-racism message as a bonus.
The Hundred-Foot Journey clocks in at 122 minutes and is rated PG for "thematic elements, some violence, language, and brief sensuality." If the movie is predicable and a bit overly-sappy, that's not hard to forgive in such a genuine and sweet picture.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Hundred-Foot journey gets six.

Until next time...COWABUNGA!!!

 It's official: my mental age is five.

MOVIE REVIEW: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

Paramount Pictures and Michael Bay present this reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise with Wrath of the Titans helmer Jonathan Liebesman directing. The sinister Shredder has seized control of New York City's police and politicians, leaving his ruthless Foot Clan to spread chaos in the streets. With no prospects for salvation in sight, mutant crime-fighters Raphael, Leonardo , Donatello, and Michaelangelo leap into action. They put up a fierce fight, too, though in order to truly defeat Shredder, the heroes in a half shell will need the help of courageous reporter April O'Neil Megan Fox and her quick witted cameraman Vern Fenwick (Will Arnett) as well. With their help, Shredder's plan will quickly unravel, and this once-great city will rise again. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: Jonathan Liebesman 

Cast: Megan Fox, Alan Ritchson, Johnny Knoxville, Jeremy Howard, Noel Fisher, Will Arnett

Release Date: Aug 08, 2014

Rated: PG-13 for sci-fi action violence 

Runtime: 1 hr. 41 min. 

Genres: Action/Adventure, Family, Sci-Fi/Fantasy 

Review:

Rebooting the Ninja Turtles and getting it back on the big screen has been a bit of a trek.  The Batred (Michael Bay produced) hit first by the rumors of them having their back story drastically changed by making them aliens, etc… That Jonathan Liebesman’s film isn’t a total train wreck is a small wonder in of itself.  In fact, it actually captures plenty of the original’s sense of fun along with each of the titular characters traits and attitude.  Liebesman does his best Michael Bay impression by directing some kinetic action sequences with the most impressive being a snow covered mountain chase.  He moves his film around rather quickly avoiding as many lingering moments as possible.  Unfortunately, the script is kind of clunky when dealing with non-turtle characters.  Leading the charge is a mostly wooden, strangely pillowed lipped, Megan Fox who delivers most of her lines with the conviction of a pizza box.  She’s window dressing at best and a distraction from the fun for the most part.  Will Arnett and William Fichtner are fairly underused unfortunately, leaving most of the live action acting in Megan Fox’s lovely hands.  Still, even if you looking for a bit of a throwback or just some mindless fun, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles succeeds more than it doesn’t simply doing something most of the Transformers films never did, getting the primary characters right.

B-