MOVIE REVIEW: EXPEND4BLES

Armed with every weapon they can get their hands on, the Expendables are the world's last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options are off the table.

Director: Scott Waugh

Cast: Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, Megan Fox, Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, Jacob Scipio, Levy Tran, Andy García

Release Date: September 22, 2023 

Genre: Action, Adventure, Thriller, War

Rated R for strong/bloody violence throughout, language and sexual material.

Runtime: 1h 43m

The Expendables franchise has always leaned on 80's action nostalgia with its rotating collection of aging stars.  It seemed inevitable that it wouldn't be able to last forever as the big names slowly dropped off, killing off it's primary draw.  This fourth entry lacks the original hook leaving Jason Statham, Megan Fox and Randy Couture front and center, Stallone appears in what amounts to a glorified cameo.  Statham is generally good fun in supporting role or lead roles especially if he's got strong material.  Sadly the script, production and story overall is terribly lazy and undercooked leaving him to rely on his natural charisma which can only take the film so far.  Megan Fox is distractingly bad throughout, with the film asking us to believe she's a stone cold mercenary even while she's outfitted in clubwear with enough flawless make up caked on to make you think they shot her using an Instagram filter.  It's one of the many things that make the whole thing feel like a bottom shelf rental from the early 80s.  The new cast of characters are all fairly nondescript with 50 Cent acting like 50 Cent and Jacob Scipio giving a fairly terrible Antonio Banderas impersonation as his son.  Iko Uwais serves as the primary villain but he's saddled with pencil thin characterization with the only memorable moment coming in the final act with a well choregraphed fight with Statham which gives the film the slightest bit of a pulse.  The series, as a whole, has never been a bastion of high art but they were fun as mindless mayhem something this entry seems to have forgotten.  Expend4bles is sorely lacking in that department since there's nothing terribly fun about it which leaves it dead on arrival.

D-

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Samaritan & Ida Red

Dear reader(s), pickins are a little slim as far as at-home cinema this weekend, but I managed to find a couple offerings to pass the time. On the docket: Samaritan and Ida Red.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First up: Samaritan (2022).

A young boy's obsession with a presumed-dead superhero leads to trouble.

Samaritan is a bargain basement hero tale that gives too little screen time to its "name" star (Sylvester Stallone) and too much screen time to its insufferable kid lead. There's a different standard for child actors, and the role is hardly anything to write home about, but even those allowances can't make this kid tolerable. Once you compartmentalize the annoying brat, the tale is typical good vs. evil, with Stallone laying down the law, no surprises but enjoyable enough. Set design, reminiscent of a 70s cop drama, perfectly captures the movie's gritty, ominous vibe. It's all a bit more broadly drawn than I expected — and maybe shame on me for that? — but Samaritan is otherwise a passable and forgettable straight-to-streaming flick.

Samaritan runs 102 minutes and is rated PG13 for "strong violence and strong language."

If we got a little spoiled by the quality of some films released directly to streaming during lockdown, movies like Samaritan will bring us back to Earth quickly enough. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Samaritan gets four.

Samaritan is now streaming on Prime Video.

Next on my agenda: Ida Red (2021).

A terminally-ill inmate turns to her son in a last-ditch attempt to enjoy some freedom before dying.

My dear reader(s), however many streaming offerings I may reject on a typical Saturday, there are a few things that earn an instant "yes" vote from me. Frank Grillo is one of them. Grillo is a guy I like in any movie, and a guy who mostly makes movies I like. He steals the show here as brother-in-law of the titular Ida Red (Academy Award winner Melissa Leo, taking the easy paycheck) and uncle of the film's real star, Josh Hartnett, the son on which Ida pins her hopes of freedom. The story is pretty basic cops and robbers, with family drama thrown in for good measure. It's violent, deliberately paced, and unsurprising, but I didn't hate it, and that's about the nicest thing I can say about anything these days.

Ida Red clocks in at 111 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence, language throughout, and some sexual content."

Ida Red is a predictable but entertaining thriller with a solid cast. Of a possible nine  Weasleys, Ida Red gets five.

Ida Red is now streaming on the Showtime family of networks.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of The Suicide Squad

My dear reader(s): The weekend just passed brought us the latest installment in DC Comics' extended cinematic universe, the Suicide Squad.

A collection of the criminal and the criminally insane embark on another secret mission.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers or a general familiarity with the product.

Technically, I believe the Suicide Squad is considered a sequel to 2016's Suicide Squad. In reality, minus Jared Leto's Joker and with an almost completely new cast, it feels more like a do-over. The original was universally reviled (though I didn't hate it), so putting maximum artistic distance between the two probably was in the best interest of the new movie.

It comes as no surprise, then, that Suicide Squad and *the* Suicide Squad are two very different films. As mentioned, gone is Leto's deeply divisive Joker. While that's a significant character to remove from the mix, I don't think the movie misses him. Gone, also, is Will Smith as Deadshot. The team's new leader is Bloodsport, portrayed by Idris Elba. Will Smith is cool, but I can't say there are many actors I wouldn't happily swap for Elba, and Mr. Smith is no exception. (Sorry, Will. Love ya.) Margot Robbie makes her third big-screen appearance as Harley Quinn, and — given the character's psychoses — it feels inappropriate to say she's delightful, but delightful she is. She's come to own the character, and certainly she owns the screen whenever she's on it. Joel Kinnaman returns as Rick Flag, and Viola Davis as Amanda Walker, but most of the other faces are new to the property, if mostly familiar to movie-goers. Notable are the brilliant Peter Capaldi, John Cena, and David Dastmalchian, a favorite of mine since he named Rachel Dawes as next on the Joker's hit list in the Dark Knight. (Dastmalchian and co-star Michael Rooker have also done time in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.) Sylvester Stallone is a scene-stealer as the voice of King Shark. Most of the performances can fairly be called terrific without a "for the genre" qualifier. The Suicide Squad uses a solid score by John Murphy and an interesting selection of tunes to underscore its dark mood, another important distinction from the original, which often felt more like a series of music videos than it did one cohesive film. The movie has its fair share of juvenile humor, but an equal helping of legitimately funny bits. CGI is decent throughout, and action scenes are exciting and don't wear out their welcome. Harley Quinn features in a fight sequence that is right up there with the Freebird/church scene in Kingsman: the Secret Service as a new classic and maybe an all-time great.

While the 2016 and 2021 Suicide Squads are very different, they're also quite similar. Both are very, very violent, though in a stylized way that doesn't seem as much about the gross-out as it does about interesting visuals. Both have a bright comic-book look to them, with colorful graphics and bold text. Both feature an abundance of bad language and disturbing content. (Why does James Gunn hate birds??) Both play Harley Quinn's insanity for laughs when, really, hers is a grotesque and unsettling story. If the houses ended up looking quite different, it's clear their foundations were the same.

The Suicide Squad is now playing in cinemas worldwide, and streaming on HBO Max through the first week of September. It runs 132 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence and gore, language throughout, some sexual references, drug use, and brief graphic nudity."

The Suicide Squad is good fun for those who aren't squeamish about extreme content, a definite improvement over the original. Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Suicide Squad gets seven and a half.

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: THE SUICIDE SQUAD

 

The government sends the most dangerous supervillains in the world -- Bloodsport, Peacemaker, King Shark, Harley Quinn and others -- to the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese. Armed with high-tech weapons, they trek through the dangerous jungle on a search-and-destroy mission, with only Col. Rick Flag on the ground to make them behave.

Director: James Gunn

Cast: Margot Robbie, Idris Elba, John Cena, Joel Kinnaman, Sylvester Stallone, Viola Davis, Jai Courtney, Peter Capaldi

Release Date: Rated R for strong violence and gore, language throughout, some sexual references, drug use and brief graphic nudity

Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi

Rated R for strong violence and gore, language throughout, some sexual references, drug use and brief graphic nudity

Runtime: 2 h 12 min

Review:

James Gunn's The Suicide Squad is a visually aggressive Dirty Dozen grindhouse film in the guise of a superhero film.  Gunn's Guardian of the Galaxy was one of first Marvel films that had a decidedly unique feel to it but those expecting something similar in DC universe will be surprised.  In this film Gunn has gone back to his gory roots by mirroring his first film's, Slither, story and using his refined directorial talents to great effect.  He delivers some truly beautiful sequences which will leave a lasting impact, Harley's escape is colorful collage of carnage.  His story is goofy, bloody but heartfelt at the same time even if all those elements don't hit the mark perfectly.  The character arches are filled with lingering mommy and daddy issues which doesn't give the ensemble much depth outside of being an outcast.  Robbie's Harley fares the best since her character has had three films to evolve into herself.  Idris Elba instantly feels like a more natural fit for this film than Will Smith did in the original film. Elba has a natural toughness that oozes through the screen which works perfectly for his character.  John Cena's Peacemaker should be the stand out of the piece but the script doesn't give him much to work with so he's not as impactful as the script wants him to be.  Daniela Melchior's Ratcatcher 2 ends up being the beating heart of film with her and Bloodsport's relationship providing the emotional string to the film.  Joel Kinnaman's Col. Rick Flag gets an expanded role here which makes him feel more like a complete character even amongst the insanity of Sylvester Stallone's, R rated Groot, King Shark or David Dastmalchian's Polka Dot Man.  Gunn's film embraces the insanity full bore by the final act by delivering the kind of big budget midnight movie madness which you have to appreciate for its sheer audacity.  

B

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Downton Abbey / Rambo: Last Blood

 

Yesterday it was off to the pictures for the peculiar pairing of Downton Abbey and Rambo: Last Blood.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First up: The big-screen version of ITV/PBS' breakout TV hit Downton Abbey.

The Crawleys prepare for a visit from King George V and Queen Mary.

For fans of the TV series, the Downton Abbey movie is like a visit with a much-missed old friend. From the opening notes of the show's iconic theme, the whole thing just feels...comfortable. Having said that, this film is very much a stand-alone piece that explains itself well enough that anyone should be able to keep up.

The Downton Abbey movie is mostly light in tone, with the chaos of preparing for a royal visit providing its own comedy. In addition to the expected witticisms from Violet and Isobel (Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton), Mr. Molesley (Kevin Doyle) is used almost exclusively for comic relief (to great effect, I might add). Sub-plots involving Tom Branson (Allen Leech) and Thomas Barrow (Robert James-Collier) take a more serious turn and add a genuinely tense undercurrent. Magnificent costumes and sets make the film a thing of lush beauty. The final scene does go on just a bit longer than it needs to, but that's a very petty quibble with a pretty perfect movie.

The Downton Abbey TV series ended on a mostly-satisfying note, leading to some concern in my household that an addendum might upset that applecart. ("Like Sex & the City!" my sister kept saying, whereupon I kept my secret: I don't remember enough about Sex & the City--series or movies--to commiserate!) Happily, the big-screen Downton Abbey only adds another satisfying chapter to its story, leaving enough loose ends to continue the tale if demand is there, but not the kind that leave viewers frustrated for lack of resolution.

Downton Abbey clocks in at 122 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic elements, some suggestive material, and language."

The Downton Abbey movie adds a worthy new chapter to the adored television series. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Downton Abbey gets nine.

Fangirl points: You. Guys. A LOT of these people have been on Midsomer Murders!

Next on the docket: Rambo: Last Blood.

John Rambo is out for vengeance.

One last time. Having a mere two minutes to spare between the end of Downton Abbey and the beginning of Rambo, I sprinted (I. SPRINTED.) across the cinema expressly for the pleasure of seeing Oscar Jaenada on the big screen, which doesn't happen nearly often enough. Per my usual M.O., I didn't care enough to revisit previous Rambo installments before checking out his 2019 adventure, but Last Blood is not smart or deep enough to require any background to follow along.

Sylvester Stallone is a favorite of mine. He's making bank these days playing tired, old versions of his classic characters, and generally I have no problem with that; however, Last Blood is so wholly constructed of over-used movie tropes, painful dialogue, and wooden acting that it's beyond saving. Laughable levels of carnage are elevated to beyond ridiculous by some of the most gruesome sound effects ever, and an over-abundance of weird extreme close-ups make the movie feel like a cheap soap opera. If there's one good thing to be said about Rambo: Last Blood (besides the fact Jaenada gets a fair bit of screen time), it's that the movie is mercifully short.

Rambo: Last Blood runs 89 minutes and is rated R for "strong graphic violence, grisly images, drug use, and language."

If you are totally invested in the Rambo series, or if you are totally invested in opportunities to see Oscar Jaenada on the big screen, Last Blood may be worth a trip to the cinema. If not, spend your ticket money on something that works harder to earn it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Rambo: Last Blood gets three.

Fangirl points: Uh...did I mention Oscar Jaenada? Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Creed II & Robin Hood 2018

Dearest Blog: The busy holiday weekend having left no time for the cinema (!!), yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for a Monday-afternoon screening of Creed II and Robin Hood 2018.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or guess from the trailers.

First up: Creed II.

Apollo Creed's son looks to write a new ending to the Creed/Drago story.

The second Creed installment is another solid film that maybe follows the Rocky formula just a little too closely. I didn't love it less for playing out exactly as I expected, but getting there did seem a bit more tedious than last time.

Creed II's chief positive is its strong leads. Michael B. Jordan is brilliant in a title role that provides a perfect showcase for his talent. Sylvester Stallone wears Rocky Balboa like a comfortable old sweater, and his turn as the aging champ is once again sincere and a little bit heartbreaking. Creed II lays on the nostalgia, with heavy references and flashbacks to the tragic, three-decades-past match between the elder Creed and the elder Drago. There are the requisite training montages and brutal, well-choreographed boxing matches, with plenty of Agonizing Over Big Decisions for flexing those acting muscles. The movie doesn't hold many surprises, and--at two hours plus--it certainly could have used a trim, but none of that keeps it from being a great bit of feel-good holiday fare.

Creed II clocks in at 130 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sports action violence, language, and a scene of sensuality."

If Creed II is guilty of sticking too close to a formula, well, at least it's a good one.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Creed II gets seven and a half.

Next on yesterday's agenda: Robin Hood 2018.

A new take on an old legend.

Dear reader(s), I'ma be straight with ya: Like the Three Musketeers, Robin Hood is a story that, no matter how often or how badly you tell it, I'm going to fall for it every time. Every. Damn. Time. I am delighted to report that the streak continues with Robin Hood 2018.

Now...that is not to say this movie is not idiotic, because--oh!--it most certainly is. Rather, it is so willfully idiotic that, sans unrealistic expectations, you can't help but enjoy it, so...let's get started with why.

How about Taron Edgerton? Edgerton is a solid actor and a magnetic leading man, an outstanding fit for the action-hero mold. He's young, he's great, and he's only going to get better. Punching well below his weight class, Ben Mendelsohn chews the scenery with relish. Jamie Foxx is mostly over the top as well, though he does get one terrific speech to remind you he's got an Oscar. Fellow Academy Award winner F. Murray Abraham, on the other hand, is sadly wasted. Action sequences are ridiculous, exciting, and well placed. The film doesn't slow down often, but it never feels like one endless fight either. Joseph Trapanese's score had me from note one. Like last year's King Arthur: Legend of the Sword and the most recent BBC television version of Robin Hood (not-so-affectionately dubbed "Robin Hoodie" by critics), Robin Hood 2018 makes no pretense of authenticity, instead it's all perky bosoms and perfect dental work. Accents are all over the place, inappropriately modern touches are everywhere (midriff top, anyone?), some of the dialogue is so pitiful it actually hurts to listen to it, annnnnnnd...none of that is a complaint. For two hours, I didn’t stop smiling.

Robin Hood 2018 runs 116 minutes and is rated PG13 for, "extended sequences of violence and action, and some suggestive references."

Robin Hood 2018 is striking out at the box office, but it's a home run for me!

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Robin Hood 2018 gets eight.

Fangirl points: Let's hear it for Jamie Dornan speaking with his real Irish accent! *swoon*

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: CREED 2

In 1985, Russian boxer Ivan Drago killed former U.S. champion Apollo Creed in a tragic match that stunned the world. Against the wishes of trainer Rocky Balboa, Apollo's son Adonis Johnson accepts a challenge from Drago's son -- another dangerous fighter. Under guidance from Rocky, Adonis trains for the showdown of his life -- a date with destiny that soon becomes his obsession. Now, Johnson and Balboa must confront their shared legacy as the past comes back to haunt each man.

Director: Steven Caple Jr.

Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Sylvester Stallone, Tessa Thompson, Dolph Lundgren, Florian Munteanu, Wood Harris, Russell Hornsby, Andre Ward, Phylicia Rashad

Release Date: November 21, 2018

Genres: Drama, Sport

Rated PG-13 for sports action violence, language, and a scene of sensuality

Runtime: 2h 10 min

Review:

Creed 2 is a well acted and directed sequel that delivers what people expect from the Rocky films even though there’s a strict adherence to the tired and true tropes and beats.  Steven Caple Jr. does solid work stepping in for Ryan Coogler who brought the franchise back to life.  Caple Jr. gives his film enough artful touches to give it a distinctive feel which makes some of the more predictable moments easier to sit through.  The biggest thing this sequel has going for it is its cast lead by the incredibly charismatic Michael B. Jordan.  Jordan’s profile has risen quiet a bit since the first film came out and it’s well earned.  He feels much more comfortable in the roles and explores other aspects of the character’s psyche.  Tessa Thompson is just as comfortable this go around which leaves us with an incredibly watchable on screen couple.  The heart and soul of these films is still Sylvester Stallone this remains true here even though his role is limited.  Bringing back one of Rocky’s most iconic adversaries could have been a major misstep but luckily it’s handled nicely.  It’s an interesting turn that expands on what was, and still is, a cartoonish type of character.  Some of the Drago story threads still come off as a bit silly but the story really does an impressive job of adding some interesting depth to Drago.  Creed 2 isn’t quiet as impressive as Creed but it more than holds its own in the Rocky ring.

B

MOVIE REVIEW: CREED

Adonis Johnson (Michael B. Jordan) never knew his famous father, world heavyweight champion Apollo Creed, who died before he was born. Still, there’s no denying that boxing is in his blood, so Adonis heads to Philadelphia, the site of Apollo Creed’s legendary match with a tough upstart named Rocky Balboa. Once in the City of Brotherly Love, Adonis tracks Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) down and asks him to be his trainer. Despite his insistence that he is out of the fight game for good, Rocky sees in Adonis the strength and determination he had known in Apollo—the fierce rival who became his closest friend. Agreeing to take him on, Rocky trains the young fighter, even as the former champ is battling an opponent more deadly than any he faced in the ring. With Rocky in his corner, it isn’t long before Adonis gets his own shot at the title...but can he develop not only the drive but also the heart of a true fighter, in time to get into the ring?

Director: Ryan Coogler

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Michael B. Jordan, Tessa Thompson, Phylicia Rashad, Ritchie Coster

Release Date: Nov 25, 2015

Rated PG-13 Violence, Some Sensuality and Language

Runtime: 2 hr. 13 min.

Genres: Drama

Review:

Ryan Coogler’s Creed is one of the rare sports films that works for an actual sports fan.  It’s structure is very similar to the past Rocky movies and there isn’t much surprise about what goes down during it’s somewhat extended runtime.  Still it works on various levels because of some excellent direction and strong performances from Michael B. Jordan and Sylvester Stallone.  Coogler pulls off an effective redux of the original Rocky story that’s engaging enough to keep everyone engaged throughout.  It’s clear that Coogler is a big fan of the original film and it come through the screen.  Michael B. Jordan is focused and believable as the upcoming boxing trying to make a name for himself.  The real surprise though is Stallone who delivers one of his best performances in years.  It’s been so long since Stallone has fallen into a parody of himself that it’s easy to forget that he was a capable actor at one point.  Stallone’s work is heartfelt and reflective.  He and Jordan share some solid chemistry together making it easy to care about their journey.  Creed isn’t a perfect film though.  The structure is very well worn and characters seem to appear and disappear regularly with Phylicia Rashad left acting alone reacting to a TV.  Its far from a fatal flaw but it does feel like a missed opportunity to expand on certain relationships and characters.  As a boxing fan, nothing takes me out of a film quicker than staged fights that instantly feel inauthentic.  It’s a difficult thing to pull off because of the nature of the sport but Creed does an excellent job of pulling off the illusion for the most part, there’s rarely that much chatting between rounds from the fighters.  As a whole though, Creed finds the essence of the original film which isn’t a small feat considering this is 7^th entry in the long running franchise.  

B

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Victor Frankenstein & Creed

 

 

 

Dearest Blog: Thanks to my employer's generous early dismissal yesterday, I got an early start on the holiday weekend at Marquee Cinemas. 

 

Hollywood owed me an apology for those two stinkers last weekend, and I'm pleased to report they couldn't better have made up for it than with Victor Frankenstein and Creed. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers. 

 

First on my agenda: Victor Frankenstein, a new twist on an oft-told tale. Victor Frankenstein is much more a story of man than monster, a sort of "origins" movie, told from the perspective of Frankenstein's young associate, Igor. Daniel Radcliffe effectively continues to distance himself from his Harry Potter days, running the physical and emotional gamut as Igor. He is fantastic! James McAvoy brings the crazy to his entertaining portrayal the (in)famous Victor Frankenstein, perpetual frantic motion and spit. (Seriously, had this been filmed in California, they'd no longer have a drought problem.) 

 

The movie boasts lovely costumes and set design, a healthy dose of humor, some groovy effects, the expectedly-high gross-out factor...annnnnd...for as much as we see of him, the Monster looks terrific. 

 

Victor Frankenstein runs a quick 109 minutes and is rated PG13 for "macabre images, violence, and a sequence of destruction." As with any re-imagining of a classic, Victor Frankenstein won't be everyone's cup of tea, but I kinda loved it. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Victor Frankenstein gets seven. 

 

Next on the docket, the latest installment in the Rocky saga: Creed. An aging Rocky Balboa reluctantly signs on to train the young son of his friend and former rival Apollo Creed. 

 

It's a holiday weekend in the US and I'm sure everyone's busy with family and friends and shopping, but as a self-decreed Internet authority, I must insist you MAKE TIME TO GET OUT AND SEE THIS MOVIE. 

 

Michael B. Jordan is amazing as the young Creed--so good you'll have no choice but to forgive that last Fantastic Four movie!--and Sylvester Stallone is as reliable as you'd expect as the reluctant mentor. 

 

I'm sure he could play Rocky in his sleep by now, yet he's no less effective, sympathetic, or heartbreaking for it. Creed moves at a good clip, despite a runtime that's a tad longer than it needs to be. 

 

The boxing action is well executed--and thus a bit much for the non-enthusiast--and the story is extremely well crafted. If the movie is a tad hokey at times, it's so much more genuine and emotional and inspirational, with just enough of the right kind of humor at the right times. 

 

The Liverpudlian baddie is so broadly drawn I half-expected his walkup music to be Love Me Do, but that's a tiny quibble with what's overall a really-extra-super-great movie. (Also his handler is Dwalin from the Hobbit, so...POINTS!) Creed clocks in at 133 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence, language, and some sensuality." 

 

Creed will leave you feeling like Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club. It is everything I love about movies. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Creed gets eight. Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of The Expendables 3

 

 

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures for something that gets me as excited as landing on The Nice List come Christmas Eve: a new Expendables movie.

Spoiler level here will be mild-ish, mostly nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Barney adds some fresh faces to his team, in hopes of bringing down an old foe.

Reader(s), let's just get this out of the way: I think the Expendables franchise is the most awesomely awesome awesome in the history of awesome. I didn't love the second installment *quite* as well as the first--it felt a lot like throwing more names at the screen just to see what stuck--and trailers led me to fear the new one might be more of the same. While part three definitely does offer an expanded array of ass-kickers, I am happy to declare it the best of the franchise (so far).

Expendables 3 is non-stop action, spelled with brief bits of Feelings and quick frames of Other Things That Make Badasses Cool, such as riding motorcycles and doing shots. The Expendables get that the action is probably why you came, though, and they see to it you get your money's worth.
Daring vehicular stunts, massive weapons, and nicely-choreographed hand-to-hand combat occupy most of the screen time. As always, the cast is a who's who of action stars: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, Wesley Snipes, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, and Jet Li. Throw in Mel Gibson, Kelsey Grammer, Antonio Banderas, and Harrison Ford for good measure, and you've got yourself quite the crew.

The pitfall of a cast this size is that there's never quite enough of THAT ONE GUY you want to see more of (in my case, Statham, always), but the silver lining is that Harrison Ford is...well...Harrison Ford, and Banderas, in top comic form, completely steals the show. The young'uns are the most forgettable batch of low-watt never-will-bes this side of a Twilight movie--and I certainly could have done without the addition of a female Expendable--but the big guns thankfully have enough star power to go around. Though there was quite a fuss about keeping this installment tame enough for a PG13 rating (as opposed to the Rs earned by the first two Expendables flicks), the film doesn't suffer for it. Quite honestly, I can't imagine a more fun time at the movies.

The Expendables 3 clocks in at 126 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence including intense sustained gun battles and fight scenes, and for language."

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Expendables 3 gets eight. Oh, and Sly, dahhhling, you don't have to be 30 years younger to come knockin' on MY door.

Until next time..

 Shut up and take my money!

MOVIE REVIEW: THE EXPENDABLES 3

Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham) and the rest of the team comes face-to-face with Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson), who years ago co-founded The Expendables with Barney. Stonebanks subsequently became a ruthless arms trader and someone who Barney was forced to kill... or so he thought. Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, now is making it his mission to end The Expendables -- but Barney has other plans. Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members, recruiting individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy. The latest mission becomes a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise in the Expendables' most personal battle yet. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: Patrick Hughes

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Wesley Snipes

Release Date: Aug 15, 2014

Rated: PG-13 for Language, Intense Sustained Gun Battles, Fight Scenes and Violence 

Runtime: 2 hr. 7 min. 

Genres: Action/Adventure 

Review:

By this point in time you come to expect certain things from the Expendables movies.  The third entry starts off well with a rollicking, if a tad silly, action sequence that brings back Wesley Snipes to the screen.  Honestly, I didn’t know I missed Snipes that much but he perks up the first 20 minutes of the movie with an energetic charisma that’s hard to ignore.  After that sequence, the film turns into a bit of slog as we’re slowly introduced to new recruits, none of which have even the tiniest bit of screen charisma, with the characters we’ve come to know relegated to wait off screen.  The biggest sin isn’t that these characters are faceless and just there to serve the plot, it’s that during this extended sequence nothing happens.  There lots of exposition with Frasier popping up to throw some zingers at the plastic corpse that is Stallone but very little action or fun.  It’s honestly the films biggest drawback because the whole sequence could have been done in about 10 minutes so we could bring back the established fun characters or the other new additions like Antonio Banderas who’s hilarious as a motor mouth killer looking for a new team.  Once the final action sequence starts, you remember why your watching this film, lots over the top action with fun characters and crazy eyed Mel Gibson hamming it up as the villain of the piece.  That’s all I was really looking for in this franchise.

C+

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Grudge Match, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty & The Wolf of Wall Street

Dearest Blog, the holiday movie glut necessitated a cinema triple feature yesterday, consisting of Grudge Match, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and The Wolf of Wall Street.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

The schedule dictated that my likely favorite of the three, Grudge Match, be my opener.

Two aging boxing champions, whose only professional losses were to each other, face off in an unlikely rubber match 30 years after their last battle.

Grudge Match isn't out to cash in on any awards season notoriety; it's meant to be a good time at the cinema, and that's exactly what it is.

Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro are perfect foils, trading verbal and physical jabs throughout. Kevin Hart and Alan Arkin are hilarious as the fight promoter and trainer, respectively, and each scores several laugh-out-loud moments in the film. The main cast is rounded out by Kim Basinger and Jon Berenthal (that guy is everywhere these days!), both of whom are fine for as much as they're needed.

Grudge Match never veers far from its main course, and is smart enough not to overstay its welcome. There's a subplot for some depth, but the film focuses mostly on the big match. I'm not sure how well the humor would go over well with a younger crowd, but for the target older audience, this one is a bullseye.

Grudge Match runs 113 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sports action violence, sexual content, and language."

If you're exhausted from all the awards season fare and just looking for a fun day at the movies, Grudge Match is the perfect cure for what ails ya. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Grudge Match gets seven and a half.

Next on yesterday's agenda was The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

After misplacing an important item, a daydreamer with a humdrum life sets out on a series of adventures to try and recover it.

I'm entirely unfamiliar with the 1947 Walter Mitty, so this review is based only on the current version and not how it stacks up against the original. Though I make a point of avoiding others' reviews until I've written my own, I understand this isn't getting great notices, and, in its first week, it's already in the smallest room at my cinema, so I gather it's not setting the box office on fire, either. I can understand both, though I'm not necessarily on board with either.

At first glance, Walter Mitty looked to me a bit like Cloud Atlas, that is, something that seemed like sure awards bait, but somehow misstepped in the execution. To a degree that's true, mostly due to Ben Stiller's failings as a leading man. I've learned to give the guy credit where credit is due (Tropic Thunder is my funniest movie of all time!), but, from an acting standpoint, asking him to carry a film on his own shoulders is still a stretch. He's just not good or likable enough. That aside, the film has one of those absurdly inspiring storylines the Academy usually eats right up, and it's beautifully shot. Throw in critical darling Sean Penn in a small role and, well, it's sort of understandable why this might have been considered a contender in a weaker year at the cinema. For my money, I found it entertaining and--if I wasn't wildly excited by it--I wasn't bored either.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty clocks in at 114 minutes and is rated PG for "some crude comments, language, and action violence."

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is uplifting holiday fare set to some truly glorious scenery, definitely worth seeing on a big screen. Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty gets six and a half.

Finally, the closer on yesterday's slate was the Martin Scorsese film The Wolf of Wall Street.

The Wolf of Wall Street is based on (I'd guess more "inspired by" from all the disclaimers) the true story of the rise and fall of Wall Street hotshot Jordan Belfort.

Prior to seeing it, I heard a lot about the controversies surrounding The Wolf of Wall Street, specifically that it glorifies the people at the center of these scandals, and that the sex and drug content had to be seriously pared to avoid an NC17 rating. I strongly disagree that this film glorifies its subjects, as their fall is as integral to the movie as their rise (if not as time consuming). As for the sex and drugs, well, I've worked and played closely with a band and a couple hockey teams, so there's no degree of debauchery that can shock or offend me; that content had no bearing on my opinion of the film. What does shock and offend me, apparently enough to influence my enjoyment of this movie, is unmitigated greed, in particular, this brand of greed where someone feels entitled to everything he can take, regardless of morality/legality and the cost to others. I was well aware of the subject matter, but trailers led me to believe the movie would be entertaining enough to get me past it. Sadly, it doesn't quite make it.

Leonardo DiCaprio is magnificent in the lead, as always, simply one of the most watchable stars Hollywood has to offer. There's a LOT of scenery-chewing going on here, but DiCaprio can dial it up or down as necessary, and I was riveted by his every second on screen. Jonah Hill appears to be shooting for another Oscar nom with his supporting performance, but he hardly seems worth mentioning in the same breath with the brilliant DiCaprio. Jon Berenthal turns up again in this one, and, for the second weekend running, Boardwalk Empire's Shea Whigham makes an appearance in the week's biggest opening (much to my delight!).

At almost an even three hours PLUS trailers, The Wolf of Wall Street is bloated, and it might have been easier to take at two and a half. No doubt there's a lot of story to tell, and it would be unfair to say the movie is ever slow; rather the whole thing feels as frenetic as its roomful of coked-up stockbrokers. I'm not suggesting it could or should be a two-hour shot, but three hours is just too much, and there are obvious places it could have been trimmed.

The Wolf of Wall Street runs 179 minutes (you heard me!) and is rated a HARD R for "sequences of strong sexual content, graphic nudity, drug use and language throughout, and for some violence."

The Wolf of Wall Street is a good, or maybe even a great, movie, and I was probably done in by my overly-high expectations as much as anything else. It's likely my being appalled by greed had less to do with my disappointment than the fact that I was a little bored through some of it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Wolf of Wall Street gets seven.

So, dear Blog, with two days left in 2013, I have three movies still at my cinema that I'd like to fit in (Frozen, Walking with Dinosaurs, and 47 Ronin), but none that are likely to affect my annual top ten...which is a work in progress as we communicate. A third Hobbit screening is top priority before my return to the real world on January 2nd, so we'll see if I can manage any or all of those other three. Stay tuned!!

Until next time...



All the awards, all the time, to you, sir!

MOVIE REVIEW: GRUDGE MATCH

Two retired boxers (Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro) decide to settle a long-standing beef by heading back into the ring in this sports comedy from director Peter Segal. Back in the day, Billy "The Kid" McDonnen (De Niro) and Henry "Razor" Sharp (Stallone) were the two biggest bruisers in the Pittsburgh boxing scene. Their fierce rivalry drawing nationwide attention, Razor and The Kid were deadlocked for the title of overall champion when the former announced his retirement just before the decisive 1983 match that would have determined the supreme champion. Three decades later, enterprising boxing promoter Dante Slate Jr. (Kevin Hart) lures the aging pugilists back into the ring for the fight that everyone has been waiting for. Alan Arkin, Kim Basinger, and Jon Bernthal costar. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Peter Segal

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Robert De Niro, Kim Basinger, Alan Arkin, Kevin Hart, Jon Bernthal

Release Date: Dec 25, 2013

Rated PG-13 for sports action violence, sexual content and language

Runtime: 1 hr. 53 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Grudge Match is those type of film’s that’s heavy on clichés and light on surprises. It’s about as harmless as a sleeping kitten. The plot borrows liberally Rocky and Raging Bull mixed with generic family drama (lost loves and children). There are old jokes by the barrel full with plenty of room left for the most obvious ones like Ben Gay and Geritol. It’s about as vanilla a film as they come with only one real surprise. Its watch able, occasionally lots of fun and surprisingly heartfelt in spots. You’d expect the cast to phone it in but most are surprisingly engaged with Stallone and De Niro giving the whole thing a pulse. Stallone in particular delivers his most authentic performance in years. De Niro seems to be having a ball perhaps reliving old glories. He and Bernthal, who does look like he’s related to De Niro, have a nice father long lost son chemistry on screen. Alan Arkin and Kevin Hart provide harmless comedic relief which never veers into anything close to dangerous territory. Kim Basinger meanwhile seems to have thought that it was a good idea to whisper all her lines regardless of the situation. The movie moves along at a nice pace rarely lingering and almost making its 2 hour runtime seem worthwhile. Along the way you’ll get the expected training montages, reunions leading up to the big fight. The climatic fight is impressively edited, making the whole thing seem as real as possible, even if boxers in movies never seem to defend themselves but I digress. It ends on a feel good moment which feels earned even in the most generic of all films.

B-

Cindy Prascik’s Reviews of Captain Phillips & Escape Plan

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema for a pair of testosterone-fueled flicks, Captain Phillips and Escape Plan.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First I set sail with Captain Phillips.

An American cargo ship is hijacked by Somali pirates, and its captain taken hostage.

I'll be straight with ya, readers, I expected Captain Phillips to be a slow, overlong movie redeemed by yet another Oscar-worthy turn from Tom Hanks. Instead it's the second film this month (the first being Gravity), to have been a very pleasant surprise.

Captain Phillips does feature an incredible performance by the always-reliable Hanks.

The supporting cast, most notably Barkhad Abdi as the pirates' leader, is no less remarkable for being less well known. Captain Phillips does a terrific job of sustaining tension, to the point that I won't even complain about the 15 minutes or so that easily could have been shaved off the runtime. (See what I did there?)

There's an air of claustrophobia about the movie's second half that literally sucks the air out of the theatre...or maybe I was just holding my breath? The film begins with some of the most insipid movie dialogue I've ever heard (remember, I own that My Bloody Valentine remake!), but not to worry, from the time we board the Alabama, Captain Phillips is absolutely riveting.

Captain Phillips runs 134 minutes and is rated PG13 for, "sustained intense sequences of menace, some violence with bloody images, and for substance use." It's a great film spearheaded by another magnificent Tom Hanks performance, for my money, a "must see."

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Captain Phillips gets seven and a half.

Next on my agenda was the Sylvester Stallone/Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick, Escape Plan.

Okay, dear Blog, from the first trailer, I felt like Escape Plan had been made expressly with me in mind. Even though I've never met Sly and Arnie, the movie does nothing to dispel the notion.

A guy who breaks out of prisons for a living faces his biggest challenge yet.

While Escape Plan doesn't quite have the "oomph" of that first Expendables movie, I can't imagine anyone who enjoys the genre wouldn't have a good time with it. Stallone and Schwarzenegger are on point, trading barbs and punches while plotting to escape their maximum-security hell.

The dashing Jim Caviezel brings the crazy as the power-mad warden. The rest of the supporting cast was mostly, "Um...I remember that guy played a thug in..........." The plot features a couple solid twists, and I was very impressed with the film's overall appearance, in particular that first full look at the supposedly escape-proof facility.

I see most movies in an empty or nearly-empty theatre (by design), but I had company for this one and the crowd's response was extremely positive.

Escape Plan clocks in at 116 minutes and is rated R for "violence and language throughout." If you're looking for a fun time at the movies, it doesn't get better than this.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Escape Plan also gets seven and a half.

Until next time...



Escape Plan: puts hair on your chest!

MOVIE REVIEW: ESCAPE PLAN

A structural security expert must escape from a prison based on his own designs in order to track down the person who framed him in this gritty action thriller staring Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. However should they fail, they will both perish in a hell that was constructed as a place where people disappear forever. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Mikael Håfström

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Caviezel, Vincent D'Onofrio, Vinnie Jones, Amy Ryan

Release Date: Oct 18, 2013

Rated R for violence and Language Throughout

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

Escape Plan is the kind of ridiculous throwback you’d expect from a team up of Stallone and Schwarzenegger. It’s got enough potholes to give your brain suspension failure. The plot is overly complicated and muddled for no good reason other than to confuse you into thinking it’s smarter than it is. Once you come to the realization that you can make your way through most of the plot without the assistance of Stallone’s slurred/grunting exposition it’s clear it’s not a film that requires your acute attention. Stallone, or the wax figure that they’ve been passing off as Stallone since the late 90’s, is surprisingly serious throughout. I didn’t expect tongue in cheek cheese of The Expendables 2 but I did expect him to have a little fun. Thankfully Schwarzenegger is having a great time onscreen and he’s far more engaged more than his official return The Last Stand. Schwarzenegger gives the film a nice dose of energy each time he pops up on screen, oddly he and Stallone don’t have much chemistry in this film. Perhaps it’s personal preference but I’ve always enjoyed Schwarzenegger more than Stallone so maybe that skews my enjoyment. The supporting cast is made up of an impressive array of strong actors. Unfortunately, they are mostly wasted as very minor background characters. James Caviezel delivers a fun performance mainly because he’s in full mustache twirling villain mode completes with non-descript European accent. Vinnie Jones makes for a perfect henchman since he looks like he could have been plucked from either of the stars 80’s films. Mikael Håfström’s direction is generic with very little in terms of style, mostly he just gets out of the way of the cast and lets them have their fun. A bit of trimming would have streamed line this film, there’s no reason for it to be nearly 2 hours long. Still it’s a serviceable action flick, personally I still like the novelty of seeing Stallone and Schwarzenegger together, that doesn’t require too much brain power and if you bought a ticket for this film that’s probably what you were expecting.

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: THE EXPENDABLES 2

IN THEATERS ON DVD

THE EXPENDABLES 2




The Expendables return with a vengeance in this follow-up to the 2010 surprise hit. The Mechanic's Simon West directed from a script by Sylvester Stallone and David Agosto. Liam Hemsworth heads up the rest of the starring cast, which includes returning members Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Terry Crews, along with fellow '80s action icons Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Simon West

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Liam Hemsworth

Release Date: Aug 17, 2012

Rated R for Strong Bloody Violence

Runtime: 1 hr. 43 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure

Review:

You can’t accuse the sequel to Expendables of not delivering on what it promised. Stallone’s brain child brought a litany of action stars together for the first film and with this second one he ups the ante across the board. Simon West takes over the director’s reigns this go around but it has a very similar feel to the first. The action is extreme and outlandish, very tongue in cheeks almost bordering on self parody occasionally. During the fast and loose action sequences the film finds its groove, allowing its cast to shine doing what they do best, kick ass. Pacing problems due kind of plague the film as West transitions from huge action set pieces to slower almost glacial story moments which change the films tone from fun to overly self serious. It’s most bothersome in the first part of the film which has more exposition than is actually needed for such a simple conceit. Around the midway point the, once the lone wolf shows up, film perks up again leading to a fun and enjoyable finale which features Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger doing what they do best, playing off each other extremely well. Jason Statham is the lone primary star from the first film who gets more than passing face time. As a sequel it delivers bigger bang for the buck even if it isn’t perfect.

B-