Cindy Prascik's Review of The Old Guard

With local cinemas still struggling to get by on a diet of classics and films whose theatrical releases were interrupted by Covid_19, this week I again threw myself on the mercy of streaming services. I really wanted to watch the Tom Hanks movie, but I don't have Apple+ and I *do* have Netflix, so...the Old Guard it was.

Spoiler level here will be moderate, likely nothing a trailer wouldn’t have revealed if you saw one, which I did not.

A team of immortal mercenaries struggles to keep its existence secret while unexpectedly finding another of their kind.

I have to admit, dear reader(s), that the Old Guard couldn't quite hold my attention for its duration, though, in fairness, little does these days. The world as it stands is difficult to keep at bay, and it's tough to avoid distractions and interruptions outside the cinema. That aside, the movie does try a bit too hard at times, and some of the dialogue is awkwardly written or awkwardly delivered, or maybe both. It probably could have used at least a small trim as well.

Despite those few small quibbles, the Old Guard gets it mostly right. Characters who have lived for hundreds of years have volumes of backstory, and the movie provides enough, but never bogs down with explaining itself. Its action is well spaced and well paced, and the fight choreography is really good. Characters and those portraying them, faces familiar and not, are engaging; there isn't one of the principals I didn't want to learn more about. Charlize Theron is fantastic, as always, in the lead, and the supporting cast is pitch perfect, too. The Old Guard is beautifully diverse, but never for the sake of it. Everything feels organic; the movie doesn't beat its audience over the head to make a point. The story winds to a nice finish, but definitely leaves plenty of room for prequels or sequels if the demand is there.

The Old Guard clocks in at 125 minutes, and is rated R for "sequences of graphic violence and language."

The Old Guard is a smart, solid action flick that wouldn't have felt out of place in a normal summer of blockbuster superhero fare.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Old Guard gets seven and a half. Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: THE OLD GUARD

A group of mercenaries, all centuries-old immortals with the ablity to heal themselves, discover someone is onto their secret, and they must fight to protect their freedom.

Director: Gina Prince-Bythewood

Cast: Charlize Theron, KiKi Layne, Matthias Schoenaerts, Marwan Kenzari, Luca Marinelli, Chiwetel Ejiofor

Release Date: July 10, 2020

Genres: Action, Fantasy

Rated R for sequences of graphic violence, and language.

Runtime: 2h 5min

Review:

Charlize Theron is one of those actresses that make pretty much any production better simply by taking part in it.  She’s the type of performer that’s always interesting especially when she has a role that’s meaty enough for her talents.  The Old Guard offers an intriguing and fun role for her even if it doesn’t take full advantage of her talents.  Gina Prince-Bythewood directs the film with an impressive bit of energy even if the story covers some well worn tropes in the comic book genre.  The film’s action sequences are impressively choreographed with some of them being particularly brutal ballets of destructions.  The quieter moments have varying levels of effectiveness with some feeling like genuine character building moments while others feel like they could have been left on the cutting room floor.  The cast plays well off each other even if KiKi Layne comes off as a bit stiff in here and there but for the most part the ensemble make for an engaging group.  Sadly, Chiwetel Ejiofor isn’t used nearly enough which seems like a major misstep and the villain played by Harry Melling is about as stereotypical as they come.  The story does suffer from being a franchise starter with the finale leave a massive open door for future installments.  As a result, it feels like the film doesn’t explore the story to its fullest potential with a handful of story threads left unexplored. 

B-

MOVIE REVIEW: BOMBSHELL

A revealing look inside the most powerful and controversial media empire of all time and the explosive story of the women who brought down the infamous man who created it.

Director: Jay Roach

Cast: Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, Margot Robbie, John Lithgow, Kate McKinnon, Connie Britton, Malcolm McDowell, Allison Janney

Release Date: December 13, 2019

Rated R for sexual material and language throughout

Runtime: 1hr 48 min.

Genres: Biography, Drama

Review:

Bombshell’s impact on anyone is sure to be colored by their feeling about the real life people portrayed.  Jay Roach delivers a funny but ultimately depressing tales about the behind the scenes machinations at propaganda machine as known as Fox News.  Roach has the unenviable task of displaying people who are all on varying scales of terrible.  The tale about Roger Ailes numerous misdeeds was previously covered on Showtime’s The Loudest Voice so Bombshell feels a bit like a companion piece since this film focuses more on the woman than Ailes himself.  As such the trio of Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie are front and center and truly carry the film.  Charlize Theron’s Megyn Kelly is one of those transformative performances that is sure to garner her a lot of awards buzz and with good reason.  She’s nearly unrecognizable here, capturing Kelly’s look and voice with an uncanny degree of accuracy.  The performance is such an attention grabber that it’s easy to overlook Nicole Kidman and Margo Robbie slightly more subtle performances.  Kidman’s take on Gretchen Carlson is solid but it’s hard to say it any better than Naomi Watt’s version on The Loudest Voice.  Robbie’s character is a composite character but serves a purpose of putting us in the room with Ailes while he’s harassing and victimizing these women.  John Lithgow’s take on Roger Ailes isn’t as a nuanced as Russell Crowe’s take earlier this year which leads to the bigger issue at play.  Bombshell seems content with going through basics but never really cares to dig any deep or offer any colors of gray.  As such certain characters are painted as heroes which can be difficult to swallow since their real life counterparts are terrible for other reasons. 

B

MOVIE REVIEW: LONG SHOT

Fred Flarsky is a gifted and free-spirited journalist who has a knack for getting into trouble. Charlotte Field is one of the most influential women in the world -- a smart, sophisticated and accomplished politician. When Fred unexpectedly runs into Charlotte, he soon realizes that she was his former baby sitter and childhood crush. When Charlotte decides to make a run for the presidency, she impulsively hires Fred as her speechwriter -- much to the dismay of her trusted advisers.

Director: Jonathan Levine

Cast: Charlize Theron, Seth Rogen, O'Shea Jackson Jr., Andy Serkis, June Diane Raphael, Bob Odenkirk, Alexander Skarsgård

Release Date: May 3, 2019

Genres: Comedy, Romance

Rated R for strong sexual content, language throughout and some drug use

Runtime: 2 h 5min

Review:

Every once in a while a romantic comedy manages to bust out of that genre’s general mediocrity.  Long Shot isn’t one of the best but it is a funny film that overcomes its short coming.  Once you get over the clearly outlandish premises, the script and cast really make the material shine.  The film ends up coming off as softer kinder version of Veep melded with a gender reversed Pretty Woman.  Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen have surprisingly solid chemistry, on paper it shouldn’t work but it does thanks to both of them.  Theron, in particular, continues to show an amazing ability to work in any role and genre.  Rogen is in his wheelhouse, of course, so it’s an easy fit for him.  O'Shea Jackson and June Diane Raphael fill in as the leads respective sidekicks which each making the most of their screen time.  The plotting hits on all usual rom-com mile markers, making everything fairly predictable.  It does start to overstay its welcome in the final act and could have used a tad bit of trimming.  Regardless, it’s a fun raunchy comedy that’s enjoyable enough to keep most people laughing.

B

MOVIE REVIEW: TULLY

Marlo, a mother of three, is gifted a night nanny by her brother. Hesitant to the extravagance at first, Marlo comes to form a unique bond with the thoughtful, surprising, and sometimes challenging young nanny named Tully.

Director: Jason Reitman

Cast: Charlize Theron, Mackenzie Davis, Mark Duplass, Ron Livingston

Release Date: May 4, 2018

Genres: Comedy, Drama 

Rated R for language and some sexuality/nudity

Runtime: 1h 36min 

Review:


Tully, the third collaboration between Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody, is an impressive thoughtful and raw look at motherhood.  Reitman and Cody have found their muse in Charlize Theron, the trio shined in the thoroughly unappreciated 2011 film Young Adult, who once again proves she’s one of the strongest actresses in film business.  Theron gained 50 pounds for the part to truly capture the character but it’s more than a physical transformation.  Theron has an ability to bring rawness to her character.  There’s a strong theme of melancholy throughout the film even as it moves from touching to outright funny.  Mackenzie Davis is more than capable of holding her own with Theron as the titular Tully.  Reitman and company carefully lead you down one path before the film takes an unexpected turn in the final act which totally changes the complexion of the film and story.  It’s a master stroke of direction and story telling that gives the film an emotional punch that it would have lacked if the story had played it safe.  Tully is a rare film that truly captures something real and relatable to most mothers, a real gift.

A

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Gringo & The Hurricane Heist

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the rowdy double-bill of Gringo and The Hurricane Heist.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

First on my agenda, Gringo.

 

Things go south for a pharmaceutical rep when he unwittingly runs afoul of a Mexican crime lord.

Gringo is a darkly funny outing that certainly won't be everyone's cup of tea. Filled with rough language, drug and sexual references, and up-close-and-personal violence, the story is a crazy one, though clever and sometimes more thoughtful than I expected. David Oyelowo (whose name I'll never learn to spell without looking) heads an excellent cast, striking a perfect tone for our confused and terrified titular gringo. The extraordinary Sharlto Copley shines in a small supporting role, but it's Charlize Theron who really steals the show with a sexy, foul-mouthed turn. Gringo is action packed, well crafted, and makes some surprise turns, building to a suitable and satisfying finale. It does suffer some sluggishness, but if sticking with it occasionally feels like work, the payout is worth it.

 

Gringo clocks in at an efficient 110 minutes and is rated R for "language throughout, violence, and sexual content."

 

Gringo can be a rough ride at times, but a great cast and solid story make it worth the effort. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Gringo gets seven.

 

Fangirl points: Alan Ruck! Yul Vazquez! Harry Treadway! A weird-but-awesome flamenco version of the Cure's Just Like Heaven over the end credits!

 

Next on the docket: The Hurricane Heist.

 

Thieves plan to use a Category 5 hurricane as cover for their attempt to steal $600 million from a US Treasury vault.

 

The Hurricane Heist is that rare picture that is 100% as advertised. It is, in truth, a very stupid movie; however, if you leave disappointed, it can only be due to unreasonable expectations. While it is neither as fun as Geostorm, nor as irrefutably awesome as Den of Thieves, the Hurricane Heist is just wacky enough to get away with its implausible premise and D-list cast. The obvious selling feature for this sort of film is its disaster effects, and here the quality ranges all the way from "pretty sweet" to "stuck in 1939 with The Wizard of Oz." Suffice to say the cast isn't exactly loaded with talent, and it doesn't need to be. True Blood got me used to Aussie Ryan Kwanten speaking with a southern drawl, but I was jarred incessantly by that sound coming out of Toby Kebbell's face. "Starring Maggie Grace" usually means a hard pass from me, so it's no surprise that it was difficult for me to get past her in the lead. The action is wild and the story is as goofy as you'd expect, but--while the movie definitely doesn't take itself too seriously--it's missing a certain element of fun that its wacky premise should have guaranteed.

 

The Hurricane Heist runs 102 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of gun violence, action, destruction, language, and some suggestive material."

 

The Hurricane Heist is a passable couple hours of witless entertainment for those slow, waning weeks of winter. (Also I kept thinking of Justin Timberlake in The Social Network: “Drop the ‘the;’ just ‘Hurricane Heist.’ It’s cleaner.”) 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Hurricane Heist gets four.

 

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: GRINGO

Mild-mannered U.S. businessman Harold Soyinka finds himself at the mercy of backstabbing colleagues, local drug lords and a black ops mercenary after traveling to Mexico. Crossing the line from law-abiding citizen to wanted criminal, Harold fights to survive an increasingly dangerous situation that raises the question -- is he out of his depth or two steps ahead?

Director: Nash Edgerton

Cast: David Oyelowo, Charlize Theron, Joel Edgerton, Amanda Seyfried, Thandie Newton, Sharlto Copley

Release Date: March 9, 2018

Genres: Action, Comedy, Crime

Rated R for language throughout, violence and sexual content

Runtime: 1h 50min

Review:

Gringo is a weird mismash of knock off Tarantino films that seemed to litter the cinematic landscape after Pulp Fiction hit in the late 90s.  Nash Edgerton film is overly busy and needlessly complex.  The characters themselves are interesting and eccentric enough but none of them have any tangible depth to them to make them overly interesting.  To its credit, the film boast a stellar cast who make the film far more watch able than it deserves to be.  David Oyelowo is the main attraction since he’s clearly having a great time playing against type.  Oyelowo who’s usually a dramatic actor has some solid comedic chops and provides of the films best moments.  Charlize Theron & Joel Edgerton are terribly underused especially in the second half of the film.  The same goes for Sharlto Copley’s character who’s interesting but he’s introduced late in the film leaving you wanting more.  Gringo as a whole feels like a missed opportunity, it’s not an unenjoyable film but you can’t help but feel like there is a much better film there.

C

MOVIE REVIEW: ATOMIC BLONDE

Oscar® winner Charlize Theron explodes into summer in Atomic Blonde, a breakneck action-thriller that follows MI6’s most lethal assassin through a ticking time bomb of a city simmering with revolution and double-crossing hives of traitors. The crown jewel of Her Majesty’s Secret Intelligence Service, Agent Lorraine Broughton (Theron) is equal parts spycraft, sensuality and savagery, willing to deploy any of her skills to stay alive on her impossible mission. Sent alone into Berlin to deliver a priceless dossier out of the destabilized city, she partners with embedded station chief David Percival (James McAvoy) to navigate her way through the deadliest game of spies.

Director: David Leitch 

Cast: Charlize Theron, James McAvoy, John Goodman, Sofia Boutella, Til Schweiger

Release Date: Jul 28, 2017

Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller

Rated R for for sequences of strong violence, language throughout, and some 
sexuality/nudity

Review:

Atomic Blonde is a stylish spy thriller that’s a great vehicle for a kick ass Charlize Theron.  That’s really the main attraction here, watching Charlize Theron repeatedly beat up anyone and everyone in a variety of fashions.  The film’s action sequences are impressive works of art that really highlight the director’s strengths.  The two major sequences, one involving a rope and lots of police and the finale which is one of the most brutal fight sequences in a long time, are when the film hits its peak.  The plot though is a slight weakness, the spy plot is pretty basic, missing microfilm, and there aren’t nearly as many twist and turns as you’d expect.  Still it’s got enough style blended with a strong 80s soundtrack to make it memorable.     

B

Cindy Prascik's Review of Atomic Blonde

Dearest Blog: Thanks to a half-day closing at the office, I was able to avoid the weekend rush and catch a Friday-afternoon screening of Atomic Blonde.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

Against a backdrop of the tumultuous days leading to the fall of the Berlin Wall, agents from several nations race to claim a stolen piece of valuable intelligence.

 

Regular reader(s) will have heard me say time and again that I haven't much interest in movies about women, but apparently my interest can be piqued when said women are beating the ever-lovin' crap out of everyone. Take note, Hollywood.

 

If we're being honest, Atomic Blonde is mostly a bunch of wild action sequences strung together with a thin of bit spy-thriller thread. The plot is compelling, with a few great twists, but it can't steal the spotlight from the movie's fight and chase scenes. It is a testament to how great the action is that you won't mind that a bit. It's a testament to the rest that the movie still has a few surprises up its sleeve. 

 

The lovely Charlize Theron is...well...lovely, ceaselessly making fashion statements while knocking people's lights out. (Note to self: Anyone dressed too nicely is probably a spy.) Theron is mesmerizing, carrying the movie as effortlessly as her character puts down the bad guys. James McAvoy, Sofia Boutella, Eddie Marsan, John Goodman, and Toby Jones round out an excellent supporting cast. Atomic Blonde features terrific graffiti-style graphics on the titles and credits, some beautiful scenery, and the best fight choreography I've seen in many a day. Full marks for all of the above, but if I told you any of that was the movie's high point, I'd be lying. No, the best thing about Atomic Blond is its wonderful soundtrack, featuring a couple-dozen of the 80s best nuggets, including the original German versions of two of my favorites: Peter Schilling's Major Tom (Coming Home) and Nena's 99 Luftballons. As most of the film's brutality is set to music, a final face-off is all the more effective for being backed by nothing but the sound of punches landing and people getting the wind knocked out of them.

 

Atomic Blonde clocks in at 115 minutes and is rated R for "sequences of strong violence, language throughout, and some sexuality/nudity."

 

These days people talk a lot about the importance of representation in film. I'm not sure anyone will be calling Atomic Blonde an "important representation for girls," but if, like me, you're a girl who would rather jump off a cliff than sit through Wild or its ilk again, it's certainly a step in the right direction. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Atomic Blonde gets eight.

 

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of Ben-Hur & Kubo and the Two Strings

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to the chariot races...erm...off to Marquee Cinemas for Ben-Hur and Kubo and the Two Strings. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on the docket, the ill-advised remake of Ben-Hur. An exiled prince returns home to seek revenge on the brother who wronged his family.

Regular reader(s) may recall that religious-themed movies fall at or about Nicholas Sparks-level on the list of "Things I Endure Only Under Duress."

I have no great love for 1959's Ben-Hur, but it's an iconic enough piece of cinema that even I recognized this remake as a bad idea. However, I think any movie with Jack Huston is a very good idea indeed, so I headed out to cheer on my man in his silly chariot race.

*sigh* The good news is, while Ben-Hur is far from a great movie, it's not nearly as terrible as I'd feared. Let's get the bad out of the way first, shall we?

This remake is a good 90 minutes shorter than its predecessor, but it still goes on a bit. Some of the dialoge is wrong for the characters and/or the time period, and some of it is just plain wrong.

The first act features some weirdly awkward time hops, the second act is a criminal waste of Morgan Freeman, and the ending is so cheesy it's almost physically painful, but....... Jack Huston is in nearly every single frame of this picture.

I mean, almost every last one. When a guy's the sole reason you plunk down your ten bucks for a ticket, it's hard to complain about a movie that ponies up like that.

Huston is a truly great actor and Ben-Hur doesn't come close to giving his talent a workout, but he does as well as anyone could with it.

There are some gorgeous costumes and nice looking sets, and the film's sound effects are particularly well done. I'm not a believer, myself, but Jesus (whose appearance amounts to little more than a cameo), provides a timely and important reminder that we have to start being better to each other. Really, people. Finally, if the chariot race is what puts butts in the seats, that sequence is a well-executed nail-biter, even if you already know the outcome.

Ben-Hur clocks in at 124 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence and disturbing images."

Ben-Hur isn't quite the disaster most anticipated, but that's hardly a ringing endorsement. Oh, and, Jack...if the best of your last three movies is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, it might be time to have a little chat with the agent.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Ben-Hur gets five. (But I'll probably see it again because...SO MUCH JACK HUSTON!)

Next up: Kubo and the Two Strings. A boy sets out on a quest to find the magical items that will protect him from an old enemy.

Kubo and the Two Strings is a gorgeous telling of a gorgeous story. The art and animation are breathtaking and unique, and the tale reflects its culture while being signifcant and relatable to everyone.

Big-name voice talent, in the form of Charlize Theron and Matthew McConaughey, adds to the film's appeal, as does a lovely score by Dario Marianelli. (Be sure to stick around for Regina Spektor's haunting cover of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" over the end credits!) On the downside, the story is a little slow at times, and some parts may be too scary for younger viewers.

The 3D is also kind of pointless, so don't waste the extra three bucks if you can avoid it. Kubo and the Two Strings runs 101 minutes and is rated PG for "thematic elements, scary images, action, and peril." 2016 is proving to be a banner year for really great animated offerings, and Kubo and the Two Strings is among the best.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Kubo and the Two Strings gets seven and a half.

Until next time...

Cindy Prascik's Review of The Huntsman: Winter’s War

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dearest Blog: Last night I did that rarest of things for people my age, I made plans to be out on a work night. On my agenda: Marquee Cinemas' sneak-peek of The Huntsman: Winter's War.

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

 

I enjoyed Snow White and the Huntsman, but confess I was underwhelmed by the idea of a sequel. In the four years since the original was released, I've even convinced myself it only seemed good due to being released in close proximity to the unfortunate Mirror Mirror, which did such an awful job of (re)telling the same story. However, I have good news for you, dear reader(s): This sequel does NOT suck!

 

The Huntsman gets off to a bit of a slow start, but once it gets rolling, it doesn't stop. The movie's not going to land on anyone's Academy Awards shortlist, but a good cast, nice special effects, and great fight choreography help the thin storyline earn its two-hour runtime. 

 

Chris Hemsworth is charming and easy on the eyes, and Charlize Theoron, though too little used this go-round, is the highlight of the movie as she reprises her evil queen role with wicked relish. Emily Blunt and Jessica Chastain are troopers despite seeming weirdly miscast, and supporting players Nick Frost, Rob Brydon, and Sheridan Smith are especially entertaining in smaller roles. 

 

There are some dodgy Scottish accents to work around, but the players are otherwise more than solid. A fantastic score by James Newton Howard, some very pretty sets and locations, and an ever-changing assortment of stunning evil-queen dresses all help make The Huntsman worth your movie dollar.

 

The Huntsman: Winter's War clocks in at 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "fantasy action violence and some sensuality."

 

It's not buzzy, nor is it the sort of picture you won't be able to stop talking or thinking about, but if you're looking for an entertaining couple hours filled with action and eye candy, The Huntsman is well worth your time. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Huntsman: Winter's War gets six.

 

Until next time...

 

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Mad Max: Fury Road & The Longest Ride

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema for the unlikely pairing of Mad Max: Fury Road and The Longest Ride.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on my agenda: Mad Max: Fury Road.

A pair of unlikely allies flees a pack of brutal baddies across a futuristic desert wasteland.

Dear reader(s), I have long known the summer of 2015 would mean one thing for me: admitting I haven't seen the original Mad Max, Jurassic Park, or Terminator movies since their theatrical releases.

My recollection of the three franchises is limited to one (1) Tina Turner video (from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome) and Izzy from Miami Vice being killed whilst sitting on the toilet (in the first Jurassic Park).

Therefore, 'twas not any residual affection for the original, nor any delight at seeing it resurrected, that led to my excitement for the new Mad Max; the credit for that can be laid solely at the feet of one of the most amazing trailers in recent memory. In fact, I frequently said if the movie were half as good as said trailer, we'd be in good shape.

Note to self: refrain from such statements in the future.

First, let's get to what Mad Max: Fury Road gets right, because there's plenty, and it's absolutely worth the price of admission. This is a magnificent-looking movie. Full marks across the board for cinematography, art direction, costumes and makeup, effects, stunts, locations, and set design.

Even the 3D is spectacular, and I assure you, dear reader(s), I generally have no love for 3D. Explosive maximum carnage--both human and vehicular--is up-close and enormous. The acting, such as it is, is far less cringeworthy than the original trilogy.

Tom Hardy makes a fair replacement for Mel Gibson, though, even as the titular good guy, he has less to do than Charlize Theron, a tough and able hero. Nicholas Hoult is surprisingly un-annoying (for Nicholas Hoult), and Jason Statham's woman is serviceable in just her second big-screen appearance, at least as far as I could tell between giving her the stinkeye. A grand score by Junkie XL perfectly complements the huge action.

Now...here's the problem: you know when you hop in the car to go on vacation? At first it's so exciting, but, after about 30 minutes, it's all, "Are we there yet?" That's this movie. It's essentially just one overlong car chase, and it is unspeakably exhausting. I was all but done by the halfway point and wishing it *were* just a Tina Turner video. There's barely enough plot for a short, and, in the end, I'd say the movie is almost exactly half as good as that trailer that raised my hopes so very high.

Mad Max: Fury Road runs two hours on the dot (but seems much longer) and is rated R for "intense sequences of violence throughout, and disturbing images."

It's a disappointment in many ways, but Mad Max: Fury Road is still more than worth seeing in 3D on the biggest screen you can find.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Mad Max: Fury Road gets six.

Next up was the most recent Nicholas Sparks gag-fest, The Longest Ride.

A young bullrider and his art-student girlfriend find valuable lessons in some old love letters.
Alrighty, in the interest of full and fair disclosure: whatever a "fair shake" is for a dog turd like The Longest Ride, you may rest assured it isn't getting one here. I'm not one to sign on for a movie I know I'm going to hate, just for the privilege of hating it, but sometimes my hand is forced by a beloved actor, so...thank Jack Huston for what follows.

The Longest Ride kicks off with more lower-lip-biting and demure-looking-through-lashes than the best 50 Shades parody.

Fifteen minutes in I'm cursing the half-dozen other patrons keeping me from getting out my phone and piddling on Facebook during the non-Jack Huston parts.

Then we're off to watch Real Men participate in the barbaric "sport" of bull riding. Cue the groupies in their short skirts and cowboy boots--our squeaky-clean hero has eyes for just one--cut to dirty looks from the other women in attendance. Is there an app that tells me when my favorite actor is onscreen? I could always go hide in the bathroom for awhile... He's come to pick her up at the sorority house for their first date. Preppy college kids giggle and whisper at his boots and hat, but when he presents flowers (my gosh, no guy has ever thought of THAT before!) the entire sorority squeals, "I want a cowboy!"

Who writes this shit? Is there money in it? Sign me up!

On their way home, the couple happens upon a car accident. Sexy Cowboy pulls a victim from the burning car, while the Damsel rescues a box about which he seems concerned, even in his gravely-injured state.

Perhaps the car will blow up? This movie would be a lot more tolerable if only something would blow up.

She elects to stay at the ER with the elderly accident victim, sneaking a peek in his precious box, which is filled with old love letters.

When he awakes, he instantly takes to her--despite being supremely grouchy to everyone else--and sadly confesses he can no longer read the letters. Thus begins an epic friendship that consists of her reading the letters aloud while he lies there looking like death-warmed-over.

Is it poor form to riff out loud at the movies? Asking for a friend. The rest of the so-called plot consists of romantic standards such as running on the beach and vanilla, rating-conscious love scenes. (Folks, if you send your women off to see this, thinking they'll come home in a lather, forget about it.

The sex is no more explicit than your average broadcast TV show, and they're more likely to come home and demand you purchase a priceless work of art to prove your undying love.) Leads Scott Eastwood (Clint's son, apparently) and Britt Robertson are about as bland and predictable as the story itself.

The terrific Jack Huston and Oona Chaplin are pitifully wasted as the younger version of the couple in the love letters. It goes without saying Alan Alda is slumming in crap like this, but feigning life-threatening injury does at least give him a little bit of acting to do. By the end I was actively pondering whether the straw from my soda could be used to perform ritual suicide.

The Longest Ride clocks in at a bloated 139 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some sexuality, partial nudity, and some war and sports action."

It won't take long before you're rooting for the bull, trust me.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Longest Ride gets two, both of which are awarded for Jack Huston's only 2015 big-screen appearance.

Until next time.

Pen name: Nicholas Sparks.

MOVIE REVIEW: MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

From director George Miller, originator of the post-apocalyptic genre and mastermind behind the legendary “Mad Max” franchise, comes “Mad Max: Fury Road,” a return to the world of the Road Warrior, Max Rockatansky.Haunted by his turbulent past, Mad Max believes the best way to survive is to wander alone. Nevertheless, he becomes swept up with a group fleeing across the Wasteland in a War Rig driven by an elite Imperator, Furiosa. They are escaping a Citadel tyrannized by the Immortan Joe, from whom something irreplaceable has been taken. Enraged, the Warlord marshals all his gangs and pursues the rebels ruthlessly in the high-octane Road War that follows.

Director: George Miller

Cast: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Zoe Kravitz, Adelaide Clemens 

Release Date: May 15, 2015 RealD 3D 

Rated R for Intense Sequences of Violence Throughout, and for Disturbing Images

Runtime: 2 hr. 0 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

George Miller’s Mad Max: Fury Road is an assault on the senses from the opening scene and pretty much through its entire runtime.  Its action is the kind of stuff that is rather jaw dropping due to its sheer size and scope.  Miller’s film is proudly ridiculous and over the top while taking a minimalist approach on the story side.  What’s really surprising about the film is that even though it seems like story and characters would end up being 1 dimensional there is a steady amount of emotional resonance when it’s all said and done.  Tom Hardy is a fine successor for Mel Gibson in the titular role bringing the appropriate amount of quiet intensity required by the role.  Charlize Theron, though, is the real star here.  The character and Theron’s performance makes Furiosa the most interesting character on screen throughout the film.  The pair makes for an engaging twosome that grounds the film from some of its insanity.  It’s a simplistic film with some of the most complex action that I’ve ever seen put to the screen, the type really deserves to be seen on the screen.

A-

MOVIE REVIEW: A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST

Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane) feels certain that the Western frontier is trying to kill him, then he loses his girlfriend, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), to the town's most successful businessman. However, a beautiful, pistol-packing woman named Anna (Charlize Theron) rides into town and helps Albert find his inner courage. Then Stark must put his newfound bravery to the test when Anna's outlaw husband arrives with plans to plant him in an unmarked grave.

Director: Seth MacFarlane 

Cast: Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Liam Neeson

Release Date: May 30, 2014

Genres: Comedy Western, Outlaw (Gunfighter) Film, 

Comedy, Western 

Review:

After the surprising success of Ted, my expectation of Seth MacFarlane next live action film were fairly high.  Sadly, A Million Ways to Die in the West doesn’t live up to expectations.  It plays out like an extended “Road to…” episode of Family Guy with very little in the way of innovation, satire or even laughs.  It will bring a grin to your face from time to time but MacFarlane seems to forget he’s making a comedy and seems more interested in making a clichéd western.  Outside of the occasional MacFarlane riffs on how horrible the old west was, there isn’t a ton to the plot.  As a result the story as a whole lacks forward momentum with noticeable dead spots spread across the bloated run time, most obvious during the climax of the forced storyline with MacFarlane and Theron.  A Million Ways to Die in the West is one of those films that has a few false endings and then it drags on for another 20 minutes longer than it should, essentially wasting  Liam Neeson’s screen time.  A few laughs here and there will never replace Blazing Saddles.

C-

MOVIE REVIEW: PROMETHEUS

IN THEATERS

PROMETHEUS



A team of space explorers embarks on a fantastic voyage to the edge of the universe after making a profound discovery that hints at the true origins of the human race. Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce, Idris Elba, and Charlize Theron head-up the cast of this epic sci-fi saga from director Ridley Scott and writers Jon Spaihts (The Darkest Hour) and Damon Lindelof (Lost, Star Trek). ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Ridley Scott

Cast: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce

Release Date: Jun 08, 2012

Rated R for Sci-Fi Violence, Brief Language and Some Intense Images

Runtime: 2 hr. 3 min.

Genres: Horror, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

Grandiose and epic in scale, Ridley Scott’s return to sci-fi is simply an achievement in filmmaking. His film is a visual feast for the eyes, shot in stunning 3D, and an endless buffet for genre fans to digest. This sort of prequel to his original masterpiece Alien offers enough visual and script hints winks and nods to keep franchise fans happy but never content. Answers to many plot threads are left dangling in the wind by the film’s runtime. This can be a good or bad thing depending on the individual viewer. Hints of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001 pepper the film right from the start and Scott never shies away, it’s clear he’s going for something larger with this film. Its plot is an endless landfill of spoilers to those that haven’t seen it but if you’ve seen enough of the trailers some of the major points are fairly evident. While Scott is in top form behind the camera, the script does leave some room for improvement. It sets up and telegraphs major twist in such an obvious way that it sucks any tension or surprise right out of the film. Plot holes are readily apparent but the director and the cast do their best to move past them. The cast itself is stellar with Noomi Rapace delivering a tender and subtle turn as the film’s lead. Rapace’s character will be compared to Ripley from Alien but it’s not an apt comparison. Her character is driven by a variety of forces outside of survival; it’s an interesting centerpiece which could have benefited from left heavy handing scripting. Michael Fassbender continues his current run of seeming less endless run of fantastic performances. His android David is a singular and engaging performance which is reminiscent of many sources yet never feels tired. Idris Elba, sporting one of most interesting American accents, is incredibly fun as the ship’s captain, easily becoming the coolest character in the whole film. The remaining cast isn’t given much to do and even stalwarts like Theron are left with mostly one note characters. Even with the most obvious issues, Prometheus is cinematic flypaper never letting your eyes or mind go once it’s got a firm grip.

A-

MOVIE REVIEW: SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN

IN THEATERS

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN



The enchanting Snow White (Kristen Stewart) joins forces with the fierce Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth), who was recruited by the diabolical Queen (Charlize Theron) to kill the fair beauty, and together they fight to rid their kingdom of evil in this bold new take on the fairy-tale classic from commercial director Rupert Sanders. Obsessed with being the fairest woman in the land, the Queen learns that Snow White will soon surpass her in beauty, and seeks to achieve immortality by consuming the young girl's heart. But the Huntsman is the only one capable of braving the dark forest to seek out Snow White. Threatened with death should he refuse to follow his order, the Huntsman finds Snow White, and begins training her for the arduous battle ahead. Meanwhile, a handsome prince (Sam Claflin) falls hopelessly under Snow White's spell. Ray Winstone, Ian McShane, Eddie Izzard, Bob Hoskins, Toby Jones, Eddie Marsan, and Stephen Graham co-star as the seven dwarfs. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Directed by Rupert Sanders

Cast: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Sam Claflin, Ian McShane

Release Date: Jun 01, 2012

Rated: Intense Sequences of Action, Brief Sensuality and Intense Sequences of Violence

Runtime: 2 hr. 7 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

Rupert Sanders showy, visually opulent freshman film is occasionally impressive. Sanders knows how to shoot impressive visuals and does so quite a few times, letting you savor the set design and fabulous costuming at work. Unfortunately, his inexperience shows in various ways. The film lacks any sort of dramatic and thematic flow through leaving you emotionally detached as sequences pass by. Even though you are exposed to a few characters, you never really make any connection to any of them. Kristen Stewart, she of the mopiest face around, is blank barely registering throughout the film’s run time. Her acting is terribly underwhelming and the character is strangely underwritten. Chris Hemsworth gets by, play a Thor-lite character, on general screen presence and charisma. Charlize Theron should have just killed this role but instead is allowed to embellish in the worst kind of over the top performance imaginable. Being a fan of hers, it was tough watch her scream insanely throughout the better part of the film. Subtly is entirely thrown out the window, it’s a massive misstep considering she could have nailed this role had she attacked it with more tact. Some strong character actors are used for the dwarfs even if they appear primarily in the 3rd act. A few well directed, if derivative, round out a film which is watch able but never as impressive as it looks.

C

[Full Trailer] Prometheus

The full trailer for Prometheus has been released and it’s quite simply amazing.





Additionally we got the Prometheus International Trailer from the UK, a different approach but both equally effective.



and a bit more of the viral marketing being used to sell one of the characters in the film...

Peter Weyland's Viral Talk at TED2023

Viral marketing at it finest….

MOVIE REVIEW: YOUNG ADULT

IN THEATERS

YOUNG ADULT



Upon returning to her small Minnesota hometown to win back her high school sweetheart (Patrick Wilson), now a happily-married father, divorced young adult fiction author Mavis Gary (Charlize Theron) forges an unexpected bond with another former schoolmate (Patton Oswalt) who's had a particularly difficult life. Juno collaborators Jason Reitman and screenwriter Diablo Cody re-team for this Paramount Pictures production. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Jason Reitman

Cast: Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, Patrick Wilson, Elizabeth Reaser, Collette Wolfe

Release Date: Dec 09, 2011

Rated: Language and some sexual content

Runtime: 1 hr. 34 min.

Genres: Art House, Comedy, Drama

Review:

Young Adult is the kind of film that’s won’t give you tidy answers complete with a happy catch all lessons learned ending. It’s stark, occasionally dark and impressively authentic. Setting aside most of the more zingy dialogue from her previous efforts, Cody’s script feels closer to home and more personal. Reitman’s ability to make the mundane interesting is perfect to capture this woman’s constant state of arrested development. He drops clues throughout about Mavis’s state of mind and the dark comedy works well but when we dip into the further depths it gets pretty dark. Charlize Theron puts on the type of performance that just as raw and effective as her Oscar Award winning turn in 2003’s Monster. Theron has a masterful way of showing the character’s general state of entitlement and disgust while she’s in her old home town. As her character enters the abyss you expect a certain revelation to occur but it doesn’t. Patton Oswalt is perfectly cast as Mavis’s former classmate, an equally damaged but less delusional counter part. Oswalt has an effect everyman type truth to his deliver and here it works perfectly. Looking at this film as a whole, it’d be easy to feel that Reitman and Cody are making a statement about those lost Gen X-ers who seem to have a happier life but are ultimately vapid and unfulfilled.

A

[Trailer] Prometheus

Trailer for Prometheus is out and the question about whether it’s a prequel for Alien or not seems to be a big yes even though Scott has said that it won’t contain an actual xenomorph.

Either way, this trailer hints at an epic story line with Ridley Scott at the helm set expectations to mile high…..