Cindy Prascik's Reviews of 3 Days to Kill & Pompeii

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures for a pair of too-late-for-awards-season/too-early-for-summer-blockbuster-season throwaways, 3 Days to Kill and Pompeii.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
First on my agenda was Kevin Costner's unlikely action thriller 3 Days to Kill.

A terminally ill CIA agent is persuaded to take one final job in exchange for an experimental treatment that could extend his life.

Oh, dear Blog, where do I even start? I guess I should start by saying the fact that this is a terrible movie in no way diminished my enjoyment of it; on the contrary, I quite liked it. BUT...........

Beginning at the beginning, nobody is buying Amber Heard in her role as a top CIA agent. She has neither the years nor the bearing to pull it off. It's not a poor performance, by any means, she's just entirely unsuitable for the part. Having said that, ain't nobody complainin' about looking at Amber Heard for two hours, either!

Kevin Costner is just...Kevin Costner. What else can I say? I like the guy, I do, but he's about as emotive as Joan Rivers' terminally botoxed face. He gets away with it here, as he always does, by being just that likable. I'm sitting there thinking, "God, that was bad.......but, you know what, I actually don't mind." And there's Kevin Costner for ya.

The movie itself provides so much backstory on Costner's character that it's really more like two movies. I want some depth, some rationale for the characters' situations and choices, but TWO hokey subplots that never really tie into the actual story? It's a bit much. The humor is lowbrow and predictable--but I laughed anyway--and the songs the director (McG) plops here and there are poor choices, terribly timed, or both. Maybe I'm just spoiled because nobody's as good at that as Edgar Wright, but I can't be the only one who was creeped out by an old dude like Costner slow-dancing with his teenage onscreen daughter to Bread's Make it With You...even if it is supposed to be her mother's favorite song. The action is solid, though, the characters mostly sympathetic, and there's a small, decent twist that I did not see coming for one minute.

3 Days to Kill runs 113 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of violence and action, some sensuality, and language."

3 Days to Kill provides a couple hours of forgettable fun. Even during awards season, that's not a crime.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 3 Days to Kill gets five.

Rounding out yesterday's double-header was Paul W.S. Anderson's latest bit of eye candy, Pompeii.

Do we really need a synopsis for this one? Volcano goes "boom," and even Kit Harington's spectacular abs can't save the day for the doomed city of Pompeii.

In addition to the volcano, this version of Pompeii offers its own forbidden love story, in the form of Harington's slave/gladiator, who falls for a princess (Emily Browning), unwillingly betrothed to a Roman senator (Kiefer Sutherland). Though he enjoys top billing, Harington has the fewest lines of any of the main cast, and is mostly called on to stand around looking fit while casting longing looks at the princess or withering looks at the Senator and his thugs. Sutherland spends 90 minutes falling in and out of the same half-assed English accent he used in 1993's The Three Musketeers, and, surprisingly, is the worst thing about a movie that's pretty resoundingly terrible. What little challenge this script provides isn't beyond most of the cast, but nobody does anything in particular to elevate it, either. In the most backhanded of backhanded compliments, I suppose Sasha Roiz and Jared Harris made me cringe the least.

Pompeii's effects strictly adhere to the "go big or go home" credo, with plenty of flying fireballs and crumbling buildings. Sadly, the costumes and set pieces look like something out of a high-school production of Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was not impressed with the overall look of the movie. Having said that, I'm a woman of simple tastes, and if you give me a couple hours of big explosions, hot, shirtless dudes in tiny skirts, and a few glorious 3D shots of one lady-in-waiting's bodacious bosom, well, I'm probably not going to complain too much.

Pompeii clocks in at a quick 98 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense battle sequences, disaster-related action, and brief sexual content."

As with 3 Days to Kill, the fact that Pompeii isn't a very good movie didn't stop me having a good time with it, so I'll say for the final time this season: if you're looking for a break from all the uber-serious awards bait, Pompeii just might be the movie for you.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Pompeii also gets five.

Until next time...

Wait...what was I saying??

MOVIE REVIEW: POMPEII

Paul W.S. Anderson directs this period disaster film centered on the story of a Pompeii gladiator who races to save his true love as Mount Vesuvius prepares to erupt in A.D. 79. After rising out of slavery to become a gladiator, Milo (Kit Harrington) falls for radiant merchant's daughter Cassia (Emily Browning), who is being coerced into marrying a nefarious Roman Senator. Meanwhile, as the lava starts to flow, Milo must escape the arena and rescue Cassia before they are both turned to ash. CarrieAnne Moss, Adewa Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jared Harris, and Kiefer Sutherland co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Cast: Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Jared Harris

Release Date: Feb 21, 2014

Rated: PG-13 for intense battle sequences, disaster-related action and brief sexual content

Runtime: 1 hr. 38 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure

Review:

It should probably tell you something about a film if the biggest compliment I can give it is that it’s not as horrible as I expected it to be. Paul W.S. Anderson’s film is filled with things unashamedly lifted from other better films throughout. Logic has no place here so just know that going in. Volcanic eruption, who cares we have plenty of time for a sword fight. Characters just met a few days ago but they are suddenly the most important thing in the world and worth losing your life for, sure why not. It’s dreck but it’s also kind of watchable once you get past the snooze inducing first act. The other two acts can be described simply as Gladiator knockoff and Vesuvius Finally Blows up. Those 2 acts are fairly watchable even though there are some unintentionally funny sequences that pop up from time to time. The acting is passable at best. Kit “You know nothing Jon Snow” Harington sleep walks through the roll which isn’t surprising to be honest since his love interest is Emily Browning and her unnaturally pouty lips. A horribly miscast Kiefer Sutherland keeps a smirk on throughout the entire film probably because he knows he’s just stealing money. Jared Harris and Carrie-Anne Moss make an appearance and collect checks since they aren’t asked to do anything but be cannon fodder. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje appears to be the only one having any fun in this campy silliness. The funny thing is that it’s probably one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s better films since Event Horizon.

C

MOVIE REVIEW: THE THING (2011)

IN THEATERS

THE THING (2011)

An American paleontologist and a team of Norwegian scientists fight for their lives against a shape-shifting extraterrestrial that can perfectly mimic any living creature in this prequel to John Carpenter's 1982 horror classic. Upon receiving word that the Antarctic research team has unearthed an alien craft, paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) joins the group to explore what secrets the ship might hold. Though by Kate's estimation the creature inside the spaceship has been dead for centuries, it has actually just been lying dormant in the ice. Perfectly preserved, it has awaited the day when it would finally be freed from its frigid prison; now, after eons of lying in wait, that day has finally come. Suddenly revived during a crucial experiment, the malevolent alien begins methodically mimicking each member of the crew undetected. By the time Kate realizes the frightening implications of the creature's unique ability, it may already be too late. As paranoia among the crew begins to intensify, it's up to Kate and the crew's helicopter pilot, Carter (Joel Edgerton), to make sure the extraterrestrial menace is exterminated before it has the opportunity to escape -- for, should it manage to make its way to a heavily populated area, humanity's days may be numbered. Matthijs Van Heijningen Jr. makes his feature directorial debut from a script by Eric Heisserer and Battlestar Galactica's Ronald D. Moore. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi
Director: Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.

Cast: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen, Eric Christian Olsen, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Release Date: Oct 14, 2011

Rated R for Strong creature violence and gore, disturbing images and language

Runtime: 1 hr. 43 min.

Genres: Horror, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

REVIEW:

The Thing prequel was always going to be a dicey subject for me since Carpenter’s remake from the 80’s is one of my top 3 favorite horror films of all time. I’ve tried to keep an open mind but I am only human and I’m sure my prejudices infect this review more than it should. This prequel feels a lot like a remake especially in the first act. It plays very similarly but first time director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. seems more interested in getting to the creature effect as opposed to building up suspense. The story also changes the creature’s logic, making it more aggressive where as Carpenter’s version reacted in a more defensive manner. The effects in of themselves are impressive and pay homage to the Carpenter film but the CGI is of variable quality, occasionally looking very good then looking incredibly bad in others. Heinjinigen turns this prequel more into a standard creature feature with characters that could barely be called paper thin. The characters, including the lead, feel like nothing more than fodder for creature. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is terribly miscast her and she reads lines about as flatly as they can be read. Her performance and character are never engaging or interesting instead a general sense of bland throughout. The remainder of the cast is simply asked to replicate versions of characters from the Carpenter film, with Joel Edgerton and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje doing their best Kirk Russell and Keith David impersonations. There are a few scares here and there but with the lack of any tangible suspense they are all telegraphed making them fairly obvious. The final act plays more like something from the Aliens franchise. The ambiguity of the Carpenter film is missing right through the end. A nice wrap up scene, setting up the Carpenter film, during the credits is well done but doesn’t do much but put the final pieces in place. Fans of the Carpenter film will find things to like here and there and will probably walkout with the desire to watch the Carpenter film as soon as they leave the theater, quickly forgetting this prequel.

C