Cindy Prascik's Reviews of The Bronze & Allegiant

 

 

 

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for another ho-hum late-winter double-bill. On the docket: gymnastics comedy The Bronze, and the third installment in the Divergent series, Allegiant. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you won't have learnt already from trailers and the usual Internet scuttlebutt. 

 

First up: The Bronze. A former Olympic sweetheart is coerced into coaching another hopeful from her small Ohio town. Dear Reader(s), many of you are well aware that being a Sebastian Stan fan is a hard row to hoe. My first encounter with Stan was his stellar turn in the brilliant-but-short-lived TV series Kings. 

 

Unfortunately, outside a lucky spot at Captain America's side, his projects surrounding that one bright, shining moment have been complete crap, and I can declare with authority that The Bronze ranks among the worst. And when a guy's resume includes The Covenant...well...that's really saying something! 

 

The Bronze is a mean, crass little comedy, and its occasional shots at sincere moments are unfailingly trite. Melissa Rauch is foul and unsympathetic in the lead, fronting a crew of just-slightly-less-despicable supporting characters, including Gary Cole as her long-suffering father and Stan as a rival coach; only Thomas Middletech's Ben is half-likable. The movie follows the same predictable path as a thousand bitter redemption stories before it, sans that bit where a viewer might actually be rooting for a character...ANY character. 

 

The much-ballyhooed acrobatic sex scene between Rauch and Stan (she used a stunt double; he did not) is so deeply unfunny that I was embarrassed for everyone involved. Pretty much the only genuine thing about this dud is the cute little town of Amherst, Ohio, which portrays itself in the movie and undoubtedly deserves better. The Bronze runs 108 excruciating minutes and is rated R for "strong sexual content, graphic nudity, language throughout, and some drug use." Avoid this at all costs. I mean it. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Bronze gets one, for the single time I laughed over the course of its painful duration. 

 

Next on my agenda: Allegiant. Tris and Four find out what's on the other side of the wall. Dear Reader(s), there's no sugar-coating it: Sitting through Allegiant is like watching paint dry, and that might be slightly underselling the entertainment value of watching paint dry. Though stakes are high for our heroes, the movie has zero tension, and there's even less chemistry between Shailene Woodly and Theo James. Allegiant's special effects are about as shabby as an old episode of Doctor Who. 

 

The dialogue is painful, and the characters are one-dimensional and uninteresting. There are a few cheap laughs courtesy of Peter (Miles Teller), and a two-hour eyeful of James is never a bad thing, but Allegiant otherwise has little to recommend it. Allegiant clocks in at 121 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense violence and action, thematic elements, and some partial nudity." It is, perhaps, the natural bane of the first half of a story split in two that it advances the plot without much excitement, but unless you're utterly invested in the whole of the Divergent series, Allegiant is hardly worth your time. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Allegiant gets three. 

 

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE

A young woman (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is forced to cope with her new life after waking up from a nearly fatal accident in this thriller from director Dan Trachtenberg. After narrowly avoiding serious injuries in a car wreck, Michelle (Winstead) awakens in the care of a man who claims to have found her at the scene, and who brought her to his home after a catastrophic chemical attack devastated the surrounding area. John Goodman and John Gallagher Jr. co-star. ~ Tom Ciampoli, Rovi

Director: Dan Trachtenberg

Cast: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Goodman, John Gallagher, Jr., Cindy Hogan, Douglas M. Griffin

Release Date: Mar 11, 2016

Rated PG-13 for some Violence, Frightening Sequences, Brief Language, Thematic Material and 

Threat

Runtime: 1 hr. 45 min.

Genres: Drama, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

10 Cloverfield Lane is an impressively taut thriller that probably would have been better off leaving the Cloverfield connections off.  That’s not to say it’s a terrible connection to make, it also hasn’t hurt its box office, but it’s subtle at best and it could prove slightly distracting to some.  On its own, 10 Cloverfield Lane brings back memories of some of the better Twilight Zone or Outer Limits episodes.  The small cast benefits the film since each of them delivers strong performances.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead spearheads the film as a combination of Ramona Flowers and Macgyver.  Her character is probably one of the most adaptable and resourceful female leads in recent sci-fi history.  John Goodman is just as impressive as the is he /isn’t he nutty guy.  Goodman has an excellent talent of going from nice guy to nuts in the blink of an eye with little effort.  It makes for a wonderfully tense film which builds to a crescendo displaying a talented hand behind the camera.  The final act is sure to be divisive since it opens up the claustrophobic atmosphere giving us a totally different feel to the film.  Personally, I rather enjoyed it throughout as an effective sci-fi yarn.

B

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Gods of Egypt & London Has Fallen

 

 

 

 

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the laughable double-bill of Gods of Egypt and London Has Fallen, or, as I like to call it, The Unintentional Gerard Butler Film Festival. 

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or have guessed from the trailers. First on my agenda, Gods of Egypt. Exiled god Horus reluctantly teams with a mortal to reclaim his crown and save Egypt. 

 

Dear Reader(s), I'ma be straight with ya: if I could just post that little emoji that's laughing so hard it’s crying, that'd the most accurate review of Gods of Egypt you'd find anywhere. Since I call myself a movie blogger, though, I'd better try a bit harder. Much has been made of Egypt's casting white faces in roles clearly meant for people of color. But wait...the ridiculousness hardly ends there! This picture boasts some of the most laughably bad dialogue I've ever heard. 

 

EVER. The costumes range from elementary-school pageant to pole dancer. (One thing gods and mortals apparently have in common: a great rack!) While the movie has some nifty effects, it's also got some of the worst green-screen work you'll ever see outside an episode of Once Upon a Time. There's a veritable grab-bag of accents, and that's not even accounting for anyone besides Gerard Butler! In fact, the acting is across-the-board so hilariously terrible that even the mighty trio of Rufus Sewell, Geoffrey Rush, and Chadwick Boseman can't combine for one decent performance. Now, having said all that...I found Gods of Egypt to be a great laugh. It's so bad that I can't believe it's anything other than willfully so, a B-movie that somehow scored itself an A-list budget. 

 

Oh, and, for the record, the movie was written by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, whose previous credits include Dracula Untold and The Last Witch Hunter, so...yeah...if you're wanting your picture to be taken seriously, maybe don't hire those two, m-kay? Gods of Egypt clocks in at an excessive 127 minutes and is rated PG13 for "fantasy violence and action, and some sexuality." 

 

If you're looking for a good laugh at Hollywood's expense, it doesn't get funnier than this. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 

 

Gods of Egypt gets four. 

 

Next on the docket, the sequel London Has Fallen. When the American President (Aaron Eckhart) again finds himself in peril, it's Secret Service agent Mike Bannon (Gerard Butler) to the rescue. London Has Fallen is essentially just an excuse to combine massive chaos and destruction with a healthy dose of "'Murica!" 

 

The plot is paper thin, as world leaders pay the price for civilian casualties of an earlier strike against terrorism. You don't need to guess which world leader gets out alive, thanks to his ballsy protective detail, who also happens to be devastatingly handsome and quite the comic to boot...oh, Hollywood! Though a sequel to 2013's Olympus Has Fallen probably wasn't strictly necessary, this second installment doesn't overstay its welcome, and it's a decently good time if you enjoy a couple hours of watching stuff blow up around a pair of pretty good-looking guys. 

 

Some great talent--Morgan Freeman, Jackie Earle Haley, Melissa Leo--is wasted here, turning up for basically a cup of coffee and a paycheck, but the movie's certainly no worse for having names like that among its cast. 

 

As cinema escapism goes, you could do a lot worse (although the guy behind me who snored loudly for the duration might say different). London Has Fallen runs a quick 99 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence and language throughout." 

 

While you won't need to remember its name long-term for this year's awards season, in the short term, London Has Fallen provides a healthy dose of brain candy. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, London Has Fallen gets five. 

 

Until next time... 

 

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Eddie the Eagle & Triple 9

 

 

 

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the promising double-bill of Eddie the Eagle and Triple 9. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers. First up: Eddie the Eagle. An unlikely prospect dreams of Olympic glory. 

 

I cannot and shall not mince words here: I absolutely adored Eddie the Eagle. It exceeded all my expectations, and marks the second consecutive February that Taron Edgerton stakes an early claim on my year-end top ten. Eddie the Eagle keeps its tone light. A road like this always has more than its share of potholes, but these filmmakers are more interested in presenting a hopeful, inspiring piece than than in putting forth the full truth. 

 

The movie is also a textbook example of that old saying, "A happy ending depends on where you stop your story." (The film's namesake, Eddie Edwards, attempted to participate in three Olympics subsequent to the Calgary Games, and failed to qualify all three times.) Edgerton is phenomenal in the lead, equally convincing as this tenacious outsider as he was portraying Kingsman's streetwise thug turned debonair secret agent. 

 

As Eddie's reluctant mentor, Hugh Jackman owns every minute of his screen time, providing some of the movie's best laughs as well as its most sincere, intelligent moments. 

 

There's some lovely Bavarian scenery on display, and a fair bit of nostalgia for those who fondly remember the 1988 Olympic Games. The movie is smartly paced, fully self-aware, and can't help but speak to anyone who's ever been unfairly disregarded or marginalized. 

 

Eddie the Eagle clocks in at 105 minutes and is rated PG13 for "Some suggestive material, partial nudity, and smoking." 

 

Superficial it may be, but Eddie the Eagle is a thoroughly delightful cinema experience. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Eddie the Eagle gets eight. 

 

Next on the docket: Triple 9. The Russian mob coerces a ruthless gang into attempting a nearly-impossible heist. 

 

Well, dear reader(s), if your current cinema mood is somewhat less cheerful, the weekend schedule also offers the gritty Triple 9, a crime thriller so intense I'm pretty sure I didn't breathe for the first 15 minutes. 

 

Triple 9 boasts an impressive cast, with uniformly solid performances from Chiwetel Ejiofor, Woody Harrelson, Anthony Mackie, Clifton Collins, Jr., Aaron Paul, and Norman Reedus, and brilliant, nearly unrecongizable turns by Michael Kenneth Williams and Kate Winslet. 

 

Despite showing its hand early, the movie is gripping from the first second to the last. It's a brutal picture, backed by a tense, masterful score, and I was equal parts fascinated and appalled. Triple 9 runs 115 minutes, and is rated R for "strong violence and language throughout, drug use, and some nudity." 

 

Triple 9 won't be everyone's cup of tea, but if you're not put off by the dark side of life, you can't help but fall for this exciting-but-grim tale. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Triple 9 gets seven and a half. 

 

Until next time... 

 

 

MOVIE REVIEW: THE WITCH

A devout Puritan family in 1630s New England are exiled from their village, and struggle to survive in their new home situated at the edge of a mysterious forest. The sinister, witching forces in the wilderness emerge silently to terrorize them, first by kidnapping the youngest of their five children. As their life-sustaining crops fail, the clan fall victim to paranoia and fear as they begin to turn on one another, eventually suspecting teenage daughter Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy) of witchcraft. With the vast majority of the dialogue culled from primary sources from the time period, Robert Eggers' debut feature The Witch is a terrifying glimpse into a family descending into madness. ~ Daniel Gelb, Rovi

Director: Robert Eggers

Release Date: Feb 19, 2016

Rated R For disturbing violent content and graphic nudity.

Runtime: 1 hr. 30 min.

Genres: Horror

Cast: Ralph Ineson, Kate Dickie, Julian Richings, Vivienne Moore

Review:

The Witch is a impressive moody period horror film that is expertly crafted from the top down.  Robert Eggers’ debut film is meticulously crafted exercise in subtly.  Eggers builds and maintains tension throughout the film by using the solitary setting for a maximum effect.  The film owes a cinematic debt Kubrick’s The Shining by playing up a lot of similar themes even though the build up more tempered and methodical.  Eggers is blessed with a fully committed cast who deliver excellent performances all around with Anya Tayor-Joy leaving a lasting impression.  Taylor-Joy, who looks like the world saddest Hummel figurine, conveys so much through her face and eyes, it’s a terribly impressive performance for such a young actress.  The Witch is the type of high quality horror film that that rarely comes around in a genre which is usually littered with garbage.

A  

Cindy Prascik's Review of Race

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dearest Blog, today it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the first of February's sports biopics, Race. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers or from Googling Jesse Owens. 

 

Race is the story of legendary track and field star Owens, from his early days at Ohio State University through the controversial 1936 Olympic Games. There's no denying Race is little more than your run-of-the-mill Inspiring Sports Movie, but still-timely issues, nail-biting sports action, and some nice performances make it worth a look. Stephan James is a delight as Owens, earnest and sympathetic. 

 

The film boasts strong supporting turns by Jason Sudeikis, Shanice Banton, William Hurt, and David Kross. Characterizations are pretty broad--the city of Berlin even has its own super-villian-sounding musical cue--but if the storytelling is a bit hokey, it's easy enough to forgive in such a compelling tale. Race runs just a tad overlong and is by no means comfortable viewing. The issues it raises are too near for that, evidence the ugliness in my Facebook newsfeed during the Grammys, or the casual way acquaintances assume it's okay to drop racist comments around me because we both happen to be white. 

 

Race is a long overdue "thank you" to Jesse Owens for his courage, but also hopefully one small step towards a day when bigotry really is a thing of the past. Race clocks in at 134 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic elements and language." It's not the best sports movie you'll ever see--it might not even be the best sports movie you'll see this month--but Race has a story worth telling and a message worth hearing. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Race gets six and a half. 

 

Until next time...