Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Gods of Egypt & London Has Fallen

 

 

 

 

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the laughable double-bill of Gods of Egypt and London Has Fallen, or, as I like to call it, The Unintentional Gerard Butler Film Festival. 

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or have guessed from the trailers. First on my agenda, Gods of Egypt. Exiled god Horus reluctantly teams with a mortal to reclaim his crown and save Egypt. 

 

Dear Reader(s), I'ma be straight with ya: if I could just post that little emoji that's laughing so hard it’s crying, that'd the most accurate review of Gods of Egypt you'd find anywhere. Since I call myself a movie blogger, though, I'd better try a bit harder. Much has been made of Egypt's casting white faces in roles clearly meant for people of color. But wait...the ridiculousness hardly ends there! This picture boasts some of the most laughably bad dialogue I've ever heard. 

 

EVER. The costumes range from elementary-school pageant to pole dancer. (One thing gods and mortals apparently have in common: a great rack!) While the movie has some nifty effects, it's also got some of the worst green-screen work you'll ever see outside an episode of Once Upon a Time. There's a veritable grab-bag of accents, and that's not even accounting for anyone besides Gerard Butler! In fact, the acting is across-the-board so hilariously terrible that even the mighty trio of Rufus Sewell, Geoffrey Rush, and Chadwick Boseman can't combine for one decent performance. Now, having said all that...I found Gods of Egypt to be a great laugh. It's so bad that I can't believe it's anything other than willfully so, a B-movie that somehow scored itself an A-list budget. 

 

Oh, and, for the record, the movie was written by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, whose previous credits include Dracula Untold and The Last Witch Hunter, so...yeah...if you're wanting your picture to be taken seriously, maybe don't hire those two, m-kay? Gods of Egypt clocks in at an excessive 127 minutes and is rated PG13 for "fantasy violence and action, and some sexuality." 

 

If you're looking for a good laugh at Hollywood's expense, it doesn't get funnier than this. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 

 

Gods of Egypt gets four. 

 

Next on the docket, the sequel London Has Fallen. When the American President (Aaron Eckhart) again finds himself in peril, it's Secret Service agent Mike Bannon (Gerard Butler) to the rescue. London Has Fallen is essentially just an excuse to combine massive chaos and destruction with a healthy dose of "'Murica!" 

 

The plot is paper thin, as world leaders pay the price for civilian casualties of an earlier strike against terrorism. You don't need to guess which world leader gets out alive, thanks to his ballsy protective detail, who also happens to be devastatingly handsome and quite the comic to boot...oh, Hollywood! Though a sequel to 2013's Olympus Has Fallen probably wasn't strictly necessary, this second installment doesn't overstay its welcome, and it's a decently good time if you enjoy a couple hours of watching stuff blow up around a pair of pretty good-looking guys. 

 

Some great talent--Morgan Freeman, Jackie Earle Haley, Melissa Leo--is wasted here, turning up for basically a cup of coffee and a paycheck, but the movie's certainly no worse for having names like that among its cast. 

 

As cinema escapism goes, you could do a lot worse (although the guy behind me who snored loudly for the duration might say different). London Has Fallen runs a quick 99 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence and language throughout." 

 

While you won't need to remember its name long-term for this year's awards season, in the short term, London Has Fallen provides a healthy dose of brain candy. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, London Has Fallen gets five. 

 

Until next time... 

 

MOVIE REVIEW: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

IN THEATERS

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

Flamboyant seafarer Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) lands himself in a bit of a bind after being lured onto Blackbeard's (Ian McShane) ship by enigmatic siren Angelica (Penélope Cruz), and forced to seek out the Fountain of Youth. Trapped on the Queen Anne's Revenge with the most nefarious pirate in history, Captain Jack reflects on his past with the elusive Angelica while embarking on his wildest adventure to date. With shambling zombies on deck and gorgeous mermaids beckoning sailors into the icy waters below, this time Jack Sparrow has his work cut out for him. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Rob Marshall

Cast: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Stephen Graham

Release Date: May 20, 2011

Rated PG-13 for Intense sequences of action/adventure violence, some frightening images, sensuality and innuendo

Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy

Review:

I remember watching the first Pirates of The Caribbean, enjoying it mostly, but wondering why it was so bloody long. The sequels all followed suit but they were fun, convoluted for sure, and propped up with strong performances from all involved with Geoffrey Rush and Johnny Deep being my personal favorites. A trilogy is typically a good stopping point, by the third turn it’s usually a fair bet the characters and story have been expend and there’s very little left to show the audience. In lieu of a massive reinvention there’s really no point for another entry. On Stranger Tides should have been called the Quest for Treasure, yours. This entry is lifeless boring and overlong. A massive list of characters and storylines over powers the film while adding very little to the actual story. The story itself is straightforward but terribly convoluted at the same time. It’s a jumble of mythos, mermaids and zombies. None of which add any semblance of meat to the film. Instead we are given action set piece 1, 2, 3, interlude, 4, 5….rinse and repeat. Director Rob Marshall does his best but he’s entirely out of his element and it shows. To his credit most of the action sequences are impressively staged and occasionally epic but shocking lacking in any actual fun. I can say I chuckled once or twice throughout the entire film. The cast seems equally disinterested in the film and their roles, aside from the usual stalwarts. Johnny Depp is front and center, he does an admirable job but there are occasions were you can tell he’s just phoning it end. Geoffrey Rush is always fun in this role and he chews every scene with great vigor. Ian McShane turns in a decent performance which isn’t a surprise since the role is just an extension his Deadwood character on a boat. A terribly pregnant Penélope Cruz stays out of the way for the most part since she saddled with on of the many pointless subplots. The main crux of this film is finding the Fountain of Youth something which I doubt this franchise as a whole can ever find.

D

MOVIE REVIEWS: THE KING’S SPEECH

IN THEATERS

THE KING’S SPEECH



Emmy Award-winning director Tom Hooper (John Adams) teams with screenwriter David Seidler (Tucker: A Man and His Dreams) to tell the story of King George VI. When his older brother abdicates the throne, nervous-mannered successor George "Bertie" VI (Colin Firth) reluctantly dons the crown. Though his stutter soon raises concerns about his leadership skills, King George VI eventually comes into his own with the help of unconventional speech therapist Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). Before long the king and Lionel have forged an unlikely bond, a bond that proves to have real strength when the United Kingdom is forced to flex its international might. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Tom Hooper

Cast: Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter, Guy Pearce, Timothy Spall.

Release Date: Nov 26, 2010

Rated R for Language

Runtime: 1 hr. 51 min

Genres: Drama

Review:

The King’s Speech is the definition of an award’s/actor’s movie. It’s the type of film that allows actors to flex their considerable muscle. Colin Firth is front and center with a character that’s complex, distant and thoroughly conflicted. Firth is only half of what makes this film work. The always impressive Geoffrey Rush is stellar working with Firth. Their chemistry is what drives the film and while there are larger historical event that are addressed this friendship is central to the story. It’s wonderful relationship to watch and especially once Rush’s character starts to break down “Bertie’s” walls. Firth is most impressive during a one on one exchange with Rush after the death of King. Helena Bonham Carter is impressive in limited screen time as the supporting and loving queen. Director Tom Hooper doesn’t have much work to do but he still crafts an elegant film that lovely to watch and rarely drags. Hooper most impressive work is at the beginning and end of the film by making thing like a microphone and typed words seem incredibly terrifying. He allows the audience to feel every bit of trepidation and fear that the character feels as he struggles through each work. The finale is like watching a maestro direct an orchestra that has you hanging on each and every word.

A