Cindy Prascik's Reviews of 3 Days to Kill & Pompeii

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures for a pair of too-late-for-awards-season/too-early-for-summer-blockbuster-season throwaways, 3 Days to Kill and Pompeii.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
First on my agenda was Kevin Costner's unlikely action thriller 3 Days to Kill.

A terminally ill CIA agent is persuaded to take one final job in exchange for an experimental treatment that could extend his life.

Oh, dear Blog, where do I even start? I guess I should start by saying the fact that this is a terrible movie in no way diminished my enjoyment of it; on the contrary, I quite liked it. BUT...........

Beginning at the beginning, nobody is buying Amber Heard in her role as a top CIA agent. She has neither the years nor the bearing to pull it off. It's not a poor performance, by any means, she's just entirely unsuitable for the part. Having said that, ain't nobody complainin' about looking at Amber Heard for two hours, either!

Kevin Costner is just...Kevin Costner. What else can I say? I like the guy, I do, but he's about as emotive as Joan Rivers' terminally botoxed face. He gets away with it here, as he always does, by being just that likable. I'm sitting there thinking, "God, that was bad.......but, you know what, I actually don't mind." And there's Kevin Costner for ya.

The movie itself provides so much backstory on Costner's character that it's really more like two movies. I want some depth, some rationale for the characters' situations and choices, but TWO hokey subplots that never really tie into the actual story? It's a bit much. The humor is lowbrow and predictable--but I laughed anyway--and the songs the director (McG) plops here and there are poor choices, terribly timed, or both. Maybe I'm just spoiled because nobody's as good at that as Edgar Wright, but I can't be the only one who was creeped out by an old dude like Costner slow-dancing with his teenage onscreen daughter to Bread's Make it With You...even if it is supposed to be her mother's favorite song. The action is solid, though, the characters mostly sympathetic, and there's a small, decent twist that I did not see coming for one minute.

3 Days to Kill runs 113 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of violence and action, some sensuality, and language."

3 Days to Kill provides a couple hours of forgettable fun. Even during awards season, that's not a crime.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 3 Days to Kill gets five.

Rounding out yesterday's double-header was Paul W.S. Anderson's latest bit of eye candy, Pompeii.

Do we really need a synopsis for this one? Volcano goes "boom," and even Kit Harington's spectacular abs can't save the day for the doomed city of Pompeii.

In addition to the volcano, this version of Pompeii offers its own forbidden love story, in the form of Harington's slave/gladiator, who falls for a princess (Emily Browning), unwillingly betrothed to a Roman senator (Kiefer Sutherland). Though he enjoys top billing, Harington has the fewest lines of any of the main cast, and is mostly called on to stand around looking fit while casting longing looks at the princess or withering looks at the Senator and his thugs. Sutherland spends 90 minutes falling in and out of the same half-assed English accent he used in 1993's The Three Musketeers, and, surprisingly, is the worst thing about a movie that's pretty resoundingly terrible. What little challenge this script provides isn't beyond most of the cast, but nobody does anything in particular to elevate it, either. In the most backhanded of backhanded compliments, I suppose Sasha Roiz and Jared Harris made me cringe the least.

Pompeii's effects strictly adhere to the "go big or go home" credo, with plenty of flying fireballs and crumbling buildings. Sadly, the costumes and set pieces look like something out of a high-school production of Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was not impressed with the overall look of the movie. Having said that, I'm a woman of simple tastes, and if you give me a couple hours of big explosions, hot, shirtless dudes in tiny skirts, and a few glorious 3D shots of one lady-in-waiting's bodacious bosom, well, I'm probably not going to complain too much.

Pompeii clocks in at a quick 98 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense battle sequences, disaster-related action, and brief sexual content."

As with 3 Days to Kill, the fact that Pompeii isn't a very good movie didn't stop me having a good time with it, so I'll say for the final time this season: if you're looking for a break from all the uber-serious awards bait, Pompeii just might be the movie for you.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Pompeii also gets five.

Until next time...

Wait...what was I saying??

MOVIE REVIEW: POMPEII

Paul W.S. Anderson directs this period disaster film centered on the story of a Pompeii gladiator who races to save his true love as Mount Vesuvius prepares to erupt in A.D. 79. After rising out of slavery to become a gladiator, Milo (Kit Harrington) falls for radiant merchant's daughter Cassia (Emily Browning), who is being coerced into marrying a nefarious Roman Senator. Meanwhile, as the lava starts to flow, Milo must escape the arena and rescue Cassia before they are both turned to ash. CarrieAnne Moss, Adewa Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jared Harris, and Kiefer Sutherland co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Cast: Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Jared Harris

Release Date: Feb 21, 2014

Rated: PG-13 for intense battle sequences, disaster-related action and brief sexual content

Runtime: 1 hr. 38 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure

Review:

It should probably tell you something about a film if the biggest compliment I can give it is that it’s not as horrible as I expected it to be. Paul W.S. Anderson’s film is filled with things unashamedly lifted from other better films throughout. Logic has no place here so just know that going in. Volcanic eruption, who cares we have plenty of time for a sword fight. Characters just met a few days ago but they are suddenly the most important thing in the world and worth losing your life for, sure why not. It’s dreck but it’s also kind of watchable once you get past the snooze inducing first act. The other two acts can be described simply as Gladiator knockoff and Vesuvius Finally Blows up. Those 2 acts are fairly watchable even though there are some unintentionally funny sequences that pop up from time to time. The acting is passable at best. Kit “You know nothing Jon Snow” Harington sleep walks through the roll which isn’t surprising to be honest since his love interest is Emily Browning and her unnaturally pouty lips. A horribly miscast Kiefer Sutherland keeps a smirk on throughout the entire film probably because he knows he’s just stealing money. Jared Harris and Carrie-Anne Moss make an appearance and collect checks since they aren’t asked to do anything but be cannon fodder. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje appears to be the only one having any fun in this campy silliness. The funny thing is that it’s probably one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s better films since Event Horizon.

C

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Robocop & Winter's Tale

Dearest Blog, yesterday I braved the Valentines' weekend crowds for Robocop and Winter's Tale.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or have guessed from the trailers.

First on the agenda was MY Valentine, Gary Oldman, in Robocop.

A critically-injured Detroit police officer is saved by technology...but at what cost?

Dear Blog, I must confess I don't have the same reverence for the original Robocop as many folks do. I like it well enough, but it's nothing special to me. Though I generally avoid press 'til I've written my own review, I have seen some reviews for this remake because they popped up in my daily Gary Oldman Alerts...not that I have daily Gary Oldman Alerts, mind you. Many folks who DO revere the original seemed unable to hate the remake as much as they expected to, so I took that as a good sign.

Due to the filmmakers' determination to hold onto a PG13 rating, the Robocop remake is less brutal than its predecessor. There are explosions and shootouts a plenty, but also very human moments. I haven't seen Joel Kinnaman in too much before, but I always thought he deserved an Emmy for The Killing, and I was interested to see him as a big-screen lead. He does a terrific job of keeping the lead character sympathetic, even when his behavior is more Robo than Cop. While I needn't mention that the best thing about the movie is Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton and Jackie Earle Haley are both better than they needed to be as well. I was also delighted to see two of my TV faves: Boardwalk Empire's Michael Kenneth Williams and Dexter's Aimee Garcia.

So, dear readers, how much would YOU sacrifice in the interest of your safety? Like the original, the Robocop reboot hits you over the head a bit with its social commentary, but, for my money, if it gets credit for any socially-relevant achievement, it'll be introducing a whole new generation to the awesome 70s jam Hocus Pocus! The movie has solid effects, and there's no denying the new Batman...er...Robocop suit looks pretty slick. The action is fast-paced, and a super cast helps make up for any other shortcomings.

Robocop clocks in at a very reasonable 108 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of action violence including frenetic gun violence throughout, brief strong language, sensuality, and some drug material."

Robocop is the remake the world deserves, but not the one it needs right now. (See what I did there?) Of a possible nine Weasleys, Robocop gets six and a half.

Next on my agenda was the maligned Valentines' Day love story Winter's Tale.

A man awakes in present-day New York City with no idea who he is, but soon discovers the connection between past and present.

I haven't read any reviews of Winter's Tale, but I'm told they're brutal, like 13% at Rotten Tomatoes brutal. As the sappy romance is front and center in the trailers, I was fully prepared to hate the movie, but I just couldn't. I didn't precisely love it, either, but 13%?? Harsh.

Winter's Tale is too schizophrenic to be the movie anybody wants or expects. An uneasy marriage of time travel, the Bible, and the most vomit-inducing love story ever, Winter's Tale is too schmaltzy a romance for fantasy fans, and too fantastic for folks looking for a simple love story. The movie never manages to find a comfortable balance between romantic tearjerker and fantasy epic, then it further muddies the water with a shot of morality tale.

If the movie is so-so, Colin Farrell, in the lead, is not. Farrell is a heaping helping of phenomenal actor with a double side of devastatingly handsome, and he salvaged the movie even when it bored me a little. Downton Abbey's Jessica Brown Findlay is charming as Farrell's lost love, and Russell Crowe remains immeasurably good, always.

My screening of Winter's Tale was fairly crowded, and it sounded like pretty much all the women were crying and all the men were sleeping. No matter what I write here or what you read elsewhere, that's probably as fair an assessment of the movie as you're going to find.

Winter's Tale runs 118 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence and some sensuality."

In the end, I thought Winter's Tale was a better Cloud Atlas than Cloud Atlas. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Winter's Tale gets five.

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: THE LEGO MOVIE

A lowly Lego figure (voiced by Chris Pratt) joins a group intent on battling an evil force after a case of mistaken identity in this computer-generated comedy from the filmmakers behind Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and co-director Chris McKay (Robot Chicken). Will Arnett co-stars as the voice of Batman, who along with Superman, make appearances in the Warner Bros. picture. Elizabeth Banks, Morgan Freeman, Will Ferrell, Liam Neeson, and Alison Brie head up the rest of the voice cast. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller

Cast: Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Will Arnett, Will Ferrell, Morgan Freeman

Release Date: Feb 07, 2014

Rated PG for Rude Humor and Mild Action

Runtime: 1 hr. 35 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Animated, Comedy

Review:

The Lego Movie is quite an accomplishment. It is an hour and half commercial for the product which shouldn’t come as a surprise but it’s also an absurdly clever, well written and exceedingly enjoyable throughout. The script and plot will keep parents and children entertained for the entire runtime. The animation itself is wonderful, giving us the look of claymation even though it’s all computer generated. It’s a dizzying visual feast which will keep your eyes glued to the screen. The voice cast all deliver wonderful work. Each of them sounds like they are just having a blast working on the film. Morgan Freeman in particular is just a riot as he delivers some of the film’s best lines along with Will Arnett. There are a handful of wonderful cameos of all kind in the film so giving anything away would spoil the fun. The Lego Movie is one of the best animated films I’ve seen and I hope future entries maintain the same level of quality.

A

Cindy Prascik's The Lego Movie & The Monuments Men

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema for two flicks about which I'd been very excited: The Lego Movie and The Monuments Men.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

So, dear Blog, you may ask WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING going to the Lego Movie on a Saturday afternoon that was nice enough for people to GET out, but not nice enough for people to BE out, thus ensuring I'd be sharing the experience with a roomful of kids? I suppose my answer would be: No. Earthly. Idea.

The Lego Movie follows an ordinary Lego guy on his adventure as he tries to save the universe from an evil Lego tyrant...with a little help from some familiar Lego faces.

The Lego Movie was, indeed, packed wall-to-wall with young 'uns (including two birthday parties, if my eavesdropping skills are accurate). They talked, they ran around, they slammed into my seat, and one little boy directly in front of me stood, hand on hip, waving his drink at his mother and yelling, "There's no straw!" until I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one considering stuffing him in the bin. That being said, they didn't ruin the movie for me, which can mean only one thing: it's a damn good movie.

The Lego Movie is, first and foremost, a unique experience; the art and animation are extraordinary. This is a movie that grabs your attention in the first minute and never lets go, and I think that would be the case even if nobody ever said a word. Luckily, the little Lego people do say words, and they're funny words at that. The Lego Movie is "family entertainment" that really does entertain the whole family and, while my 200 kidlets brought down the house over pantsless Lego people, there were plenty of jokes for the grownups, too. The cast is comprised of notable folks that, even if you don't know their names, you'll surely know their voices. Will Arnett is particularly effective as a grumpy, Bale-esque Batman, and Charlie Day's spastic 80s robot is a treat. The movie smartly doesn't wear out its welcome, and I think I speak for the 200 kids when I say it left us all wanting more.

The Lego Movie clocks in at 100 minutes and is rated PG for "mild action and rude humor."

Though 2014's Oscars haven't even been handed out yet, it's hard for me to imagine something that's going to beat this as Best Animated Feature at 2015's. (Disclaimer: With How to Train Your Dragon 2 on the way this year, I fully anticipate having to eat those words.) Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Lego Movie gets seven and a half.

The second half of yesterday's double-feature was George Clooney's The Monuments Men, based on the true story of a group of unlikely soldiers tasked with saving stolen art from the Nazis and returning it to its rightful owners.

When I first started seeing trailers for The Monuments Men, the cast and the subject matter had me thinking it would be an awards-season favorite. The release date and the Internet (which never lies, right?) tell me that's not the case, and for the life of me, I just don't get why not.

While it may be about as historically accurate as Argo, The Monuments Men does its job as a movie; it presents a relevant, interesting story in an entertaining way. The film moves at a good pace, holds your attention for the duration, and reinforces a message that's important even 70 years later. In addition to Clooney (who also handled directing and co-writing duties), the terrific cast includes Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Jean Dujardin (that's "dude from The Artist that I'm still mad at for stealing Gary Oldman's Oscar," in case anyone didn't know), Hugh Bonneville, and Bob Balaban. It's a smart, moving, and, yes, sometimes funny look at a not-at-all-funny historical event, and the reaction around my theatre tells me I'm not the only one who thinks it's getting shortchanged by critics.

The Monuments Men runs 118 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some images of war violence and historical smoking." (Is that really a thing..."historical smoking??")

While it may not be setting the world on fire like the Oscar-hopeful it once seemed, for my money, The Monuments Men is a total success, no less entertaining for having an important point. Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Monuments Men gets seven.

So, dear Blog, that's all the news that's fit to print for now. Next weekend brings the year's first Gary Oldman Cinema Experience, so there will be swooning a-plenty on this front.

Until next time...



Your efforts are futile in the face of my box-office prowess!

MOVIE REVIEW: RIDE ALONG

A motor-mouthed high-school security guard joins his prospective brother-in-law, a decorated police detective, on a shift along the mean streets of Atlanta and learns that life on the force is no picnic in this action comedy from director Tim Story (Fantastic Four, Think Like a Man). Ben (Kevin Hart) longs to marry his gorgeous girlfriend Angela (Tika Sumpter), but before he can propose he must first get the approval of her tough-as-nails brother James (Ice Cube), a top detective in the Atlanta Police Department. John Leguizamo and Laurence Fishburne co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Tim Story

Cast: Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, John Leguizamo, Bruce McGill, Bryan Callen

Release Date: Jan 17, 2014

Rated PG-13 Sequences of violence, sexual content and brief strong language.

Runtime: 1 hr. 39 min

Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy

Review:

I went into Ride Along willing to give it a fair shot and off the strength of a funny trailer I was slightly hopeful. Personally I like Kevin Hart and Ice Cube has done some funny movies, even if we a few decades removed from them. On the good side, Hart is funny is spots and shares good chemistry with Cube. The biggest problem is that the movie is incredibly lazy in every way possible. The script is full of hackneyed tropes and jokes at every stop with Ice Cube winking at the camera while making some incredibly unfunny meta jokes, unwittingly at his own expensive. Kevin Hart, aka that squirrel on a Red Bull IV, is talented enough to pull some laughs out of a bone dry script. Saying that John Leguizamo and Laurence Fishburne are slumming it doesn’t even begin to cover their appearance in this film. At a little over an hour and a half, it’s the kind of movie that you’ll be seeing none stop on TBS or FX followed by another Cube classic Are We There Yet.

C-