Cindy Prascik's Review of Riddick

Dearest blog, today it was off to the cinemas for one of my least-anticipated films of the year, Riddick.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing the trailers didn't reveal.

Riddick again finds himself stranded on a dangerous planet, pursued by threats both native and not.

Listen, dear Blog, I didn't find the previous two films in this series very interesting, and I didn't expect better from this. My only motivation for seeing it was that I absolutely love Vin Diesel and Karl Urban, and, that being said, I suppose I deserve what I got.

Diesel is, of course, acceptable in the lead. That's not saying much, as a robot or anyone who has brought down the house at a third-grade Christmas pageant also probably would have been acceptable. Urban doesn't have even a full minute's screen time; if you were thinking of suffering through this to see him, don't bother. The rest of the cast is most notable for a guy I would have bet a paycheck was Dave Chappelle who is not Dave Chappelle. There are actually two people in this world who have Dave Chappelle's crazy teeth. Who knew, right?

Riddick is two hours of gross outs, puerile humor, shots of dry rocks and scrub, then wet rocks and scrub, and a pointless parade of badly-done CGI creatures. The story is dull as dishwater, and if you find a twist the biggest idiot won't see coming...well, I'd give you a paycheck if I hadn't already lost it on Not Dave Chappelle. I'd complain that it's too long, too, but that hardly seems fair since five minutes would have been too long. If I had to say something good about this movie, I'd say at least I was able to see it with one of my favorite people, whom I don't see nearly enough.

Riddick clocks in at an interminable 119 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence, language, and some sexual content/nudity."

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Riddick gets none, as in ZERO, as in this movie is the equivalent of Voldemort taking Hogwarts and KILLING THEM ALL. The bad news is, this film is god-awful. The good news is, it's nice to be right sometimes, I guess?

Until next time...



Yinz are lucky I love ya, yeah?

MOVIE REVIEW: RIDDICK

Vin Diesel's Riddick character gets a new lease on life in this third film from writer/director David N. Twohy. Katee Sackhoff and Bokeem Woodbine head up a group of assassins out to kill Riddick, who lures them to a desolate planet when confronted with a hostile alien species. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: David Twohy

Cast: Vin Diesel, Karl Urban, Jordi Mollà, Katee Sackhoff, Bokeem Woodbine.

Release Date: Sep 06, 2013

Rated R for some Sexual Content/Nudity, Language and Strong Violence

Runtime: 1 hr. 58 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

After The Chronicles of Riddick I was fine if we never saw Riddick again, that’s how bad that sprawling mess of a movie was. Sometimes certain characters deserve to be left alone in their singular film, Pitch Black, so they aren’t degraded by lesser sequels. Riddick is closer akin to Pitch Black in scope and setting but it’s lacking any of that film’s strengths. Instead we have a laborious slog of a movie that never goes anyway and definitely doesn’t bring anything new to the story. Riddick “borrows” the main plot from Pitch Black and throws in a bit of Aliens for good measure. This sound’s like it should make for a fun film but it doesn’t. It’s doesn’t, in fact the 3 acts can be described like so; Act 1: Riddick gets a dog, Act 2: The Mercenaries, Act 3: It rains. Sadly, I think I’ve ruined the movie because outside of those basic descriptions not much else happens. There’s lots of monotone “cool” dialogue from Diesel and stilted dialogue from characters that wouldn’t even qualify as one dimensional. This all might be forgivable if the film was quick and delivered a solid punch during the action sequences. It doesn’t instead were subjected to more bad dialogue that sounds like it was written by 13 year olds. The film clocks in at nearly 2 hours for some reason and feels more like 4 hours. The tone is so incredibly serious you get the feeling that Twohy and Diesel thought they’d just created the next sci-fi masterpiece. Thankfully I think they came to their senses because they end the film so abruptly. Perhaps they took pity on the audience and decided to put us out of our misery, hopefully they do the same with the Riddick character.

D-

[Trailer] RoboCop

The first trailer for Jose Padilha's upcoming RoboCop remake is out and it gives us plenty to chew on in terms of visuals and tone.

Personally, I think this one feels just like the insipid and soulless Total Recall remake from last year...

MOVIE REVIEW: YOU’RE NEXT

A family reunion turns into a full-on massacre when a gang of masked killers invade a sprawling country mansion on a ruthless mission of murder. Paul (Rob Moran) and Aubrey Davison (Barbara Crampton) are about to celebrate their wedding anniversary, and they've invited their grown-up children out to the country to share in the revelry. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi
Director: Adam Wingard

Cast: Sharni Vinson, A.J. Bowen, Wendy Glenn, Joe Swanberg, Barbara Crampton

Release Date: Aug 23, 2013

Rated R for some Sexuality/Nudity, Language and Strong Bloody Violence

Runtime: 1 hr. 34 min.

Genres: Horror, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

You’re Next isn’t a game changing entry in the horror genre but it’s a hell of a lot of fun. At its base it’s a simple straight forward plot which has some twist and turns but some of them are telegraphed a bit too early. There is only a smattering of horror movie logic at play during the film as the cast makes some bone headed decisions here and there. It’s not terrible and the film delivers some effective jump scares while peppering the film with bits of effective comedy which breaks up the tone. Sharni Vinson makes for a solid lead you can easily root for throughout. Vinson’s tough girl act is believable while she takes on all comers while trying to survive the attack with the family. The supporting cast varies from fun (AJ Bowen, Joe Swanberg) to nearly mute and nondescript (Wendy Glenn). You’re Next is the kind of horror film that gets your blood pumping but never takes itself overly serious.

B

MY TOP 5 FILMS OF THE SUMMER 2013

The summer movies season is over so it’s time to deliver my top 5 films of the summer.

I watch a lot of films but I don’t see everything and outright ignore certain films (Lone Ranger, Fast & Furious 6). During the summer I don’t watch as many indie films so this list is blockbuster heavy, so without further ado….

#5 - The Conjuring



The Conjuring doesn’t do anything I haven’t seen before but it’s hard to ignore the craftsmanship on display. As a result, what could have been another drive through terribly familiar territory turns into of the most engaging and effective horror films of the year.

#4 - The World’s End



Honestly, I was ready made to love this movie. I’ve loved all of Wright, Pegg and Frost previous works (Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) so I’m an easy mark. Still, I was surprised at how much heart and contemplation was on display. In addition to the zany fun and sharp dialogue of course.

#3 - The Great Gatsby



I love Baz Luhrmann as a filmmaker, he’s not for everybody’s taste but he’s given me some of my favorite movie going experiences. Needless to say The Great Gatsby was pretty high on my list of most anticipated film of the summer and he delivered in spades. I was thoroughly engaged with the film from start to film and left impressed with Luhrmann’s restraint in the 2nd half of the film. This was my favorite movie of the summer for a good while.

#2 - This is the End



The cast of This is the End is made up of actors and comedians I love so I was worried it’d never live up. Thankfully it didn’t. I’ve seen the movie twice and each time I laughed so much that I’d felt like I’d just finished up an ab workout.

#1 - Pacific Rim



Guillermo del Toro is one of my favorite and dependable directors. Pacific Rim was right up my ally from the start. This is one of the few films I’ve seen that actually made me feel like a kid again. There were a handful of moments that literally gave me chills. This is a perfect summer film which deserved a much bigger audience.


Biggest Disappointments:

Star Trek Into Darkness

Being a Trekkie, this was the film I was most looking forward to this past summer. Sadly, it left me terribly disappointed. Everything in it was predictable. It wasn’t a huge surprise since so much of it was simply rehashed from previous films. It really seemed like a waste of talent. I really hope the 3rd one, Karl Urban agrees, blazes a new original path. All that being said, I am going to give this another shot on video.

The Hangover 3

I can’t say I had huge expectation for the 3rd film but I’d hoped it deliver some laughs with the non recycled plot. I think I only laughed 2 or 3 times during the whole. Please put a fork in this franchise.


Random surprises:

2 Guns

The trailer was a lot of fun but really didn’t know what to expect with the actual movie. Sure it’s stupid even though it’s overly complicated but its also a lot of fun!

The Purge

The Purge was a lot better than expected especially since I probably would have skipped it if there was something else playing that weekend. Personally I’d love to see sequel to flesh out some of the ideas thrown out.

I think I might have overrated:

Man of Steel

I gave Man of Steel a B- originally but I can’t say I remember much about it outside of a few bits here and there. I’ll give it another watch on video to make sure I liked it as much as I thought I did.

World War Z

Meanwhile, I won’t be watching World War Z again. I did give it a fair shot when I saw it and I think I ended up being too lenient on it. It was decent but fairly generic and forgettable.



That’s it, that’s all of it.

Now on to the Fall movie season!

Cindy Prascik’s Quickie DVD Review of No One Lives

Dearest Blog, you know how sometimes movies don't make much of a box office splash, then you pick 'em up on DVD and they're so good you wonder why they didn't do better business? Okay, yesterday I didn't do that. Yesterday I bought No One Lives.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers, which were surprisingly prevalent despite the film's limited release.

On the road and looking for a fresh start, a man and his girlfriend make a pit stop and are harassed by some local thugs...who may just have bitten off more than they can chew.

No One Lives is a cesspool of violence, gore, foul language, and insipid dialogue, one of the worst films I've ever seen. Its intent is to shock, but it doesn't even provide any cheap startle-scares or bother trying to build suspense.

If the movie has a redeeming quality--and trust me, I'm reaching--it's that a bona fide starring role in even a lousy film provides a glimpse of Luke Evans' prowess as a genuine Movie Star, and leaves you eager for the day when he has the lead in a movie that deserves him.

No One Lives clocks in at a mercifully short 86 minutes, and is rated R for "strong bloody violence, disturbing images, pervasive language, and some sexuality/nudity."

Well done, something this over-the-top could have been a lot of fun, but, alas, this is anything but well done.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, No One Lives gets one, and that's only because I'm feeling generous.

Until next time...



...but, hey, Luke Evans! :-)