Cindy Prascik’s Quickie DVD Review of No One Lives

Dearest Blog, you know how sometimes movies don't make much of a box office splash, then you pick 'em up on DVD and they're so good you wonder why they didn't do better business? Okay, yesterday I didn't do that. Yesterday I bought No One Lives.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers, which were surprisingly prevalent despite the film's limited release.

On the road and looking for a fresh start, a man and his girlfriend make a pit stop and are harassed by some local thugs...who may just have bitten off more than they can chew.

No One Lives is a cesspool of violence, gore, foul language, and insipid dialogue, one of the worst films I've ever seen. Its intent is to shock, but it doesn't even provide any cheap startle-scares or bother trying to build suspense.

If the movie has a redeeming quality--and trust me, I'm reaching--it's that a bona fide starring role in even a lousy film provides a glimpse of Luke Evans' prowess as a genuine Movie Star, and leaves you eager for the day when he has the lead in a movie that deserves him.

No One Lives clocks in at a mercifully short 86 minutes, and is rated R for "strong bloody violence, disturbing images, pervasive language, and some sexuality/nudity."

Well done, something this over-the-top could have been a lot of fun, but, alas, this is anything but well done.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, No One Lives gets one, and that's only because I'm feeling generous.

Until next time...



...but, hey, Luke Evans! :-)

Cindy Prascik’s Reviews of The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones / The World's End

Dearest Blog, this weekend's cinema offerings were a hodge-podge of dread and great anticipation, respectively, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones and The World's End.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First up was another in Hollywood's seemingly-endless stream of teen supernatural thrillers, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.

When her mother goes missing, a young girl discovers she has the blood of a Shadowhunter, that is a secret league of demon-hunting warriors.

Oh, Aidan Turner, the things I do for you. Not the things I would do for you--which are many, varied, and profane--but the things I do do for you, such as paying good money to watch this.

It is my understanding that the Mortal Instruments series was initially based on Harry Potter fanfiction, as the inexplicably popular 50 Shades of Gray series is based on Twilight fanfic. Note to Hollywood: please stop making movies based on fanfiction. You're embarrassing yourself.

City of Bones is derivative and shallow, but the bigger problem is the same one that has plagued recent seasons of True Blood and Once Upon a Time, that is, it introduces such a jumble of characters that often the story it really wants to tell is nowhere in sight. These secret Shadowhunters and their demon enemies, while far from original, could have been interesting enough, but by the time you mix in vampires and werewolves and time travel and a little daddy-angst to boot, what you're left with is a pretty big mess. Much of the dialogue is cringe-worthy, and parts of the film were so awful I threw my hands over my face in dismay. The flip side of that is, other than being far too long, the movie honestly isn't boring, and there are some bits that are really pretty good. Most stabs at humor hit the mark, although there were also several times my cinema was cracking up over stuff that clearly was not meant to be funny.

Lily Collins and her mighty eyebrows do a passable job in the lead. Her male counterparts, Jamie Campbell Bower and Robert Sheehan, are the movie's highlights, both quite engaging. As is the norm these days, all my favorites are relegated to "somebody's mom"- and "somebody's dad"-type roles. The fetching Mr. Turner has less to do than I'd have liked, but more to do than I expected, so we'll call it a draw. Playing the otherworldly is old hat to Turner by now, so of course he does a fine job of it. It's nice to see Lena Heady, Jared Harris, Kevin Durand, and CCH Pounder in smaller roles, but the real scene-stealer is Jonathan Rhys Myers in his usual over-the-top fashion.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones runs 130 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of fantasy violence and action, and some suggestive content."

The good news is it's not as bad as I expected. The bad news is it's still pretty bad.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones gets four and a half.

Next up was the genius Edgar Wright's latest offering, The World's End.

A group of once-inseparable friends reunites to complete a legendary pub crawl. When they return to their hometown, they discover things are not quite as they remember.

Dear Blog, it is well known that I worship at the altar of Wright/Pegg/Frost. It would be fair to say, along with The Hobbit, The World's End is my most-anticipated film of the year. I am pleased to report my enthusiasm has been well placed.

This story of five friends, who have drifted apart in the two decades since they left school, is sincere and likely feels familiar to most adults on my side of 40. Sympathetic performances from Nick Frost and Eddie Marsan are the dramatic highlights, while Simon Pegg gets to be the funnyman this time around. Favorites Paddy Considine and Martin Freeman are also terrific. On the sci-fi side, the idea isn't necessarily anything new, but it's well executed with some pretty cool effects. Both sides of the plot--the situation among these five friends, and the fantastic happenings in their old hometown--are interesting from start to finish; the story never misses a step. Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg deserve full marks for writing a film that goes in so many directions, yet never feels like it's lost its way. All the pieces fit perfectly.

The World's End clocks in at a perfectly-paced 109 minutes and is rated R for "pervasive language, including sexual references."

The World's End defies categorization. It's comedy, it's sci-fi, and it's genuinely moving drama, all at the same time.

It is also (*trumpet fanfare*) the first film of 2013 to earn a perfect nine of a possible nine Weasleys. And, damn, This Corrosion sounds fine in surround sound!!

Until next time...




Admit it, he could make you do worse things than sit through a lousy movie...

MOVIE REVIEW: THE WORLD’S END

Five lifelong friends reunite to complete a historic pub crawl from their youth, and find that reaching the fabled World's End tavern will be no simple undertaking while they also fight for the future of all mankind. Twenty years ago, Gary King (Simon Pegg) and his pals embarked on the ultimate drinking marathon. Nick Frost, Paddy Considine, Martin Freeman, Eddie Marsan, and Rosamund Pike co-star in the final chapter of Edgar Wright's "Three Flavors Cornetto Trilogy," which began with 2004's Shaun of the Dead and continued in 2007's Hot Fuzz. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Edgar Wright

Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Paddy Considine, Martin Freeman, Eddie Marsan

Release Date: Aug 23, 2013

Rated R for sexual References and Pervasive Language

Runtime: 1 hr. 49 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

The final entry in the Cornetto Trilogy is the zany over the top homage, this time riffing on classic sci-fi films, we’d come to expect after Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. What’s unexpected and refreshing is the reflective occasionally poignant moments Edgar Wright gives us to chew on. Wright and Pegg wrote the script and it’d have been easy for them to take a easier path down the Golden Mile. Instead they opt for some solid reflection on middle age and trying to recapture those moments from our youth. Of course this is all interwoven between a town full Stepford Wives / Body Snatchers “not robots.” Even though there’s a tangible beating heart at its center, the crew delivers the kind of laughs we’d come to expect. Simon Pegg is allowed to bust loose after playing the straight man in the 2 other films. Pegg, looking intentionally haggard and sporting shoe polish black hair, does a wonderful job of portraying the self centered loser trying desperately to recapture his youth. He has a manic hopped up energy throughout but there’s a tangible sadness behind everything. Nick Frost handles the complicated relationship with Pegg’s character very well. It’s not what we’ve from these two in the other 2 films since it’s a much more complicated dynamic. Paddy Considine, Martin Freeman and Eddie Marsan all have solid but limited roles. Freeman in particular isn’t given a ton to do which is a shame considering the increasingly frenetic pace of the film. The pace grows more erratic and frenzied as the film heads into the final act. Along the way, Wright gives us some of the most enjoyable fight sequences I’ve seen. Each one is wonderfully choreographed and hilarious. The seams do start to fray a bit during the final minutes which drag on a tad bit too long. It felt like the group got a case of Lord of the Rings syndrome and just didn’t want it to end. Honestly, can you blame them?

A-

Cindy Prascik’s Reviews of Byzantium / Coffee Town

Dearest Blog, being from a small town, my cinema choices are generally limited to whatever blockbusters are showing at the local multiplex.

However, my cable company has, of late, started making smaller films available via pay-per-view during their theatrical runs, an offer I can't refuse!

This week I was fortunate to see two indie flicks: Byzantium and Coffee Town.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the...wait, who am I kidding? I've never seen a trailer for either of these. Let's leave it with "I'll try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible."

First up, I utilized a nice midweek day off to catch the thriller Byzantium.

Two mysterious women, on the run for their lives and harboring a dark secret, take up residence in a British coastal town.

I don't think it's giving too much away to state up front that Byzantium is a vampire movie. Even knowing next to nothing about it, I knew that.

There is a bit of build up, but it's not a secret the film attempts to keep for long. With its foundation of these two women in hiding and making a living however they can, Byzantium feels more grounded than your average supernatural thriller, and solid performances by stars Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan accentuate the movie's tense, gritty atmosphere. Though Ronan and her male counterpart, played by Caleb Landry Jones, are both very young, thankfully there is no Twilightey feel to this movie; it's written and played well enough to be taken seriously. The film doesn't look quite as goth as I expected (again, admitting I knew little about it beforehand), but it sustains a cool, dark vibe throughout and builds to an ending I did not anticipate. For horror fans, I'd call the gore-level moderate, with much of the carnage implied rather than shown.

It's also worth noting that the always smokin' Arterton has dialed up the hotness to eleven for this picture.

Byzantium clocks in at 118 minutes and is rated R for "bloody violence, sexual content, and language."

As a longtime fan of vampires and vampire movies, I'm waiting for a new one to come along that's good enough (and popular enough) that
people stop thinking "Edward Cullen" when someone says "fangs." Byzantium isn't quite that, but it's a good step in the right direction.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Byzantium gets six and a half.

Last night, we found ourselves at loose ends (meaning all the Harry Potter movies that were on had ended by 9:30), so we took advantage of another XFinity On Demand offering, Coffee Town.

Much to the dismay of the store manager, a webmaster uses a local coffee shop (and its free wi-fi) as his office. When he discovers the shop is to be converted to a trendy bistro, he conspires with his friends to derail the plan...and perhaps bag his dream girl in the process.

As regular reader(s) will know, I'm not much for comedy, and I'm far too used to being let down by comedies. I'm happy to report Coffee Town is a pleasant surprise.

Much of Coffee Town's humor is so very wrong that I can't count the times we gave each other the, "Did they really just say/do that??" look. A good bit of it is flat-out gross, too, but none of that will bother Glen Howerton's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fanbase. Howerton is good in the leading role, and his supporting cast is funny and entertaining, particularly Steve Little, who kept me laughing despite the fact I really wanted to slap him most of the time. The premise may sound thin, but the story is curiously interesting and we were engaged from start to finish.

Coffee Town runs a quick 87 minutes and is unrated.

Coffee Town provides consistent (and consistently inappropriate) laughs, with an good story and solid comedic performances all 'round.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Coffee Town gets seven.

So, dear Blog, that's all the news that's fit to print for now. Next weekend is The World's End, and I'll thank you, dear reader(s), for keeping a good thought that it actually plays here. If it does not, I cannot be responsible for my actions.

Until next time...




Was I saying something?

Cindy Prascik’s Review of Paranoia

Dearest Blog, a day of lunacy, with an unexpected detour to the DMV, left me time for only one movie on this weekend of four major new releases. Since one of the four has Gary Oldman and the other three do not, I believe the technical term for this decision is "a gimmie." Paranoia it is!

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers. I'm going to have to comment on the film's ending, but I won't give it away.

A tech whiz-kid is used as a pawn in two industry giants' bitter feud.

I am sorry to report that Paranoia does not break the mold in this summer of movies that have been less than expected. It's fairly entertaining, but definitely not the smartly twisting thriller I expected.

Star Liam Hemsworth matches his big brother Chris in the looks department, but lacks the magnetism that allows Chris to share a screen with the likes of Robert Downey, Jr. and not be utterly invisible. Oscar-nominated supporting cast notwithstanding, it's up to Hemsworth to carry Paranoia, and, sadly, the task is beyond him. Hemsworth is a fine physical specimen, and his charms are randomly and gratuitously on display throughout the movie. (That's not a complaint, more a warning...you know, if you have a weak heart or something.) His performance is passable, but not strong enough to salvage a so-so film.

Supporting players Oldman, Harrison Ford, and Richard Dreyfuss are the movie's goldmine and are surprisingly well-used. When any one of the three is onscreen, Paranoia becomes infinitely more engaging. For supporting roles, I can't really complain about Oldman's or Ford's screentime, but the movie noticeably loses its spark when neither is present. In these days of Sirius Black and Jim Gordon,

Paranoia is a nice reminder of just how good Gary Oldman is at being bad!

Paranoia has relatively few attempts at humor, and most of what it has falls flat. The film consistently fails to sustain any tension or suspense, and there were zero (0) twists that I didn't see coming from a mile out. I rolled my eyes so much at the ending I was afraid they might stick. Even allowing for its many faults, though, Paranoia didn't bore me, and I wouldn't say it's a terrible movie...just not anywhere near as good as I'd hoped.

For my fellow Gary Fangirls and Fanboys, Paranoia sees Gary looking extra-fine, dapper in grey suits with mostly purple ties (though they went for blue at the end), very handsome. His screentime is more than acceptable for a supporting role and, as I'm sure I don't need to say, his scenes represent all the movie's high points. This is Gary's only big-screen appearance of 2013, so I enthusiastically suggest everyone get out and see him while you can!

Paranoia clocks in at 106 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some sexuality, violence, and language."

Paranoia is carrying a rating of just 4.5 at IMDB, and an embarrassing two-percent at Rotten Tomatoes. Before seeing it yesterday, I heard it called "the worst movie of Harrison Ford's career," all of which I think is unnecessarily harsh. Paranoia is a bit of pointless summer brain candy, to be enjoyed and forgotten.

It's far from brilliant, but I wasn't bored either.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Paranoia gets five.

Until next time...





Forget about rich. Make me Mrs. Oldman, dammit! ;-)

MOVIE REVIEW: ELYSIUM

In a future in which the privileged reside on an Earth-orbiting space station named Elysium and the less fortunate live on the surface of the blighted, overpopulated planet below, one man dares to defy the strict anti-immigration laws that separate the two disparate worlds in order to save all of mankind in this visceral sci-fi action thriller from District 9 director Neill Blomkamp. Alice Braga, Diego Luna, William Fichtner, and Faran Tahir, Sharlto Copley co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Neill Blomkamp

Cast: Matt Damon, Alice Braga, Jodie Foster, Faran Tahir, William Fichtner, Sharlto Copley

Release Date: Aug 09, 2013

Rated R for Strong Bloody Violence and Language Throughout

Runtime: 1 hr. 49 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama

Review:

Neill Blomkamp’s follow up to District 9 is heavy on allegory but surprisingly light on plot. It’s a steady effective and exciting sci-fi film which is full of cool gadgets and intense action. Blomkamp though is content to take us on a guide tour through this dystopia as we follow Damon’s damaged hero on his journey. We get some glimpses into this world but the film only scratches the surface of themes and systems presented. Additionally there are a handful of plot holes present specifically the final resolution. I would have preferred a headier film, Elysium deliver plenty of spectacle throughout pepper with some impressively graphic violence. Damon’s delivers solid work as usual even though the script doesn’t give him much meat to chew on. Flashbacks, usually heavy hand and unnecessary, give the character a bit of depth and motivation but it’s all fairly routine. To his credit, Damon is strong enough to make us care about his character throughout. Jodie Foster though is surprisingly bad as the primary villain. She sports a distractingly bad French accent while spouting out some terribly clunky dialogue which never hits the mark. Sharlto Copley fares much better as the maniacal Kruger. Copley gives his character a crazed energy which makes him the most interesting thing on screen whenever he’s on it. Blomkamp is working with a bigger budget than he did on his first film and he leaves it all onscreen. As a result the film flies with nary a lag in the action. I just wish it was a slightly deeper excursion.

B