MOVIE REVIEW: TRAINWRECK

Since she was a little girl, it’s been drilled into Amy’s (Schumer) head by her rascal of a dad (Colin Quinn) that monogamy isn’t realistic. Now a magazine writer, Amy lives by that credo—enjoying what she feels is an uninhibited life free from stifling, boring romantic commitment—but in actuality, she’s kind of in a rut. When she finds herself starting to fall for the subject of the new article she’s writing, a charming and successful sports doctor named Aaron Conners (Bill Hader), Amy starts to wonder if other grown-ups, including this guy who really seems to like her, might be on to something.

 Director: Judd Apatow

Cast: Amy Schumer, Bill Hader, Brie Larson, Colin Quinn

Release Date: Jul 17, 2015

Rated R for strong Sexual Content, Nudity, Language and Some Drug Use

Runtime: 2 hr. 2 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Amy Schumer, comedy’s IT girl at the moment, first film is a solid romantic comedy.  Yes, there’s here trademark vulgarity and wit but at it’s core it’s a rom-com anyway you cut it.  That’s not a knock but you notice all the same beats in you’ve seen in every rom-com.  In Judd Apatow’s hands its funny and sometimes insightful look into relationships and growing up to a certain extent.  As with all Apatow films it’s overlong by a good half hour and there are some steady bits of deadtime.  That being said, Schumer and Hader have good chemistry together with both settling into their roles comfortably.  Schumer’s voice is rarely lost in the film which, outside of a weird love hate relationship with sports, is a good thing.  Especially since a lot of comics can get sucked into becoming a parody of what made them famous.  Trainwreck doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it just shows you that when done right, it does roll along just fine.

B

MOVIE REVIEW: ANTMAN

The next evolution of the Marvel Cinematic Universe brings a founding member of The Avengers to the big screen for the first time with Marvel Studios’ “Ant-Man.” Armed with the astonishing ability to shrink in scale but increase in strength, master thief Scott Lang must embrace his inner hero and help his mentor, Dr. Hank Pym, protect the secret behind his spectacular Ant-Man suit from a new generation of towering threats. Against seemingly insurmountable obstacles, Pym and Lang must plan and pull off a heist that will save the world.

Director: Peyton Reed 

Cast: Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Matt Gerald, Corey Stoll

Release Date: Jul 17, 2015 RealD 3D

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Family

Review:

I have no issue saying that I expect the worse when I heard Antman was announced to the docket of Marvel films being made.  First of all, the concept is one of those ridiculous conceits that probably play better on the page than in real life.  Secondly, there’s all the behind the scenes drama with Edgar Wright leaving the project and Peyton Reed coming and having to rewrite part of the script with Paul Rudd.  It just seemed ready made for a disaster, so was it?  No, it’s a fun movie that’s hilarious in parts and enjoyable throughout.  The sillier part of the concept is pulled off with impressive ease and Paul Rudd fits the role perfectly.   A solid supporting cast, anchored by a very engaged Michael Douglas, makes for an all around good time.  It’s the type of Marvel film you come to expect and it doesn’t throw any major curveballs.  There are a few Marvel universe bits thrown in and it’s not as shoehorned as they’ve been in other film.  Minor issues like Evangeline Lilly’s wig and Corey Stoll mustache twirling villainy, I still half expected his toupee from The Strain to pop up, are digestible.  Antman is a solid entry to the ever expanding universe and worth seeing for impressive action set pieces and a surprisingly sharp script, be sure to stick around for the two stingers at the end.

B  

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Self/Less & Minions

Dearest Blog, today the sun came out in the Ohio Valley, so I escaped to the cold darkness of the cinema. On the docket: Self/Less and Minions.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing the trailers haven't already given away.

First up: Self/less.

A wealthy, terminally-ill man (Ben Kingsley) undergoes a secret, controversial procedure to transfer his consciousness into a healthy young body (Ryan Reynolds).

Well, dear reader(s), if you've done any Internetting since yesterday, you've probably already seen Self/less bashed every which way from Sunday, called a flop, and held aloft as further proof that Ryan Reynolds just doesn't put butts in the seats. None of that is probably far off the mark, but it's perhaps more harsh than the movie--and Reynolds--deserve.

The basic premise of Self/less--the idea of putting our minds, our personalities, our "souls" (if you believe in such things) into another vessel when our existing ones expire--is not revolutionary, and the movie's means of tackling it is neither new nor special. It feels ho-hum from the outset, and things don't exactly pick up quickly. Laying the groundwork takes a good 45 minutes. Once the film gets moving, the tension is solid and there are a couple decent twists.

The writing is a bit awkward, and any foreshadowing is so obvious they might as well have run a crawl across the bottom: "Pay attention! This will be important later!" Most performances are wooden at best, though Reynolds is as earnest as always. For my part, I think he does the best he can with the material. Matthew Goode is also okay, but there's just not much to work with. Surprisingly, I was never really bored, but I couldn't fairly call it a good movie, either.

Self/less runs 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence, some sexuality, and language."

Self/less probably isn't *quite* as bad as you've heard, but please don't mistake that for a ringing endorsement.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Self/less gets four and a half.

Next on the agenda, Minions.

Bet you didn't even know you needed an "origins" story for Despicable Me's lovable little yellow fellows, did ya?

B.G. (Before Gru), the Minions do time with other super-villains.

The Minions are my favorite part of the Despicable Me movies, but even I wondered if their gibberish routine wouldn't wear thin over a full 90 minutes of it. The good news: Minions are still a lot of fun.

The bad news: the story is paper thin and barely holds up for even such a short movie. The voice talent features big names like Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Alison Janney, and Michael Keaton, but nobody is all that interesting. There are a few good laughs, and, for the older fan, some tips of the hat to the time period in which the film is set (including some terrific tunes), but mostly I was fidgeting in my seat and checking the clock.

Minions clocks in at 91 minutes and is rated PG for action and mild rude humor.

Minions are still pretty lovable, but your money would be better spent on a cute, plush Kevin, Bob, or Stuart than on a ticket to this movie. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Minions gets three.

Until next time...

Banana!

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL

Dearest Blog, thanks to yesterday's holiday that wasn't really, I got out to the cinema a day early this weekend. On the docket: Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL.

Spoiler level here will be mild for Terminator, nothing you haven't seen in the trailers, and just slightly higher for Magic Mike, because there are a couple specifics I want to discuss (but nothing that should ruin it for anyone).

First on my agenda was Terminator Genisys.

Future John Connor sends Future Kyle Reese back in time to save Past Sarah Conner from a Terminator that has been dispatched to...erm...terminate 'er.

In case it's been awhile since anyone revisited the originals, Terminator Genisys helpfully kicks off with a little tutorial to bring everyone up to speed. I recall little more than "I'll be back!," but it still felt like a waste of time, and most of what they explained became evident over the course of the movie anyway. From that inauspicious beginning, Terminator Genisys actually turns into a pretty decent movie. The action is terrific, and, even though some of the sequences go on a bit, I never got tired of it.

Nothing convinced me 3D would be anything other than a waste of good money, but the effects are pretty sweet nonetheless, and an epic score compliments the huge action perfectly. Conveniently, time travel in this universe of hardbodies requires the traveler to be completely naked, and strategic placement of objects to cover the naughty bits for the movie's PG13 audience is hilarious.

Other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger and doesn't really need to be anything else, the cast is kind of ho-hum. Emilia Clarke and Jai Courtney have about as much chemistry as a mismatched pair of socks, but luckily, nobody is distractingly bad.

Terminator Genisys runs 126 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi violence and gunplay throughout, partial nudity, and brief strong language."

It might be a worthy successor to the original Terminator movies...or it might not...I don't remember.

Either way, it was much better than I expected. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Terminator Genisys gets six.
Next up was another sequel, Magic Mike XXL.

"Magic Mike" and his merry men hit the road for one last hurrah at a stripper convention.
Dear reader(s), I'ma be straight with you: Magic Mike XXL might be the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen that benchmark of cinematic terribleness, The Room. That's not to say I didn't enjoy some of it, and that's not to say some of it isn't laugh-out-loud funny (sometimes even on purpose), but it is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad movie.

If you weren't expecting anything more than two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, the first Magic Mike was a pleasant surprise (or maybe a disappointment, if two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes was all you wanted). It took a shot at telling a story and made a fair job of it. Magic Mike XXL maybe should have stuck with two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, because, whatever else it hoped to be, it fails in spectacular fashion.
Let's start with a few pluses, shall we?

 It goes without saying there are some fine-looking folks in various stages of undress in MMXXL. Whatever your taste, you'll likely see a lot of someone who appeals to you. What's funny is pretty darn funny, and some of what isn't meant to be funny is pretty darn funny, too. If you're wondering whether the movie's worth the price of admission despite all its flaws, let me just say it's hit upon the best and noblest use of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" ever. The acting is terrible, but, in fairness to the actors, effectively delivering the most awful dialogue ever written is probably impossible.

The usually reliable Matt Bomer couldn't be less believable in his hippie routine, and whenever he said "chakra" I wanted to punch his perfect face. (Sorry, Matt. I still love you.) Channing Tatum is vacant and uninspiring when delivering what should be the movie's key emotional punches. Joe Manganiello, one of the worst actors I've ever seen, weirdly delivers the movie's best performance, hamming it up as the only one who apparently understood that ridiculous was the only way to go here. The lovely and talented Amber Heard is also solid (but wasted) in the cliche role of a free spirit who has "lost her smile." If you've come for the dancing (clothed or unclothed) don't expect too much. I love dance movies, even terrible ones, so I was disappointed by how few routines made the final cut. There are some inexcusably stupid scenarios, too. I'm supposed to buy that a roomful of horny women waving dollar bills will be okay with a stripper-cum-singer performing a little number before dropping trou?

Shut up and peel, you!

Or that stripper will happily spend a night off entertaining a roomful of undersexed old hags in exchange for a twin-bed and make-your-own breakfast? Next time I run into my dentist at Target, I'm gonna ask him to take a look at this tooth that's been bothering me. I assume he won't mind if I tell him I'll pay for whatever he just picked up in housewares.

Worst of all, Magic Mike XXL is founded on the premise that these noble gentlemen do what they do to boost the self-esteem of poor, pathetic females who just aren't getting what they need at home. I have no problem with adults engaging in adult pursuits (including humping up on pretty, naked people), but that idea is a half-step shy of 50 Shades on the "Hooray for Dysfunction" scale, and I found it flat-out gross.

Magic Mike XXL clocks in at 115 minutes and is rated R for "strong sexual content, pervasive language, some nudity, and drug use."

It has its moments, but falls shy of the original, and I was bored for much of it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Magic Mike XXL gets three.

Until next time...happy birthday, USA!

MOVIE REVIEW: TERMINATOR GENISYS

The year is 2029. John Connor, leader of the resistance continues the war against the machines. At the L.A. offensive, John's fears of the unknown future begin to emerge when he learns that SkyNet will attack him from both fronts: past and future.

Director: Alan Taylor

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, Jai Courtney, Dayo Okeniyi, Lee Byung-hun

Release Date: Jul 01, 2015 RealD 3D

Rated: PG-13 Gunplay Throughout, Brief Strong Language, Intense Sci-Fi Violence and Partial 

Nudity 

Runtime: 2 hr. 6 min. Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

Proposed Preamble that might make Terminator Genisys more palpable:

Forget everything you know.  Sort of kind of I mean.  The first 2 movies were really good right but since most of you in the audience are millennials you all probably thought they were ok but looked old.  So we’ve just redone some of those sequences but like cooler and with update FX.  Back on point, forget but remember what happened in those first two movies because you kind of need to know but don’t need to know it.  Either way we’ll explain it.  It’d really help if you watched a lot of Star Trek because there are timelines all over the place and yeah there might be plot holes all over the place and if you think too hard it’ll make zero sense, so don’t.  It’s all good we have a great director who knows how to film big action sequences and they’ll be fun, we promise!  Oh and did we mention that Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger is back, giggle, and we totally explain why it’s ok that’s he’s old.  He’s hilarious!  We couldn’t explain Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn being old so we replaced them with the mother of freaking dragons!  OMG she’s sooooo hot, probably not believably tough, but look at her china doll features!  And come on look Jai Courtney, he’s like a warm plate of vanilla ice cream, it’s not great but it ain’t bad either!  I almost forgot about Jason Clarke, he’s like super important, but I think we finally nailed a grown up version of Edward Furlong!  We knew you couldn’t wait for a pretty good twist, so we just told everybody because, come on who hates waiting!  So thanks for giving us a shot on your July 4^th weekend, its hot outside and who wants to see stupid fireworks, we’ve got our own and I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy our movies a lot more than you thought you would!  Enjoy!

P.S. We threw in JK Simmons because he like won and Oscar and insures my house!  Probably should have used him more because he’s hilarious!

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: TED 2

Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) ties the knot with Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), and recruits his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg) as a sperm donor in order to start a family in this sequel to the comedy hit about a teddy bear come to life. Later, when the Commonwealth of Massachusetts demands that Ted appear before a judge to prove he's a real person, the frisky bear and his pal vow to fight for their civil rights. Morgan Freeman and Amanda Seyfried co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Seth MacFarlane

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Barth, Morgan Freeman.

Release Date: Jun 26, 2015

Rated: R for crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, and Some Drug Use

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Ted 2 is a perfect example of diminishing returns on comedy sequels.  That’s not to say that it’s not funny, it’s laugh out loud in parts, but it’s just not nearly as consistent as the original.  Seth MacFarlane seems to sense that the novelty of a hard drinking, cussing teddy bear might be wearing thin so he tries to expound on the idea with the civil rights angle.  I appreciate the attempt but it doesn’t work since the character is basically a living cartoon.  As a result, there are lots of dead spots trying to flesh out the concept leaving the comedy on the side for a good portion of the ride.  It’s a shame because if he stuck to what worked in the first film, it might have made for a funnier overall film.  As is, Ted 2 is an overlong comedy sequel that’s quickly forgettable.

C