Cindy Prascik's Review of The Counselor

Dearest Blog, despite early whispers of its absurdity, it was with great excitement that I headed to the cinema today to see The Counselor.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

A lawyer (Michael Fassbender) lands in deep trouble when he attempts to cure his money woes doing business with drug dealers.

So, dear Blog, when I see a film with Fassbender, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, Javier Bardem, and Brad Pitt, my thought is "How bad can it be?" Well...........

The Counselor kicks off with an awkward sex scene that sets the tone for the whole film: you just want to laugh, however aware you are that you're not supposed to. The stellar cast isn't to blame for the movie's shortcomings, and, while it could be said they don't save it either, I would suggest it's beyond saving.

All the performances are solid, and Pitt is notably better than the material.

However, twists that aim for shocking reveals land, instead, in a muddled mess. Forget subtle foreshadowing, the movie knocks you over the head with everything.

There are gross-outs aplenty, and I don't just mean the bloody ones you expect in any movie about drug dealers. When I wasn't trying to stifle inappropriate laughter, I was struggling mightily to stay awake.

Now, dear Blog, never let it be said I don't look for the positive. The Counselor takes first prize on an important "all-time" movie list: Best snot rocket ever.

Like, seriously, puts Gimli's "I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!" to shame. Readers, I know you look to this blog for the serious skinny on flicks, so there it is.

This weekend, The Counselor is probably in a pretty tight race for "Funniest New Release" with Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, but, unfortunately, only one was an intentional entry.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Counselor gets three...AND CAN I PLEASE JUST HAVE THOR ALREADY??

Until next time...



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