Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Gods of Egypt & London Has Fallen

 

 

 

 

Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the laughable double-bill of Gods of Egypt and London Has Fallen, or, as I like to call it, The Unintentional Gerard Butler Film Festival. 

 

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know or have guessed from the trailers. First on my agenda, Gods of Egypt. Exiled god Horus reluctantly teams with a mortal to reclaim his crown and save Egypt. 

 

Dear Reader(s), I'ma be straight with ya: if I could just post that little emoji that's laughing so hard it’s crying, that'd the most accurate review of Gods of Egypt you'd find anywhere. Since I call myself a movie blogger, though, I'd better try a bit harder. Much has been made of Egypt's casting white faces in roles clearly meant for people of color. But wait...the ridiculousness hardly ends there! This picture boasts some of the most laughably bad dialogue I've ever heard. 

 

EVER. The costumes range from elementary-school pageant to pole dancer. (One thing gods and mortals apparently have in common: a great rack!) While the movie has some nifty effects, it's also got some of the worst green-screen work you'll ever see outside an episode of Once Upon a Time. There's a veritable grab-bag of accents, and that's not even accounting for anyone besides Gerard Butler! In fact, the acting is across-the-board so hilariously terrible that even the mighty trio of Rufus Sewell, Geoffrey Rush, and Chadwick Boseman can't combine for one decent performance. Now, having said all that...I found Gods of Egypt to be a great laugh. It's so bad that I can't believe it's anything other than willfully so, a B-movie that somehow scored itself an A-list budget. 

 

Oh, and, for the record, the movie was written by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, whose previous credits include Dracula Untold and The Last Witch Hunter, so...yeah...if you're wanting your picture to be taken seriously, maybe don't hire those two, m-kay? Gods of Egypt clocks in at an excessive 127 minutes and is rated PG13 for "fantasy violence and action, and some sexuality." 

 

If you're looking for a good laugh at Hollywood's expense, it doesn't get funnier than this. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, 

 

Gods of Egypt gets four. 

 

Next on the docket, the sequel London Has Fallen. When the American President (Aaron Eckhart) again finds himself in peril, it's Secret Service agent Mike Bannon (Gerard Butler) to the rescue. London Has Fallen is essentially just an excuse to combine massive chaos and destruction with a healthy dose of "'Murica!" 

 

The plot is paper thin, as world leaders pay the price for civilian casualties of an earlier strike against terrorism. You don't need to guess which world leader gets out alive, thanks to his ballsy protective detail, who also happens to be devastatingly handsome and quite the comic to boot...oh, Hollywood! Though a sequel to 2013's Olympus Has Fallen probably wasn't strictly necessary, this second installment doesn't overstay its welcome, and it's a decently good time if you enjoy a couple hours of watching stuff blow up around a pair of pretty good-looking guys. 

 

Some great talent--Morgan Freeman, Jackie Earle Haley, Melissa Leo--is wasted here, turning up for basically a cup of coffee and a paycheck, but the movie's certainly no worse for having names like that among its cast. 

 

As cinema escapism goes, you could do a lot worse (although the guy behind me who snored loudly for the duration might say different). London Has Fallen runs a quick 99 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence and language throughout." 

 

While you won't need to remember its name long-term for this year's awards season, in the short term, London Has Fallen provides a healthy dose of brain candy. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, London Has Fallen gets five. 

 

Until next time... 

 

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Eddie the Eagle & Triple 9

 

 

 

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the promising double-bill of Eddie the Eagle and Triple 9. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers. First up: Eddie the Eagle. An unlikely prospect dreams of Olympic glory. 

 

I cannot and shall not mince words here: I absolutely adored Eddie the Eagle. It exceeded all my expectations, and marks the second consecutive February that Taron Edgerton stakes an early claim on my year-end top ten. Eddie the Eagle keeps its tone light. A road like this always has more than its share of potholes, but these filmmakers are more interested in presenting a hopeful, inspiring piece than than in putting forth the full truth. 

 

The movie is also a textbook example of that old saying, "A happy ending depends on where you stop your story." (The film's namesake, Eddie Edwards, attempted to participate in three Olympics subsequent to the Calgary Games, and failed to qualify all three times.) Edgerton is phenomenal in the lead, equally convincing as this tenacious outsider as he was portraying Kingsman's streetwise thug turned debonair secret agent. 

 

As Eddie's reluctant mentor, Hugh Jackman owns every minute of his screen time, providing some of the movie's best laughs as well as its most sincere, intelligent moments. 

 

There's some lovely Bavarian scenery on display, and a fair bit of nostalgia for those who fondly remember the 1988 Olympic Games. The movie is smartly paced, fully self-aware, and can't help but speak to anyone who's ever been unfairly disregarded or marginalized. 

 

Eddie the Eagle clocks in at 105 minutes and is rated PG13 for "Some suggestive material, partial nudity, and smoking." 

 

Superficial it may be, but Eddie the Eagle is a thoroughly delightful cinema experience. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Eddie the Eagle gets eight. 

 

Next on the docket: Triple 9. The Russian mob coerces a ruthless gang into attempting a nearly-impossible heist. 

 

Well, dear reader(s), if your current cinema mood is somewhat less cheerful, the weekend schedule also offers the gritty Triple 9, a crime thriller so intense I'm pretty sure I didn't breathe for the first 15 minutes. 

 

Triple 9 boasts an impressive cast, with uniformly solid performances from Chiwetel Ejiofor, Woody Harrelson, Anthony Mackie, Clifton Collins, Jr., Aaron Paul, and Norman Reedus, and brilliant, nearly unrecongizable turns by Michael Kenneth Williams and Kate Winslet. 

 

Despite showing its hand early, the movie is gripping from the first second to the last. It's a brutal picture, backed by a tense, masterful score, and I was equal parts fascinated and appalled. Triple 9 runs 115 minutes, and is rated R for "strong violence and language throughout, drug use, and some nudity." 

 

Triple 9 won't be everyone's cup of tea, but if you're not put off by the dark side of life, you can't help but fall for this exciting-but-grim tale. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Triple 9 gets seven and a half. 

 

Until next time... 

 

 

MOVIE REVIEW: THE WITCH

A devout Puritan family in 1630s New England are exiled from their village, and struggle to survive in their new home situated at the edge of a mysterious forest. The sinister, witching forces in the wilderness emerge silently to terrorize them, first by kidnapping the youngest of their five children. As their life-sustaining crops fail, the clan fall victim to paranoia and fear as they begin to turn on one another, eventually suspecting teenage daughter Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy) of witchcraft. With the vast majority of the dialogue culled from primary sources from the time period, Robert Eggers' debut feature The Witch is a terrifying glimpse into a family descending into madness. ~ Daniel Gelb, Rovi

Director: Robert Eggers

Release Date: Feb 19, 2016

Rated R For disturbing violent content and graphic nudity.

Runtime: 1 hr. 30 min.

Genres: Horror

Cast: Ralph Ineson, Kate Dickie, Julian Richings, Vivienne Moore

Review:

The Witch is a impressive moody period horror film that is expertly crafted from the top down.  Robert Eggers’ debut film is meticulously crafted exercise in subtly.  Eggers builds and maintains tension throughout the film by using the solitary setting for a maximum effect.  The film owes a cinematic debt Kubrick’s The Shining by playing up a lot of similar themes even though the build up more tempered and methodical.  Eggers is blessed with a fully committed cast who deliver excellent performances all around with Anya Tayor-Joy leaving a lasting impression.  Taylor-Joy, who looks like the world saddest Hummel figurine, conveys so much through her face and eyes, it’s a terribly impressive performance for such a young actress.  The Witch is the type of high quality horror film that that rarely comes around in a genre which is usually littered with garbage.

A  

Cindy Prascik's Review of Race

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dearest Blog, today it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the first of February's sports biopics, Race. Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers or from Googling Jesse Owens. 

 

Race is the story of legendary track and field star Owens, from his early days at Ohio State University through the controversial 1936 Olympic Games. There's no denying Race is little more than your run-of-the-mill Inspiring Sports Movie, but still-timely issues, nail-biting sports action, and some nice performances make it worth a look. Stephan James is a delight as Owens, earnest and sympathetic. 

 

The film boasts strong supporting turns by Jason Sudeikis, Shanice Banton, William Hurt, and David Kross. Characterizations are pretty broad--the city of Berlin even has its own super-villian-sounding musical cue--but if the storytelling is a bit hokey, it's easy enough to forgive in such a compelling tale. Race runs just a tad overlong and is by no means comfortable viewing. The issues it raises are too near for that, evidence the ugliness in my Facebook newsfeed during the Grammys, or the casual way acquaintances assume it's okay to drop racist comments around me because we both happen to be white. 

 

Race is a long overdue "thank you" to Jesse Owens for his courage, but also hopefully one small step towards a day when bigotry really is a thing of the past. Race clocks in at 134 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic elements and language." It's not the best sports movie you'll ever see--it might not even be the best sports movie you'll see this month--but Race has a story worth telling and a message worth hearing. 

 

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Race gets six and a half. 

 

Until next time...