Say, there, dear reader(s), did'ja miss me? Probably not, but I'm back with a couple reviews for your eager-ish eyes.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers or the IMDB synopses.
First movie on today's agenda: The Contender.
A Special Forces sergeant, involuntarily discharged from the service, finds work (and trouble) with a private contractor.
The Contractor has been bouncing around the buy/rent streaming circuit for several months. I wasn't interested enough to pony up any cash, but, when it turned up for free, the time was right.
The Contractor lays its groundwork slowly. The first half-hour really feels like it's going nowhere, and there's nothing so complicated that the movie couldn't have cut to the chase in half the time. Chris Pine (my favorite of the Hollywood Chrises!) portrays James, a brooding hero trying to stay afloat in a post-military life that owes him better than he gets. Ben Foster steals the show (as Ben Foster always does) as a fellow ex-soldier who gets James into the contract business. Kiefer Sutherland, Gillian Jacobs, JD Pardo, and Eddie Marsan flesh out cookie-cutter supporting roles that could have been handed to lesser names and been none the worse for it. The story twists and turns rather nicely, if somewhat predictably, but seems to rush to its end. Cutting 15 minutes from the setup and devoting it to the payout would have served the picture well, but ultimately it maintains tension and ties up its story nicely enough that we'll call it a win.
The Contractor clocks in at 103 minutes and is rated R for "violence and language."
The Contractor is a generic but serviceable way to pass a late summer afternoon. Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Contractor gets four and a half.
The Contractor is now playing/streaming on the Showtime family of networks, and is available to rent or buy from all the usual outlets.
Next on my Saturday schedule was the Gray Man.
After discovering some of the agency hierarchy's dirty secrets, a CIA dark operative finds himself on the run from a psychotic former colleague.
The Gray Man is another by-the-numbers thriller salvaged by a reasonably talented, good-looking, and likeable cast. Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans face off in the leads, with Evans' performance reminding me of nothing more than Jason Patrick's turn in my personal favorite Chris Evans movie, the Losers. The entertaining pair, along with some unique action sequences, combine for a good enough time, but the movie's attempts at humor are painful, and it overstays its welcome by a solid 30 minutes.
The Gray Man runs 122 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of strong violence, and strong language."
The Gray Man is a passable thriller elevated by a solid cast. Of a possible nine Weasleys, the Gray Man gets five.
Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for another uninspiring pair of January releases: Hostiles and Maze Runner: The Death Cure.
Spoiler level here will be mild, but I'd hazard a guess, dear reader(s), that you won't much care either way.
First on the agenda: Hostiles.
Nearing retirement, an Army captain is coerced into one final official chore: escorting a dying Cheyenne Chief and his family back to their home.
Hostiles is is blessed with a great cast, intriguing characters, and a multi-layered story, so after seeing it I can only ask: How can it be SO bad?
We'll start with the obvious. Hostiles wants you to understand from the outset that it is a Very Serious Movie. As such, everything Very Serious about it is overdone to the point of being comical. The opening scene is brutal, yet its outcome is hilariously improbable. Christian Bale throws down two hours of his best Ennis Del Mar impersonation, mumbling and maintaining such a persistent scowl I'd be surprised if his face didn't stick that way. (Everyone's mother said it would, right?!) As characters suffer terrible losses, the camera lingers on their fabricated grief so long the faces become caricatures. There are many (many, many) panoramic shots of the parade of horses on their journey...across the plains, over the mountains, through the forest. WE GET IT, YOU'RE GOING SOMEPLACE! The film overuses every tired Cowboys-and-Indians trope to such a degree your brain will become convinced the picture hasn't just borrowed the overused cliches, but rather that you've seen this actual movie somewhere before. Hostiles tries to show each side of every situation as both the good and the bad guys, but--rather than weaving thoughtful complexities--it is contrived and impossible to believe that some of the characters could have gotten from Point A to Point B over the film's duration. Its messages are many and mixed; your moral compass won't know where to aim. Finally, and most egregiously, Hostiles is a criminal waste of the extraordinary Ben Foster, who doesn't have more than 15 minutes total screen time.
Hostiles runs 134 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence and language." (Trigger warning: Though it's not in the official MPAA warning, the film does allude to a rape that is not depicted onscreen.)
Its trailers made Hostiles seem a surefire awards darling, but, sadly, it's an exercise in frustration that will leave you wondering how it could fail so spectacularly with the tools at its disposal.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Hostiles gets three.
Up next, the final (?) installment in the Maze Runner series, The Death Cure.
The kids from the Maze aren't in the Maze anymore. Now it's like the Walking Dead, but younger and less sweaty.
Confession time: I can't remember much of anything about the first two Maze Runner movies. I don't remember how these people got out of the Maze, or how they got into the Maze in the first place, or if the Maze even has anything to do with where they find themselves in Installment #3. I didn't care enough to refresh before seeing the movie, and I definitely wasn't interested enough to try filling in the gaps after. That being said, thanks mostly to an engaging cast, I didn't hate The Death Cure. (I don't think I hated the middle one either, though I'm pretty sure I hated the first one. Nah...not worth looking THAT up, either.)
As any Young Adult series will tell you, when the world is falling apart, it's up to young heroes to save it. The Maze Runner series filmed quickly, compared with some other YA sets, yet it's hard not to feel the leads have aged out of their roles a bit. Still, Dylan O'Brien effectively sells it one last time, Thomas Brodie-Sangster is always a delight, and the older cast is more than capable. (Is there anything that can't be improved by the presence of Walton Goggins? I think not.) The film kicks off with an exciting sequence straight out of The A-Team, and from there it seldom lets up, a wise choice given its excessive length and lack of real substance. Effects are solid, tension is pretty amped up at times, and the picture does have a few small surprises up its grungy sleeve, tying things up in a satisfying, if predictable, bow at the end.
Maze Runner: The Death Cure clocks in at a bloated 141 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, language, and some thematic elements."
Maze Runner: The Death Cure doesn't reinvent the wheel, but, compared to some of January's other offerings, it doesn't seem so bad.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Maze Runner: The Death Cure gets four.
Dearest Blog: Here we sit, on the first square of the first page of a brand new calendar. Last year will be remembered for extraordinary losses--in both number and impact--but there were good times to be had at the cinema, almost always.
What follows will hopefully remind you, dear reader(s), of some of those good times...and maybe some of the other times too.
Disclaimer #1: Around here most of the awards contenders turn up all at once, for a single week, just before the Oscars. The Academy and I sometimes (*cough*) don't see eye to eye, but it's fair to guess this list would look at least a little different if I'd seen La La Land, Manchester by the Sea, Nocturnal Animals, Moonlight, and/or Lion, to name just a few.
Disclaimer #2: A movie's original Weasley score will not necessarily be reflected in its year-end positioning. Time and repeat screenings (or the lack of opportunity for same) may favor or handicap some films.
So...let's start with the good, then, shall we?
My Top 10 Movies of 2016
"The soul of our country is at stake."
10. The Purge: Election YearThe third outing in the Purge series didn't quite match its nearly-perfect middle installment, but timely subject matter, stunning visuals, and another strong leading turn by Frank Grillo make Election Year one of 2016's best offerings.
"God doesn't have children. He's a bachelor. And very angry!"
9. Hail, Caesar!Behind-the-scenes machinations at a 1950s movie studio drive this clever comedy from the Coen brothers, blessed with a terrific all-star cast and some wonderful choreography by Tony Award winner Christopher Gattelli.
"It is time to follow my own path."
8. Kubo and the Two Strings2016 was a super year for animation. Moana, Sing, Finding Dory, and even the Secret Life of Pets could have made a run at this list, but, in the end, beautiful storytelling, combined with stunning and unique art, set Kubo and the Two Strings head and shoulders above the rest. Bonus: Regina Spektor's lovely cover of the Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps over the end credits.
"I've killed things from other worlds before."
7. Batman v. Superman
Yeah, Internet, you hated it; I got that, but I absolutely loved DC's much-maligned Justice League opening act. The baddies were well and properly bad, the good guys were brooding, and the story effectively laid the groundwork for what's to come. Ben Affleck's Batman/Bruce Wayne was universally praised, and if you thought BVS was humorless...well...you just weren't paying attention. ("I like those shoes!")
"I never met nobody got away with anything, ever."
6. Hell or High WaterThis masterful little heist tale is blessed with stellar peformances, a compelling story, and one of the more satisfying and perfectly-suited endings I've ever seen. Do. Not. Miss.
"You're different. Sooner or later, different scares people."
5. The AccountantBen Affleck was kinda the highlight of my 2016 cinema year, following his perfect Batman with a strong, authentic turn as a socially-awkward mathematical genius in this mesmerizing thriller.
"Fear of death is what keeps us alive."
4. Star Trek Beyond
The latest installment in Hollywood's best franchise may well be its most fun yet. The story's exciting, the one-liners always hit the mark, and the ensemble is my favorite of any film franchise. (RIP, dear Anton Yelchin.)
"So far, so good."
3. The Magnificent Seven
The Magnificent Seven remake is a rare beast in today's Hollywoodland. It's an old-school Western. It doesn't shoehorn in a romance, bloat itself with never-ending fight or chase scenes, or attempt to set up a sequel. The film boasts gorgeous cinematography, a perfect cast, and well-timed, genuinely funny humor. The very definition of "must see."
"We were normal, and the rest of the world was crazy."
2. The Beatles: Eight Days a Week-The Touring Years
Eight Days a Week is a cheerful look at the early days of the world's biggest, best, and most influential band. It's a nice reminder that John, Paul, George, and Ringo are more than monumentally talented individuals; first and foremost, they're four pals who thought they could make a go of their little band and got caught up in a tornado of worldwide superstardom. Peppered with snippets of their magical tunes, behind-the-scenes clips, and interviews with the four lads and assorted others who experienced Beatlemania firsthand, Eight Days a Week is a joyous experience.
"I had to question the mermaids! What were you doing while I was working?"
1. The Nice GuysFrom its first trailer, The Nice Guys very nearly cemented a place on my ALL-TIME favorites list, and the finished product more than lived up to that promise, earning it the year's top spot. Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling are brilliant as a pair of mismatched private investigators on the trail of a missing girl. This is a movie that ticks all the boxes: fantastic performances, exciting action, a smart, surprising mystery, and spot-on humor...an all-'round perfect cinema experience. I'm confident even the most-favored of the critical darlings could not have knocked this one out of my number-one spot.
Movies It Hurt Me to Leave Out (Honorable Mentions)
Eddie the Eagle: A fun, fictionalized story about English Olympian Eddie Edwards, with entertaining performances by Taron Edgerton and Hugh Jackman.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-Out of the Shadows: The most fun I had at the movies this year, and something I've watched over and over again since getting the DVD.
Bleed for This: A fascinating comeback story anchored by Miles Teller's outstanding lead.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: This kick-start of a whole new Harry Potter series is well acted, beautifully filmed, and utterly magical.
Anthropoid: Magnificent performances (especially from Cillian Murphy) elevate this meticulous WWII story far above its big-budget competition.
Deadpool: Sharp wit and Ryan Reynolds' hilarious leading turn shook up the superhero business in 2016. Some of the more juvenile bits wear thin on repeat viewings, but, still, a fun outing.
Suicide Squad: It plays like a series of frenetic music videos, but nifty visuals, Will Smith's unyielding magnetism, and a star turn from Margo Robbie make Suicide Squad worth watching.
Triple 9: A tense thriller with a superb cast. Real edge-of-your-seat cinema.
Moana/Sing/Finding Dory/The Secret Life of Pets: Strong year for animation, don't think I saw a bad animated film in 2016.
2015 Winners I Didn't See in Time for Last Year's ListSpotlight, which certainly would have made the cut.
The Revenant, which would have had a fair chance based solely on the beauty of its locations.
2016: The Year of the Disappointing Sequel
London Has Fallen, Captain America: Civil War (only Black Panther saves this lumbering bore), X-Men: Apocalypse, Independence Day: Resurgence, Jason Bourne (I liked you better when you were Jeremy Renner), Snow White & the Huntsman, Mechanic: Resurrection (shoulda stayed dead), Inferno, and Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (please go back, the first one was good), all failed to live up to even middling expectations set by their predecessors.
On the other hand, Alice: Through the Looking Glass actually wasn't half as bad as the original!
2016's Bottom of the Barrel (a.k.a. I Paid to See That??)Gods of Egypt, which is actually so terrible it's almost great.
The Bronze, one of the worst movies I've EVER seen.
Hardcore Henry, worse than The Bronze.
The Legend of Tarzan, but at least they didn't make Skarsgard do that yodel-thing onscreen.
Assassin's Creed, no...just no.
2016: The Year Jack Huston Made Such Bad Movies That Pride & Prejudice & Zombies Was Actually the BEST! (Not counting Hail, Caesar!, in which he turns up for all of 60 seconds.)
And Ben Hur reviews apparently scared him off social media.
Come back, Jack...I miss you! *cries*
2016: How to Spit-Shine A HeroSully: YES.
Snowden: NO.
And The Winner Is...
Best Actor: Ryan Gosling (The Nice Guys)
Best Actress: Jessica Chastain (Miss Sloane)
Best Supporting Actor: Ben Foster (Hell or High Water)
Best Supporting Actress: Kate Winslet (Triple 9)
Best Director: Ethan & Joel Coen (Hail, Caesar!)
So, dear reader(s), there you have my take on the year just ended. May the new one be happy and healthy for you all. See you at Marquee Cinemas!!
Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the latest in Dan Brown's Robert Langdon series, Inferno.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
After waking in a hospital, suffering from amnesia, Professor Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) teams with Doctor Sienna Brooks (Felicity Jones) to thwart a global threat.
Okay, dear reader(s), here's the thing about this Langdon series: these movies just oughta be better than they are.
All the pieces are there, yet the finished product is always decidedly mediocre...in fact, the middle installment was so forgettable I had to double-check to make sure I'd even seen it before moving on to the new one! Inferno, like its predecessors, is fortunate to have the eminently likable Tom Hanks reprising his role as Langdon.
No matter what else a movie has going for or against it, Hanks generally guarantees it'll be at least watchable, and certainly that's the case here. Jones, on the other hand, is her usual blandly irritating self; if not for her weird teeth, you might mistake her for ten other actresses of similar age and appearance. Inferno boasts more of the series' usual lovely locations and tidbits of historical interest.
There's action aplenty, with our heroes spending much of the picture running through crowded streets and imposing buildings, but ultimately the whole thing just feels too silly for something that pretends to be so intellectual.
Inferno clocks in at 121 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of action and violence, disturbing images, some language, thematic elements, and brief sensuality."
Inferno is a passable afternoon's entertainment, but, sadly, it's nothing special.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Inferno gets five.
Until next time...
PS: Dear Cinemas Everywhere: I know Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence are the cutest people on Earth, but that Passengers trailer is getting old REAL DAMN FAST.
Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for the action-thriller The Finest Hours.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from that lone trailer you've been seeing every week since last May.
When a T2 oil tanker splits in half during a brutal Nor'easter, it's up to a small, brave Coast Guard crew to mount an unlikely rescue.
Ahhh...the bleak midwinter...that No Man's Land between the awards hopefuls tuckering themselves out and the Lenten glut of Bible stories, where Hollywood dumps all the movies it's given up on or has no idea what to do with. These are movies with no ulterior motive.
They don't expect to win anything, and they certainly don't expect to save your soul; they just want to entertain you. These movies are my friends.
The Finest Hours is an old-school adventure, perhaps too old-school for today's audiences.
The heroes are traditional, Ken-doll types, the elements big and threatening, the romance sweet and chaste. There's not much chemistry between Chris Pine and the always-delightful Holliday Grainger, but both are likeable enough to get by. The movie's real star (outside of some nice water and disaster effects) is Casey Affleck, as the de facto captain of the disabled tanker. Ben Foster, perpetually one great performance away from knocking Russell Crowe out of my Holy Trinity, is fantastic in a smaller role, and West Virginia boy Josh Stewart is great as well, though also with not too much to do.
The rescue itself is hold-your-breath tense, and plays out so Hollywood-perfect that I'd call it hokey if not for the fact they've stuck pretty close to true events. Though it may be an unremarkable picture in the grand scheme of things, The Finest Hours a perfectly enjoyable afternoon at the movies for anyone who isn't expecting an Oscar coulda-shoulda-woulda.
The Finest Hours clocks in at 117 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of peril."
It may not win any awards, but The Finest Hours kept me well and propertly entertained for the duration.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Finest Hours gets seven.
Seasoned hitman Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham) sets out to avenge the brutal murder of his mentor, Harry (Donald Sutherland), and finds himself joined by Harry's vengeful son (Ben Foster), who is eager to follow in his late father's footsteps, in this remake of the 1972 action thriller starring Charles Bronson and Jan-Michael Vincent. Harry taught Arthur how to be a detached killer who always hits his mark. Now Harry is gone, and for the first time in Arthur's career it's about to get personal. As lone-wolf assassin Arthur prepares to hunt down Harry's killers, he is approached by his fallen mentor's vengeful son, Steve, who is eager to take up the lethal tools of his father's trade. Unadept at working with a partner yet compelled to help Steve carry on the family tradition, Arthur agrees to take him on as a protégé. Later, the duo begins to methodically eliminate their targets, forging a partnership born of blood with each new hit. The closer Arthur and Steve get to the name at the top of their list, however, the more apparent it becomes that his job will be anything but business as usual. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi
Director: Simon West
Cast: Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Tony Goldwyn, Donald Sutherland, Jeff Chase
Release Date: Jan 28, 2011
Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, language, some sexual content and nudity
Runtime: 1 hr. 40 min.
Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller
Review:
To say this film feels familiar is a tad of an understatement, not just because it’s a remake of the 70’s Charles Bronson film of the same name. Jason Statham has made a career of churning out mindless action flicks. The quality of these films varies wildly but Statham is consistent and seems more than happy to stick to the formula. The Mechanic, directed by Michael Bay Jr., Simon West, is a hollow superficial ride which never tries to be more than it sets out to be. It’s bloody occasionally gory sprinkled with nudity and sex. Ultimately it’s easily digestible and enjoyable for the most part. At times it feels like this would have been perfectly at home in the 80’s which a plot that feel like nothing more than excuse to propel the action. There’s a tad bit of pathos there enough to make it feel like they could go deeper into these characters but nobody involved, outside of Ben Foster, seems terribly interested in doing so. Jason Statham delivers his usual tough guy persona, gravelly voiced with the perfect amount of stubble. By this point Statham can play this type of character in his sleep, so much so that it leaves you wondering if he ever gets confused as to which movie he’s actually shooting at anyone time. Ben Foster brings a bit more depth to his character. Foster gives his character greater depth, showcasing the simmering tortured persona of his character. That being said it’s never explored to great depth, along with the fact that the character becomes a master hitman in the span of a few days. These aren’t the kind of films that are terribly interested in that kind of stuff and that’s alright as long as they deliver enjoyable action set pieces. The Mechanic has plenty to like with inventive settings and impressive looking locals. If there is one nitpick it’s that the last big action piece leaves you feeling a tad disappointed since the film seems to be building to a nice action crescendo.
Say, there, dear reader(s), did'ja miss me? Probably not, but I'm back with a couple reviews for your eager-ish eyes.
