MOVIE REVIEW: THE WRONG MISSY

Disaster strikes when a man invites his dream girl to an island resort -- but a previous blind date shows up instead.

Director: Tyler Spindel

Cast: David Spade, Lauren Lapkus, Molly Sims, Geoff Pierson, Jackie Sandler, Sarah Chalke, Nick Swardson

Release Date: May 13, 2020

Comedy, Romance

Not rated

Runtime: 1 h 30 min

Review:

The Wrong Missy feels like a long lost artifact from the late 2000’s comedies like The Heartbreak Kid or Couples Retreat.  It’s an over the top raucous comedy with the simplest of plots that plays out exactly the way you’d expect.  The script in The Wrong Missy doesn’t miss any opportunity to take the most obvious joke and run with it.  Thankfully director Tyler Spindel keeps things moving at a breezy pace never letting much linger on screen for too long which really helps the movie overall.  David Spade leads the film with his signature straight man act but he seems disinterested and is rarely engaging like he was in some of those 90s films everyone remembers from him.  The real life blood of the film is Lauren Lapkus whose manic energy makes the whole thing run.  Lapkus is the type of character actress that’s popped up in supporting roles all over the place over the last few years with this being her first real time to shine.  She runs with it and makes the whole thing watchable and ultimately fun.  The Wrong Missy is the kind of disposable comedy you’ll forget about shortly after you finish it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a goofy vulgar ride. 

C

MOVIE REVIEW: CAPONE

Chronicling the final days of notorious gangster Al Capone as he succumbs to dementia and relives his past through tormenting memories.

Director: Josh Trank

Cast: Tom Hardy, Linda Cardellini, Jack Lowden, Noel Fisher, Kyle MacLachlan,  Matt Dillon

Release Date: May 12, 2020

Biography, Crime, Drama

Rated R for strong/bloody violence, pervasive language and some sexuality

Runtime: 1 h 43 min

Review:

Capone, a messy misfire, makes Josh Trank’s first film Chronicle look like beginner’s luck more than signs of greatness.  Trank has a ripe bit of story that could have been genuinely interesting and a game star but what he delivers is a messy and boring film that never takes advantage of any of it.  Instead we get a film where Tom Hardy where he’s buried under horrible zombie like make up as he uses an interesting voice inflection before he devolves into communicating through grunts.  Adding into the strangeness, Hardy is given two occasions to sing because why not.  The supporting cast tries their best to do what they can with their roles but it’s a lost cause as this relatively short film feels incredibly long.  Those hoping there’d be some sort of deep dive into Capone’s madness or even his past will be left disappointed.  There’s a scene early on in the film with Hardy’s Capone loses his bodily functions while sleeping, it’s an apt statement about the film in general.


D

Cindy Prascik's Review of Bloodshot

This week's home cinema offering, Bloodshot, features Vin Diesel as a fallen soldier reanimated with enhanced abilities.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Bloodshot actually hit my theater a week or two before the Great Shutdown of 2020, but for some reason I didn't make it out, despite my great love of Vin Diesel. I think "for some reason" may be that the movie just didn't look all that good, but I'm pleased to report it's not as bad as I'd feared.

Despite the whole "enhanced abilities" thing, Bloodshot isn't really a superhero movie. If a franchise ensues (as I understand is the intent), it may become that, but it's not there yet. That's neither good nor bad, but in the interest of full and fair disclosure it's worth noting. Vin Diesel is quite good, and the role is a good fit for him. It's nothing too challenging or too different from his usual fare, but there's something to be said for knowing your strengths and sticking with them. Bloodshot is violent, but not overly gory, and sometimes goofy enough to undermine itself. The movie features well-paced action, a likable cast, and nifty effects, an entertaining enough bit of fluff despite its lack of originality.

Bloodshot runs 109 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of violence, some suggestive material, and language."

Even in a crisis-free world, Bloodshot was never going to set the world on fire, but it's a solid enough precursor to the usual summer slate of superhero fare.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Bloodshot gets six and a half.

Until next time...stay safe and sane, dear reader(s)!

MOVIE REVIEW: VALLEY GIRL

A valley girl and a punk rocker from the city defy their parents and friends to stay together.

Director: Rachel Lee Goldenberg

Cast: Jessica Rothe, Josh Whitehouse, Mae Whitman, Judy Greer

Release Date: May 8, 2020

Genres: Comedy, Musical, Romance

Rated PG-13 for teen partying, language, some suggestive material, and brief nudity

Runtime: 1h 42min

Review:

The Valley Girl remake, much like the Hairspray remake before it, takes a beloved 80s cult classic and sprays a fresh coat of gloss and glitter to deliver a fizzy and nostalgic candy coated pill.  Rachel Lee Goldenberg is respectful of the original but it’d be fair to call it more of a spiritual remake than a straight up remake.  The original captured a specific moment in time and Nic Cage’s first real introduction to the world with all his general weirdness on full display.  This remake drops all that and goes super colorful with rose colored glasses of nostalgia.  A new framing sequence explains the jukebox musical element early on letting the filmmaker go all in with their conceit.  The musical sequences are all well choreographed with one near the middle truly shining with three separate 80s jams going back and forth.  Jessica Rothe sits firmly at the center of this film and she’s always the most interesting person on screen.  She just has an innate magnetism that shines through every sequence much like her work in Happy Death Day.  Rothe drives the film and makes a solid on screen couple with Josh Whitehouse who looks like a tall Great Value Robert Pattinson.  He’s charming and charismatic enough to work for this film but those yearning for Nic Cage’s take will be disappointed.  Mae Whitman gives a nice supporting turn even if her character is both superfluous and underused.  Ultimately, if you love the original you’ll probably enjoy this one since it’s different enough to enjoy on its own.   On its own accord it’s a fun little film that’s got the caloric value of a donut. 

B

Cindy Prascik's Review of Endings, Beginnings

Ahhh...dear reader(s)...two weeks in a row!

Beginning to feel like old times again, eh? To anyone new to my reviews, I apologize. It must seem like I don't like any movies. On the contrary, historically I've been a little too easy to please at the cinema, but...well...it feels like a very long time since I've seen a good movie. I am sorry to say the unlucky streak continues with Endings, Beginnings.

Spoiler level here will be mild, very little you wouldn't know from the trailers.

After a hasty decision leaves her jobless and homeless, a young woman attempts to get her life back on track.

Endings, Beginnings is a "finding yourself" movie. Kinda like Wild, but younger and with less pooping in the woods. Our heroine, Daphne (portrayed by Shailene Woodley), is the stereotypical screwed-up millennial, constantly attempting to rebound from poor life choices, with just enough visible ink and piercings to make your mom roll her eyes if she's watching this with you. (Spoiler Alert: Unless your mom is cool with people having sex on the kitchen counter, don't let her watch this with you.)

A problematic lead requires skilled handling.  With vile characters, it's up to the filmmakers to convey their loathsomeness without making a movie everyone hates. With troubled characters like Daphne, it's up to the filmmakers to earn them the viewer's support on their journey. While I think a person's tolerance for such troubled characters may reflect their own experiences (it's no fun having a Daphne in your life), this film doesn't do much to get you on her side, either. Woodley could play this role in her sleep, but lingering shots of her sobbing and staring out the window will hardly be the highlight of her sizzle reel. The traumatic event and subsequent decisions that leave Daphne where we find her at the beginning of the film — unemployed and living in her sister's pool house — are serious, yet the movie never quite distances them from what we're lead to believe is Daphne's history of pointlessly sketchy choices. We're meant to buy into Daphne's attempts at personal growth and redemption over the course of the film, yet (minus any spoilery specifics) the picture ends with her making an extremely selfish decision, weakly disguised as her finally having grown up. It's beyond offensive; it's repulsive.

Endings, Beginnings has a nice supporting cast, with Wendy Malik and Kyra Sedgwick in small roles as Daphne's mother and mother-like figure, and Jamie Dornan (using his real Irish accent... *swoon*) and Sebastian Stan as Daphne's potential suitors. At risk of sounding like a broken record, I think Sebastian Stan is the finest actor of his generation, and it's a shame he seldom gets a project that lets him flex more than the Winter Soldier's metal bicep. He turns in some nice work here, as does Dornan, but, really, the characters are paper dolls and there just isn't much to work with. (Broken Record II: Please check out the short-lived TV series Kings, available for streaming or download from all the usual places. Stan is magnificent in it.)

Petty annoyances: In addition to the many (MANY) overlong shots of Daphne crying herself to sleep and moping over her "suffering" Spotify playlist, Endings, Beginnings also repeatedly features dialogue overlapping the scene where it was spoken, but out of synch with the visual. I think it was supposed to be artistic. I've seen it work in other movies. Here it’s off just enough to look like someone messed up the editing. There's a New Year's Eve party with a "2019" balloon clearly visible in the background, but our hipster heroine is wearing a gold lame dress that looks like it barely escaped a 1986 prom with its life. Like the aforementioned Wild, which featured the abominable line, "I'm not even in the driver's seat of my own life!" Endings, Beginnins offers this nugget: "I don't think you understand who's next in line to be loved by you. It's YOU." (*shoots self in head*)  If you, dear reader(s), will forgive my bringing Woodley's Big Little Lies co-star Reese Witherspoon into play yet again, Endings, Beginnings is a little like a miserable version of This Means War.

Endings, Beginnings clocks in at 110 minutes and is unrated. In the absence of official MPAA guidelines, please be warned of graphic language, semi-graphic sex, alcohol and drug use, and pretty much non-stop smoking.

Endings, Beginnings offers solid evidence that sometimes people who try to "find themselves" should just stay lost. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Endings, Beginnings gets four.

Until next time...

(PS: I double-checked our web page, and the last good movie I saw was the Gentlemen on January 25th. Yikes.)

MOVIE REVIEW: UNDERWATER

Disaster strikes more than six miles below the ocean surface when water crashes through the walls of a drilling station. Led by their captain, the survivors realize that their only hope is to walk across the sea floor to reach the main part of the facility. But they soon find themselves in a fight for their lives when they come under attack from mysterious and deadly creatures that no one has ever seen.

Director: William Eubank

Cast: Kristen Stewart, Vincent Cassel, Jessica Henwick, John Gallagher Jr., Mamoudou Athie, and T.J. Miller

Release Date: January 10, 2020

Genres: Action, Drama, Horror

Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action and terror, and brief strong language

Runtime: 1 h 35 min 

Review:

Some films pull inspiration from classics while others unabashely rip elements from them and while repackaging them with enough variety to keep them legally clear.  Underwater is a classic example of the latter.  It's not a terrible movie, director William Eubank delivers some impressive set pieces builds suspense throughout, but anyone who's ever seen Ridley Scott's Alien will notice some striking similarities.  The setting changes from space to underwater but the it all feels very familiar even if you don't get a chest busting or cat rescue sequence.  Eubank doesn't seem to care if you notice all the cross contamination so he just runs with it like a modern day Roger Corman.  The film taken on it's own rights is decent enough even if everything feels fairly routine and predicable.  The cast of character's runs the gamut of disposable fodder with each meeting a predictable although occasionally gruesome fate.  Kristen Stewart leads the film as quietly as humanly possible, her character isn't all that interesting but then again nobody else is either.  The rest of the cast is made of recognizable faces who do their best to give their characters some meat even though they all written in terribly one dimensional fashion.  The film does excel in creature design and setting, using both to maximum effect.  It keeps the film engaging during it's lean 95 minute run time while making the equivalent of cinematic sci-fi fast food.

C+