My dear reader(s), my movie diet this past weekend was cheesier than an extra-large Wisconsin six-cheese pie from Domino's, but unfortunately not all of it was quite so delicious.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers, aside from one non-plot-specific quote that earned itself a little spotlight.
First on my weekend agenda, Heart of Stone, starring Gal Gadot as a member of a shadowy agency charged with keeping a powerful weapon out of hackers' hands.
Boasting the wonderful Gadot and a likeable, familiar collection of supporting players, Heart of Stone had the potential to be the kind of dumb fun that passes a great summer afternoon. Unfortunately, the plot is lazy and predictable, the action is by the numbers, and much of the dialogue is so bad I was embarrassed for all involved. Top it with an overwrought score and excessive runtime, and, well, it's just a terrible waste of a solid cast and a good (if oft-used) premise.
Heart of Stone clocks in at 122 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence and action and some language."
Heart of Stone attempts to build a franchise atop an impossibly weak foundation. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Heart of Stone gets two.
Heart of Stone is now streaming on Netflix.
Next on my weekend agenda, the romcom Red, White & Royal Blue, a tale of forbidden romance between an English prince and the US President's son.
Me? Watching a romcom? Ye gods.
Red, White & Royal Blue is a sweet, funny tale that is no worse for being exactly what you expect at nearly every turn. Any romance rises and falls on its principals, and this one shines mainly due to the exceptional appeal and chemistry of its central couple, portrayed by Nicholas Galitzine and Taylor Zakhar Perez.
They are a delight! The movie is often laugh-out-loud funny, with the bulk of the credit there going to Sarah Shahi as the President's harried Deputy Chief of Staff, and special mention to Uma Thurman, who had me on the floor with the President's "Mom" speech. There's no denying Red, White & Royal Blue is a bit Hallmarkey in its execution. The acting is a little rough at times, and some of the music placement feels awkward, but those are petty quibbles with a movie that left me with a smile that hasn't faded a day later.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, "He grabbed my hair in a way that made me understand the difference between rugby and football" has to be in the running for movie quote of the year. I don't make the rules.
Red, White & Royal Blue runs 118 minutes and is rated R for "some sexual content, partial nudity, and language."
Red, White & Royal Blue is a predictable romantic comedy elevated by a charming cast and some hilarious dialogue. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Red, White & Royal Blue gets eight. (I'll be watching it again today.)
Fangirl points: Clifton Collins, Jr.!!
Red, White & Royal Blue is now streaming on Amazon Prime Video.
Until next time...
