Dearest Blog, today it was off to the cinema for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
A decade after the events of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, a virus has wiped out most of humanity. What's left attempts an uneasy peace with the apes, but...........
Well, dear reader(s), as usual I have to be upfront and admit I hated Rise of the Planet of the Apes so much I was prepared to take a pass on this one. Then they cast Gary Oldman, and chances of my taking a pass on a Gary Oldman movie are about as much as my saying, "No thank you," if someone offered me a winning lotto ticket. I never go into a movie set on hating it, but in this case it might have saved me some disappointment if I had.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is even worse than its predecessor...if such things can be measured. I struggled mightily to stay awake through the first hour, and mostly just prayed for the end through the second. Though the disaster effects are alright, the apes once again look like a bad cartoon.
Andy Serkis is a genius, but he hasn't won me over with his much-lauded portrayal of Cesar, the leader of the apes. Jason Clarke and Keri Russell are about as meh as any movie pairing, ever. Gary is great with what screen time he's got, but it's not nearly enough to salvage anything from this mess. Boring "emotional" scenes alternate with somewhat-less-boring action scenes.
There's a smattering of not-funny humor thrown in for good measure, all leading up to a cheesy, predictable ending. Usually I can at least get a laugh out of poking fun at something this terrible, but right now I just resent that my seven bucks will help this dog turd take the number-one spot at this weekend's box office.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes runs 130 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and brief strong language."
If you're a fellow Gary Oldman addict, you'll understand when I say I'd rather re-watch Tiptoes or Nobody's Baby than sit through this EVER again.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes gets one.
Until next time..
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