Dearest Blog: Thanks to the long holiday weekend, yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for an early screening of Steven Spielberg's Ready Player One.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
The deceased creator of a virtual reality world called "The Oasis" leaves his followers a challenge: Find the hidden Easter egg, rule the Oasis, and win the fortune that goes with it.
From my first encounter with a Ready Player One trailer, I had a feeling something was off, a feeling that carried all the way through the finished product. The movie is not without its positives, but they're far too few to make it less than a torturous couple hours.
Ready Player One kicks off with the god-awfulest song in history, Van Halen's Jump, so it doesn't give a person much hope right...well...right from the jump. The main cast of youngsters ranges from a little wooden to pretty awful, so grownups Simon Pegg, Mark Rylance, and even the extraordinary Ben Mendelsohn can't do much to help. The movie's production design is impressive, but scenes inside the Oasis are curiously less so than those in the real world. In fact, the Oasis--a place where people can be anyone or anything they choose--is actually a little creepy and dark, not at all fanciful, and the film's hundreds of pop-culture references wear thin in their ubiquitousness. I had hoped for a great 80s soundtrack, and there are some terrific songs, but they're so muted and cropped as to be nearly invisible. Sadly, Ready Player One did nothing to exceed my middling expectations.
Ready Player One clocks in at 140 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of sci-fi action violence, bloody images, some suggestive material, partial nudity, and language."
A few years back, Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro did a movie called Grudge Match, about a pair of aging boxers coaxed out of retirement for one final match. It wasn't on anyone's awards shortlist, but, if you were of a certain age, plenty of it was pretty damn funny. When a teenage friend mentioned she didn't enjoy it, I told her it probably wasn't "for" her. I'm not a gamer, and there are no other versions of me running around in any VR worlds, so it's entirely possible that Ready Player One just isn't "for" me, BUT...a really great movie is somehow for everyone, regardless of their investment, and this isn't that, either. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Ready Player One gets three.
Jake Pentecost is a once-promising Jaeger
pilot whose legendary father gave his life to secure humanity's victory against
the monstrous Kaiju. Jake has since abandoned his training only to become
caught up in a criminal underworld. But when an even more unstoppable threat is
unleashed to tear through cities and bring the world to its knees, Jake is
given one last chance by his estranged sister, Mako Mori, to live up to his
father's legacy.
Director: Steven S. DeKnight
Cast: John Boyega , Scott Eastwood, Cailee
Spaeny, Jing Tian, Adria Arjona, Zhang Jin, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Burn
Gorman
Release Date: March 23, 2018
Genres: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi violence
and action, and some language Runtime: 1h 51min
Review:
Pacific Rum Uprising is one of those sequels
that feels like a lesser version of the original film.That’s not to say that Uprising doesn’t offer
some robot action because it does but it just doesn’t connect in the same way
the original did.Part of the reason is its
decision to jettison the majority of the cast of the original film.Idris Elba died at the end of the first film
so his omission is expected but Charlie Hunnam and Rinko Kikuchi should have
had some sort of role in the sequel.Hunnam couldn’t participate due to scheduling issues and Rinko Kikuchi
is given a token appearance before she’s taken off the board.It’s a shame when a sequel removes nearly
everything from the previous film in order to start with a clean slate and
present us with a new cast of character.John Boyega in the lead is good fun since he’s allowed to spread his
wings a bit more than he has in the recent Star Wars films.Boyega displays some of the energetic charm
he displayed years ago in Attack The Block.Sadly the supporting cast is a solid display of blandness across the
board.Scott Eastwood may look like his
father but he doesn’t have anywhere near the same kind of screen
magnetism.The rest of the supporting
players are made up by faceless 20 something where supposed to care about but
can’t since their about as one dimensional as they come.Charlie Day and Burn Gorman returned for this
entry but sadly the magic just isn’t there.Pacific Rim Uprising is a passable sequel but you can’t help but feel
like it should have been much better.
After a string of garden
gnome disappearances in London,
Gnomeo & Juliet look to legendary detective Sherlock Gnomes to solve the
case of their missing friends and family.
Director: John Stevenson
Cast: James McAvoy, Emily
Blunt, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Mary J. Blige, Johnny Depp
Rated PG for some rude
and suggestive humor.
Genres: Animation,
Adventure, Comedy
Runtime: 1h 26min
Review:
Sherlock Gnomes is a fun
and lighthearted sequel that works more than it doesn’t even though it doesn’t
deliver a ton of surprises.Going
through the basic of Sherlock Holmes mythology in gnome form plays out in a fun
family friendly manner.Johnny Depp
provides the voice for Sherlock Gnomes and gives him a fun self centered
narcissistic voice.Depp and Emily Blunt
spend the better part of the film together and they have some fun
chemistry.McAvoy spends the better part
of the film on a separate storyline which means that he and Blunt don’t have a
lot of interplay which was the highlight of the original but it’s all in
service of the story.The film has a
solid message of not taking loved ones for granted which is a bit more
thoughtful than it really needed to be for this type of family film which is
refreshing.
Dearest Blog: Yesterday it was off to Marquee Cinemas for that rarest of treats: a triple feature. On the docket: Sherlock Gnomes, Peter Rabbit, and Pacific Rim: Uprising.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
First up: Sherlock Gnomes.
When all of London's garden gnomes go missing, it's up to the world's greatest detective to solve the case.
Like it's predecessor Gnomeo and Juliet, Sherlock Gnomes banks on good-nature and likability for its appeal. It's not a game-changer and and it won't be remembered by awards voters when that time rolls around again, but it's the most enjoyable movie I've seen in a good long while. The movie is blessed with a terrific cast, including newcomers Johnny Depp and Chiwetel Ejiofor, returning favorites James McAvoy and Emily Blunt, and...yes...Ozzy Osbourne, whom the filmmakers are wise enough to use in moderation. The art and animation are pretty, bright, and colorful, if not revolutionary, and the cute story bounces along to a cheerful score by Chris Bacon, peppered with familiar snippets of Elton John songs. Sherlock Gnomes expertly rides a fine line, working for kids of all ages while also entertaining adults. There is nothing here that will disturb or upset the young ones, but, in addition to the tunes, there are several adult gags that aim far enough over kids' heads that parents won't be left answering uncomfortable questions afterward. If the message is familiar, the movie delivers it in such charming fashion you won't even mind. Sadly, there's no Jason Statham gnome this time around (*sobs*), but I still loved Sherlock Gnomes exactly as much as I expected, and I expected a LOT.
Sherlock Gnomes runs a quick 86 minutes and is rated PG for "some rude and suggestive humor." (Though the more crass bits from the trailer are missing from the finished product.)
Sherlock Gnomes is great fun for all ages. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Sherlock Gnomes gets eight.
Next on my agenda: Peter Rabbit.
Rabbits and humans jockey for territory in a somewhat abrasive fairytale.
Well, dear reader(s), if there's one thing I want you to know right off the bat, it's that Peter Rabbit probably isn't as bad as you'd think from the trailers or from everything you've heard. Make no mistake, it has BIG problems, but it overcomes most of them for an enjoyable outing.
Getting the bad news out of the way first, we'll begin with the obvious: Those damn rabbits. They are utterly insufferable, like the brattiest, most annoying kids you've ever met. It makes rooting for them impossible, even when the film hits that "delivering the message" point where the relevant parties are supposed to become the best versions of themselves. While the physical comedy mostly works, and Domhnall Gleeson's expressions and timing are impeccable (more on that later), the film's "jokes" are painfully bad, especially a couple awkward attempts at social commentary. The movie struggles mightily to settle on a tone, doubling-down on unfunny attempts at humor and, especially towards the beginning, coming across rather nasty. Finally, though the parental guidelines don't mention it, there are a couple things in this movie that may be upsetting to younger kids. At one point when the rabbits' well being is threatened, there was a small boy in my screening screaming, "I don't like it! I DON'T LIKE IT!" so...um...take care with those little ones, will ya?
Now the good news, and there's more of it than I expected. Leads Domhnall Gleeson and Rose Byrne are ridiculously adorable and have great chemistry. Gleeson, who seems to be in every single movie these days and continues to prove he's pretty amazing at everything, shows off some solid comic chops, working mostly opposite a tennis ball on a stick that would later become the film's talking woodland creatures. An almost-unrecognizable Sam Neill is also great (as always) in too little screen time. The story never really goes anywhere you don't expect, but I'm not sure you'd want it to. Songs pop up awkwardly throughout the movie, but there are some great pop nuggets that are no less enjoyable for the weird placement. Ultimately, the charm of Gleeson and Byrne outweighs the negatives just enough to make Peter Rabbit worth your while.
Peter Rabbit clocks in at 95 minutes and is rated PG for "some rude humor and action."
I'd taken a pass on Peter Rabbit weeks ago, and only saw it this week by virtue of a cinema schedule that left a huge gap between Sherlock Gnomes and Pacific Rim. In the finest example of backhanded praise you're likely to find today, I can tell you it was certainly better than spending two hours sitting in the hallway.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Peter Rabbit gets five.
Closing yesterday's triple-header was the sequel Pacific Rim: Uprising.
Hey guys...guys...we're cancelling the apocalypse again, 'kay?
Uprising is a big step down from the original Pacific Rim, and I can assure you with a reasonable amount of certainty, dear reader(s), that I didn't find it so only because it's missing Charlie Hunnam and Idris Elba. (Though that won't ever help in my eyes, obvs.) The film suffers from paper-doll characters and painfully bad dialogue, but is salvaged somewhat by its likable cast. Though the action is solid, the plot is weak and filled with predictable twists. Lorne Balfe's score is properly epic, and the effects are as massive as a movie-hugeness junkie like me could hope, but, ultimately, if you want brainless fun with big robots, Transformers is a better option.
Pacific Rim: Uprising is a witless good time that you'll forget almost as soon as you exit the cinema.
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Pacific Rim: Uprising gets six.
Dearest Blog: Today I elected to pass on lackluster offerings at the cinema in favor of Zak Bagans' documentary Demon House.
Spoiler level here will be mild-ish. I'm including some particulars, but nothing that would make it less worth your watching the film yourself.
Renowned paranormal investigator Zak Bagans documents experiences at the famous "demon house" in Gary, Indiana.
Well, dear reader(s), this may be the easiest review I'll ever write. If you're a fan of Zak Bagans and his Travel Channel series Ghost Adventures, you'll likely enjoy this documentary. If you aren't, maybe take a pass. I am a fan, and I was not disappointed.
Demon House is basically an extended Ghost Adventures episode. It's got more swearing (just to let you know we aren't on cable anymore), but is missing GA's most entertaining aspect, Aaron Goodwin. In fact, Goodwin is the only GA principal missing from Demon House, as Billy Tolley and Jay Wasley both make appearances. (Wasley also shares a producer's credit.)
Bagans adopts a morose demeanor throughout, as if to let viewers know he's still carrying the burden of the experience. As does the Travel Channel series, Demon House offers interviews with many who experienced the house's malevolence firsthand; it does not, however, include any first-person accounts from the family that last lived there. Initially, another family member states they will not speak with Bagans because he has been in the house and the demon already may have attached itself to him, but later the film suggests they were simply pirated by a big Hollywood producer who hoped to adapt their story for the big screen. Following Ghost Adventures' model, Demon House features cheesy reenactments and reserves its most shocking bit of evidence for the second act. Several of those involved complain of lingering effects that timing allows them to chalk up to their encounters with the creepy abode.
Demon House is unlikely to change anyone's mind on the paranormal in general or demonic possession in particular. If you are a believer, you will see things as the film intends: something evil was afoot in Gary, Indiana. If you are a skeptic, it's likely you'll think the evidence is a scam, despite experts' assertations to the contrary.
Demon House clocks in at 111 minutes and is unrated. It does have a fair few f-bombs, as well as many images and scenarios that will be unsettling to believers or to those who are suggestible. As the film itself warns: "View at your own risk."
Renting Demon House from XFinity On Demand cost me about fifty cents more than I would have paid to see something at my cinema this weekend, and I'm reasonably confident I enjoyed it at least fifty cents' more than I would any of the weekend's new releases.
Of a possible nine Weasleys (or should they be Wasleys here?), Demon House gets seven.
Lara Croft is the fiercely independent daughter of an eccentric adventurer who vanished years earlier. Hoping to solve the mystery of her father's disappearance, Croft embarks on a perilous journey to his last-known destination -- a fabled tomb on a mythical island that might be somewhere off the coast of Japan. The stakes couldn't be higher as Lara must rely on her sharp mind, blind faith and stubborn spirit to venture into the unknown.
Director: Roar Uthaug Cast: Alicia Vikander, Dominic West, Walton Goggins, Daniel Wu, Kristin Scott Thomas Release Date: March 16, 2018 Genres: Action, Adventure Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, and for some language Runtime: 1h 58min Review: The rebooted Tomb Raider is a solid if paint by the numbers origin story which also makes it one of the better video game adaptations. Of course that’s hardly high praise since video game adaptations have a fairly terrible track record. Luckily Norwegian director Roar Uthaug, who directed the impressive 2015 Norwegian disaster film The Wave, gives his film a palpable plus even if the script is fairly basic. Uthaug delivers some solid action set pieces throughout along with a shipwreck sequence which could serve as a solid test for epilepsy. Uthaug film feels strangely like a 90’s Michael Bay film if you removed all of Bay’s bombast. It’s an interesting bit of alchemy that works more often than not. Tomb Raider wouldn’t work at all if Alicia Vikander couldn’t pull off the role of Laura Croft which she did incredibly well. For the uninitiated, the video game character was rebooted in 2013 as a younger, more grounded take which serves as the basis for this film. So all the cartoonish proportions of the video game and caricature of Angelina Jolie’s 2001 portrayal are thrown by the wayside for a more realistic and grounded approach which works in the film’s favor. Vikander is fully committed to the character and she’s clearly enjoying herself as the heroine. She pulls off a steady balance of strength while still being green and learning her way. Outside of her childlike grunts, Vikander is always the best thing on the screen and gives the film its heart. The supporting cast though is sadly underused and developed. Walton Goggins is given one of the most basic villain characters to play which is a shame since Goggins is such an interesting actor. It’s a fairly large misstep mainly due to the script which doesn’t provide any depth. Daniel Wu’s character is the very definition of a one dimensional character, sure he does some things during the film but he’s more a function than a full-fledged character. Dominic West also isn’t given much to do outside of a wear a terrible wig and look slightly confused and nuts. Tomb Raider is a perfectly watchable film and fans of the video game series will enjoy seeing certain sequences from the 2013 game lifted and woven into this film’s narrative but it all feels incredibly safe. The door is left wide open for a sequel should this film prove to be successful, which with Alicia Vikander in the lead isn’t a bad thing. B-
