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Sunday, September 13, 2015

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of A Walk in the Woods & The Transporter Refueled

Dearest Blog, being on my deathbed last weekend, I missed out on my weekly trip to the cinema.

Hollywood very thoughtfully released only crap this weekend to give me a chance to catch up.

Thanks, Hollywood!

First on my agenda: A Walk in the Woods.

Two older men attempt to hike the Appalachian Trail.

If you take Wild, subtract annoying women who say things like, "I've never been in the driver's seat of my own life!" and add two pretty cool old dudes, you've got A Walk in the Woods. It's not normally the kind of picture I'd need to see on a big screen, but the lure of Robert Redford is strong. He shares excellent camaraderie with co-star Nick Nolte, and their banter is mostly good fun. There are a couple moments where the writing seems a bit awkward, and the movie runs maybe just a hair too long, but otherwise the men's adventure is both funny and uplifting.

A Walk in the Woods runs 104 minutes and is rated R for "language and some sexual references."

Despite its cast's pedigree, this film isn't likely to scare up any awards attention, but throw in some lovely scenery and a bit of screen time for the wonderful Emma Thompson, and it's still an entertaining couple hours.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, A Walk in the Woods gets six.

Next up: The Transporter Refueled.

Cars, cars, chicks, cars, cars, cars, fight scene, cars, fight scene, chicks, cars, cars, cars.

Disclaimer: I missed maybe the first five minutes of The Transporter Refueled. A lousy schedule left me the choice of slightly too little time between shows, or two hours between shows, and, frankly, I didn't care enough about either of these movies to waste two extra hours. I'm telling myself there was something in those first five minutes to keep this from being the worst movie ever made, but I don't think I believe myself.

The thing about the Transporter movies is: they're silly. Of course they're silly. But when you've got the right person at the fore (*cough* Statham *cough*) they're enough fun that you don't mind so much. The Transporter Refueled is absolutely no fun, and you'll mind the hell out of every minute.

The delightful Ray Stevenson is sadly wasted, and the everyone else is just a collection of the worst teeth you've ever seen. It's like the filmmakers went out of their way to find actors who never met a dentist. I had the room to myself for this one (shocking) and I confess I was bored enough to take a peek or two at my phone.

The Transporter Refueled clocks in at a mercifully short 96 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence and action, sexual material, some language, a drug reference, and thematic elements."

Do not, under any circumstances, waste your money on this.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Transporter Refueled gets one.

Until next time...

 Still dreamy! <3 br="">

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