Sunday, September 8, 2013
Cindy Prascik's Review of Riddick
Dearest blog, today it was off to the cinemas for one of my least-anticipated films of the year, Riddick.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing the trailers didn't reveal.
Riddick again finds himself stranded on a dangerous planet, pursued by threats both native and not.
Listen, dear Blog, I didn't find the previous two films in this series very interesting, and I didn't expect better from this. My only motivation for seeing it was that I absolutely love Vin Diesel and Karl Urban, and, that being said, I suppose I deserve what I got.
Diesel is, of course, acceptable in the lead. That's not saying much, as a robot or anyone who has brought down the house at a third-grade Christmas pageant also probably would have been acceptable. Urban doesn't have even a full minute's screen time; if you were thinking of suffering through this to see him, don't bother. The rest of the cast is most notable for a guy I would have bet a paycheck was Dave Chappelle who is not Dave Chappelle. There are actually two people in this world who have Dave Chappelle's crazy teeth. Who knew, right?
Riddick is two hours of gross outs, puerile humor, shots of dry rocks and scrub, then wet rocks and scrub, and a pointless parade of badly-done CGI creatures. The story is dull as dishwater, and if you find a twist the biggest idiot won't see coming...well, I'd give you a paycheck if I hadn't already lost it on Not Dave Chappelle. I'd complain that it's too long, too, but that hardly seems fair since five minutes would have been too long. If I had to say something good about this movie, I'd say at least I was able to see it with one of my favorite people, whom I don't see nearly enough.
Riddick clocks in at an interminable 119 minutes and is rated R for "strong violence, language, and some sexual content/nudity."
Of a possible nine Weasleys, Riddick gets none, as in ZERO, as in this movie is the equivalent of Voldemort taking Hogwarts and KILLING THEM ALL. The bad news is, this film is god-awful. The good news is, it's nice to be right sometimes, I guess?
Until next time...
Yinz are lucky I love ya, yeah?