Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Self/Less & Minions

Dearest Blog, today the sun came out in the Ohio Valley, so I escaped to the cold darkness of the cinema. On the docket: Self/Less and Minions.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing the trailers haven't already given away.

First up: Self/less.

A wealthy, terminally-ill man (Ben Kingsley) undergoes a secret, controversial procedure to transfer his consciousness into a healthy young body (Ryan Reynolds).

Well, dear reader(s), if you've done any Internetting since yesterday, you've probably already seen Self/less bashed every which way from Sunday, called a flop, and held aloft as further proof that Ryan Reynolds just doesn't put butts in the seats. None of that is probably far off the mark, but it's perhaps more harsh than the movie--and Reynolds--deserve.

The basic premise of Self/less--the idea of putting our minds, our personalities, our "souls" (if you believe in such things) into another vessel when our existing ones expire--is not revolutionary, and the movie's means of tackling it is neither new nor special. It feels ho-hum from the outset, and things don't exactly pick up quickly. Laying the groundwork takes a good 45 minutes. Once the film gets moving, the tension is solid and there are a couple decent twists.

The writing is a bit awkward, and any foreshadowing is so obvious they might as well have run a crawl across the bottom: "Pay attention! This will be important later!" Most performances are wooden at best, though Reynolds is as earnest as always. For my part, I think he does the best he can with the material. Matthew Goode is also okay, but there's just not much to work with. Surprisingly, I was never really bored, but I couldn't fairly call it a good movie, either.

Self/less runs 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "sequences of violence, some sexuality, and language."

Self/less probably isn't *quite* as bad as you've heard, but please don't mistake that for a ringing endorsement.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Self/less gets four and a half.

Next on the agenda, Minions.

Bet you didn't even know you needed an "origins" story for Despicable Me's lovable little yellow fellows, did ya?

B.G. (Before Gru), the Minions do time with other super-villains.

The Minions are my favorite part of the Despicable Me movies, but even I wondered if their gibberish routine wouldn't wear thin over a full 90 minutes of it. The good news: Minions are still a lot of fun.

The bad news: the story is paper thin and barely holds up for even such a short movie. The voice talent features big names like Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Alison Janney, and Michael Keaton, but nobody is all that interesting. There are a few good laughs, and, for the older fan, some tips of the hat to the time period in which the film is set (including some terrific tunes), but mostly I was fidgeting in my seat and checking the clock.

Minions clocks in at 91 minutes and is rated PG for action and mild rude humor.

Minions are still pretty lovable, but your money would be better spent on a cute, plush Kevin, Bob, or Stuart than on a ticket to this movie. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Minions gets three.

Until next time...

Banana!

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL

Dearest Blog, thanks to yesterday's holiday that wasn't really, I got out to the cinema a day early this weekend. On the docket: Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL.

Spoiler level here will be mild for Terminator, nothing you haven't seen in the trailers, and just slightly higher for Magic Mike, because there are a couple specifics I want to discuss (but nothing that should ruin it for anyone).

First on my agenda was Terminator Genisys.

Future John Connor sends Future Kyle Reese back in time to save Past Sarah Conner from a Terminator that has been dispatched to...erm...terminate 'er.

In case it's been awhile since anyone revisited the originals, Terminator Genisys helpfully kicks off with a little tutorial to bring everyone up to speed. I recall little more than "I'll be back!," but it still felt like a waste of time, and most of what they explained became evident over the course of the movie anyway. From that inauspicious beginning, Terminator Genisys actually turns into a pretty decent movie. The action is terrific, and, even though some of the sequences go on a bit, I never got tired of it.

Nothing convinced me 3D would be anything other than a waste of good money, but the effects are pretty sweet nonetheless, and an epic score compliments the huge action perfectly. Conveniently, time travel in this universe of hardbodies requires the traveler to be completely naked, and strategic placement of objects to cover the naughty bits for the movie's PG13 audience is hilarious.

Other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger and doesn't really need to be anything else, the cast is kind of ho-hum. Emilia Clarke and Jai Courtney have about as much chemistry as a mismatched pair of socks, but luckily, nobody is distractingly bad.

Terminator Genisys runs 126 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi violence and gunplay throughout, partial nudity, and brief strong language."

It might be a worthy successor to the original Terminator movies...or it might not...I don't remember.

Either way, it was much better than I expected. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Terminator Genisys gets six.
Next up was another sequel, Magic Mike XXL.

"Magic Mike" and his merry men hit the road for one last hurrah at a stripper convention.
Dear reader(s), I'ma be straight with you: Magic Mike XXL might be the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen that benchmark of cinematic terribleness, The Room. That's not to say I didn't enjoy some of it, and that's not to say some of it isn't laugh-out-loud funny (sometimes even on purpose), but it is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad movie.

If you weren't expecting anything more than two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, the first Magic Mike was a pleasant surprise (or maybe a disappointment, if two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes was all you wanted). It took a shot at telling a story and made a fair job of it. Magic Mike XXL maybe should have stuck with two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, because, whatever else it hoped to be, it fails in spectacular fashion.
Let's start with a few pluses, shall we?

 It goes without saying there are some fine-looking folks in various stages of undress in MMXXL. Whatever your taste, you'll likely see a lot of someone who appeals to you. What's funny is pretty darn funny, and some of what isn't meant to be funny is pretty darn funny, too. If you're wondering whether the movie's worth the price of admission despite all its flaws, let me just say it's hit upon the best and noblest use of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" ever. The acting is terrible, but, in fairness to the actors, effectively delivering the most awful dialogue ever written is probably impossible.

The usually reliable Matt Bomer couldn't be less believable in his hippie routine, and whenever he said "chakra" I wanted to punch his perfect face. (Sorry, Matt. I still love you.) Channing Tatum is vacant and uninspiring when delivering what should be the movie's key emotional punches. Joe Manganiello, one of the worst actors I've ever seen, weirdly delivers the movie's best performance, hamming it up as the only one who apparently understood that ridiculous was the only way to go here. The lovely and talented Amber Heard is also solid (but wasted) in the cliche role of a free spirit who has "lost her smile." If you've come for the dancing (clothed or unclothed) don't expect too much. I love dance movies, even terrible ones, so I was disappointed by how few routines made the final cut. There are some inexcusably stupid scenarios, too. I'm supposed to buy that a roomful of horny women waving dollar bills will be okay with a stripper-cum-singer performing a little number before dropping trou?

Shut up and peel, you!

Or that stripper will happily spend a night off entertaining a roomful of undersexed old hags in exchange for a twin-bed and make-your-own breakfast? Next time I run into my dentist at Target, I'm gonna ask him to take a look at this tooth that's been bothering me. I assume he won't mind if I tell him I'll pay for whatever he just picked up in housewares.

Worst of all, Magic Mike XXL is founded on the premise that these noble gentlemen do what they do to boost the self-esteem of poor, pathetic females who just aren't getting what they need at home. I have no problem with adults engaging in adult pursuits (including humping up on pretty, naked people), but that idea is a half-step shy of 50 Shades on the "Hooray for Dysfunction" scale, and I found it flat-out gross.

Magic Mike XXL clocks in at 115 minutes and is rated R for "strong sexual content, pervasive language, some nudity, and drug use."

It has its moments, but falls shy of the original, and I was bored for much of it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Magic Mike XXL gets three.

Until next time...happy birthday, USA!

MOVIE REVIEW: TERMINATOR GENISYS

The year is 2029. John Connor, leader of the resistance continues the war against the machines. At the L.A. offensive, John's fears of the unknown future begin to emerge when he learns that SkyNet will attack him from both fronts: past and future.

Director: Alan Taylor

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, Jai Courtney, Dayo Okeniyi, Lee Byung-hun

Release Date: Jul 01, 2015 RealD 3D

Rated: PG-13 Gunplay Throughout, Brief Strong Language, Intense Sci-Fi Violence and Partial 

Nudity 

Runtime: 2 hr. 6 min. Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

Proposed Preamble that might make Terminator Genisys more palpable:

Forget everything you know.  Sort of kind of I mean.  The first 2 movies were really good right but since most of you in the audience are millennials you all probably thought they were ok but looked old.  So we’ve just redone some of those sequences but like cooler and with update FX.  Back on point, forget but remember what happened in those first two movies because you kind of need to know but don’t need to know it.  Either way we’ll explain it.  It’d really help if you watched a lot of Star Trek because there are timelines all over the place and yeah there might be plot holes all over the place and if you think too hard it’ll make zero sense, so don’t.  It’s all good we have a great director who knows how to film big action sequences and they’ll be fun, we promise!  Oh and did we mention that Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger is back, giggle, and we totally explain why it’s ok that’s he’s old.  He’s hilarious!  We couldn’t explain Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn being old so we replaced them with the mother of freaking dragons!  OMG she’s sooooo hot, probably not believably tough, but look at her china doll features!  And come on look Jai Courtney, he’s like a warm plate of vanilla ice cream, it’s not great but it ain’t bad either!  I almost forgot about Jason Clarke, he’s like super important, but I think we finally nailed a grown up version of Edward Furlong!  We knew you couldn’t wait for a pretty good twist, so we just told everybody because, come on who hates waiting!  So thanks for giving us a shot on your July 4^th weekend, its hot outside and who wants to see stupid fireworks, we’ve got our own and I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy our movies a lot more than you thought you would!  Enjoy!

P.S. We threw in JK Simmons because he like won and Oscar and insures my house!  Probably should have used him more because he’s hilarious!

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: TED 2

Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) ties the knot with Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), and recruits his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg) as a sperm donor in order to start a family in this sequel to the comedy hit about a teddy bear come to life. Later, when the Commonwealth of Massachusetts demands that Ted appear before a judge to prove he's a real person, the frisky bear and his pal vow to fight for their civil rights. Morgan Freeman and Amanda Seyfried co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Seth MacFarlane

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Barth, Morgan Freeman.

Release Date: Jun 26, 2015

Rated: R for crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, and Some Drug Use

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Ted 2 is a perfect example of diminishing returns on comedy sequels.  That’s not to say that it’s not funny, it’s laugh out loud in parts, but it’s just not nearly as consistent as the original.  Seth MacFarlane seems to sense that the novelty of a hard drinking, cussing teddy bear might be wearing thin so he tries to expound on the idea with the civil rights angle.  I appreciate the attempt but it doesn’t work since the character is basically a living cartoon.  As a result, there are lots of dead spots trying to flesh out the concept leaving the comedy on the side for a good portion of the ride.  It’s a shame because if he stuck to what worked in the first film, it might have made for a funnier overall film.  As is, Ted 2 is an overlong comedy sequel that’s quickly forgettable.

C

Cindy Prascik's Review of Red Army

Dearest Blog: Since this weekend's cinema options ranged from "meh" to "no way," I took the opportunity to jump on a little gem that passed by my cinema altogether: Red Army.

Not sure if it's possible to spoil a documentary, so I'll make no claims on the spoiler front.
Red Army documents the glory years of the Soviet hockey juggernaut of the late 1970s to late 1980s, as experienced by its players.

As is the case with most documentaries, your interest in the subject matter will, to some degree, determine your enjoyment of the finished product. A lifelong hockey lover, I'm almost too sentimental to write about Red Army, but I figure I owe it to one of the best movies I've seen in awhile to try.

Red Army focuses primarily on stellar defenseman Slava Fetisov. While Fetisov is undoubtedly one of the greatest players ever, he's a churlish interview. He's smug about the good, sulky about the bad, contentious when asked anything that strikes him wrong, and repeatedly cuts off the interviewer to take telephone calls. Fetisov's first Olympic appearance was in 1980, and, despite his many, many accomplishments since, that shocking loss to the USA (which went on to win gold) clearly still stings. For me as an American, it's odd to see our Miracle on Ice reduced to an unpleasant footnote!

In stark contrast to Fetisov's sullen stroll down memory lane, Canadian legend Scotty Bowman seems almost amused when recounting how poorly the NHL's best stacked up against those Soviet behemoths in exhibition contests.

Always sport runs parallel to politics, and the film delves into the players' brutal living and training regimen in the USSR, where their success was considered an important vindication of the Soviet system. Aside from 1980, Fetisov also gets emotional about clashes with former teammate and best friend Alexei Kasatonov (a relationship that eventually was mended) and coach Viktor Tikhonov (erm...not so much). It may be difficult for today's fans to imagine the National Hockey League without its Ovechkins and its Malkins, but Fetisov's contemporaries had a rough go breaking into the League, and even Ladlena Fetisov tells of being ostracized by her fellow NHL wives. These days Fetisov--the first Soviet player to earn an NHL contract whose proceeds he wasn't required to share with his government--has returned to Russia and seems almost wistful about the system he was instrumental in dismantling.

Red Army runs a quick 76 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic material and language."
Red Army is an outstanding documentary that will certainly be a sentimental favorite for those of us who remember, and that can't help but make new fans of those who don't.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Red Army gets eight and a half.

Until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: INSIDE OUT

Emotions run wild in the mind of a little girl who is uprooted from her peaceful life in the Midwest and forced to move to San Francisco in this Pixar adventure from director Pete Docter (Up, Monsters Inc.). Young Riley was perfectly content with her life when her father landed a new job in San Francisco, and the family moved across the country. Now, as Riley prepares to navigate a new city and attend a new school, her emotional headquarters becomes a hot bed of activity. As Joy (voice of Amy Poehler) attempts to keep Riley feeling happy and positive about the move, other emotions like Fear (voice of Bill Hader), Anger (voice of Lewis Black), Disgust (voice of Mindy Kaling) and Sadness (Phyllis Smith) make the transition a bit more complicated. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Pete Docter 

Cast: Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Bill Hader, Lewis Black

Release Date: Jun 19, 2015 RealD 3D

Rated PG Mild Thematic Elements and Some Action

Runtime: 1 hr. 35 min. Genres: Animated, Family

Review:

Inside Out is a great Pixar film that’s thematically dense and impressive on multiple counts.  It works wonderfully as a kid’s film but I can’t help but think that small kids who see this now will view it differently as they grow older.  That’s what makes this film so special.  There’s something universally relatable about the story being told.  Peter Docter directs his film with a breezy sort of feel while keeping his audiences thoroughly engaged in all the characters.  The animation designs are wonderfully realized with a sort of retro feel to them.  The voice cast is excellent all around with Amy Poehler and Phyllis Smith carrying the majority of the weight.  Poehler, whose performance is akin to a Leslie Knope squared, and Smith make for a great pairing with each being a perfect counter balance to each other.  Richard Kind’s Bing Bong, Riley’s imaginary friend, shows up about half way through the film seemingly for comic relief but the character leaves a massive emotional impression.  Inside Out is that good of a film and destined to become a classic.

A

MOVIE REVIEW: JURASSIC WORLD

Steven Spielberg returns to executive produce the long-awaited next installment of his groundbreaking Jurassic Park series, Jurassic World. Colin Trevorrow directs the epic action-adventure from a screenplay he wrote with Derek Connolly. Frank Marshall and Patrick Crowley join the team as producers.Jurassic World will be released in 3D by Universal Pictures on June 12, 2015.

Director: Colin Trevorrow 

Cast: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Vincent D'Onofrio, Ty Simpkins, Omar Sy.

Release Date: Jun 12, 2015

Rated PG-13 Intense Sci-Fi Violence and Peril 

Runtime: 2 hr. 4 min. 

Genres: Action/Adventure, Family, Sci-Fi/Fantasy 

Review:

Oh, yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and um, screaming. - Dr. Ian Malcolm The Lost World: Jurassic Park

That quote from the first sequel to Jurassic Park kept running through my mind as I was watching the 4^th entry into the franchise.  Colin Trevorrow’s entry is an impressive and enjoyable revamp of the original with plenty of call backs to keep most fans content. There’s plenty of spectacle to keep audiences entertained and its fun enough that you can gloss over some of the more glaring script issues.  The script issues are fairly obvious with broadly written characters and gender stereotypes that seem like they were written from another decade.  Most films would suffer terribly from these flaws but somehow Trevorrow keeps it all light and fun enough to keep things enjoyable.  It helps to have Chris Pratt as your leading man.  Pratt’s general likeability carries a large portion of the film even making Bryce Dallas Howard’s terribly written character bearable.  Howard has become one of my favorites as of late but even she can’t do much with the hackneyed character she saddled with.  The most impressive part of the character is her unbreakable high heels.  Thankfully, the dinosaur action is excellent and thoroughly enjoyable. We get a steady stream of large set pieces that builds to a rousing third act finale that’s sure to make fans giddy.

B

Cindy Prascik's Review of Jurassic World

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to see Jurassic World with everyone else in the known universe.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

The money-grubbing folks who run a dinosaur-themed attraction decide a genetically-engineered new species would be good for business. What could possibly go wrong?

Dear reader(s), I gather many of you are just a smidge unhappy with this latest Jurassic installment. I'm fairly giving points to the "too many remakes/reboots/sequels/prequels" club, but, otherwise, I found a lot to like.

Obviously, first we have DINOSAURS. They are big, they are scary, and--even in 2D--some of them feel a little close for comfort. I'm hearing complaints about "too much CGI" (people do realize there weren't any actual dinosaurs available, right?) and poor CGI, but it looked pretty solid to me. Jurassic World boasts some lovely scenery, filmed in glorious, sweeping shots, a true pleasure to watch from the very first frame. There's plenty of action, from nail-biting chase scenes to epic dino-battles, and, if the humor is predictable, it's also pretty funny.

The characters are formulaic and one-dimensional, but most (*most*) of them are enjoyable anyway. Chris Pratt is especially fun in the lead, as likable and easy to root for as ever. Unfortunately, his female counterpart, played by Bryce Dallas Howard, is one of the worst characters in recent memory, and her teary-eyed routine grows old very quickly.

The movie runs just a tad long, and a few of the dinosaurs look weirdly like Jar Jar Binks, but overall I have only petty quibbles.

Jurassic World runs 124 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of science-fiction violence and peril."

It may not measure up to that Jurassic fave from your childhood, but Jurassic World is a lot of fun in its own right.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Jurassic World gets seven.

Until next time...

Mmm...humans...

MOVIE REVIEW: SPY

After years of doing work integral to the success of major missions, an intelligent but self-conscious deskbound CIA analyst (Melissa McCarthy) is finally given the chance to go undercover as a homely "cat lady" in order to save her missing partner (Jude Law) and thwart a global disaster at the hands of a dangerous arms dealer, in this comedy written and directed by Paul Feig. ~ Erin Demers, Rovi

Director: Paul Feig 

Cast: Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, Bobby Cannavale, Allison Janney

Release Date: Jun 05, 2015

Rated R for Language Throughout, Violence, and Some Sexual Content Including Brief Graphic 

Nudity

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy

Review:

Spy is Paul Feig’s wonderfully vulgar spoof of the spy genre that could become comedic classic down the road.  It’s hilarious from the start and rarely lags even with it’s hefty 2 hour runtime.  Melissa McCarthy carries the film ably but the real standouts are her supporting cast.  Jason Statham and Rose Byrne are clearly having a ball hamming it up.  Statham steals just about every scene he’s in; thankfully Feig doesn’t overuse him making him more effective.  Byrne and her hair piece are slightly larger players but just as funny as the sexy villainess.  Mix in strong turns by Miranda Hart and Allison Janney and you’ve got a cast firing on all cylinders.  Paul Feig’s script is sharp and witty even going as far as giving us a fairly interesting spy plot to keep things interesting and hilarious all the way through.

A

Cindy Prascik's Review of Spy

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures for the new Paul Feig/Melissa McCarthy comedy, Spy.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

After a mission goes awry, a formerly office-bound CIA agent takes to the field.

Well, dear reader(s), the truth of the matter is I don't burn many cinema trips on comedies. There are several reasons for that, not least of which is that you usually spend your ten bucks and two hours only to find you've already seen all the really funny bits for free in a two-minute trailer. However, as Jason Statham goes, so go I, and I'm pleased to report that this time the captivating Mr. Statham is not responsible for two hours I want back. (Lookin' squarely at you, Redemption!)

It's fair to say you haven't heard the last of Jason Statham here, but Melissa McCarthy is the gal with her name above the title, and the comedienne ably keeps the laughs rolling as her accidentally-capable agent plays perfectly off other staples: the debonair Bond-type (Jude Law), the buffoonish superstar (Statham), the desk-jockey best friend (Miranda Hart), and of course the slick and slimy baddies (Rose Byrne and Bobby Cannavale).

Spy couldn't be more brilliantly cast, but as a fan I have to give a special shout-out to Miranda Hart, whose terrific turn hopefully will bring her lots more notice on this side of the pond. And then there's Jason Statham...oh...Jason Statham. If you didn't already know Statham can be funny, well, you just aren't paying attention, but he's a legitimate scene-stealer in Spy, and I couldn't be more delighted. Well, I *could* be more delighted if I hadn't had to wait 13 full minutes for him to make an appearance, but, other than that...probably not. Spy keeps the laughs coming, and if I worried this might be another of "those" waste-of-time comedies, that concern was already off the table before Statham even turned up.

Spy clocks in at an even two hours and is rated R for "language throughout, violence, and some sexual content including brief graphic nudity."

Smartly written and perfectly cast, Spy is a laugh-out-loud comedy with fantastic action and fight sequences, some beautiful locations, and nice twists.

Of a possible Nine Weasleys, Spy gets eight.

Until next time...*

*Author's note: This review sucks because I have no Starbucks today!

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Aloha & San Andreas

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the pictures more because it's what I do on a Saturday than because there was anything I was all that interested in watching. The weekend's offerings: Aloha and San Andreas.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing not previously divulged by the trailers.

First on my middling agenda: Aloha.

A former military hotshot gets a second chance at life and love in Hawaii.

Aloha isn't normally the type of movie I'd watch unless and until it crossed my path for free on cable; however, a super cast made it a better option than the dreadful-looking Tomorrowland to complete my San Andreas double-bill.

Aloha's biggest flaw is that it never really decides what it is. Tangents are many, fully explored ones are few, and things always seem to be happening and people behaving in ways that don't quite make sense. The movie clocks in under two hours; it might have done well to better flesh out a few things. NOT encouraging yet another bloated less-than-epic Hollywood epic, but Aloha feels a bit like a puzzle missing a piece.

The movie makes little use of Hawaii's great natural beauty, though it doesn't willfully try to make the island seem unappealing, either, like the Descendants did. Also in its favor over the Descendants: people in Aloha actually wear real, grownup shoes sometimes. Hooray for socks!!

The aforementioned super cast almost--almost!--manages to compensate for Aloha's other shortcomings. Alec Baldwin and Danny McBride make the most of their limited screen time, and Bill Murray, John Krasinski, and Rachel McAdams are perfect fits in supporting roles.

Bradley Cooper is nothing short of fantastic in the sort of leading man role that's perfect for a guy with his looks, even if he's been both good and lucky enough to break out of that mold for the most part.

Young Jaeden Lieberher is the movie's scene-stealer, precocious, but not annoying. Finally, whatever higher power you believe in, if you don't think Emma Stone represents His/Her/Its finest work, well, then, I just don't know what's wrong with you. She is earnest and beautiful and 150% terrific, and lights up every scene she's in to such a degree that it hurts when she's missing. So, yeah, Aloha is kind of hokey, but in the end I was rooting for almost everyone and I actually liked it.

Aloha runs 105 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some language, including suggestive comments."

Despite its being the second romance forced on me by a pitiful spring film slate, I didn't hate it.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Aloha gets five.

Next up, San Andreas.

Dwayne Johnson is better than you are, and you should make every effort to be in his company when beset by disaster.

Listen, San Andreas is the kind of thing that's normally right up my alley, but a done-to-death idea and effects that looked kinda wonky in the trailer left me ambivalent. I'm pleased to say that, though it may be the most stupidly implausible movie I've ever seen (and remember, I like movies about radioactive spiders and talking dragons), San Andreas is also quite fun.

Truth: San Andreas is dumber than a bag of hair. Lowest-common denominator laughs. Contrived scenarios. Insipid dialogue. Painful "inspirational" shots backed by a comically-swelling score. Had I rolled my eyes just one more time, I'd be looking out the back of my head to write this review.

I'd heard some complaints about the accuracy of the movie's earthquake science, and while I don't doubt those are entirely true, I don't think most folks would have noticed or cared; the bigger problem is that everything else is so ridiculous you can't even buy into the mundane.

The supporting cast ranges from "I love that guy!" (Will Yun Lee) to pretty likeable (Hugo Johnstone-Burt and Art Parkinson) to super annoying (Alexandra Daddario) to "What the hell are you even doing here?" (Paul Giamatti).

I'm sorely disappointed to discover that the beautiful Carla Gugino is an ugly crier. Of course none of that really matters, because the movie belongs to Dwayne Johnson. Despite the fact he doesn't do much smiling or taking off his shirt (the two things he does best, for my money), he remains one of the more engaging leading men working in Hollywood today, and at his side probably isn't the worst place you could be when the world goes to hell. San Andreas is pretty entertaining, and that's mostly thanks to Johnson.

Thankfully, the effects are also better than the trailer would have led you to believe. There's one awful bit of green-screen, but the rest is huge and quite effective. Felt a lot like being on a rollercoaster, and I saw it in 2D; I can only imagine the 3D is utterly vomit inducing, in the best possible way. The movie also does a great job at maintaining tension, a fingernail chewer from start to finish.

San Andreas clocks in at 114 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense disaster action and mayhem throughout, and brief strong language" (a single f-bomb that you can see coming a mile out).

It's a disaster alright, but it's a fun one.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, San Andreas gets four.
 
Until next time...

Pretty sure this is a metaphor for something..

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Mad Max: Fury Road & The Longest Ride

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema for the unlikely pairing of Mad Max: Fury Road and The Longest Ride.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First on my agenda: Mad Max: Fury Road.

A pair of unlikely allies flees a pack of brutal baddies across a futuristic desert wasteland.

Dear reader(s), I have long known the summer of 2015 would mean one thing for me: admitting I haven't seen the original Mad Max, Jurassic Park, or Terminator movies since their theatrical releases.

My recollection of the three franchises is limited to one (1) Tina Turner video (from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome) and Izzy from Miami Vice being killed whilst sitting on the toilet (in the first Jurassic Park).

Therefore, 'twas not any residual affection for the original, nor any delight at seeing it resurrected, that led to my excitement for the new Mad Max; the credit for that can be laid solely at the feet of one of the most amazing trailers in recent memory. In fact, I frequently said if the movie were half as good as said trailer, we'd be in good shape.

Note to self: refrain from such statements in the future.

First, let's get to what Mad Max: Fury Road gets right, because there's plenty, and it's absolutely worth the price of admission. This is a magnificent-looking movie. Full marks across the board for cinematography, art direction, costumes and makeup, effects, stunts, locations, and set design.

Even the 3D is spectacular, and I assure you, dear reader(s), I generally have no love for 3D. Explosive maximum carnage--both human and vehicular--is up-close and enormous. The acting, such as it is, is far less cringeworthy than the original trilogy.

Tom Hardy makes a fair replacement for Mel Gibson, though, even as the titular good guy, he has less to do than Charlize Theron, a tough and able hero. Nicholas Hoult is surprisingly un-annoying (for Nicholas Hoult), and Jason Statham's woman is serviceable in just her second big-screen appearance, at least as far as I could tell between giving her the stinkeye. A grand score by Junkie XL perfectly complements the huge action.

Now...here's the problem: you know when you hop in the car to go on vacation? At first it's so exciting, but, after about 30 minutes, it's all, "Are we there yet?" That's this movie. It's essentially just one overlong car chase, and it is unspeakably exhausting. I was all but done by the halfway point and wishing it *were* just a Tina Turner video. There's barely enough plot for a short, and, in the end, I'd say the movie is almost exactly half as good as that trailer that raised my hopes so very high.

Mad Max: Fury Road runs two hours on the dot (but seems much longer) and is rated R for "intense sequences of violence throughout, and disturbing images."

It's a disappointment in many ways, but Mad Max: Fury Road is still more than worth seeing in 3D on the biggest screen you can find.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Mad Max: Fury Road gets six.

Next up was the most recent Nicholas Sparks gag-fest, The Longest Ride.

A young bullrider and his art-student girlfriend find valuable lessons in some old love letters.
Alrighty, in the interest of full and fair disclosure: whatever a "fair shake" is for a dog turd like The Longest Ride, you may rest assured it isn't getting one here. I'm not one to sign on for a movie I know I'm going to hate, just for the privilege of hating it, but sometimes my hand is forced by a beloved actor, so...thank Jack Huston for what follows.

The Longest Ride kicks off with more lower-lip-biting and demure-looking-through-lashes than the best 50 Shades parody.

Fifteen minutes in I'm cursing the half-dozen other patrons keeping me from getting out my phone and piddling on Facebook during the non-Jack Huston parts.

Then we're off to watch Real Men participate in the barbaric "sport" of bull riding. Cue the groupies in their short skirts and cowboy boots--our squeaky-clean hero has eyes for just one--cut to dirty looks from the other women in attendance. Is there an app that tells me when my favorite actor is onscreen? I could always go hide in the bathroom for awhile... He's come to pick her up at the sorority house for their first date. Preppy college kids giggle and whisper at his boots and hat, but when he presents flowers (my gosh, no guy has ever thought of THAT before!) the entire sorority squeals, "I want a cowboy!"

Who writes this shit? Is there money in it? Sign me up!

On their way home, the couple happens upon a car accident. Sexy Cowboy pulls a victim from the burning car, while the Damsel rescues a box about which he seems concerned, even in his gravely-injured state.

Perhaps the car will blow up? This movie would be a lot more tolerable if only something would blow up.

She elects to stay at the ER with the elderly accident victim, sneaking a peek in his precious box, which is filled with old love letters.

When he awakes, he instantly takes to her--despite being supremely grouchy to everyone else--and sadly confesses he can no longer read the letters. Thus begins an epic friendship that consists of her reading the letters aloud while he lies there looking like death-warmed-over.

Is it poor form to riff out loud at the movies? Asking for a friend. The rest of the so-called plot consists of romantic standards such as running on the beach and vanilla, rating-conscious love scenes. (Folks, if you send your women off to see this, thinking they'll come home in a lather, forget about it.

The sex is no more explicit than your average broadcast TV show, and they're more likely to come home and demand you purchase a priceless work of art to prove your undying love.) Leads Scott Eastwood (Clint's son, apparently) and Britt Robertson are about as bland and predictable as the story itself.

The terrific Jack Huston and Oona Chaplin are pitifully wasted as the younger version of the couple in the love letters. It goes without saying Alan Alda is slumming in crap like this, but feigning life-threatening injury does at least give him a little bit of acting to do. By the end I was actively pondering whether the straw from my soda could be used to perform ritual suicide.

The Longest Ride clocks in at a bloated 139 minutes and is rated PG13 for "some sexuality, partial nudity, and some war and sports action."

It won't take long before you're rooting for the bull, trust me.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, The Longest Ride gets two, both of which are awarded for Jack Huston's only 2015 big-screen appearance.

Until next time.

Pen name: Nicholas Sparks.

MOVIE REVIEW: PITCH PERFECT 2

In this sequel to Pitch Perfect, the collegiate a cappella group called the Barden Bellas enter into an international competition, but they are told it will be impossible to win because they are from the U.S. The girls refuse to give up and vow to be the first Americans to take home the top prize. Directed by Elizabeth Banks, the film stars Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, and Hailee Steinfeld. ~ Erin Demers, Rovi

Director: Elizabeth Banks

Cast: Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Brittany Snow, Hailee Steinfeld, Katey Sagal

Release Date: May 15, 2015

Rated: PG-13 Innuendo and Language

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Comedy

Review:

Pitch Perfect was one of those films that surprised me when I first saw it and has become a personal favorite.  It was a fun film with some great comedic bite along with some great characters.  A sequel seemed a bit of an odd sale mainly because recapturing that kind of magic is difficult especially in a musical comedy.  The sequel will leave fans content for the most part.  The characters are so much fun that you can kind of ignore the fact that the plot is kind of pedestrian there’s really not much going on.  The film is an overlong by at least 20 minutes.  Thankfully it’s still funny more times than not and all the actresses ease back into their roles comfortably.  Elizabeth Banks does a solid job behind the directors chair delivering some impressively staged musical numbers that are impressively rousing.  Hailee Steinfeld joins the cast and her character is a tad bland for my taste which is a shame since her character is tasked with carrying the torch in an eventual sequel.

B+

MOVIE REVIEW: MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

From director George Miller, originator of the post-apocalyptic genre and mastermind behind the legendary “Mad Max” franchise, comes “Mad Max: Fury Road,” a return to the world of the Road Warrior, Max Rockatansky.Haunted by his turbulent past, Mad Max believes the best way to survive is to wander alone. Nevertheless, he becomes swept up with a group fleeing across the Wasteland in a War Rig driven by an elite Imperator, Furiosa. They are escaping a Citadel tyrannized by the Immortan Joe, from whom something irreplaceable has been taken. Enraged, the Warlord marshals all his gangs and pursues the rebels ruthlessly in the high-octane Road War that follows.

Director: George Miller

Cast: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Zoe Kravitz, Adelaide Clemens 

Release Date: May 15, 2015 RealD 3D 

Rated R for Intense Sequences of Violence Throughout, and for Disturbing Images

Runtime: 2 hr. 0 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

George Miller’s Mad Max: Fury Road is an assault on the senses from the opening scene and pretty much through its entire runtime.  Its action is the kind of stuff that is rather jaw dropping due to its sheer size and scope.  Miller’s film is proudly ridiculous and over the top while taking a minimalist approach on the story side.  What’s really surprising about the film is that even though it seems like story and characters would end up being 1 dimensional there is a steady amount of emotional resonance when it’s all said and done.  Tom Hardy is a fine successor for Mel Gibson in the titular role bringing the appropriate amount of quiet intensity required by the role.  Charlize Theron, though, is the real star here.  The character and Theron’s performance makes Furiosa the most interesting character on screen throughout the film.  The pair makes for an engaging twosome that grounds the film from some of its insanity.  It’s a simplistic film with some of the most complex action that I’ve ever seen put to the screen, the type really deserves to be seen on the screen.

A-

MOVIE REVIEW: AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

Joss Whedon returns to write and direct the follow-up to the ultra successful Joss Whedon film. The picture completes Marvel Studios' Phase 2 films, which includes Joss Whedon, Joss Whedon, Joss Whedon, and Joss Whedon. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, Rovi

Director: Joss Whedon  

Cast: Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson

Release Date: May 01, 2015

Rated PG-13 for intense Sequences of Sci-Fi Sction, Violence and Destruction, and Some Suggestive 

Comments 

Runtime: 2 hr. 21 min. 

Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy 

Review:

Avengers: Age of Ultron is successful enough to keep the status quo established by the first team up film.  It doesn’t do anything spectacularly more impressive that its predecessor and some of the beats and moments feel similar for good reason.  The old saying “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” is incredibly fitting.  The new characters add a smattering of freshness to it but all of them feel as underdeveloped as Elizabeth Olsen’s variable accent.  Ultron is an interesting villain but I couldn’t help feeling his characterization was rather rushed throughout.  James Spader does a fine job of keeping the character interesting even if he’s not as devilishly charismatic as Loki.  The main cast of characters all slip into their roles easily and honestly by this point it’s old hat.  Scarlett Johansson and Mark Ruffalo share some of the film’s quieter moments which also deliver the biggest emotional impact.  Jeremy Renner gets a deeper back story and some of the film’s best lines; one can’t help but wonder if Joss Whedon was making up for his limited role in the first film.  As for Whedon, you can’t help but admire the guy’s dexterity at keeping most of the ball in the air all throughout.  It’s not perfect and you can’t help but feel like some subplots got left on the cutting room floor, even then the film’s a tad overlong.  Still, it’s an enjoyable Marvel superhero film which does everything you want from a solid blockbuster.

B

Cindy Prascik's Review of Avengers: Age of Ultron

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema for THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH. I know, right? Nearly forgot what the place looked like. At any rate, a new superhero blockbuster was just the ticket for drawing me out of retirement, so I ditched the office a bit early to see Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Spoiler level here will be mild, unless you consider starry-eyed, non-plot-related commentary on Jeremy Renner's arms, wardrobe, and screen time spoilerey. If that's the case, then read no more 'til you've seen the movie!

Earth's mightiest protectors face their most frightful foe yet. (I should just save that synopsis for every super-hero review ever.)

I presently harbor a simmering resentment towards Marvel for extorting fans into watching their crap product (*cough* Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. *cough*) just to be sure we can keep up with their good product (pretty much everything else...so far).

Having said that, nobody enjoys a dude in a cape quite like I do, so I don't think that had undue influence on my opinion of Ultron.

What does negatively impact the movie right out of the box is some ridiculously terrible CGI in the opening sequence.

For such a big-budget picture, it would have been inexcusable wherever it fell, but when it's the first thing you see it doesn't set a very good tone.

The movie also overstays its welcome by a good 20-30 minutes, and feels every minute of WAY TOO LONG. Having said that, it rebounds rather nicely from a sketchy start, spelling great action with some quieter personal moments among the heroes. If the wisecracking wears a bit thin, it also made me laugh out loud at times.

New good guys and new bad guys and new somewhere-in-betweens are smartly cast and fit well enough that you almost forget they ever WEREN'T there. As is always the case with a cast this size, some are a bit underused, but since it's not Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye) this time, I'll not be complaining!

And how about Hawkeye? The only Avenger who didn't get a Doritos flavor OR a Dr. Pepper can in the promo buildup is actually sort-of featured this go-round, and even gets a back-story. A BACK STORY! Concerns about the new costume proved unfounded, as his lovely arms are frequently on display. The Renner prominence more than made up for any small disappointments I had with the picture.

The rest of the cast is expectedly terrific and, by this point, feels like a bunch of old friends. Various folks from the stand-alone movies turn up in what amount to little more than cameos, but it's still great to see them. Even with a bunch of Oscar nominees among the primary cast, though, there's no one else who is even in James Spader's orbit.

One of only two actors who has ever made me stand up and applaud in my own living room (the other is Peter MacNicol if anyone's asking...and I'm pretty sure they're not), the guy is simply incomparable. Ultron is a good enough movie, but overall nothing special; Spader makes it great.

Avengers: Age of Ultron clocks in at a bloated 141 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi action, violence, and destruction, and for some suggestive comments.

A big, loud, fun bit of brain candy, it's the perfect kickoff to summer blockbuster season.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Avengers: Age of Ultron gets seven and a half.

Until the Hawkeye standalone movie...erm...I mean, until next time...

MOVIE REVIEW: EX MACHINA

Alex Garland, writer of 28 Days Later and Sunshine, makes his directorial debut with the stylish and cerebral thriller, EX MACHINA. Caleb Smith (Domhnall Gleeson), a programmer at an internet-search giant, wins a competition to spend a week at the private mountain estate of the company’s brilliant and reclusive CEO, Nathan Bateman (Oscar Isaac). Upon his arrival, Caleb learns that Nathan has chosen him to be the human component in a Turing Test—charging him with evaluating the capabilities, and ultimately the consciousness, of Nathan’s latest experiment in artificial intelligence. That experiment is Ava (Alicia Vikander), a breathtaking A.I. whose emotional intelligence proves more sophisticated––and more deceptive––than the two men could have imagined.

Director: Alex Garland

Cast: Alicia Vikander, Oscar Isaac, Domhnall Gleeson, Corey Johnson

Release Date: Apr 10, 2015

Rated R for Graphic Nudity, Language, Sexual References and Some Violence Runtime: 1 hr. 50 min.

Genres: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

Alex Garland’s directorial debut is one of the smartest and sleekiest sci-fi films in recent memory.  Garland’s film is beautifully shot, delivering some stunning imagery throughout.  Thematically, it covers some well worn sci-fi tropes but it does it in a wonderfully engaging manner that rarely bores.  The actors and characters are all fascinating throughout with each actor delivering some multifaceted performances.  Oscar Isaac is quickly becoming a personal favorite of mine and he delivers as the reclusive tech genius.   Alicia Vikander is just mesmerizing as Ava.  The performance is measured and subtle, rarely overselling any moments but thoroughly engaging.  Domhnall Gleeson is solid but sadly he’s overshadowed by Vikander and Isaac.  The film is provocative and thoughtful until the final act where things devolve and starts to feel a bit too paint by the numbers.  Thankfully, Ex Machina is impressive enough to overcome that small misstep and make a big splash for Alex Garland.

A

Cindy Prascik's Review of Furious 7

Dearest Blog, this weekend a hundred fifty million bucks' worth of us trekked out to catch the latest installment in the Fast & Furious saga, Furious 7.

Spoiler level here will be mild, limited to trailer reveals and stuff you only could have missed if you lived under a rock.

Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) comes after the crew responsible for dispatching his baby brother (Luke Evans) in Fast & Furious 6.

There's not a lot of mystery to the Fast & Furious franchise; you pretty much know what you're going to get. If you pay for a ticket and then complain about it, shame on you; however, there's no denying there are better and worse entries in the series, and, sentiment aside, Furious 7 falls somewhere on the better side of the middle.

Fast & Furious' action objective seems to be: "bigger, louder, dumber." In that regard, Furious 7 is an unqualified success. The insanity of some of the stunts is, in the immortal words of Danny Butterman, "off the f*****g chain!," well worth your big-screen dollar. Unfortunately, much of the dialogue is painfully bad, and attempts at sensitive moments only highlight the limits of much of the acting talent. Michelle Rodriguez, in particular, is so terrible I was a little bit embarrassed every time she was onscreen. (She's generally a favorite, so no hate!)

A cast this size means limited screen time for most, and if your favorite is someone not named Vin Diesel, well, prepare to be disappointed. I'm a big Vin Diesel fan myself. I love Dwayne Johnson and am pretty fond of the rest of the F&F regulars, but when they're facing off with Jason Statham, with apologies to Dom's crew, my loyalty leans only one way!

Any other shortcomings aside, Furious 7's biggest problem is that it's just too damn long. The best action sequences seem to drag on, and even the Paul Walker tribute is over-sold. Heck, if they'd just cut half the shots of people's hands and feet shifting gears, they probably could have come in under two hours and been better for it. Having said all that, Furious 7 is still good fun, and, given the circumstances, I think most of us don't mind indulging the filmmakers if they wanted to hang onto this one just a little bit longer.

Furious 7 clocks in at 137 minutes and is rated PG13 for "prolonged frenetic sequences of violence, action, and mayhem, suggestive content, and brief strong language."

Furious 7 is a big, loud, crazy good time, though, for my money, not as entertaining as the previous two installments in the Fast & Furious franchise. If we're being honest, though, there's only one merit on which this movie is really being judged, and that's whether it's a fitting tribute to Paul Walker and a satisfying farewell to Brian O'Connor. In those respects, I haven't heard any complaints.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Furious 7 gets six.

Until next time...

 Good guy or bad guy, I'm with Statham! <3 span="">

MOVIE REVIEW: IT FOLLOWS

A sexually transmitted haunting plagues a Detroit teenager in this stylized horror film from director David Robert Mitchell (The Myth of the American Sleepover). In the wake of sleeping with a handsome stranger, Jay (Maika Monroe) quickly learns that she has inherited a most unusual curse: wherever she goes, lumbering, half-naked phantoms follow, and their singular goal is to see her dead. Desperate, Jay turns to her younger sister and loyal circle of friends to for help. In time, however, Jay learns that her only hope for escaping death is to sleep with someone else, and pass the curse on. But the pursuing phantoms are invisible to Jay's friends and it soon becomes apparent that her time is running out. Now, with death closing in, the terrified young woman will be forced to make a difficult decision if she hopes to survive her terrifying ordeal. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: David Robert Mitchell    

Cast: Maika Monroe, Keir Gilchrist, Daniel Zovatto

Release Date: Mar 13, 2015    

Rated: R for graphic Nudity, Disturbing Violent Content, Disturbing Sexual Content and Language    

Runtime: 1 hr. 40 min.    

Genres: Drama, Horror, Suspense/Thriller    

Review:

The horror genre is a virtual wasteland of garbage littered with cheaply made lazy films.  If you’re a fan of the genre you really have to run through a lot of garbage to find a few gems here and there.  It Follows is one of those gem that hits all the right notes while turning some of the genre’s tropes on it’s head.  David Robert Mitchell’s film a tightly wound ball of tension with only an occasional splat of blood here and there.  Its DNA is laced with Carpenter’s Halloween, Craven’s original Nightmare on Elm Street and even a bit of Kubrick’s The Shining.  While there’s a clear linage on screen, the film works very well on its own merits building up a pervading sense of dread for the majority of the film.  It’s a dense film that’s got plenty of to say about budding sexuality, adolescence and self identity with an impressive level of authenticity, thanks in large part to a wonderful cast, that makes the film even better.

A