MOVIE REVIEW: EXPEND4BLES

Armed with every weapon they can get their hands on, the Expendables are the world's last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options are off the table.

Director: Scott Waugh

Cast: Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, Megan Fox, Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, Jacob Scipio, Levy Tran, Andy García

Release Date: September 22, 2023 

Genre: Action, Adventure, Thriller, War

Rated R for strong/bloody violence throughout, language and sexual material.

Runtime: 1h 43m

The Expendables franchise has always leaned on 80's action nostalgia with its rotating collection of aging stars.  It seemed inevitable that it wouldn't be able to last forever as the big names slowly dropped off, killing off it's primary draw.  This fourth entry lacks the original hook leaving Jason Statham, Megan Fox and Randy Couture front and center, Stallone appears in what amounts to a glorified cameo.  Statham is generally good fun in supporting role or lead roles especially if he's got strong material.  Sadly the script, production and story overall is terribly lazy and undercooked leaving him to rely on his natural charisma which can only take the film so far.  Megan Fox is distractingly bad throughout, with the film asking us to believe she's a stone cold mercenary even while she's outfitted in clubwear with enough flawless make up caked on to make you think they shot her using an Instagram filter.  It's one of the many things that make the whole thing feel like a bottom shelf rental from the early 80s.  The new cast of characters are all fairly nondescript with 50 Cent acting like 50 Cent and Jacob Scipio giving a fairly terrible Antonio Banderas impersonation as his son.  Iko Uwais serves as the primary villain but he's saddled with pencil thin characterization with the only memorable moment coming in the final act with a well choregraphed fight with Statham which gives the film the slightest bit of a pulse.  The series, as a whole, has never been a bastion of high art but they were fun as mindless mayhem something this entry seems to have forgotten.  Expend4bles is sorely lacking in that department since there's nothing terribly fun about it which leaves it dead on arrival.

D-

MOVIE REVIEW: MONSTER HUNTER

 

Behind our world, there is another -- a world of dangerous and powerful monsters that rule their domain with deadly ferocity. When Lt. Artemis and her loyal soldiers are transported from our world to the new one, the unflappable lieutenant receives the shock of her life. In a desperate battle for survival against enormous enemies with incredible powers and unstoppable, terrifying attacks, Artemis teams up with a mysterious hunter who has found a way to fight back.

Director: Paul W. S. Anderson

Cast: Milla Jovovich, Tony Jaa, Tip "T. I." Harris, Meagan Good, Diego Boneta, Josh Helman, Jin Au-Yeung, Ron Perlman

Release Date: December 18, 2020

Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy

Rated PG-13 for sequences of creature action and violence throughout

Runtime: 1 h 39 min

Review:

Paul W. S. Anderson and Milla Jovovich collaborations produce certain types of films, the entire Resident Evil franchise is a testament to that.  Monster Hunter could probably fit in that franchise if you just changed the name because it’s so sparse on plot and mythology that it feels intentionally unfinished.  Anderson delivers some big dumb CGI battles which are surprisingly fun but don’t expect any sort of explanation on what’s going or why.  In fact, there’s nary an attempt at explaining any sort of a plot until about halfway through the film when Ron Perlman, sporting a gloriously massive blonde wig, and a cat cook show up on the screen.  Even then it’s mostly throwaway lines about some sort of ancient race and a tower that looks like it was lifted from Mordor.  I’ve seen my share of terrible movies but I can’t say this is the worst thing I’ve ever sat through.  Jovovich and Jaa actually have some fun chemistry during the first half of the film which mixed with the big battles makes for utterly mindless cinema.  The supporting cast is dispensed with early on so there’s no reason to get attached since they are mostly fodder for the fire.  You almost marvel at how unapologetically brazen Monster Hunter is delivering loud dumb fun, it’ll never be considered a good film but the worst kind of fast food.    

C-

Cindy Prascik's Review of Furious 7

Dearest Blog, this weekend a hundred fifty million bucks' worth of us trekked out to catch the latest installment in the Fast & Furious saga, Furious 7.

Spoiler level here will be mild, limited to trailer reveals and stuff you only could have missed if you lived under a rock.

Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) comes after the crew responsible for dispatching his baby brother (Luke Evans) in Fast & Furious 6.

There's not a lot of mystery to the Fast & Furious franchise; you pretty much know what you're going to get. If you pay for a ticket and then complain about it, shame on you; however, there's no denying there are better and worse entries in the series, and, sentiment aside, Furious 7 falls somewhere on the better side of the middle.

Fast & Furious' action objective seems to be: "bigger, louder, dumber." In that regard, Furious 7 is an unqualified success. The insanity of some of the stunts is, in the immortal words of Danny Butterman, "off the f*****g chain!," well worth your big-screen dollar. Unfortunately, much of the dialogue is painfully bad, and attempts at sensitive moments only highlight the limits of much of the acting talent. Michelle Rodriguez, in particular, is so terrible I was a little bit embarrassed every time she was onscreen. (She's generally a favorite, so no hate!)

A cast this size means limited screen time for most, and if your favorite is someone not named Vin Diesel, well, prepare to be disappointed. I'm a big Vin Diesel fan myself. I love Dwayne Johnson and am pretty fond of the rest of the F&F regulars, but when they're facing off with Jason Statham, with apologies to Dom's crew, my loyalty leans only one way!

Any other shortcomings aside, Furious 7's biggest problem is that it's just too damn long. The best action sequences seem to drag on, and even the Paul Walker tribute is over-sold. Heck, if they'd just cut half the shots of people's hands and feet shifting gears, they probably could have come in under two hours and been better for it. Having said all that, Furious 7 is still good fun, and, given the circumstances, I think most of us don't mind indulging the filmmakers if they wanted to hang onto this one just a little bit longer.

Furious 7 clocks in at 137 minutes and is rated PG13 for "prolonged frenetic sequences of violence, action, and mayhem, suggestive content, and brief strong language."

Furious 7 is a big, loud, crazy good time, though, for my money, not as entertaining as the previous two installments in the Fast & Furious franchise. If we're being honest, though, there's only one merit on which this movie is really being judged, and that's whether it's a fitting tribute to Paul Walker and a satisfying farewell to Brian O'Connor. In those respects, I haven't heard any complaints.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Furious 7 gets six.

Until next time...

 Good guy or bad guy, I'm with Statham! <3 span="">