Yesterday it was off to the pictures for the peculiar pairing of Downton Abbey and Rambo: Last Blood.
Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.
First up: The big-screen version of ITV/PBS' breakout TV hit Downton Abbey.
The Crawleys prepare for a visit from King George V and Queen Mary.
For fans of the TV series, the Downton Abbey movie is like a visit with a much-missed old friend. From the opening notes of the show's iconic theme, the whole thing just feels...comfortable. Having said that, this film is very much a stand-alone piece that explains itself well enough that anyone should be able to keep up.
The Downton Abbey movie is mostly light in tone, with the chaos of preparing for a royal visit providing its own comedy. In addition to the expected witticisms from Violet and Isobel (Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton), Mr. Molesley (Kevin Doyle) is used almost exclusively for comic relief (to great effect, I might add). Sub-plots involving Tom Branson (Allen Leech) and Thomas Barrow (Robert James-Collier) take a more serious turn and add a genuinely tense undercurrent. Magnificent costumes and sets make the film a thing of lush beauty. The final scene does go on just a bit longer than it needs to, but that's a very petty quibble with a pretty perfect movie.
The Downton Abbey TV series ended on a mostly-satisfying note, leading to some concern in my household that an addendum might upset that applecart. ("Like Sex & the City!" my sister kept saying, whereupon I kept my secret: I don't remember enough about Sex & the City--series or movies--to commiserate!) Happily, the big-screen Downton Abbey only adds another satisfying chapter to its story, leaving enough loose ends to continue the tale if demand is there, but not the kind that leave viewers frustrated for lack of resolution.
Downton Abbey clocks in at 122 minutes and is rated PG13 for "thematic elements, some suggestive material, and language."
The Downton Abbey movie adds a worthy new chapter to the adored television series. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Downton Abbey gets nine.
Fangirl points: You. Guys. A LOT of these people have been on Midsomer Murders!
Next on the docket: Rambo: Last Blood.
John Rambo is out for vengeance.
One last time. Having a mere two minutes to spare between the end of Downton Abbey and the beginning of Rambo, I sprinted (I. SPRINTED.) across the cinema expressly for the pleasure of seeing Oscar Jaenada on the big screen, which doesn't happen nearly often enough. Per my usual M.O., I didn't care enough to revisit previous Rambo installments before checking out his 2019 adventure, but Last Blood is not smart or deep enough to require any background to follow along.
Sylvester Stallone is a favorite of mine. He's making bank these days playing tired, old versions of his classic characters, and generally I have no problem with that; however, Last Blood is so wholly constructed of over-used movie tropes, painful dialogue, and wooden acting that it's beyond saving. Laughable levels of carnage are elevated to beyond ridiculous by some of the most gruesome sound effects ever, and an over-abundance of weird extreme close-ups make the movie feel like a cheap soap opera. If there's one good thing to be said about Rambo: Last Blood (besides the fact Jaenada gets a fair bit of screen time), it's that the movie is mercifully short.
Rambo: Last Blood runs 89 minutes and is rated R for "strong graphic violence, grisly images, drug use, and language."
If you are totally invested in the Rambo series, or if you are totally invested in opportunities to see Oscar Jaenada on the big screen, Last Blood may be worth a trip to the cinema. If not, spend your ticket money on something that works harder to earn it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Rambo: Last Blood gets three.
Fangirl points: Uh...did I mention Oscar Jaenada? Until next time...
