TERMINATOR: DARK FATE

In Mexico City, a newly modified liquid Terminator -- the Rev-9 model -- arrives from the future to kill a young factory worker named Dani Ramos. Also sent back in time is Grace, a hybrid cyborg human who must protect Ramos from the seemingly indestructible robotic assassin. But the two women soon find some much-needed help from a pair of unexpected allies -- seasoned warrior Sarah Connor and the T-800 Terminator.

Director: Tim Miller

Cast: Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mackenzie Davis, Natalia Reyes, Gabriel Luna, Diego Boneta

Release Date: November 1, 2019

Genres: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi

Rated R for violence throughout, language and brief nudity

Runtime: 2h 8min

Review:

Terminator: Dark Fate is an interesting reboot / refresh of the franchise which needs a shot in the arm after the disastrous Terminator Genisys.  Tim Miller mimics a lot of beats from James Cameron’s first two entries while wiping out anything after T2.  There is plenty of incredibly staged action to be found here and it really drives the better part of the film with some sequences like a battle in a crashing air carrier really leaving a memorable mark.  The story itself should feel familiar because it decides to borrow heavily from the first two films and it’s not shy about it.  Sure the characters might have been flipped to refresh the story but it’s very much the same story.  The reason the whole thing works is because the characters are all engaging enough.  Bringing back Linda Hamilton was a masterstroke and she delivers in spades.  Hamilton’s performance is a perfect bend of anger and heartbreak while maintaining inner strength which made her character so iconic in T2.  Mackenzie Davis might have seemed like a strange casting choice but she’s surprisingly good as this chapter’s designate protector of Natalia Reyes who’s essentially the Sarah Connor here. Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up in the latter portion of the film and how the story deals with his appearance might divide a few people but it’s still good fun to see him and Hamilton again.  Ultimately, you won’t find much new or groundbreaking here but it does feel like a proper sequel to T2 even after multiple misfires.  

B-

Cindy Prascik's Reviews of Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL

Dearest Blog, thanks to yesterday's holiday that wasn't really, I got out to the cinema a day early this weekend. On the docket: Terminator Genisys and Magic Mike XXL.

Spoiler level here will be mild for Terminator, nothing you haven't seen in the trailers, and just slightly higher for Magic Mike, because there are a couple specifics I want to discuss (but nothing that should ruin it for anyone).

First on my agenda was Terminator Genisys.

Future John Connor sends Future Kyle Reese back in time to save Past Sarah Conner from a Terminator that has been dispatched to...erm...terminate 'er.

In case it's been awhile since anyone revisited the originals, Terminator Genisys helpfully kicks off with a little tutorial to bring everyone up to speed. I recall little more than "I'll be back!," but it still felt like a waste of time, and most of what they explained became evident over the course of the movie anyway. From that inauspicious beginning, Terminator Genisys actually turns into a pretty decent movie. The action is terrific, and, even though some of the sequences go on a bit, I never got tired of it.

Nothing convinced me 3D would be anything other than a waste of good money, but the effects are pretty sweet nonetheless, and an epic score compliments the huge action perfectly. Conveniently, time travel in this universe of hardbodies requires the traveler to be completely naked, and strategic placement of objects to cover the naughty bits for the movie's PG13 audience is hilarious.

Other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger and doesn't really need to be anything else, the cast is kind of ho-hum. Emilia Clarke and Jai Courtney have about as much chemistry as a mismatched pair of socks, but luckily, nobody is distractingly bad.

Terminator Genisys runs 126 minutes and is rated PG13 for "intense sequences of sci-fi violence and gunplay throughout, partial nudity, and brief strong language."

It might be a worthy successor to the original Terminator movies...or it might not...I don't remember.

Either way, it was much better than I expected. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Terminator Genisys gets six.
Next up was another sequel, Magic Mike XXL.

"Magic Mike" and his merry men hit the road for one last hurrah at a stripper convention.
Dear reader(s), I'ma be straight with you: Magic Mike XXL might be the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen that benchmark of cinematic terribleness, The Room. That's not to say I didn't enjoy some of it, and that's not to say some of it isn't laugh-out-loud funny (sometimes even on purpose), but it is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad movie.

If you weren't expecting anything more than two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, the first Magic Mike was a pleasant surprise (or maybe a disappointment, if two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes was all you wanted). It took a shot at telling a story and made a fair job of it. Magic Mike XXL maybe should have stuck with two hours of good-looking guys taking off their clothes, because, whatever else it hoped to be, it fails in spectacular fashion.
Let's start with a few pluses, shall we?

 It goes without saying there are some fine-looking folks in various stages of undress in MMXXL. Whatever your taste, you'll likely see a lot of someone who appeals to you. What's funny is pretty darn funny, and some of what isn't meant to be funny is pretty darn funny, too. If you're wondering whether the movie's worth the price of admission despite all its flaws, let me just say it's hit upon the best and noblest use of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" ever. The acting is terrible, but, in fairness to the actors, effectively delivering the most awful dialogue ever written is probably impossible.

The usually reliable Matt Bomer couldn't be less believable in his hippie routine, and whenever he said "chakra" I wanted to punch his perfect face. (Sorry, Matt. I still love you.) Channing Tatum is vacant and uninspiring when delivering what should be the movie's key emotional punches. Joe Manganiello, one of the worst actors I've ever seen, weirdly delivers the movie's best performance, hamming it up as the only one who apparently understood that ridiculous was the only way to go here. The lovely and talented Amber Heard is also solid (but wasted) in the cliche role of a free spirit who has "lost her smile." If you've come for the dancing (clothed or unclothed) don't expect too much. I love dance movies, even terrible ones, so I was disappointed by how few routines made the final cut. There are some inexcusably stupid scenarios, too. I'm supposed to buy that a roomful of horny women waving dollar bills will be okay with a stripper-cum-singer performing a little number before dropping trou?

Shut up and peel, you!

Or that stripper will happily spend a night off entertaining a roomful of undersexed old hags in exchange for a twin-bed and make-your-own breakfast? Next time I run into my dentist at Target, I'm gonna ask him to take a look at this tooth that's been bothering me. I assume he won't mind if I tell him I'll pay for whatever he just picked up in housewares.

Worst of all, Magic Mike XXL is founded on the premise that these noble gentlemen do what they do to boost the self-esteem of poor, pathetic females who just aren't getting what they need at home. I have no problem with adults engaging in adult pursuits (including humping up on pretty, naked people), but that idea is a half-step shy of 50 Shades on the "Hooray for Dysfunction" scale, and I found it flat-out gross.

Magic Mike XXL clocks in at 115 minutes and is rated R for "strong sexual content, pervasive language, some nudity, and drug use."

It has its moments, but falls shy of the original, and I was bored for much of it. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Magic Mike XXL gets three.

Until next time...happy birthday, USA!

MOVIE REVIEW: TERMINATOR GENISYS

The year is 2029. John Connor, leader of the resistance continues the war against the machines. At the L.A. offensive, John's fears of the unknown future begin to emerge when he learns that SkyNet will attack him from both fronts: past and future.

Director: Alan Taylor

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, Jai Courtney, Dayo Okeniyi, Lee Byung-hun

Release Date: Jul 01, 2015 RealD 3D

Rated: PG-13 Gunplay Throughout, Brief Strong Language, Intense Sci-Fi Violence and Partial 

Nudity 

Runtime: 2 hr. 6 min. Genres: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Review:

Proposed Preamble that might make Terminator Genisys more palpable:

Forget everything you know.  Sort of kind of I mean.  The first 2 movies were really good right but since most of you in the audience are millennials you all probably thought they were ok but looked old.  So we’ve just redone some of those sequences but like cooler and with update FX.  Back on point, forget but remember what happened in those first two movies because you kind of need to know but don’t need to know it.  Either way we’ll explain it.  It’d really help if you watched a lot of Star Trek because there are timelines all over the place and yeah there might be plot holes all over the place and if you think too hard it’ll make zero sense, so don’t.  It’s all good we have a great director who knows how to film big action sequences and they’ll be fun, we promise!  Oh and did we mention that Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger is back, giggle, and we totally explain why it’s ok that’s he’s old.  He’s hilarious!  We couldn’t explain Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn being old so we replaced them with the mother of freaking dragons!  OMG she’s sooooo hot, probably not believably tough, but look at her china doll features!  And come on look Jai Courtney, he’s like a warm plate of vanilla ice cream, it’s not great but it ain’t bad either!  I almost forgot about Jason Clarke, he’s like super important, but I think we finally nailed a grown up version of Edward Furlong!  We knew you couldn’t wait for a pretty good twist, so we just told everybody because, come on who hates waiting!  So thanks for giving us a shot on your July 4^th weekend, its hot outside and who wants to see stupid fireworks, we’ve got our own and I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy our movies a lot more than you thought you would!  Enjoy!

P.S. We threw in JK Simmons because he like won and Oscar and insures my house!  Probably should have used him more because he’s hilarious!

C+

Cindy Prascik's reviews of Sabotage & Noah

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema with all the Rainy Day People for a double-feature of Sabotage and Noah.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

Arnie was first on the docket with Sabotage.

An elite, undercover DEA unit comes under suspicion when ten million dollars in drug money disappears.

Dear Blog, I'm going to tell you something you might not know: Sabotage was made JUST for me. It's Hollywood's way of saying, "Look, we're sorry for all the pretentious Oscar drivel and Easter-season religious propaganda, but you've been a good sport, so here are a couple testosterone-fueled hours of mayhem for your trouble. Well, Hollywood, apology accepted.

Sabotage is yet another attempt to thrust an aging Arnold Schwarzenegger back into the leading action hero mold. Like previous efforts, the general reception seems middling, but it's once again made me a happy action fan. If Schwarzenegger is getting a bit long in the tooth, it doesn't keep him from carrying a picture with flair, and at no time is there any doubt that this is Arnold's movie. The supporting cast is comprised of actors both very good (Terrence Howard, Mireille Enos) and pretty bad (Sam Worthington, Joe Manganiello), but none really stands out either way, aside from Enos, who is ah-maz-ing.

These days most action movies have to pick a side. Either they go too vanilla to secure the coveted PG13 rating, or the gore and swearing are so extreme that shock value seems the only objective. Sabotage definitely leans toward the latter, and it suffers some laughably bad dialogue, but a well-executed, suspenseful plot saves the movie from being just a big-screen bundle of bad words and maximum carnage.

Sabotage clocks in at 109 minutes and is rated R for "strong bloody violence, pervasive language, some sexuality/nudity, and drug use."

A solid action flick with a good cast and a hero that's familiar and easy to root for, of a possible nine Weasleys, Sabotage gets seven.

Next on Saturday's agenda was the Biblical epic, Noah.

A man suffers a terrifying vision of the world destroyed by a great flood, and must battle Sauron's legions as he attempts to get the One Ring to Mount Doom. Wait, what? Sorry...wrong movie.

There's been much fuss about Noah's lack of faithfulness to the Bible story on which it's based. In the interest of full and fair disclosure, I admit that means about as much to me as a less-than-accurate adaptation of any novel or comic book. I don't say that to be offensive or provocative, merely to be clear: If the rumor is non-religious people will love this and religious people will hate it, this card-carrying heathen is here to tell ya, there's no shortage of reasons to hate this movie, whatever you believe.

Russell Crowe is one of my top three actors, and, in my opinion, the most magnetic screen presence working in movies today. Not once in his long and storied career have I seen a movie and thought, "Boy, even Russell Crowe couldn't help that." Until now, that is. Instead of a man tormented by difficult choices he feels his "Creator" has forced him to make, this Noah is a profoundly unlikable nut job who comes dead even with the movie's villain in the "I really hate that guy" sweepstakes. Then there's the bloat. Yes, that's "bloat," dear Blog, not "boat." Pared by 20-30 minutes, Noah would have been a far more bearable exercise creative license. As it stands, I had plenty of time to count ceiling tiles (I think there are 180 in theatre eight, but it was a little tricky in the dark) and ponder what I was going to eat at Olive Garden after the movie (spaghetti marinara, if you're wondering). During the interminable ark-building, I wondered why they didn't just ask Hermione to wave her wand and get it done. Hang on... Huh? Oh, sorry, there I go again. Somewhere around a halfway point that seemed to take 12 hours to reach, I wrote "TERRIBLE" on my notepad, in all caps and underlined three times, as if I'd need a reminder when I sat down to write this review.

There are positives, of course, among them some glorious cinematography and a couple time-lapsey sequences that are quite stunning...if possibly seizure inducing. The CGI procreation-ready pairs of animals look pretty great, and Emma Watson continues to be a revelation in a role that's at least half an underwater world away from the studious Miss Granger of the Harry Potter movies. There's also a sneaky pro-vegetarian message that made me think I might have had a chance of bunking with the Noah family instead of dog paddling for my life.

Noah runs 138 minutes and is rated PG13 for "violence, disturbing images, and brief suggestive content."

Whether you believe the Bible or not, Noah is a bloated mess that might as well have starred Adam Sandler for all the credibility it's got. Of a possible nine Weasleys, Noah gets two. Oh, and when someone films the book of Revelations, remind me to get high before I see it.

Until next time...

 Hands up, who's ready for that Gladiator prequel?

Cindy Prascik’s Reviews of Captain Phillips & Escape Plan

Dearest Blog, yesterday it was off to the cinema for a pair of testosterone-fueled flicks, Captain Phillips and Escape Plan.

Spoiler level here will be mild, nothing you wouldn't know from the trailers.

First I set sail with Captain Phillips.

An American cargo ship is hijacked by Somali pirates, and its captain taken hostage.

I'll be straight with ya, readers, I expected Captain Phillips to be a slow, overlong movie redeemed by yet another Oscar-worthy turn from Tom Hanks. Instead it's the second film this month (the first being Gravity), to have been a very pleasant surprise.

Captain Phillips does feature an incredible performance by the always-reliable Hanks.

The supporting cast, most notably Barkhad Abdi as the pirates' leader, is no less remarkable for being less well known. Captain Phillips does a terrific job of sustaining tension, to the point that I won't even complain about the 15 minutes or so that easily could have been shaved off the runtime. (See what I did there?)

There's an air of claustrophobia about the movie's second half that literally sucks the air out of the theatre...or maybe I was just holding my breath? The film begins with some of the most insipid movie dialogue I've ever heard (remember, I own that My Bloody Valentine remake!), but not to worry, from the time we board the Alabama, Captain Phillips is absolutely riveting.

Captain Phillips runs 134 minutes and is rated PG13 for, "sustained intense sequences of menace, some violence with bloody images, and for substance use." It's a great film spearheaded by another magnificent Tom Hanks performance, for my money, a "must see."

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Captain Phillips gets seven and a half.

Next on my agenda was the Sylvester Stallone/Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick, Escape Plan.

Okay, dear Blog, from the first trailer, I felt like Escape Plan had been made expressly with me in mind. Even though I've never met Sly and Arnie, the movie does nothing to dispel the notion.

A guy who breaks out of prisons for a living faces his biggest challenge yet.

While Escape Plan doesn't quite have the "oomph" of that first Expendables movie, I can't imagine anyone who enjoys the genre wouldn't have a good time with it. Stallone and Schwarzenegger are on point, trading barbs and punches while plotting to escape their maximum-security hell.

The dashing Jim Caviezel brings the crazy as the power-mad warden. The rest of the supporting cast was mostly, "Um...I remember that guy played a thug in..........." The plot features a couple solid twists, and I was very impressed with the film's overall appearance, in particular that first full look at the supposedly escape-proof facility.

I see most movies in an empty or nearly-empty theatre (by design), but I had company for this one and the crowd's response was extremely positive.

Escape Plan clocks in at 116 minutes and is rated R for "violence and language throughout." If you're looking for a fun time at the movies, it doesn't get better than this.

Of a possible nine Weasleys, Escape Plan also gets seven and a half.

Until next time...



Escape Plan: puts hair on your chest!

MOVIE REVIEW: ESCAPE PLAN

A structural security expert must escape from a prison based on his own designs in order to track down the person who framed him in this gritty action thriller staring Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. However should they fail, they will both perish in a hell that was constructed as a place where people disappear forever. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Mikael Håfström

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Caviezel, Vincent D'Onofrio, Vinnie Jones, Amy Ryan

Release Date: Oct 18, 2013

Rated R for violence and Language Throughout

Runtime: 1 hr. 55 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

Escape Plan is the kind of ridiculous throwback you’d expect from a team up of Stallone and Schwarzenegger. It’s got enough potholes to give your brain suspension failure. The plot is overly complicated and muddled for no good reason other than to confuse you into thinking it’s smarter than it is. Once you come to the realization that you can make your way through most of the plot without the assistance of Stallone’s slurred/grunting exposition it’s clear it’s not a film that requires your acute attention. Stallone, or the wax figure that they’ve been passing off as Stallone since the late 90’s, is surprisingly serious throughout. I didn’t expect tongue in cheek cheese of The Expendables 2 but I did expect him to have a little fun. Thankfully Schwarzenegger is having a great time onscreen and he’s far more engaged more than his official return The Last Stand. Schwarzenegger gives the film a nice dose of energy each time he pops up on screen, oddly he and Stallone don’t have much chemistry in this film. Perhaps it’s personal preference but I’ve always enjoyed Schwarzenegger more than Stallone so maybe that skews my enjoyment. The supporting cast is made up of an impressive array of strong actors. Unfortunately, they are mostly wasted as very minor background characters. James Caviezel delivers a fun performance mainly because he’s in full mustache twirling villain mode completes with non-descript European accent. Vinnie Jones makes for a perfect henchman since he looks like he could have been plucked from either of the stars 80’s films. Mikael Håfström’s direction is generic with very little in terms of style, mostly he just gets out of the way of the cast and lets them have their fun. A bit of trimming would have streamed line this film, there’s no reason for it to be nearly 2 hours long. Still it’s a serviceable action flick, personally I still like the novelty of seeing Stallone and Schwarzenegger together, that doesn’t require too much brain power and if you bought a ticket for this film that’s probably what you were expecting.

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: THE LAST STAND

A border-town sheriff pulls out the heavy artillery to prevent an escaped drug kingpin from blasting his way into Mexico in this sun-scorched action opus starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and directed by Kim Jee-Woon (I Saw the Devil, The Good, the Bad, and the Weird). Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzman, and Rodrigo Santoro co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Kim Jee-Woon

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Peter Stormare, Forest Whitaker, Jaimie Alexander, Luis Guzman

Release Date: Jan 18, 2013

Rated R for strong Bloody Violence and Language

Runtime: 1 hr. 46 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller

Review:

The Last Stand is Arnold’s triumphant return to the big screen as a leading man. Its ludicrous plot sounds like the perfect fodder for a good old fashion Arnie blowout. My only question is why Kim Jee-Woon decided to waste so much time with pointless set up whiling trying to shoehorn in some seriousness into the plot. The first act of the film is incredibly choppy seemingly reluctant to embrace its own silliness. Once the ball actually starts rolling and the property damage increases it finally stops taking itself so serious and starts having fun. Arnold is rather flat which doesn’t come as a surprise as he works his way back into the acting game. The rest of cast give forgettable performances with Johnny Knoxville and Rodrigo Santoro battling for silliest and most of the top performance of the movie. As an action film its enjoyable fluff but the script doesn’t do it any favors serving up some incredibly hammy lines creating some groan inducing moments. Kim Jee-Woon would have been well served to reference Con Air, a movie with a similarly outlandish illogical plot, to get an idea about setting up a tone for his film. There’s plenty of fat which could have been cut to streamline the old school action which is what everybody was paying to see.

C+

MOVIE REVIEW: THE EXPENDABLES 2

IN THEATERS ON DVD

THE EXPENDABLES 2




The Expendables return with a vengeance in this follow-up to the 2010 surprise hit. The Mechanic's Simon West directed from a script by Sylvester Stallone and David Agosto. Liam Hemsworth heads up the rest of the starring cast, which includes returning members Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Terry Crews, along with fellow '80s action icons Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Simon West

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Liam Hemsworth

Release Date: Aug 17, 2012

Rated R for Strong Bloody Violence

Runtime: 1 hr. 43 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure

Review:

You can’t accuse the sequel to Expendables of not delivering on what it promised. Stallone’s brain child brought a litany of action stars together for the first film and with this second one he ups the ante across the board. Simon West takes over the director’s reigns this go around but it has a very similar feel to the first. The action is extreme and outlandish, very tongue in cheeks almost bordering on self parody occasionally. During the fast and loose action sequences the film finds its groove, allowing its cast to shine doing what they do best, kick ass. Pacing problems due kind of plague the film as West transitions from huge action set pieces to slower almost glacial story moments which change the films tone from fun to overly self serious. It’s most bothersome in the first part of the film which has more exposition than is actually needed for such a simple conceit. Around the midway point the, once the lone wolf shows up, film perks up again leading to a fun and enjoyable finale which features Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger doing what they do best, playing off each other extremely well. Jason Statham is the lone primary star from the first film who gets more than passing face time. As a sequel it delivers bigger bang for the buck even if it isn’t perfect.

B-

MOVIE REVIEW: TOTAL RECALL

IN THEATERS

TOTAL RECALL




Originally adapted by director Paul Verhoeven in 1990, author Philip K. Dick's classic sci-fi short story We Can Remember It for You Wholesale returns to the big screen in this remake starring Colin Farrell, Bryan Cranston, and Kate Beckinsale, and directed by Underworld's Len Wiseman. The planet has been decimated by nuclear war in the late 21st century, leaving only two nations -- the United Federation of Britain and the Colony. Douglas Quaid (Farrell) is a factory worker with a stable job and a loving wife (Beckinsale), but upon learning that a company named Rekall could grant him the memory of the ultimate espionage adventure, he decides that a virtual vacation is better than no vacation at all. But in the midst of having the new memories implanted, something goes haywire. Still strapped to the chair as the system breaks down, he's branded a spy as the authorities close in, and quickly flees for his life. Later, Quaid discovers that he has a secret identity, and he joins forces with rebel soldier Melina (Jessica Biel) on a mission to track down Matthias (Bill Nighy), the head of a fierce resistance movement that's been labeled a terrorist organization by the tyrannical Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston). Cohaagen seeks to control the entire free world, and now the harder Quaid fights to defeat him, the clearer it becomes that his memory had been altered long before he walked into Rekall. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Director: Len Wiseman

Cast: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine

Release Date: Aug 03, 2012

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief nudity and language

Runtime: 1 hr. 49 min.

Genres: Action/Adventure

Review:

The 1990 Total Recall was one of the few Arnold Schwarzenegger films I’ve always had a real affection for, the other being Predator. With Paul Verhoeven inspired direction it was on of those classic 90’s sci-fi films that just worked on so many levels. To say that this remake is pointless and ultimately soulless kind undersells the point. Les Wiseman has made a career of “borrowing” styles from other better films and for this he seems to have just lifted entire visual styles from other directors and films (Minority Report, Blade Runner & J.J. Abrams wonderful lens flare amongst the most obvious). His film has a polish but it’s about as hacky as it gets. The plot is roughly the same from the 1990 film except Mars and air have been replaced with Blade Runner-esque Australia and invasion. Outside of that the plot hits the basic bullet points and even replicates some of the scenes with the shiny new veneer except everything feels rushed, lacking any depth. Colin Farrell is in cruise control for the better part of the film and honestly he isn’t asked to do much, ditto for Jessica Biel whose character is about as one dimensional as they come. Kate Bekinsale works her badass chick routine while looking steely the entire time. Considering her character was the combination of 2 characters from the 1990 film, you’d think there’d be more depth to her but like everybody else in the move she’s just asked to follow the threadbare script and look good posing for the camera. On the bright side, you can make a great drinking game out of the number of time she’s got her mouth slightly open while eye banging the camera. Bryan Cranston’s Cohaagen barely registers, wasting the wonderful talents of a fine actor. Bill Nighy appears and disappears from the screen so quickly you’d barely notice him. There are some visually fun action sequences here but nothing close enough to justify the remake. Occasionally remakes surprise you, other times they remind you that just because it’s new doesn’t mean its better.

D+